Vent: Childfree vs. the parents at a party

[moon]

This reminds me of one of my cousins and his parents. When he was little they lived a couple of blocks away. Sunday was our sleep-all-morning day, but he starting showing up at six or seven AM yelling at the top oh his lungs "GRANDPA, HERE'S YOUR BIRDYYYY!!!!."

So poor Grandpa and the rest of us had to get up for the kid and his older sisters. Later on the day, my uncle and aunt would show up, and we were "entertained" by this brat's "cute" antics. Like when he got his toy guitar and we were subjected to watch his "concerts". It didn't matter that he not only didn't know how to play; he also didn't know any songs. He just made them up while his parents looked on with total adoration. The "shows" went on and on and on.... I guess the adults didn't want to cause a rift in the family so they just took it, but for us older kids, it was torture

This went on until we moved far away from them.

Now that cousin is having a hard life. He has never been able to keep a job, because he feels he's too smart and important to take orders from anybody; so he starts business after business without success. It's a pity, really, but nobody can stand him.

 

[Imzadi]

Well....I am queen of the rule ya know.

Maybe, we need to add an addendum onto the New Rule.

How utterly strange. Maybe multiple personalities? The second one comes and deletes the thought of the first personality?

 

[dogluva]

I went to a party where my 7 month old was not allowed to babble or crawl around because it would wake up another couple's sleeping four month old (the parents insisted he stay in the same room). We ended up leaving because, really, how can you control a seven month old from making noise? We were invited just like they were.

 

[dogluva]

Ugh, I shared a cube with one of these type of parents, and all day long it was my baby my baby my baby blah blah blah. Such a constant annoyance and every single customer that called in had to hear the same stories about Snowflake. I got the pleasure of hearing them constantly over and ovr all day. Oh and she did also critisize every other parent on the planet. I asked for my desk to be moved. So did everyone else, she now has her own corner in my former office. And now she has baby #2 so it has started again.

Its hard because you want to be polite, but it gets to a point where you have to say something. They need to hear it. lol. Otherwise everyone just goes on avoiding them.

I shared a room in a school with a parent who talked nonstop about her child. We both taught pull out groups so we sometimes had to work in the room at the same time. Everything she taught had something to do with him. The kids even noticed it. Every conversation revolved around her son. She was so annoying and I am glad to say that this year, I have my own room. YEA!

 

[JLTraveling]

Sounds like my cousin. We treated her and her husband to an "adults only" Disney trip last year, while the two kids stayed with her mother. There were endless problems on that trip, but the absolute worst had to do with her kids. I could understand her calling home multiple times per day to check on them. I could put up with her walking around the parks constantly wondering out loud what they were doing or telling us cute stories about them.

Then we went to dinner at Kouzzina's, just a couple of weeks after it opened. Her cell phone rang while the waitress was trying to take our order (after my cousin put the poor woman through the ringer with all of her special requests and foods she "can't stand."). It was cousin's mother, announcing that the youngest had just made a new step in her development. We, the waitress and the tables around us, all got to hear 15 minutes of my cousin screaming at top volume "Baby took a poopy in the potty!! Oh what a good girl, I can't believe my baby took a poopy in the potty!!"

 

[book_junkie]

Many years ago I had a very large party in my apartment. Two of the guests had an infant about four months old with them. As the party was spread throughout the apartment, we put the baby in her carrier in the bathtub and drew the shower curtain. Put a warning sign on the door that if the baby in the bathtub was crying please let Mike or Sharon know. (I had been Best Man at their wedding and later Mike was Best Man at mine about 16 years later.)

*snicker* Now THAT gives new means to Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater...

 

[C.Ann]

No worse than mom we ran into at MK in Disney Word - during the parade - that was shaking her finger in everyone's faces and shrieking at them to "BE QUIET", STOP clapping, and STOP calling out to the characters because she "just" got the baby to sleep..

 

[mickeysgal]

No worse than mom we ran into at MK in Disney Word - during the parade - that was shaking her finger in everyone's faces and shrieking at them to "BE QUIET", STOP clapping, and STOP calling out to the characters because she "just" got the baby to sleep..

 

[Hannathy]

No worse than mom we ran into at MK in Disney Word - during the parade - that was shaking her finger in everyone's faces and shrieking at them to "BE QUIET", STOP clapping, and STOP calling out to the characters because she "just" got the baby to sleep..

Oh I needed a laugh tonight, thank you!

 

[The Orchid]

Last night we were invited to a house warming /bbq for some friends. There were about 15 people there, all chatting very nicely. Then "the parents" arrived. All of a sudden the entire evening was devoted to the 10 month old. Conversation had to stop when baby was sleepy. Parents asked we not talk about things like the earthquake or floods that are currently world news because they don't want negative images in their baby's mind. (??) So we basically spent several hours staring at this kid while his parents narrated his every move. They waxed on poetically about his every glance and what they thought it meant. They also went on, in a room full of people without children, to laugh about how meaningless life is if you aren't a parent. Not surprisingly, the party ended very early.

I know there are parents out there who are still non-irritating human beings, in fact I would hazard this is most of them. And for these people I would like to extend a huge thank you. Because babies are like weddings, the only people who really care all that much are the couple.

We were really good friends with our neighbors....until they had a baby and started spewing out this same kind of nonsense. It wasn't long before we stopped inviting them over. It was a shame, they were nice people until postpartum insanity set in.

 

[bumbershoot]

So whose fault was it really that the evening was ruined? Should you blame the *dopey* new parents or do you blame the people that went along with their dopiness?

I'm with you.


You certainly don't have to have a war with the couple, but you certainly could just continue on with whatever you're talking about.

In all likelihood, if you all sat around listening, they probably THOUGHT that you guys wanted to hear about it! I mean, if people sat around listening to a person expound on the pythagorean theorem without speaking up and saying they'd like to hear about chaos theory instead, won't the person go home thinking "wow those people really loved hearing me talk about the p.t.!"????

I really do think parents like this are the exception rather than the rule, you just hear about these ones because no one thinks so say, "I had a lovely dinner with parents and they only talked about their child when it was appropriate to the conversation!"

I'm glad you recognize that...

We always put adults only on our invitations. Are friends just know that you don't bring children and would never bring a newborn to a party.

10 months, not a newborn, and a housewarming/BBQ is for adults only?




I was born in 1969 and my mom didn't play the TV during news hours at all because she had NO interest in having me hear about the war. Brother was born in '72. I don't think she watched the news until well after the war was stopped... Poor mom, though, I learned to read at 2, so she canceled the paper as well (she knew I was reading b/c I started reading out loud FROM the paper).

And while earthquakes aren't something I would feel the need to censor (though the frightening aftermath of BIG quakes in areas without earthquake codes for building woudln't come up), WHY would you talk about a flood or other disaster in front of a child? Is there a *reason* to do so? If a child isn't experiencing one at the time, do you *have to* talk about it? Is it that difficult to not talk about it?

My brother, just last night, messed up and mentioned the premise of the movie Pulse in front of my son, and even though my sis in law quickly said that he was wrong, that the cellphone merely wanted to *tickle* people... even THAT freaked out my 6 year old. I've said really stupid things in front of him as well, I've accidentally made him upset, so I understand that my brother didn't mean it, but did we *really* have to be talking about that movie to begin with (OK the convo started with their recent experiences at comicon and went on from there, movies were definitely what was being discussed, but still)?



I end with a talk I had with a militantly childfree (my brother and sis in law are blissfully childfree...there's a BIG difference) friend...she had such a chip on her shoulder about friends who have kids and disappear from her life that she was the FIRST friend I visited (only, actually) when DS was new. I was in constant pain (emotional and physical), but I drove an hour, in a stickshift, with a newborn who ate every 2 seconds it seems, to visit her FIRST, so that she didn't feel sad.

And during our few hours together, I had to sit in the corner in order to feed him (she didn't offer up her room, and there was just the living room/kitchen, bathroom, and one bedroom to choose from) several times, and the day culminated with her complaining about having to apologize to another "breeder" (as she called them...DH and I weren't "breeders", she said quickly of course, we were "cool") friend. Why did she have to apologize? Because she was at a party at a small apartment, the hosts had invited other friends who had a newborn, the friends decided to keep the baby in the baby bucket for the party and it took up a lot of room, and this friend said, out loud, that perhaps the parents should simply put the sleeping baby into the [cold, OFF,] oven...

Yeah, just that. And go figure, she had to apologize to the very upset parents who now have the image of their baby in an oven for eternity....

I never ended up going back and our friendship petered out (turns out it wasn't the friends' faults for friendships ending post-babies, it was HERS!). Just wasn't worth the weirdness and possibility that she'd ask me to put DS in the dishwasher or something....

 

[Art 1]

I'm with you.


You certainly don't have to have a war with the couple, but you certainly could just continue on with whatever you're talking about.

In all likelihood, if you all sat around listening, they probably THOUGHT that you guys wanted to hear about it! I mean, if people sat around listening to a person expound on the pythagorean theorem without speaking up and saying they'd like to hear about chaos theory instead, won't the person go home thinking "wow those people really loved hearing me talk about the p.t.!"????




I'm glad you recognize that...




10 months, not a newborn, and a housewarming/BBQ is for adults only?




I was born in 1969 and my mom didn't play the TV during news hours at all because she had NO interest in having me hear about the war. Brother was born in '72. I don't think she watched the news until well after the war was stopped... Poor mom, though, I learned to read at 2, so she canceled the paper as well (she knew I was reading b/c I started reading out loud FROM the paper).

And while earthquakes aren't something I would feel the need to censor (though the frightening aftermath of BIG quakes in areas without earthquake codes for building woudln't come up), WHY would you talk about a flood or other disaster in front of a child? Is there a *reason* to do so? If a child isn't experiencing one at the time, do you *have to* talk about it? Is it that difficult to not talk about it?

My brother, just last night, messed up and mentioned the premise of the movie Pulse in front of my son, and even though my sis in law quickly said that he was wrong, that the cellphone merely wanted to *tickle* people... even THAT freaked out my 6 year old. I've said really stupid things in front of him as well, I've accidentally made him upset, so I understand that my brother didn't mean it, but did we *really* have to be talking about that movie to begin with (OK the convo started with their recent experiences at comicon and went on from there, movies were definitely what was being discussed, but still)?



I end with a talk I had with a militantly childfree (my brother and sis in law are blissfully childfree...there's a BIG difference) friend...she had such a chip on her shoulder about friends who have kids and disappear from her life that she was the FIRST friend I visited (only, actually) when DS was new. I was in constant pain (emotional and physical), but I drove an hour, in a stickshift, with a newborn who ate every 2 seconds it seems, to visit her FIRST, so that she didn't feel sad.

And during our few hours together, I had to sit in the corner in order to feed him (she didn't offer up her room, and there was just the living room/kitchen, bathroom, and one bedroom to choose from) several times, and the day culminated with her complaining about having to apologize to another "breeder" (as she called them...DH and I weren't "breeders", she said quickly of course, we were "cool") friend. Why did she have to apologize? Because she was at a party at a small apartment, the hosts had invited other friends who had a newborn, the friends decided to keep the baby in the baby bucket for the party and it took up a lot of room, and this friend said, out loud, that perhaps the parents should simply put the sleeping baby into the [cold, OFF,] oven...

Yeah, just that. And go figure, she had to apologize to the very upset parents who now have the image of their baby in an oven for eternity....

I never ended up going back and our friendship petered out (turns out it wasn't the friends' faults for friendships ending post-babies, it was HERS!). Just wasn't worth the weirdness and possibility that she'd ask me to put DS in the dishwasher or something....

Yes.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'm surprised that the parents allowed drinking to be seen by their 10 month old. Wouldn't want to put that image in the child's mind either.

I'd have had to get totally soused after they arrived just to make it to the main course.

 

[mhsjax]

Sounds like my cousin. We treated her and her husband to an "adults only" Disney trip last year, while the two kids stayed with her mother. There were endless problems on that trip, but the absolute worst had to do with her kids. I could understand her calling home multiple times per day to check on them. I could put up with her walking around the parks constantly wondering out loud what they were doing or telling us cute stories about them.

Then we went to dinner at Kouzzina's, just a couple of weeks after it opened. Her cell phone rang while the waitress was trying to take our order (after my cousin put the poor woman through the ringer with all of her special requests and foods she "can't stand."). It was cousin's mother, announcing that the youngest had just made a new step in her development. We, the waitress and the tables around us, all got to hear 15 minutes of my cousin screaming at top volume "Baby took a poopy in the potty!! Oh what a good girl, I can't believe my baby took a poopy in the potty!!" [/QUOT

I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I went from not having any desire at all to have kids. As I saw it, most of them were total brats. To now having 3. For this reason, I totally understand how people may not want children, and I would never think less of them. I also personally can't imagine NOT having kids in my life. I also think that because I did feel this way, that I refuse to let my kid dictate what other adults do when my kids are present.

I often(because my kids are a little older) tell my kids to leave the room if the adults need to talk about something that isn't appropriate for them to hear. I have no problem with that and neither do the kids. I have friends that let their kids hang around adult conversation, even though other kids are playing in another room and I feel like I have to monitor what I say in my own home.

About the WDW thing. Hubby and I went by ourselves 2 years ago, without kids. We had a great time, yeah we thought about them a little. We would call and check on them at night back in the hotel room. We had great fun with other parents, telling them about how we left ours somewhere and were no having fun watching others have meltdowns. Other parents were very jealous and asked how we got so lucky. This was done all in good fun.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In part this is true. But I have never been the sort to get into a heated discussion in a casual social situation. It's just not in my nature. *shrug* Rather than cause a scene, I'd much rather just leave. It's just not worth it and there is no way a conversation such as you're suggesting would have ended well.

Oh, well to each his own. We toy with control freaks as a sport.

 

[Becky2005]

I've also never understood the "silence when baby is tired" approach. While we didn't send parades through either child's room when they were trying to sleep, life continued on as usual (phones and doorbells rang, the dog barked, we talked, etc.) and we now have two children who could sleep through an earthquake. Teaching a child to only sleep in absolute silence produces adults who can only sleep in absolute silence, in my opinion.

Add siblings in the mix and no way on this Earth would any of the following siblings gotten any naps if all was quiet. Now, if the older ones were talking too loud or screaming, yes, that's a problem but really -- no talking about Earthquakes or world news around a 10 month old????? That's just insane.

Then again I was the insane mom who brought her 3 day old to a gymnastics meet for his sister because that was the way it was. He survived & gymnastics meets are anything BUT quiet -- he slept right on through most of it.

 

[Darsa]

Conversation had to stop when baby was sleepy. Parents asked we not talk about things like the earthquake or floods that are currently world news because they don't want negative images in their baby's mind.

You have GOT to be kidding me. Holy moly, and people wonder why their kids grow up the way they do these days

Interestingly, I have always made a point of telling my daughter about things that have been happening in the real world. I decided that if she's gonna grow up in it, she's gonna grow up with her eyes open.


IMHO, of course. YMMV

 

[Hannathy]

And while earthquakes aren't something I would feel the need to censor (though the frightening aftermath of BIG quakes in areas without earthquake codes for building woudln't come up), WHY would you talk about a flood or other disaster in front of a child? Is there a *reason* to do so? If a child isn't experiencing one at the time, do you *have to* talk about it? Is it that difficult to not talk about it?

My brother, just last night, messed up and mentioned the premise of the movie Pulse in front of my son, and even though my sis in law quickly said that he was wrong, that the cellphone merely wanted to *tickle* people... even THAT freaked out my 6 year old. I've said really stupid things in front of him as well, I've accidentally made him upset, so I understand that my brother didn't mean it, but did we *really* have to be talking about that movie to begin with (OK the convo started with their recent experiences at comicon and went on from there, movies were definitely what was being discussed, but still)?

To the first part. WHY wouldn't you talk about floods, and earthquakes and, Hurricanes, tornadoes, etc in front of a child? they are part of nature and Science and facts. this I don't get. They happen and are very interesting. If one is happening at the time it is part of "current events" and newsworthy then heck yeah my kids are gong to hear about it. And people wonder why teens have no idea about history or current events, because they never heard about anything as children!

I also don't get this statement. You don't talk about movies in front of a 6 yr old? IMO a 6 yr old is old enough to separate a movie plot premise from reality for heavens sake. Your brother did nothing wrong.

 

[bevgray]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooky

"I have more than once politely suggested to parents that their children's presence or behavior was inappropriate for the venue or occasion (i.e. university biology lab, university library quiet section, throwing rocks at birds in a fountain at the college, small child pushing a grocery cart into my leg, etc.) and the response that I have gotten more than once is that I am told that I hate children."

When I'm told that I hate children, I just reply "Not at all. Just their self-important parents."

 

[DVCLiz]

To the first part. WHY wouldn't you talk about floods, and earthquakes and, Hurricanes, tornadoes, etc in front of a child? they are part of nature and Science and facts. this I don't get. They happen and are very interesting. If one is happening at the time it is part of "current events" and newsworthy then heck yeah my kids are gong to hear about it. And people wonder why teens have no idea about history or current events, because they never heard about anything as children!

I also don't get this statement. You don't talk about movies in front of a 6 yr old? IMO a 6 yr old is old enough to separate a movie plot premise from reality for heavens sake. Your brother did nothing wrong.

I don't agree at all. I wouldn't purposely discuss something frightening in front a small child, and 6 is still small in my opinion. Yes, if my child had heard about something that day from school or someone else, we would discuss it, but I wouldn't just randomly say, "You'll never guess what happened while you were at school today! Part of a mountain slid down and crushed a bunch of people!!"

Those natural disasters are scary for children to hear about and I don't think there's anything wrong with censoring some of that talk.

My youngest child developed a terrifying fear of tornadoes that lasted for many of her growing up years due to the one two punch of hearing talks about one that was nearby (very rare for our state) and then seeing parts of the movie Twister. She was probably about 6 or 7 when this happened. Some kids are ready to process that kind of information but many are not.

Talking about anything in front of a 10 month old baby is completely different and is utter nonsense, but editing a conversation for children under age 10 is perfectly appropriate, in my opinion. There are plenty of ways to teach kids about natural disasters, etc in the abstract without recounting all the terrifying ordeals reported on the nightly news.