Vacationing with in-laws advice

[katyjeka]

My IL's and brother IL went to disney with us in Dec. of 07, and I was dreading the whole trip. I honestly thought it would be a disaster. Well, my dd's and I had so much fun shopping with my MIL before the trip, as she needed shorts, and a new swimsuit, ponchos, sunglasses, and the list goes on and on. We stil laugh about our shopping trips with gram. I made a ton of matching t-shirts(thanks to the creative people on this board) and planned a lot of surprises for our trip. It was great seeing Disney thru the eys of first time visitors, as my Inlaws had never been there. They helped with our girls, and rode everything, but RnRC and TOT. We had a private fireworks cruise, and went to the Luau(I know it gets bad reviews, but we loved it) We gave my brother inlaw the Richard Petty experience for his Xmas gift, and it was so fun watching our guys. They loved it. I guess I'm lucky, as the only time we had a problem was when it was time to leave. My sweet mother inlaw cried!!! We are lookiing forward to taking them with us again in September. We did free dining, and for $4200, the eight of us are staying for 8 nights in a family suite and room at ASMu.(I know its not deluxe, but the price it great)I guess I'm a little off topic, but I just wanted to say, with the right people, it can work. Good luck.

 

[Mandychelle79]

We are going in december with my parents and my grandparents.

Rule one: We are taking seperate cars ( even if there was room for 8 in the van we would be taking seperate cars)

Rule two- we both have gps so we arent really worried about leaving at the same time as each other

Rule three- If we have trouble on the way down call to let them know

Rule four- Dont feel like we have to do the same things daily

rule five- a few meals together, but not every meal as we are big on character meals for the kids

 

[Nancyg56]

You do have a point, but in my case MIL did say she could go and "help" with the kids. This is a sore spot for me. We've invited her to numerous activities with them that they don't come to or show up late and leave early. She has no idea what the kids are really interested in and doesn't care to find out. When she was single MIL did, but she remarried and now she is too wrapped up in her own life to care about anyone elses. I just think if she's going to invite herself on our vacation under the guise of helping with the kids we should have some idea of what that means.

I started reading this thread thinking that it was another "I don't want to share my vacation with my IL's" thread. This is so sad. I am an IL and I pray my DD and DSIL never need to say this about me.

I would give them a detailed itinerary of your trip, suggest several additional things that they can do alone and I would also find out what they wanted to do alone with the kids. There are lots of things grandparents can enjoy with their grandchildren and I would tell them you want to make sure that they are all set. Add that you and DH are going to make sure that you do not intrude on their very special alone time by booking a show or a dinner at that time.

 

[crisi]

We went years ago with my MIL - who is not a ride person, not really a little kid person (my kids were four and five at the time), and not a person who is into "corporate consumerism." I sort of expected the worst. We took her sister with us and they have been the best travelling companions we've ever had.

We spent two days together at the start of the trip - they got to watch the kids ride Dumbo and have the "Disney through a kid's eyes" experience. We did those two days as a whirlwind tour - giving them an idea of what was in each park.

The rest of week we'd see them at dinner and after dinner - which we generally booked at Epcot. They slept in, they crept through shops in the World Showcase, they went back to the MK one day and rode the paddleboat and saw the Hall of Presidents (something I've yet to make my kids sit through). They had a great time and then dinner - and we'd chat.

It sounds like you have a good idea of what your in laws are like, and while they don't enjoy kid things, it also sounds like they are reasonable people, so encourage them to have the vacation they want - while gently telling them you are going to have the vacation you want. For us, this was as simple as saying "we get up early every morning and I know you like to sleep in - if you want to join us you are welcome, or you can call us on the cell and we can meet up, or we will see you at dinner."

 

[pdy11366]

My MIL can be difficult to travel with too.When my FIL (who was easy going, fun and always knew just how to soothe MIL) died suddenly 3 years ago we pledged to make more of an effort to include her in our excusions. But one thing we have learned is to stress we won't all want to do the same thing at the same time.

Maybe you should plan a pre-trip plan a dinner with them and highlight the things at WDW that might appeal to them. Then, as others have suggested, plan the thinkgs you would all like to do together and the rest of the time split up. WOuld they like the spas, golfing, or fishing? Maybe they would only need park tix a day or 2, the resorts have plenty to do on their own. Or maybe they would like to go off-site one day? If the coversation starts with "it's your vacation too and here are some things you might really enjoy.." they won't feel like you are getting rid of them.

I bring that up b/c my MIL would immediatley accuse us of trying to "get rid" of her. This drives my DP nuts. But then MIL realizes that hanging out with us and our 3 year old probably isn't the way she wants to spend her trip and she opens up to other options. In fact, she has been known to spend the afternoon in the room watching her "stories" She still has Breakfast and dinner with us and does her own thing in between. And our son gets the occasional road trip with his "other grandma" (my mom is his M-F childcare provider while we are at work so he sees her daily) and we get the gift of time with loved ones that won't be with us forever. Hopefully, if it is all preplanned clearly before setting out, it will be fun for everyone.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I am feeling a little bit better about the situation now, although part of me still wants to yell "YOU DO KNOW THERE ARE GOING TO BE LOTS OF KIDS THERE, RIGHT???" but I have been enjoying doing some research into different things that they might enjoy such as the tours and I think MIL likes to swim so we can always meet up for some pool time in the afternoon (we're going in June).

NancyG56, I agree with you that it's sad. And I do get along with my IL's, I like them, but I have issues with how they treat my children and as a mother planning a vacation that centers around the kids I find it hard to overlook that.

 

[omegsmom]

My MIL is a moderator on one of these boards. I love her to death and my FIL and since they go to Disney multiple times a year and have brougth their now grown other grandchildren throughout the years, I've always planned our first trip with the kids would be with them. We went with them before kids twice before. DH and I both enjoy their company and they are all about the kids. We actually are tagging along on their planned trip this year and everyone is excited. I guess I am very lucky.

My advice in your case would be to make it very clear what your plans are - sending them a detailed itinerary (even if it changes later) is a great idea - and strongly suggest meeting up with them at specific times if they are not interested in rides... set the tone NOW before they assume differently.

Good luck!

 

[clutter]

I am feeling a little bit better about the situation now, although part of me still wants to yell "YOU DO KNOW THERE ARE GOING TO BE LOTS OF KIDS THERE, RIGHT???" but I have been enjoying doing some research into different things that they might enjoy such as the tours and I think MIL likes to swim so we can always meet up for some pool time in the afternoon (we're going in June).

What about some off-site things? Maybe they'd like a day at Discovery Cove, or SeaWorld? Or a day at the Mall? The beach in Clearwater? They might need to rent a car for a few days, but it would give them a chance to feel like they're on vacation, too?

 

[PrincessNana]

I read your thread a couple of days ago and I had to think about it for a while. My in laws would have never wanted to go anywhere with their grandkids, especially WDW (although they went without any of them) because they were and still are very self centered. But, I am now the MIL and we have taken our grandkids (2 and 7) to wdw 3 times. We also take their parents. We all have a great time but we don't spend every moment together.
My advice is: Make your plans for your family. If your MIL has never shown any interest in babysitting, don't expect it now. If you and your husband want a night together, most of the resorts can provide a babysitter, at a price. Let your MIL know your plans...if she wants to join in your family fun she will and if not, she can do her own thing. I would be nice, but I wouldn't change my plans. I hope you have fun...maybe the magic will rub off!!

 

[Junebugwv]

Seriously, I would make sure the ILs (whom you said have never been to WDW) read every post about crowds, heat, kiddie meltdowns, expensive food, and the distance required to walk each day. Emphasize these things to them so they know what they are about to experience. If kids, heat, and crowds don't cause them to reconsider, pull out the big guns....Brazilian tour groups.

 

[FidlMom]

I find it interesting that there are people that think it's okay to tag along on someone else's planned vacation. It's not only an in-law problem - sometimes it happens with other families, as well as other relatives. I can't imagine inviting myself along on someone else's vacation!

 

[dvcbnd]

I find it interesting that there are people that think it's okay to tag along on someone else's planned vacation. It's not only an in-law problem - sometimes it happens with other families, as well as other relatives. I can't imagine inviting myself along on someone else's vacation!

I couldn't have said this better myself!!

 

[jpeka65844]

We took the IL's in June '08. For the most part, it went splendidly! We've traveled together before and we were never opposed to splitting up and heading off different directions to do something apart.

Something else that saved us, I think, was DH and I arrived a few days earlier than everyone else for some "grown up" time. We ate at AP, did the KttK tour, and relaxed before the craziness of a trip for 10 began. The night before they got there, we sat in the GF lobby and listened to the band. One of my best Disney memories.....That was nice......

The only fly in the ointment was DS who was 2 1/2 at the time. On the next to last day, he melted down and refused to have anything to do with anyone but me. Up until then, IL's had been super helpful with him; taking him back to nap, bathing him at night; they love the little guy. But after his meltdown, it's like I was on my own. I spent the last two days doing EVERYTHING. He didn't even want anyone else to drive his stroller. It's like I was a single mom with a toddler at Disney and boy, was it hard.

I would definitely provide MIL with detailed info about what you're doing every single day. Also suggest some time at the GF or SSR spa. And, I would suggest her getting her own room.....

 

[dvcbnd]

We have invited my IL's with us a couple of times and the trip was always enjoyable. We have created some wonderful family memories. :wizard

Althouth, I did notice the last time they were with us, that my FIL was starting to complain about the cost of meals. Believe me, I fully understand how expensive dining on property can be, but I began to feel bad because we were cancelling our ADR's and eating off property. I don't mind doing this, except that we DON"T plan on eating ALL our meals on property to begin with! The few that we do, I would like to enjoy!

We are going again with them this July to celebrate dd's 10th b'day. I already mentioned to my dh that I don't want this situation happening again. Our dining/park plans will be addressed prior to making our ADR's and if they don't want to join us, we can meet back up with them later.

I agree with everyone else's advice, let them know ahead of time what your intentions are. This can offset any problems and avoid any regrets. Afterall, this was originally YOUR family vacation.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

And, I would suggest her getting her own room.....

Luckily this won't be an issue at all since we have 5 kids there's no way they could be in one of our rooms.

I don't understand why they feel they can invite themselves on our vacation either, they're going to TN for a quick trip soon, maybe DH and I should offer to tag along .

I left all of her planning up to her, when she asked about our plans I told her she should look around the disney website to see where she wants to stay and if they wanted any ADR's she should look at allearsnet. We're well inside our 90 day window now so I'm not even sure we could add them to any of our ADR's. I also told her that I got overwhelmed making our plans so I used a travel agent and gave her the agent's name and contact info. I didn't want to be responsible for making any plans for them because if they don't like something it will surely be my fault.

 

[mlynn]

Back in the 90's I had the trip from Hell with my in laws. So even when they hinted they wanted to come last sept. I just said I can't wait to get there just hte 4 of us.My kids 1st time. I wanted itall about them.None of my FIL outburst and my MIL babying him.


I would just say Here is my plans for the week, all my dinner Res. and give them the # to plan their trip. You said you trip is in June your pretty much booked so maybe if she has to do all the plans herself, maybe she'll change her mind. But don't change your plans to make somebody else happy. It is about your kids getting to be with their dad after a year.
Good Luck and tell your husband thanks for all his work.(My cousin is heading back over for his 3tour in Aug.)

 

[JollyHoliday]

I went with my OWN parents thought it would nice they could get to see the grandkids enjoy Disney. No! They complained about everything. It was like having to extra kids with us that you could not discipline.I had to do everything for them and explain things in detail over and over again.They were actually fighting with each other. My DH was so upset I still laugh when I think of him telling me " I get one week , one week a year for vacation and this is what I have to put up with." LOL I tease my sister that its her turn to take them next time!!

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

My DH and I went with my MIL and our niece in May 2007 and we had a blast!! I was pregnant with my daughter and my MIL loved shopping for her and we spoiled our niece and we just had tons of fun! We did stuff together and apart. We took the same flight down and stayed at the same resort and really had a great time! I say just relax and enjoy it!

 

[tchrrx]

My in-laws will be coming with us this year. This will be our 4th trip. 1st was with my parents, 2nd was just the three of us, and last year my sister came for the first half of the trip. The funny thing is that they only time we've had anything bigger than a studio was the year that just the three of us went. This year we are getting a 2-bedroom. I know that in-laws won't be able to do quite as much & we won't move as quickly as usual. We're using it as an opportunity to take a 'stop and smell the roses' trip, rather than a 'conquer everything in the World' trip.

 

[Octoberbabiesrus]

Plan on doing things away from them, but seriously, time is sacred with Dh? umm...something tells me you see him WAY more than his mom....and she's important to him too. Suck it up.