Valentine's Day is stupid---anyone else?

[RachelsMommie]

Okay, I have NO reason to be upset about Valentine's Day. We're on one income, we're going to Disney in May (and not doing it as budget as we could...lots of extras), and we're trying to pay off our second mortgage in the next few months (we've paid off 20K so far this year, 8K to go! YAY! Stupid 80-10-10.). I told my DH to not worry about Valentine's or our anniversary this year. Our 9th wedding anniversary was on 2/10.

So my DH bought a bouquet of flowers for our anniversary. It was sweet for him to do that...I'm not a flower kind of girl, but they are pretty. I wrote him a long love letter for anniversary and planned a date for the 2 occasions, but that got snowed out as our baby-sitting fell through. I am not the kind to write love letters, but I knew he'd appreciate it. So today I ordered pizza and made a chocolate cake for V-day, both of which I can't eat...dieting rules right now.

So why am I upset? DH did as I asked and didn't get anything but some flowers. I guess sometimes, I just want to be romanced...a love letter or something he made would have been nice. I hate V-day because it makes me feel like I'm missing out on romance that other people get. I have no right to be upset, but here I am...

Anyone else having a crappy Valentine's?

Kristi

 

[mward73]

DH and I said no gifts. So, he got me nothing.... I got him nothing, but I did get him a card. Got the kids each a card and the 3yo got a little heart Sponge Bob thing. I would've liked a card from DH, but no biggie, I'm happy with our family. He's not the type to do the romance either - He's affectionate, just not romantic - I just learned to live with it and realize it's not him to do romance. I do what I like and get him cards, etc. If I get one in return, I consider it a rare bonus. lol

 

[krcit]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling the same way. DH and I just went through a real rough patch and are on a real upswing. I told him not to buy me flowers at the gas station or to worry about VDay. He got me a $5 box of candy which was nice but I was kind of hoping for more of a grand gesture. I have to learn to speak up and tell him what I expect but that kind of taked the romance out of it, yk??

 

[NYCDiane]

Anyone else having a crappy Valentine's?

I am.... .My moron husband (definitely NOT a "DH") rushed me home last night as I was out looking for a certain gift for my DD11 for Valentines Day. I couldn't do so earlier in the week or even before due to being too busy with work and I was sick for a while. I ended up not finding it and, of course, all the stores had nothing left this morning. So, my DD got nothing from me for V-Day.

We (DD and I) had ordered his gift from her 3 weeks ago and picked it up last week, along with candy and a card so HE had a gift. Me and DD? Nothing.

Then, the imbecile goes out this morning and buys her a chocolate heart, neglecting to take into account she can't eat nuts, caramel, or any of the other stuff they put in those things. It will end up in the trash by tomorrow since I don't eat those either.

I'm spending my V-Day clearing out my closets of old clothes and de-stashing.

 

[RachelsMommie]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling the same way. DH and I just went through a real rough patch and are on a real upswing. I told him not to buy me flowers at the gas station or to worry about VDay. He got me a $5 box of candy which was nice but I was kind of hoping for more of a grand gesture. I have to learn to speak up and tell him what I expect but that kind of taked the romance out of it, yk??

Exactly! I could tell him what I want, but then what's the point? Also, we've had a really rough year. I was on the verge of leaving him last summer...we've had a lot of crap go down. I'm just tired of not being romanced.

 

[NYCDiane]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling the same way. DH and I just went through a real rough patch and are on a real upswing. I told him not to buy me flowers at the gas station or to worry about VDay. He got me a $5 box of candy which was nice but I was kind of hoping for more of a grand gesture. I have to learn to speak up and tell him what I expect but that kind of taked the romance out of it, yk??

If you told him not to worry about V-Day, then why are you upset at the $5 box of candy?

If you want something, you should ask for it. I know it may take the "romance" out, but so what? Tell him you want a romantic dinner out or to stay in a nice hotel for the night or something like that. You don't have to outline item by item, but give him a decent hint instead of being disappointed in the $5 candy.

 

[smacky1]

Vday is hard on both men and women because we each have such a different perspective on what it means to show someone you love them. I think there is a lot of pressure on Valentines Day for everyone. But I still love it, no matter what we do. Today we are spending the day home together with our kids. We made muffins for breakfast and exchanged cards. Its what you make of it.

 

[msmayor]

Exactly! I could tell him what I want, but then what's the point? Also, we've had a really rough year. I was on the verge of leaving him last summer...we've had a lot of crap go down. I'm just tired of not being romanced.

The point is if you DON'T tell you you want more romance, how is he ever to know that what he's doing isn't enough? He'll go on thinking that whatever he's doing is fine if you don't take the time to sit with him and calmly explain that you'd like to be romanced more. Give him suggestions, and encourage him to surprise you.

 

[java]

A little advice
Men are not Mind Readers. You said NO VALENTINE'S. So he followed your wishes.
You also don't sound so thrilled with the flowers he got you for your anniversary. Did you let on about that? To him? He might have thought why bother?

Don't worry about one "day". If he's not being romantic on a daily basis. Then you have a talk about it. Has he recently stopped being romantic or was he never romantic?
If he was never romantic chances are he never will be.

Look for the romance in other things he does. Really try to think about something he does that maybe romantic to him- in his way. Like does he get the oil changed in the car and the brakes fixed- to make sure you are safe.

Sometimes you may have to look a little deeper to find the romance- but don't let some stupid Hallmark holiday make you feel bad about your relationship.
We went out for breakfast today. Just the 2 of us. (breakfast is cheaper than dinner) and we had a great start to the day. We played a few games. DH is off driving ds out for his v-day date. Tonite we'll have a little special meal. I bought some sparkling pink lemonade so the whole family can feel a little festive!
And then we'll all watch the AMAZING RACE!

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm confused...seems like the trend is to tell your husband you don't want anything, and then be annoyed that he listened to you?

That's ridiculous. Most men don't play games like that. If you TELL them you don't want anything, they either trust you to mean it, OR you have them stuck in some game when they never know what you really want, and they are stuck guessing what you mean and what you don't mean.

In our family, we say, "Don't give men hints." TELL THEM.

 

[tinkabella627]

Well I will be the jerk to say no! I am having a great weekend even though I was sick all week, my husband was sick yesterday, and is now working today. We went to dinner and exchanged gifts Friday (luckily, since he got sick), spent yesterday being bums and filing taxes, and today when he gets home we are going to go to the movies and he is going to cook dinner. If you all are so grumpy about the holiday maybe you should communicate it with your husband? Go think about when you were just married (as we are) and try to get those feelings back. I am just happy to have a husband that cares about me as much as he does and am happy to be able to spend time with him on the weekend, even if he was sick. During the week, by the time he gets home from work, I am exhausted and we eat a late dinner, watch a tv show or two, and head to bed. Hopefully your days cheer up!

 

[krcit]

If you told him not to worry about V-Day, then why are you upset at the $5 box of candy?

If you want something, you should ask for it. I know it may take the "romance" out, but so what? Tell him you want a romantic dinner out or to stay in a nice hotel for the night or something like that. You don't have to outline item by item, but give him a decent hint instead of being disappointed in the $5 candy.

I know that I should tell him. Lack of communication is one of the reasons why my marriage was in such a sorry state. We both have to learn to speak up a bit better but the girly girl in me sometimes longs for a bit of old time 'in the movies' romance. I know he is not a mind reader(believe me after 16 years of marriage, I really know)but it would be nice to get a flower or a little trinket without having to ask for it, yk? On the pluse side, our anniversary is coming up and I already told him I want to go away for the weekend and he told me to plan it

 

[RachelsMommie]

A little advice
Men are not Mind Readers. You said NO VALENTINE'S. So he followed your wishes.
You also don't sound so thrilled with the flowers he got you for your anniversary. Did you let on about that? To him? He might have thought why bother?

Don't worry about one "day". If he's not being romantic on a daily basis. Then you have a talk about it. Has he recently stopped being romantic or was he never romantic?
If he was never romantic chances are he never will be.

Look for the romance in other things he does. Really try to think about something he does that maybe romantic to him- in his way. Like does he get the oil changed in the car and the brakes fixed- to make sure you are safe.

Sometimes you may have to look a little deeper to find the romance- but don't let some stupid Hallmark holiday make you feel bad about your relationship.
We went out for breakfast today. Just the 2 of us. (breakfast is cheaper than dinner) and we had a great start to the day. We played a few games. DH is off driving ds out for his v-day date. Tonite we'll have a little special meal. I bought some sparkling pink lemonade so the whole family can feel a little festive!
And then we'll all watch the AMAZING RACE!

I made a big fuss over the flowers. I guess I just feel it's "phoning it in". I'm not hard, I'm really not. If he had bought a new board game and lit a candle and played games with me, I'd be happy.

I guess part of it is that we've had a really bad year this year. I didn't think we'd make it to this anniversary. He's really put our marriage in jeopardy this year with his actions and I guess I just thought he'd make this anniversary/V-day more special.

 

[jedijill]

My bf is in Afghanistan until October. I would be thrilled with gas station flowers or crappy candy.

Jill in CO

 

[java]

I made a big fuss over the flowers. I guess I just feel it's "phoning it in". I'm not hard, I'm really not. If he had bought a new board game and lit a candle and played games with me, I'd be happy.

I guess part of it is that we've had a really bad year this year. I didn't think we'd make it to this anniversary. He's really put our marriage in jeopardy this year with his actions and I guess I just thought he'd make this anniversary/V-day more special.

Day is not over! Why don't you plan something to do this afternoon- show him what you enjoy. Maybe suggest fondue? Or do something that makes you both giggle. Try to think about why you married him. There had to be some good reasons. Sometimes I need to remind myself of those. And realize why I love him. Not just THAT I love him.

 

[mrsklamc]

Please think about reading "The Five Love Languages"...author's name is Chapman. As an example, I am not a real 'gifts' person....but my DH puts gas in my car every single week so I never have to do it....THAT tells ME that he loves me.

 

[camlace]

My husband is away for the weekend with friends...he called this morning, wished our daughter a happy valentine's day, then said got to go, I'll call later. Ummm, aren't I your sweetie? Not suprised and in the end don't really care, but seriously you wish your daughter Happy V day and not your wife?

 

[Tiana]

.

 

[mrsklamc]

My husband is away for the weekend with friends...he called this morning, wished our daughter a happy valentine's day, then said got to go, I'll call later. Ummm, aren't I your sweetie? Not suprised and in the end don't really care, but seriously you wish your daughter Happy V day and not your wife?

Valentine's Day is not really important to me, but STILL...who plans a weekend away with friends for THIS weekend? Are all his friends single or something?

 

[brymolmom]

But at least I'm happy that dh and I understand each other and have the same stance. If dh did something - that would be great. The fact is, that we both consider it a 'Hallmark' holiday and would rather plan a nice date night on a night OTHER than Vday. We hate going to dinner on this day - way too crowded and takes too long.

I did get him a card (because I was in a store going out of business and they had 75% off) and got some scallops (one of his favs) to make him a nice dinner. We got the kids little vday stuffed animals (got AFTER vday last year for a buck or two) and I got them heart shaped cookies for dessert after dinner tonight (will be a surprise, they're hidden on top of the frig).

Being practical - I HATE flowers on this day - they are SO EXPENSIVE. So dh has a tradition of going to Wegmans the day AFTER Valentines Day and buying them half price!

Does that mean that I wouldn't love it if he had something delivered to me at work one day?? I WOULD love that. But I'm not upset at all that it doesn't happen and honestly I would rather have that kind of gesture on our anniversary or a day that truly has a lot of meaning for us.

I agree with pp's - if you do get upset/irritated - you HAVE to tell your signifcant other - or you have no right to be upset - ESPECIALLY if you said 'no gifts'. Why in the world would you lie and say you wanted nothing if you really want something?? I'm not following that one.

I also dislike how this day causes people who can't afford it to spend anyway. My sister just did an overnight for her birthday a couple weeks ago - she and her dh decided 'no gifts' but she had somethign delivered to his work anyway (a $5 teddy bear given at home is way more reasonable I can't imagine what she paid for delivery at holiday time) AND I am certain they will get something very pricey because they want a 'nice meal' at home. Lobster tails or crab legs or something equally out of their budget. I don't get it myself...But - to each their own. If you love it and like making a big deal out of it - go for it - but don't complain to me about not having any money...Like my dsis always does.