Vent: Bullying and Schools!!

[RMulieri]

As a former child who was bullied mercilessly her entire childhood.I find this thread disheartening.As a kid I was routinely made fun of,beat up ,forced to eat dirt, etc.My mom tried talking to the other girls parents, and got nowhere...the old my kid wouldn't do that sort of thing, not my kid, your daughter must have done something to porvoke my daughter etc.My parents met with the school board,prinicipal and teachers.They were all aware of the situation and tried to control it.Needless to say , my problems only escalated with these girls.The situation only stopped, when these girls cornered me in a second floor lavatory,and tried to throw me out a 2nd floor window( I was in 8th grade and my screams brought a teacher running) The police got involved briefly and these girls moved on to a different victim.They never stopped , just changed their target. I think parents and teachers need to work together.Quite honestly, many of the times with bullies today ( I have 3 nieces and nephews in the public school systems , most of which are being bullied) the parents are just as to blame as the schools.and until parents take a stand and quit trying to be their kids buddy and be the PARENT it won't change.I personally know a parent who was a bully himself, now has bullies for kids(When it was brought up to him at a school meeting , why his kids were bullies.His attitude was I deal with conflict and stress all week at work, I want peace at home.So what if I I let my kids do what they want)As for the TEACHERS , they need to be aware of the situation and deal with it.Ignoring it won't make it go away.Realistically, though every attempt must be made to nip it in the bud, It isn;t always possible when there are 32 kids to a class.In any case, teachers and parents along with the students need to have bully awareness and work together to stop it from happening in the first place. Ps.... to the PP whose mil sent a revenge letter to a grieving mom, what exactly did that serve? DId it take away the pain her son felt being bullied as a kid? Did it take away the need for anger mgmt?Did it fix all of the injustices done to her son? Think about it ,the bully already reaped what he sowed. I think that in and of itself is the definition of KARMA

 

[JoiseyMom]

And after reading this thread I am even more convinced than ever of one thing - you can't change the bully. So many stories are the same - no matter who you go to for help, the bullying continues. A few weeks ago I was searching the web for advice about bullying and I stumbled upon a program called Bullies2buddies - here is the link:

http://www.bullies2buddies.com/

When I found this website I thought that the overall concept makes sense - since you can't change the bully, you have to change yourself. I know it may sound odd but if you read the website it does make sense. I have just started talking to my kids about the techniques - we'll see what happens...not sure I really want the bullies to turn into our buddies

I read it and it makes sense, and I have told this to both of my kids that they have to ignore it. Unfortunately it is very difficult for small chidren to ignore it. So as much sense as itmakes, and I did this tactic before reading it, children have a problem taking it to heart. As they get older maybe, but not as small children.

My DD11 still can't ingore her little brother..so it's not an easy thing to do.

 

[gracefor5]

You know, we are just "Momma tigers" when it comes to our kids, aren't we?!?!? This is such a painful thing for our kids (and us!) to go through. Heck, parenting is just plain hard.. I sure wish there was a way to solve it, but I definitely think that there is blame all around. Many parents are really stepping up and doing the hard work of parenting....but many aren't. Many schools, administrators, teachers are doing the hard work of making the schools safe, in addition to educating our future.....many aren't. I get that it is overwhelming what is expected of them, scores and large classes and ESL etc, etc...but many parents count on those schools making their precious ones SAFE. Many parents put their trust in these people to ensure their safety...Period!!

Everyone has to do what they have to do to ensure that their child has the opportunity to grow and blossom and I would hope that people on all sides would wish the best for them, and do what they can to help if they are in a position too....It is our future we are talking about...
(I know that sound sappy, but I'm having a moment )

Kim

 

[tinytink]

I am very sorry to hear about all the bullying, I can't say I am the least bit surprised. My sons private school has poster all over the school, videos for the younger kids, anit-bullying programs for the older kids but truthfully it does no good because the Principal(who is going on her 2nd year) is a bully herself and her behavior has filtered down to the faculty and staff. I am a very hands on parent, I am on the PTO board, room mother, lunch room volunteer, chaperone and I hate the way the children and parents are treated, for this reason I am not sending my children back to that school. I like the bully box in the classroom idea and thank you for the different links. I will have to research more into it and see how I can help nix this problem. For parents whose children are being bullied please hang in there and be a positive support system for your children and for parents whose children are the bullies please know there are resources and people out there who can try to help you if you can recoginize the problem.

 

[sherabby]

Can you press assault charges? As a mom, reading these stories horrifies and deeply saddens me.

So far the boy is not around my son any longer. If it happens again you can bet I will persue it.

 

[sherabby]

OMG!!! Why didn't you go to the police and press assualt charges against this little ****!!!! I don't care what the child is going thorugh!!

Our school handled it so poorly. I really should have done more. So far this little bully is leaving my son alone.

 

[DawnM]

This is an absolutely horrible thread.

Sending condolences that say, "Your child deserved to die" and then agreeing with that and saying it is KARMA? You are the one complaining that your child is being bullied and then you turn around and think it is ok to bully?????

I hope this thread gets closed, it is dreadful the anger coming from some of you.

So much blame thrown around: teachers vs. parents vs. administrators vs. busdrivers.......noone willing to take responsibility, and we wonder why our kids have problems in school. I am angry that anyone should have to die and that anyone should think this is ok.

Dawn

 

[JoiseyMom]

You do not feel that it is heartless to rejoice at somoenes loss of a loved one? That is horrible, what kind of a person would "get the last word" to a grieving mother? Because the mother was not a good parent? Because she made mistakes? Because she did not raise her child right? All of these are great reasons to be happy about somoene losing their son right? ............ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!
What kind of person are you and what kind of person is ANYBODY who would think this was the "right" thing to do? SHAME ON YOU. How would you like someone to do that to you after you lost your child? Even if they are grown. Karma, whatever........... If that is so, then maybe when somoene in your family dies, you will get hate letters telling you that is what you had coming. Since you think it is alright to do that to someone else. Wow, I am just amazed at the way people think. I would not do anything like that to anybody, even if I absolutely hated them. Show some respect and I am sure you are aware of the Golden Rule???

Sorry everyone for this negative post, but this type of behavior turns my stomach.

No I don't think it's heartless. I think that mom was entitled to her feelings as is everyone. I think I am entitled to mine. I believe what goes around comes around. My ex-dh was a horrible husband and father. I divorced him very early on, and knew that one day he would get his. And I was right. From what I understand he is miserable and not living a very good life. Will I shed a tear when he dies. NO. Will I rejoice, no, I don't care enough either way.

I was abused as a child. I didn't shed a tear when my abuser died. I was GLAD, HAPPY that my abuser died. I knew I would never have to worry about this piece of garbage huring another child ever again. It was closure for me. My only regret was that my abuser lived as long as he did.

 

[JoiseyMom]

This is an absolutely horrible thread.

Sending condolences that say, "Your child deserved to die" and then agreeing with that and saying it is KARMA? You are the one complaining that your child is being bullied and then you turn around and think it is ok to bully?????

I hope this thread gets closed, it is dreadful the anger coming from some of you.

So much blame thrown around: teachers vs. parents vs. administrators vs. busdrivers.......noone willing to take responsibility, and we wonder why our kids have problems in school. I am angry that anyone should have to die and that anyone should think this is ok.

Dawn

If you feel it's so horrible, dont read it and stay away.

What I think is horrible is that our children are bullied in this day and age and that school officicals can't do anything to stop it. That parents out there are so blind that they don't see what their kids are or care. I think that is horrible. I don't think its ok to bully, I never said it was. I don't think what that mom did was bullying. I think what she did for her was carthetic.

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

No I don't think it's heartless. I think that mom was entitled to her feelings as is everyone. I think I am entitled to mine. I believe what goes around comes around. My ex-dh was a horrible husband and father. I divorced him very early on, and knew that one day he would get his. And I was right. From what I understand he is miserable and not living a very good life. Will I shed a tear when he dies. NO. Will I rejoice, no, I don't care enough either way.

I was abused as a child. I didn't shed a tear when my abuser died. I was GLAD, HAPPY that my abuser died. I knew I would never have to worry about this piece of garbage huring another child ever again. It was closure for me. My only regret was that my abuser lived as long as he did.

Your missing the point. Its not heartless to have those feelings...any normal person would feel that way...especially is regards to an abuser. The feelings are ok, the way people have choosen to act upon them is not.

 

[DawnM]

No, I don't have to stay away. That was a mean and bullying comment!

Dawn

If you feel it's so horrible, dont read it and stay away.

What I think is horrible is that our children are bullied in this day and age and that school officicals can't do anything to stop it. That parents out there are so blind that they don't see what their kids are or care. I think that is horrible. I don't think its ok to bully, I never said it was. I don't think what that mom did was bullying. I think what she did for her was carthetic.

 

[sha_lyn]

Your missing the point. Its not heartless to have those feelings...any normal person would feel that way...especially is regards to an abuser. The feelings are ok, the way people have choosen to act upon them is not.

ITA... the MIL sending the note was beyond bullying IMHO. It was absolutely cruel and horrible. If she acts in such a cruel manner, I can't help but wonder if instead of bullying, the problem between the 2 was mutual. After all apples don't tend to fall far from the tree. If the MIL is capable of such horrendous behavior, she certainly couldn't have been much of a role model.

 

[sha_lyn]

If you feel it's so horrible, dont read it and stay away.
What I think is horrible is that our children are bullied in this day and age and that school officicals can't do anything to stop it. That parents out there are so blind that they don't see what their kids are or care. I think that is horrible. I don't think its ok to bully, I never said it was. I don't think what that mom did was bullying. I think what she did for her was carthetic.

LOL.... Apparently you do think it is OK to bully

 

[sha_lyn]

It's funny, they talk about bullies and how bad they are and you get to draw a poster at the beginning of the year, but that's it. They are doing a program called CAP (Child Assualt Prevention), and its role playing and sounds great. DS24 GF is actually one of the staff doing the presentations. I know that's important, but lets get real. Our children are bullied on a daily basis. The odds of them being assualted are not very high.

1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually assaulted before adulthood.

 

[sha_lyn]

Yes, GREAT answer, then your kid can have the social skills of a hermit...

As a teacher, I get so sick of parents blaming the schools for EVERYTHING, a kid is lacking social skills and the other kids pick on him, lets go ahead and blame the school instead of looking at the parents who haven't taught the kid to interact with other kids.. Instead of griping about the teachers, teach your frickin kids social skills (or if its more convenient for the very lazy parents,pump them up with more pills)..

Yes, the teachers should not allow that to happen, but in todays society the duties of the teachers have changed from educator to babysitters because the parents are, in general, doing a HORRIBLE job of raising their kids, too worried about have dual incomes and the big house, two cards, etc etc etc.. I have been around many parents who can't control ONE kid, many classrooms have THIRTY and as soon as a teacher overlooks something, those very same parents are complaining until they are blue in the face..

The school is absolutely responsible for bullying when it happens on school property, the school bus, and yes even at the school bus stop.

As for your pill comment...LOL that is very funny considering the number of schools who want to medicate any child that doesn't sit like a zombie for 7.5 so that the teachers don't have to do their jobs.

Aren't you the same poster who said "we send our children to school to learn to socialize?" You claim that children must be in school to learn how to act around others. Yet now you claim that the problem is the homes and not the schools. Sorry buddy, you can't have it both ways.

 

[meandtheguys2]

No I don't think it's heartless. I think that mom was entitled to her feelings as is everyone.

Everyone is "entitled" to feelings. Expressing them in a cruel manner is what started the problems in the first place. Two wrongs do NOT make a right.

 

[mommyof2princesses]

I can't believe that you are insinuating that homeschooled children have the social skills of a hermit! Homeschooling != living in a bubble. That is so offensive on so many levels that I'm going to have to close my browser before I get some points.

Ignore JonS99, he has already expressed much hatred against the homeschooling community on the budget boards. Thinks he is a God for teaching in the public school and encourages bullying himself.

 

[lisaland]

I'm a teacher (who now stays at home) and I detest bullying! Last year, I had a child in my class who looked as cute as could be but he acted like a horse's rear to his classmates. He teased, threatened, hit, and took things away from them. When confronted, he smiled a huge stupid grin and tried to look cute (which apparently worked at home). I did not put up with it!!! He spent a lot of time in the office, in time out, and I was constantly calling his mom. She pretty much threw her hands up and told me that she didn't know how to control him. This was 1st grade. I warned the administrators that if this was not stopped early on, he would continue it throughout his school career. His teacher this year called me about 2 weeks into the school year...more of the same. He's also disrespectful to adults...especially women. I'm not sure how it's being handled this year but I hope they are doing something about his behavior before it gets more serious. The thing is that he is so handsome, smart and athletic. You can tell he'll be the heart-throb in high school one day. I can just see him acting like this as a teenager and it will be accepted because of how he looks and who he is.

On another note...my own child is very quiet, smart, and a bit nerdy. We had an incident at the beginning of this school year where a neighbor's child wadded up DS's homework and threw it across the bus. When DS came home crying, I nearly lost it. I didn't hesitate to call the mom and tell her. She marched her prissy (snobby) butt over and tried to explain (make excuses). I didn't take it. I just politely informed her that if it happened again that I wouldn't give her a courtesy call. I'd be in the principal's office.

It's a parent's responsibility to make sure they train up their children to treat other's kindly...regardless of their differences. My children know I would go NUTS on them if I heard of them doing this to someone else's child. If fact, my youngest DS used the word "retard" one day, and I LOST IT! That is not accepted in our house. He picked this up from school!!!!! I don't think he'll be doing it again.

 

[semo233]

Everytime a person sees bullying and does nothing to stop it....they are sending the message that bullying is okay. This includes teachers, parents, administrators, playgroup and camp supervisors, girl/boy scout leaders, etc.

Parents have the biggest influence on their children and it is our responsibility to help our children deal with rudeness and cruelty. Unfortunately, they will come across these kind of people for the rest of their lives. Is it right? NO! Should we do something about it? Yes, as much as we can!

Most bullying happens in the less supervised areas: recess, bus, lunch, hallways, etc.
It is universal, happens all over the world and is evident in all age groups.

The only real effective programs to reduce bullying are those that are reinforced heavily, year round, year after year, by everyone in the school. They are huge programs that need to start in pre-school and kindergarten. Such a program needs a budget, planning and adult leadership. It also may take a while to see a big improvement, but keep working at it....it's worth it.

I am a school counselor. I spend a lot of time on prevention and bullying and will not stand for any negative comments about anyone in my classroom. Try to get your school involved in more than just making posters. Talk directly to the social workers, counselors, psycholigist, PTA and head teachers to find out how you can help.

One of the most effective ways to help your child is to teach them what to say when someone starts teasing/bullying. It will take some courage. I actually practice out loud with my daughter. We come up with sayings that put the focus back on the teaser/bullyer, but will not get her into trouble.

I constantly reminder her that the nicest girl in middle school was not the most popular. She was the model of the kind of person I wanted and strived to be. I still remember, at 11 thinking "She is the nicest person...she's nice to everyone all the time!"

My daughter is named after MaryBeth Morris, the nicest girl in Chalk Hill Middle School in Monroe CT. If you are out there MaryBeth.....thanks.

semo233

 

[wilderness01]

Everytime a person sees bullying and does nothing to stop it....they are sending the message that bullying is okay. This includes teachers, parents, administrators, playgroup and camp supervisors, girl/boy scout leaders, etc.

Parents have the biggest influence on their children and it is our responsibility to help our children deal with rudeness and cruelty. Unfortunately, they will come across these kind of people for the rest of their lives. Is it right? NO! Should we do something about it? Yes, as much as we can!

Most bullying happens in the less supervised areas: recess, bus, lunch, hallways, etc.
It is universal, happens all over the world and is evident in all age groups.

The only real effective programs to reduce bullying are those that are reinforced heavily, year round, year after year, by everyone in the school. They are huge programs that need to start in pre-school and kindergarten. Such a program needs a budget, planning and adult leadership. It also may take a while to see a big improvement, but keep working at it....it's worth it.

Nicely put.