Vacation's coming and so does bad news.

[antree]

We are going to Disney Nov. 4th, - 11th, but my Step Mother was just told that her cancer is progressing and Chemo is not working. She is in the hospital and under control for now as far as pain goes. She can't have bowel movements and she is on a feeding tube. We are talking about putting her in hospice since there is nothing else the Dr's can do.

My points will expire the end of Nov. then I lose them, My son and DD is upset that their grandmother is dying, we lost a Uncle 2 months ago suddenly and they were very upset and still are when it's talked about, and now I mention we might have to take their vacation away. My Step mom is doing OK for now but Nov 4th is still a little ways off. At this point I am taking it day by day, but I'm not a day by day person I need to plan and know things in advance. I hate to take another thing off the kids, I hate to leave my Dad and sister alone, If she does well over the next week in the half I think it will be OK to go, but just don't know. She is really doing OK she is up talking, socializing, she does have break through pain but then she gets more meds. My Dad wants to start hospice and I say wait till the hospital can't help anymore. How do you handle this? How do you know what's right and wrong? What do I do about the kids? Plus once I lose these points that's it. We were already borrowed into next yr points.

 

[Disneypubgal]

We are going to Disney Nov. 4th, - 11th, but my Step Mother was just told that her cancer is progressing and Chemo is not working. She is in the hospital and under control for now as far as pain goes. She can't have bowel movements and she is on a feeding tube. We are talking about putting her in hospice since there is nothing else the Dr's can do.

My points will expire the end of Nov. then I lose them, My son and DD is upset that their grandmother is dying, we lost a Uncle 2 months ago suddenly and they were very upset and still are when it's talked about, and now I mention we might have to take their vacation away. My Step mom is doing OK for now but Nov 4th is still a little ways off. At this point I am taking it day by day, but I'm not a day by day person I need to plan and know things in advance. I hate to take another thing off the kids, I hate to leave my Dad and sister alone, If she does well over the next week in the half I think it will be OK to go, but just don't know. She is really doing OK she is up talking, socializing, she does have break through pain but then she gets more meds. My Dad wants to start hospice and I say wait till the hospital can't help anymore. How do you handle this? How do you know what's right and wrong? What do I do about the kids? Plus once I lose these points that's it. We were already borrowed into next yr points.

First, I am so sorry for your recent loss and the illness you Step Mom is going thru. Only you can decide what is best for your family. But I will tshare with you a story similar that happened in our family. In 2005, we had a very dear aunt that was also suffering with cancer. My sister and me and our families had a trip planned and she did pass while we were away. My sister and I were very close with this aunt and we flew home for 24 hours to attend her wake and funeral.. For some this may sound cold, but she did not want our children to miss out on there vacation. They were so young and would not have been involved in either of those events as well..

Only you and your family can decide what is best for you.... May god bless all of you!

 

[rmcildw2m]

My lord you are between a rock and a hard place , I can't tell what to do ,but I will pray for you .Good luck and god bless .

 

[DebbieB]

I'm so sorry. At this point, it will not make a difference points wise if you wait another week to make a decision so I would wait and see.

 

[jekjones1558]

Hugs to you as you deal with one of life's toughest times.
It sounds like this trip may have been booked with borrowed points. If the worst happens and you can't go, call MS and see if they can help you. Others have posted that MS has sometimes made exceptions in emergency cases. Good luck.

 

[disneynutz]

I would ask her what would she like you to do? I will bet that she wants you to go on vacation.

Bill

 

[TiaMaria]

First let me say that I am so sorry for what your family is going through. We went through hospice with my Dad and it was so sad and stressful.

If it was a "regular" Disney trip and you had trip insurance (or even sometimes not), things could be handled differently. DVC points are a whole other matter. I know the points are secondary to the situation, but, of course, you cannot help but to think about that.

We have had a few different family members in hospice before. The one thing that the hospice workers will tell you is that there is just simply not a way to predict how long until the end comes. They are not being treated for their disease any longer, they are having their pain managed. Many times they are kept in such a "twilight" state that they are not able to be up and eating, drinking and conversing as the end nears. Some go in days, others weeks, some may last a month or more. There is just no set answer. We had a cruise planned for over a year. My dad went into the hospital, got stabilized, and came home in hospice 9 days before we were due to leave. My sister said to go - but there was no way we could have - we postponed it for 6 weeks from the original date. As it turned out, my dad died the day after our cruise would have departed. If we had gone, we would have been at sea for 2 days before we would have had a chance to fly home from St. Martin. We do not regret postponing that cruise at all.

Talk with your stepmom, and more importantly your dad and sister after speaking to hospice and see how they feel. They may need you even more than she will. The solution offered above about flying back for the funeral may work - it will depend on how much your dad and sister need your support during those last days. As hard as it is to disappoint your kids, you must know in your heart that Disney will always be there - your family may not be.

Perhaps look into renting your reservation on the Rent/Trade board since you are under 30 days? Then you could use the money from that to rent someone else's points for your own trip at a later date. Or check out David's DVC Request site (the Rent/Trade board sponsor). I cannot remember if he can rent an existing reservation, but he might have some ideas on helping you out or listing your points as "distressed".

Best of luck whatever you decide. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

 

[brenalexacamp]

I am sorry for you- The hospice is there to help you too- just because you put her in Hospice care doesn't mean she is going to go "quicker". My father was a year away from passing and they told us to call hospice. It is to prepare everyone. Personally, I would do what my dad said to do- I would ask him- "what should I do? I will do what you say."
When my dad wanted to sleep all the time, not eat, and just dream out loud, we knew it would be soon. It was about 2 weeks for him. He tried to so hard for my sister and i would just let him sleep, he had enough- the day he died he had an appointment at the dr-he told me his whole body hurt- I knew- we went to the hospital and I told them it was time- they gave him some good meds and he passed comfortably.
Hopefully your family has a plan- sad as it is- my father did not want to have heroics done on him, We promised him he would be comfortable- He told us when it's time- let him go- We were in the elevator waiting to go upstairs to a nice quiet room- the nurse asked us if we were sure- we said yes and she gave him an injection- a half hour later he was gone- peaceful and comfortable-
I think it is important to prepare ahead of time- ask what your step mom wants, expects- she will probably tell you to go- the time to be together is before she actually passes. My dad wanted us there because he became the child in a sense. He was afraid. We didn't want him to be afraid- he just watched my mother 3 years prior. cancer too. He would say he wanted no one there to see him go-he didn't want anyone to cry- all his family came! both sides- my mom's side too-cousins, his brother's and sisters- Now I'm crying! I think that is the hardest time. Me and my disabled son have been to Disney 3 times this year! My husband came once- playing is important- I lost seven family members in 3 years- including my mom and dad-whatever I need to do to keep sane- I do it- life is too short!

My dad told us to go to Disney- twice while he was sick- he was still working and doing chemo so he was functioning ok. we figured if something happened- we would cancel. Never had to- but ask your dad.

 

[PEANUT1]

I would wait it out and see how things go..if you decide not to go, Disney may be sympathetic and extend your points for you. I have heard of that happening to people under bad circumstances.I think if you can go, you should...it will be some good therapy for you and your children.

 

[mickey&minniealways]

He is not even in the hospice yet. Talk to the doctor. My father passed away in 91. He had liver cancer. He was a microbiologist and a cancer researher himself. About 2 months before his death my brother told him that he was going to postpone his wedding which was scheduled for Columbus day weekend. My father made him promise not to postpone it no matter what. He wavered in and out of lucidity during that time. My mother is an RN so she was able to take care of him during the day and they hired a private duty nurse for the evenings. We all visited often. My parents aniversary was September 11. He passed on their 37th. 1 week before he was lucid enough to tell my sister to buy my mom roses for their aniversary. My brother had planned a trip to WDW for his honeymoon. In one of his more lucid moments that nigh he managed to tell my brother to make sure he went on the pirates of the caribean for him. He died at 2 am in the morning. At DB wedding we all held up pretty well until their last dance. "When you with upon a star" When they passed us while dancing he stoped and in unison all 4 of us said he is here. When DB was in the magic kingdom he swears he heard "Wish upon a star" as soon as he stepped onto pirates. Another passenger commented what an odd place for that song.

My point being talk with your family, Father, sister and stepmother. You may be suprised by the answer and you just don't know how long or fast it will be. It was 6 months after we knew that therapies were not working.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Talk to Member Services. We had to postpone a trip because my Dad was having emergency open heart surgery. Everything turned out fine thankfully.

For us, they cancelled our reservation without any penalties, but we did have to use our points before the end of our use year.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I would ask her what would she like you to do? I will bet that she wants you to go on vacation.

Bill

This is excellent advice. About 10 years ago, we had a big NYE trip scheduled with friends to enjoy the Milennium celebration at WDW. My 94 year old grandmother was in the final stages of cancer, and had decided against treatment. She had a living will asking for no feeding tubes or resussitation. In early December, she took a big turn for the worse, and I asked her what she wanted us to do about our trip. She told us not to do anything unless we absolutely had to. I decided that rather than disappoint 2 families, we would keep things as is, and if the worst happened, we would just deal with it as it came. As it turned out, Grandma passed away 10 days before our trip. I must say, we thought of her often on that trip, knowing that it was her desire that we not cancel.

 

[maryanne.a.nua]

We are going to Disney Nov. 4th, - 11th, but my Step Mother was just told that her cancer is progressing and Chemo is not working. She is in the hospital and under control for now as far as pain goes. She can't have bowel movements and she is on a feeding tube. We are talking about putting her in hospice since there is nothing else the Dr's can do.

My points will expire the end of Nov. then I lose them, My son and DD is upset that their grandmother is dying, we lost a Uncle 2 months ago suddenly and they were very upset and still are when it's talked about, and now I mention we might have to take their vacation away. My Step mom is doing OK for now but Nov 4th is still a little ways off. At this point I am taking it day by day, but I'm not a day by day person I need to plan and know things in advance. I hate to take another thing off the kids, I hate to leave my Dad and sister alone, If she does well over the next week in the half I think it will be OK to go, but just don't know. She is really doing OK she is up talking, socializing, she does have break through pain but then she gets more meds. My Dad wants to start hospice and I say wait till the hospital can't help anymore. How do you handle this? How do you know what's right and wrong? What do I do about the kids? Plus once I lose these points that's it. We were already borrowed into next yr points.

That's sad. May GOD carry you through.
Just believe that it happens for a purpose.
May His love and comfort cover you.

 

[antree]

Thank you everyone We spoke to hospice yesterday and had it all set up for when we were ready, we thought maybe about a week or so. Within minutes of hospice leaving we find out my StepMom wasn't doing well at all. We went to the hospital and we knew it's time for hospice to step in. Hospice showed up at the hospital within no time of being called. We are picking my StepMom up today and taking her home.

A little back story she was doing so good over the last few days and one of her the Dr's had mentioned that to us, so he said if she continues doing fine lets do her Chemo on the 29th when is was schedule and see if it slows it down some and give her time since the Holidays are coming. So when we seen her yesterday turning for the worst so quick it was a shock. The head Dr thinks it's a matter of time once we get her home.

I'm going to wait until Monday and see how she is doing before I talk to the kids again about vacation. Right now flights leaving on the 17th or pretty reasonable, I might try and see if Disney has any rooms anywhere that week.

I can't believe this is all happening. My Dad is a mess and all her family members just flew in last night. Ok, I have to go get her now,
Thank You again for all your prayers.

 

[Disney Princess]

I don't have any advice, but I will keep you in my prayers. This is not an easy time at all.

 

[Peggy Sue]

So very sorry ... it is such a difficult time .. Our prayers are with you.

Several years ago my husband had to have emergency surgery and we could not travel. We were just a couple of weeks away from departure and the points used had been banked into our current use year. MS canceled our trip and put our points back into the current use year. We were advised that they grant each member one "super secret" point reallocation for emergency situations. We were advised that should we have any problems in the future they would not be able to help us. We were very thankful and took our trip several months later and had a great time. Talk with MS .. you may want to ask to speak with a supervisor so you're ensured you're talking with an experienced rep.

Hospice is a fantastic organization. We lost 3 of our parents to cancer and Hospice was so supportive and helpful. The most important thing was that they make sure our parents were comfortable. So many warm and loving people came to their homes .. we cannot thank them enough for their kindness. We miss our parents, but we are at peace that their final journey home was peaceful.

Take care,
Peggy Sue

 

[minniecarousel]

DH & I were planning our trip for last December, with our older son and daughter-in-law. My Mom, age 92, lived with us and we saw her getting weaker. We had a heart-to-heart and she told me to go ahead and go on the trip. She didn't pass away until April 1, so we weren't nearly as close as you are to the end for our loved one. Mom had Hospice for only 5 days at home after a long hospitalization. (Hospice only guides you & visits as needed, even daily. Family members do the minute-by-minute care, or you may need to hires Aides.)

You've gotten some really great advice here. See how the next few days go and check with MS. As much as you don't want to dissapoint your kids, a short postponement may make everybody feel better.

This is such a sad situation. Hang in there.

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

You can also talk with your Hospice nurse... as "callous" as this sounds they have seen a lot and should be able to give you, your dad and everyone else some "what to expect" advice.

Yes, you can stay in hospice a long time but from talking with the nurses who do our hospice they have some "sense" of how things are going to progress. Of course everything goes at it's own pace, but...

Good Luck!

 

[bytheblood]

I do not have any advice, but wanted to let you know that I am praying for all of you. May the Lord comfort your step-mom as she suffers through this and also comfort your family as you walk through this valley.

I am sorry for your recent loss. I cannot imagine what you are all going through.