Vent - choir teacher and concert sm update #20

[Nancyg56]

I would not tolerate this behavior from a teacher. I very seldom complained to the administration about a teacher but in this case there would be a meeting scheduled with the principal and this teacher ASAP. IMO, the shoes are the least of the issue, he never should have riduculed your DD and as to the uniform.............he needed to make sure he knew the dress code that was already in place before assuming that his own would be followed.

ETA that I missed the update adn now am madder than I was before. So the Principal felt that if a man approached him the issue was more important???????????? At this poing i think I would have plentyh to discuss and that teacher and the Principal would have attitude adjustment when I was through. Funny...............DH would not be saying one word through this.....but those two men would be praying that he would intervene before I was finished.

I have had to deal woth teachers who were bullies before and the crumple if they think that they have to deal with adults who are not as easily intimidated!

 

[jen0610]

I would agree, if you bought black pants I would have automatically bought black dress shoes just because that is what goes together. Do you have black shoes she could wear, OP?

Because the letter did not state black shoes, just black pants, I was happy not to have to buy another pair of dress shoes. We had just gotten her the silver dress flats. For her black pants, we didn't have to buy those, as it said as long as they were a dark black, jeans were ok. She already had those.

If the paper would have said black shoes, we would have found a way to get her some. But like I said, with DH unemployed for over a year now, we make do with what we have.

On the paperwork sent home with DS, in high school, it clearly states that his uniform for both jazz band and freshman band is all black. No jeans, no t-shirts. Must be dress pants with a belt and long sleeve black dress shirt. Shoes must be a dress shoe - all black Skechers are fine. It is very clearly defined for them. We have gotten this all pulled together for him.

 

[BELLE1109]

A teacher should never berate a student for things beyond their control! If it were me, I would write an letter to the editor of the local paper. If the principal blows you off, call the school board. Do you have a PTA? Bring your concerns there!

Seems like the faculty has some serious issues at that school if they tolerate being outright rude and cruel to children for not fault of their own. Hugs to your DD

 

[agnes!]

OP, I feel your pain. I know someone very well who dropped a performing group/class because of eerily similar issues. It was the right thing for this person but it was hard to do (for unexpected reasons) and I'm going to tell you why.

I know your DD is upset and I don't blame her, but if she drops out she MUST be prepared to basically (for all intents and purposes) lose those friends. Is she *really* prepared for that probability? Kids hang out with the other kids in front of their face...same classes, same sports teams, same Scouting troops, kwim? So if she isn't with 'the group' any more, they might not mean to, but she will become odd man out. In light of this teacher's behavior that might be for the best (does sound like a class A/#1 jerk), but she *really* needs to think calmly about it.

agnes!

 

[allison443]

Went to the concert last night. The principal blew me off, so DH went after him. Took DH a bit more seriously. He is going to talk the VP, that is who was in the school yesterday when I originally called, and get back with us today.

On the dress code. This is the first year they have had a dress code. The previous years the kids wore school provided white T's with the schools name on the front, with their mascot on the back. You could wear whatever you wanted for pants and shoes.

We get there and 80% of the kids have on black pants, the other 20% have on tan pants. DD dug out the paper sent home when we had to order the polo shirt. It clearly states on the paper the uniform will be - the polo shirt, black pants and dress shoes. So, where the tan pants came from, who knows.

For the polo's, the kids had their choice of orange, black, or white. 50% had black, 30% had white, and the other 20% had the orange, which is what DD has. It wasn't until the 8th grade choir got up to sing, then the 7th/8th grade show choir sang, did you notice that some of those white shirts weren't the polo's but the old T-shirts. With the kids sitting in chairs, you didn't notice, until they got up to move to the stage and you actual got a look at the back of the shirt with the logo.

For the shoes, we ended up getting a pair loaned to her. If only her feet were a bit bigger, she could have worn a pair of mine, but I am 2 1/2 sizes bigger than her. She has tried some of mine on and she swims in them.

When we got to the concert, we watched her walk into the gym. The kids had tickets they had to give to the teacher to show they were there. When she handed him hers, you could see him look down at her feet to see what she had on. We had to stand out in the hall for 1/2 an hour while the kids arrived and did warm ups. We watched roughly 100 other kids walk up to him and never once did you see him look at anybody else's feet.

Let me tell you, there were several there without black dress shoes on. Saw 8 pairs of white tennis shoes. Saw a girl wearing a black skirt with a pair of black hi top Chucks with the white toe. Was a girl wearing a black pair of socks with a black pair of athletic swim slippers. Saw 3 pairs of black Ugg type boots.

We will see what the school has to say later today. DD is torn about dropping choir. She wants to sing, but not if he is going to treat her like crap.

And for the PP who asked it dropping would hurting her when she reaches high school, no it won't. Her grade school choir teacher is the assistant director of the show choir. He adores DD and is the one who pushed her to do the showcases. By doing the showcase for the last 3 years, she now knows the actual choir director at the high school. He is already aware of issues between my DD and the choir director at the middle school. He actually had to get invoived in one of them and was not happy with the MS director. DS is in the music program at the high school, so the choir director sees our family around the school a lot.

I only saw in your post about the issues this week, when your dd felt faint and also the whole shoe incident. Did your dd have other incidents with this director in the past and you had the high school director intervene? Maybe the MS choir director is still upset about this and taking it out on your dd??

Anyway I'm glad it worked out for your dd and I'm sorry she was treated this way. It is never right for a child to be humiliated.

 

[NVDisMom]

OP, I feel your pain. I know someone very well who dropped a performing group/class because of eerily similar issues. It was the right thing for this person but it was hard to do (for unexpected reasons) and I'm going to tell you why.

I know your DD is upset and I don't blame her, but if she drops out she MUST be prepared to basically (for all intents and purposes) lose those friends. Is she *really* prepared for that probability? Kids hang out with the other kids in front of their face...same classes, same sports teams, same Scouting troops, kwim? So if she isn't with 'the group' any more, they might not mean to, but she will become odd man out. In light of this teacher's behavior that might be for the best (does sound like a class A/#1 jerk), but she *really* needs to think calmly about it.

agnes!

I agree with this. Our choir group is extremely tight knit. My 8th grader began the year in the 7th grade choir class because of a scheduling conflict. It took over a month to get her where she belonged and took dropping French, but that is another story...Anyway...That month out of her group of peers was difficult on her socially. She still gets left out occasionally. They just moved on without her. Nothing intentional, but out of sight, out of mind. KWIM?

 

[RunDanceSkate]

DD dug out the paper sent home when we had to order the polo shirt. It clearly states on the paper the uniform will be - the polo shirt, black pants and dress shoes.

Actually I think it does say black dress shoes. The word black falls after polo shirt and before pants And shoes, implying both are black.

If I say "I am wearing black pants and shirt" it implys that both are black. I wouldn't say "I am wearing black pants and a black shirt."

I would have read that letter and made sure my child had the school polo shirt, black dress pants and black dress shoes.

 

[DisneyScraps]

A teacher like this should not have a job.


I would pursue it with the principal and it isn't addressed then I would take it up with the school board. Kids need to be protected from bad teachers.

Lisa

 

[jen0610]

I only saw in your post about the issues this week, when your dd felt faint and also the whole shoe incident. Did your dd have other incidents with this director in the past and you had the high school director intervene? Maybe the MS choir director is still upset about this and taking it out on your dd??

Anyway I'm glad it worked out for your dd and I'm sorry she was treated this way. It is never right for a child to be humiliated.

It could be, but he has been making comments since the first of the year. No one in this choir is good enough to make higher than a A- in this class. Didn't send the 7th grade choir to the high schools Pizza and Pop night, which is for all the feeder middle schools 7th adn 8th grade bands and choirs to perform at. They weren't mature enough to sing on that big of a stage.

The issue the HS director got involved with was for their showcase. Like I said, with DH unemployed, there wasn't the money to send her this year. My brother asked her when it was coming up and she told him why she wasn't going to do it. He said he'd pay for it and to let him know. The day she brought home the paper, she talked to him and he sent a check. For whatever reason, that ck didn't get here. And the deadline to turn in to her choir teacher was coming up.

Since we know the HS director, I called him and let him know what was going on. He had ZERO issue with her registration coming in late. In fact, he said that instead of turning into her teacher, just have DS bring it in and drop in the choir mailbox as soon as I got the check. Great, not a problem and that is what we did.

Forward two weeks later, the MS teacher passes out the info sheet - start times and other info. He doesn't give DD one. She goes up and says she needs one, as she is signed up. He tells, her no she isn't as she is not on his master list of turning in a form. She told him her registration was turned in directly to the HS. He informed her that that was not the proper way to register and if she wasn't on HIS master list, she was not doing the showcase.

I call the HS director, confirm that she was registered. Told him what the MS director was telling DD and giving her grief over turning it into the HS. Per the HS director, there were five other kids from DD's middle school that turned their forms into the HS, because of having siblings in the choir or band at the HS. The HS director said he'd let the MS director know that DD was registered and that turning it into the HS was perfectly fine.

She did the showcase - never got any info sent from the MS director though, I pulled it up and got it off the choirs website after the HS director told me I could find it there. And we thought it was over and done with. Doesn't seem to be the case, if he is now singling her out in class to ridicule.

It's almost 12:40 here and no word from the school. I am leaving it up to DH to call them, if we have to. If we have to call them, they will much rather deal with DH than me.

 

[jen0610]

Actually I think it does say black dress shoes. The word black falls after polo shirt and before pants And shoes, implying both are black.

If I say "I am wearing black pants and shirt" it implys that both are black. I wouldn't say "I am wearing black pants and a black shirt."

I would have read that letter and made sure my child had the school polo shirt, black dress pants and black dress shoes.

On the letter outlining that they will be wearing uniforms this year it was stated in this form:


- Black Pants (Jeans will be allowed, but only if they are a DARK BLACK. Faded out jeans are NOT ALLOWED.)

- Choir Polo Shirt (Order form attached. You child can choose either Orange, Black or White.)

- Dress Shoes

If they wanted black shoes, it did not state it.

 

[DisneyDreamer8]

I can sypathise with your DD. I was always sang in school. Got to middle school and was so excited to finally be in a real choir. 7th grade was great. Was in the mixed choir with a great teacher. 8th grade I was in the concert choir but our teacher left. The guy who replase her was a real jerk. He had an ego the size of Texas and no talent to back it up. We had to be perfect or he would flip out and stomp off to his office like a two year old throwing a tantrum. I was so excited to leave him behind when I went to high school.

Now in high school the teacher was amazing. I was in the "freshman" choir for two years because there were not enough alto's who left the concert choir for me to get in my sophmore year. So junior year the teacher said he would be retiring at the end of the year. We were heartbroken. The school held open auditions for a replacement. And wouldn't you now it the horrible middle school guy thought he was good enough for the high school position. Now most of the choir was made up of people who had had him before and we were not going to let him get the job. So we threw the audition!! He got was he deserved and we ended up with a wonderful teacher.

Please tell her to hang in there. Maybe by showing him she will not be intimidated by him he will give here a break. Choir was my haven in school. I felt like I belonged and we worked together to make beautiful music. I was an outcast in all my other classes but in choir I was needed.

 

[mjkacmom]

Actually I think it does say black dress shoes. The word black falls after polo shirt and before pants And shoes, implying both are black.

If I say "I am wearing black pants and shirt" it implys that both are black. I wouldn't say "I am wearing black pants and a black shirt."

I would have read that letter and made sure my child had the school polo shirt, black dress pants and black dress shoes.

I hate to say it, but I think it implies black dress shoes as well. OP, this teacher really sounds like your typical choir director. I can see ours having a hissy fit if we turned a form over to someone other than himself (especially since he tends to freak out towards the deadline) He cancelled a trip last year because of bad behavior, and might cancel this year's as well, for the same reason. The kids just have to have thick skins. And don't even get me started about the animosity between the choir director and drama club chairperson! It's also very hard to get any grade over A-, same with band.

 

[pixiewings71]

Actually I think it does say black dress shoes. The word black falls after polo shirt and before pants And shoes, implying both are black.

If I say "I am wearing black pants and shirt" it implys that both are black. I wouldn't say "I am wearing black pants and a black shirt."

I would have read that letter and made sure my child had the school polo shirt, black dress pants and black dress shoes.

I disagree, the letter, IMO, does not state black dress shoes, it simply says dress shoes which I would interpret that she could wear any type of shoe as long as they were dressy. Certainly not black high tops with a white toe.

I would not tolerate this behavior from a teacher. I very seldom complained to the administration about a teacher but in this case there would be a meeting scheduled with the principal and this teacher ASAP. IMO, the shoes are the least of the issue, he never should have riduculed your DD and as to the uniform.............he needed to make sure he knew the dress code that was already in place before assuming that his own would be followed.

ETA that I missed the update adn now am madder than I was before. So the Principal felt that if a man approached him the issue was more important???????????? At this poing i think I would have plentyh to discuss and that teacher and the Principal would have attitude adjustment when I was through. Funny...............DH would not be saying one word through this.....but those two men would be praying that he would intervene before I was finished.
I have had to deal woth teachers who were bullies before and the crumple if they think that they have to deal with adults who are not as easily intimidated!

ITA 100% with this. There is NO way that I would let the principal blow me off and yes, they would be praying that DBF would step in before I was done with them.
OP good luck to your DD, I wouldn't let her be too hasty about dropping the class, if she does then the bully teacher has won, this is a good learning experience for her. Both in herself knowing how to handle people like that and in seeing how you and DH handle it as well. If you don't hear back today I'd be visiting the school every day (if possible, not sure if you're working) or having DH visit every day until you get this resolved! There is NO reason for any teacher to treat your DD like that! Good luck on the job front, I've been unemployed since June and am having no luck finding a new position. Our $$ is tight as well.