valentines day and pragmatism

[smidgy]

all the new threads about "hubby didn't buy me enough"; "he spent a lot, but it wasn't what I wanted".. etc

if you are married, do you even speakto each other?
if there is something you really want.. say so. what hubby and I have done in the past few years, since money is tight,is, like this valentines day. I had to work (surprise, surprise, I'm a waitress). let's put the money we would have spent on valentine's presents and cards towards our next trip! why make Hallmark rich? why not put it towards a dinner at a WDW restaurant?
scribble a "love note" on a scrap of paper. maybe even a "coupon" for a special 'love expression" at the next disney resort you stay at?
we didn;t buy each other christmas gifts. put the money toward our next trip.
ok, even if you're not disney fanatics like us, so many people spend tons of money, trying to outdo each other, or
try to outthink each other, every birthday, valentines day, etc. on things neither one wants.... example... "oh, boo hoo, he bought me a $50 bottle of perfume, and I like the other brand" ... "he bought me a spa treatment, and I don't like that". she bought me a membership to a gym, she bought me a Green Bay Jersey, and I[m a Bears fan (ok, maybe that one is inexcusable).
it just seems to me, in this economy, people who have been married over 5 years (take or give a year) shouldn't be arguing over gifts anymore (esp. over hallmark invented holidays, like sweetest days)... (um, although, as a server, I DO love these holidays... it makes stupid men take women out for overpriced meals and tip me nicely!)
but my hubby is home, while I'm working. he is NOT buying me something I don't want, he has scribbled me a nice poem (he's so sweet), and my tips are going towards a romantic dinner at ohanas.
I know.. young love...... when we were first married, I sent him a singing telegram at work.. very ro
mantic....till we got the bill!!
all I'm saying (the same thing I say to my married sons) is be romantic, BUT pragmatic. romance doesn't have to mean .. money. breakfast in bed, taking careof the baby while she sleeps in... hey.. men can ACTUALLY clean bathrooms! and mop kitchen floors!!!
just don't break your budget over made up "holidays" as in. "OMG, my husband is a jerk, he spent $200 on (fill in the blank) and he should have KNOWN I wanted him to spend $200 on(fill in the blank)
ok, off my soap box.

 

[XTinabell]

When did Valentines day become another Christmas? Whatever happened to getting a card and some chocolates and being thrilled? I have to be honest I was floored when I read that other thread about wives complaining their husbands didn't buy them this or that. My dh and I read it together and couldn't believe that people would even expect such a large gift for V-day. I really don't know when this day changed to represent some kind of holiday where couples exchange lavishly expensive gifts. My dh stuck a Valentines day card under pillow and we watched a movie together, it was perfect.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

This technically is NOT a holiday! I think it ridiculous the way people act on this waste of a day!! I could never understand it and I do not spend money on it either!

 

[alexandria674]

Some of the things I read on the DIS got me a little bit annoyed when there were complaints about Valentines. I mean, why does it have to be so gushy? Just buy some flowers, have a nice dinner and watch a movie. There should not be a lot of expectations on just ONE day when there are so many other occasions of sweetness that doesn't have to be confined in a holiday. If you are going to recieve a present, then that is fine but don't complain and gripe about it. A gift is not an obligation. If you have such a big problem with the gift, return it and get something you do want! Valentine's Day is supposed to be about love and I don't find complaining about the present all that loving. I can understand having fun on Valentine's Day because in all honesty, it is fun but don't put so much expectations.

When my fiance and I first got together, we couldn't afford a thing for Valentine's Day, he felt pretty bad about it but I told him to cheer up. We had a great top ramen dinner and snarked stupid movies. Since then, we promised no matter what, Valentine's Day wouldn't be about the nice roses, chocolate and Cupid farting perfume, but rather a day of fun and just being happy we got each other.

Sorry. Vent over.

 

[shortbun]

Yeah, married people should talk clearly to each other. Your expectations so easily become your disappointments.

 

[wilma-bride]

No matter what celebration it is, if I know DH will be buying me a gift (or gifts) I make sure to always tell him what I want. the guy is not a mind reader and, although we know each other well, there are things I see all the time when out shopping or surfing the net that I like and, unless I mention them to DH, he would never think to buy.

We don't tend to go all out for Valentine's Day, although he always buys me flowers. It amazes me how some people spend so much money on gifts and cards for what is essentially a day about pursuing somebody you are attracted to. I like the idea of saving the money for another occasion

What I hate is that DH's Birthday is the day before Valentines and we can never go out for a meal since everywhere hikes up their prices for the whole week surrounding valentines

 

[Christine]

When did Valentines day become another Christmas? Whatever happened to getting a card and some chocolates and being thrilled? I have to be honest I was floored when I read that other thread about wives complaining their husbands didn't buy them this or that. My dh and I read it together and couldn't believe that people would even expect such a large gift for V-day. I really don't know when this day changed to represent some kind of holiday where couples exchange lavishly expensive gifts. My dh stuck a Valentines day card under pillow and we watched a movie together, it was perfect.

I agree. It is incredible to me. But I am pragmatic person through and through so maybe I just can't understand?

What I really felt when I read it was "OMG, I don't want my poor son to ever get married." At some point, women were made to feel like they are princesses and must be showered gifts. I think that is absolutely ridiculous.

Now, in defense of the poor lady who started one of those threads and got the spa gift when she hated to be touched. I kind of feel badly for her. Lots of people have aversions to that stuff. I know I would. I just think, if your husband is going to the be the kind of guy that does this stuff...just stop. Make a moretorium on stupid Valentine's Day. Say NO MORE to $300 gifts.

But, yeah, some of the other posts where the DH clearly put a lot of thought into them but yet, it just wasn't quite enough...

I really do wonder what people are thinking in their relationships. So demanding.

 

[PammyK]

:
all I'm saying (the same thing I say to my married sons) is be romantic, BUT pragmatic. romance doesn't have to mean .. money. breakfast in bed, taking careof the baby while she sleeps in... hey.. men can ACTUALLY clean bathrooms! and mop kitchen floors!!!
.

Beautifully stated!

 

[NMAmy]

Before I got married, my mother told me, "If there is something you want, be it a gift or an expectation that you have, unless you enjoy disappointment, you have to TELL your spouse. He's not a mind reader and if you don't speak up, you have no one to blame but yourself." It was some of the best advice she's ever given me. Now if you DO tell your spouse and he just ignores your wishes, then you need to rethink your relationship and decide if you really are okay with that kind of life.

 

[cepmom]

I don't get those posts either...I told DH nothing for Valentine's Day...I hate it! He did buy me a card but that's it. I wouldn't have even cared if he didn't. We both had to work, he's out of town so I didn't even see him yesterday but it didn't matter to me.

It makes no sense to me to buy gifts, go out to an expensive dinner, spend money on overpriced roses all for Valentine's Day I would much rather have DH buy me a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store on a random day of the week just because he wanted too. Or to spend the day with me just because. I dont' get the hype over Valentine's Day

I was listening to the radio the other day and a caller was talking to the DJ about how she wanted to spend the night with her DH, they had just had a new baby a few months before and hadn't spent a night together since the baby was born etc, but all their babysitters were jacking their prices up because it was Valentines Day. She didnt' think they should pay extra blah, blah...and I'm thinking then don't go out on Valentine's Day! If you dont' want to pay extra for a babysitter for that night, then go out next weekend when the prices aren't so high! I mean if you want to spend a nice evening with your spouse why does it have to be only on Valentine's Day?

 

[KramBerries]

Valentine's Day is not about pragmatism. If a couple liked celebrating Valentine's Day and was pragmatic, they would pick a different day and celebrate it on that day instead. Chocolates, flowers, and such would be cheaper. Restaurants would be less crowded.

Based on my observation, some people take a perverse joy in being disappointed by their partners. That's why they leave their desires vague and why the revel in the failure of their partner to respond properly. How else could you explain it? If they really wanted a particular set of behavior from their spouse, they'd let them know directly what they expected.

At our house, we don't celebrate these sorts of holidays, at least not for adults. My spouse and I do not exchange gifts for Vday, Bdays, Mother's day, Father's day, or our anniversary. We celebrate our love for each other throughout the year and don't need special occasions to induce us do things for one another.

 

[luvsJack]

To some people it doesn't matter about things like Valentine's Day or any kind of gift giving and to some it does.

And there are many spouses that are told what the other wants and still choose to get something else. (like the OP in the other thread)

I have told dh for years that he doesn't have to buy expensive flower arrangements, stop and pick some wildflowers on the way home. Nor does he have to do it for Valentine's day or Mother's day--if he just did things like that any time at all. He doesn't do any of the above.

As for men can scrub the bathroom. Well, I tell you why I don't think of that as "doing something for me". Its his bathroom too. I work everyday too. Its just as much his responsibility as it is mine. Same with the kitchen floor. And the baby, actually, if there was one.


Some people are just not romantic in the dinner by candlelight, rubbing your feet, breakfast in bed kinda way. They do better buying little gifts. Some don't do either. I got lucky, mine doesn't do either.


Do you all really not think that ANY of these spouses who are complaining have TOLD their husbands any of this?? I know I have. And he stopped and picked some beautiful purple flowers on the way home one day. That ended that. I have mentioned it again, but he doesn't do it. Sometimes it really is the other person, not just the one complaining.

 

[PixieDust32]

Dh and I never buy anything like that, we do eat dinner or to a movie, spend they day together,we do that a lot when he is off from work. We don't buy cards nor candy, he bought me a beautiful rose and made me breakfast.I just happy to be with him, that we are healthy and happy together.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Thanks, OP!

Hubby did get me roses. He never does. But of course he is away from us right now. So he did a little something to be a little special from a distance. He was supposed to be home this weekend but snow logistics prevented that.

To me--it isn't a "gift giving" holiday--it's for tokens of affection. If someone gets ticked b/c the price tag wasn't high enough--I'd have to wonder what they did in return.

Hubby and I use our anniversary to celebrate our love. I feel bad for people whose identity is wrapped up in Valentine's Day.

 

[hentob]

Based on my observation, some people take a perverse joy in being disappointed by their partners.

DING!DING!DING! We have a winner

 

[hentob]

I mean if you want to spend a nice evening with your spouse why does it have to be only on Valentine's Day?

I agree.

I find this train of thought (“we MUST celebrate Valentine’s Day!”) very immature and downright strange.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

This technically is NOT a holiday! I think it ridiculous the way people act on this waste of a day!! I could never understand it and I do not spend money on it either!

DH & I were never saps for Valentines Day. Means nothing to us.

 

[luvmy3]

When did Valentines day become another Christmas? Whatever happened to getting a card and some chocolates and being thrilled? I have to be honest I was floored when I read that other thread about wives complaining their husbands didn't buy them this or that. My dh and I read it together and couldn't believe that people would even expect such a large gift for V-day. I really don't know when this day changed to represent some kind of holiday where couples exchange lavishly expensive gifts. My dh stuck a Valentines day card under pillow and we watched a movie together, it was perfect.

I'm sorry but you need to define lavosh because to some a piece of jewelry is not lavish and jewelry is a traditional gift for Valentines Day. Just because your dh doesn't do it for you, or you don't for him doesn't mean its not supposed to be that way. A couple can make Valentines any way they want

This technically is NOT a holiday! I think it ridiculous the way people act on this waste of a day!! I could never understand it and I do not spend money on it either!

Its not a holiday for you but you can't ignore that Valentines Day has been celebrated in one form or another since 496 AD (Thank you wiki).
You just sound pretty bitter about the whole day.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Hmm, the other OPs of most threads mentioned seemed to me to be more upset that they felt neglected than they felt under-priced.

FYI, when DH and I were first married we had absolutely nothing but each other. My DH is an amazing artist so he penciled me an absolutely beautiful "Lady and the Tramp" card of the scene with them sharing spaghetti. It's now up and framed on my wall and it's not going anywhere. Also, when my kids were little, ages 0-4 DH knew my standing holiday request was #1, that I not touch a diaper, #2, that I not feed anyone or wash a dish, #3, that I not do laundry or any other sort of cleaning.

Personally, I don't want or need 'stuff' for DH to prove to me he loves me because he does that every day year in & year out. He takes care of me, is a good father to our children, comes home to me every night, is faithful and treats me with respect. None of the above come from a store.

Still, I understand how women married to men who are incapable of genuine warmth or who are generally thoughtless want, at the very least, a card, some flowers and candy one day a year. I don't think they are unreasonable.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Its not a holiday for you but you can't ignore that Valentines Day has been celebrated in one form or another since 496 AD (Thank you wiki).
You just sound pretty bitter about the whole day.

As do those who gripe and complain that on this one day a year--they have noone to love them.

It is a concept I don't understand. I suppose if they were an orphan with no contact with society it may be true.