Upset bride..MOH problem

[JasonsPrincess]

so..I'm alittle upset this morning. My MOH is one of my best friends, we went to hs together, dormed together in college, and lived together for a total of 5 years or so (3 yrs in the dorm and 2 yrs in an apartment with me and fiancee, but we've lived seperately for about 9 months or so). Well recently her sister got engaged and is planning a wedding for a month or so after mine. I talked to her about being MOH in 2 weddings so close together. Of course I expect her to be her sisters MOH, i mean thats family. so I asked her if she wanted to still be both, that she could still be in my wedding, but maybe not have such a big role as MOH since she would have to do so much so close together for both weddings. She insisted she still wanted to be my MOH and was just as excited about my wedding as she is her sisters.

Well...today I signed onto my myspace (which I don't really keep up with as much anymore) and I went to her page and it's ALL about her sisters wedding. She took their engagement pics (something I asked for her to help me do) and she made them a wedding website. She has pics of her and her sister that say "bride and MOH", and she of course has a countdown ticker till their wedding.

I called my mom on the phone and just asked if she knew if my MOH has gotten in touch with her for planning ideas or anything..and my mom said that she herself has actually contacted my MOH about ideas for bridal shower and such and never gets any reply.

I'm not mad that shes excited about her sisters wedding, I completely understand that. It just seems like shes not excited about mine...so far, shes gone to one bridal show with me and one consult with a florist (that same day we went and I showed her the bridemaid dresses I liked to get her opinion)..but other than that she hasnt' really helped at all..where as one of my other bridemaids has been over my house often to help me with the invitations and favors and went with me and my mom to help pick out a wedding dress (my MOH didn't go, she was invited and was supposed to come, but her boyfriend went out on his boat that day, and she decided to invite her sister and her fiancee along with them).

So I don't know what to do I dont' want a MOH that isn't excited about my Wedding and isn't going to give me her best. Is that selfish?

 

[newtodis]

Seriuosly consider this! I didn't get married at Disney but asked my "best friend" (been friends through high school, through her pregnancy, across the state, everything). It came time for my wedding, she did not plan a bridal shower, bach party, nothing! I did everything myself (ended up not having a shower and DH's family came over to go out to dinner for my bach party) and totally regret it all the way. We're still in contact but that's one thing that sticks out to me about my wedding (the *major* thing that stuck out was our wedding sermon about DH and I going to he** because we'd had our son before we got married)

This is why we're planning a Disney VR...we're going to try and get it "right" this time...if not, in another five years, we'll try again!

Good luck with your decision. Personally, I would speak to her about it right now. If you feel like you need to ask someone else, then by all means do it. If you don't want to "offend", take away the titles altogether or call everyone a bridesmaid or something like that.

HTH

 

[balatonbabe]

I'm guilty of being the clueless MOH and wasn't clued in until after my wedding (5 years later). I deeply regret not having had the conversation with my friend previously. I would suggest you have a heart to heart with your MOH about how you are feeling. There may be family pressures associated with the other wedding that you are not aware of, and maybe she's finding it difficult to devote the same amount of effort to your wedding plans. In any event, if she's your BF, she needs to hear you out, and have an opportunity to respond. Just my opinion.

Good Luck.

 

[AbbyPan]

Wow, that's a lot of pressure. I'm sure that she wants to be there for you, but you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that she is going to naturally give her sister the edge here. This is no fault of yours,so don't feel bad about it!! That's just the way the ball rolls, ya know?

I did A LOT of things on my own and I have to honestly tell you, from one disbride to another, try and have another, more than one if possible, close friend help you out. Not saying that you shouldn't make her your MOH, that can only be a choice for you to make, just saying that it will only become more complicated from here on. You've only just started and if its already like this, you will mostly likely encounter some friction as you begin to add on responsibilites.

Another thing is that her sister will obviously expect exclusive treatment from her, and that's added pressure on your friend.

She's probably very excited for you, and eager to help, but bottom line is she's going to be in demand from more than one person & you need someone who is going to be able to dedicate a little more energy to your preperations.

I would definitely speak to her ASAP about it. She may insist on still being the MOH and you may still want that too, & if you do, my only advice is to not expect too much change & get others to help. Again, its no one's fault, that's just the circumstance of it all.

I hope this helps! Keep us posted!!!

 

[chancecaught]

I understand why you're upset, but even though you are close friends, family comes first for most people. That said, she might find that being MOH for two weddings is a bit much for her, and I would consider getting another friend to help you, because if she is caught up with her sister's wedding, then she might not have much time and energy to help you out, and you don't want to be stressed out down the line when you really DO need her help!

 

[MegKate]

I lost my best friend when I was her MOH. She asked me to do everything, and I did it happily. During the prep for the wedding she needed my help for everything, but when the time started coming for the wedding, I got completely pushed aside by her future husband's family. They wouldn't even let me come to the rehearsal dinner because they wanted more space for the family. We just started talking again and that was four years ago...

 

[RachaelA]

She doesn't technically have to do anything except buy a dress and stand up at your wedding. Everything else is something she can do if she wants its not required. And expecting her to do it is rude. If she wants to do it she will.

Why would she go look at flowers with you? That's why you have a fiance. He is the one you are marrying and he's the one you should be planning a wedding with.

People seem to forget that bridesmaids and especially maids of honor are not personal wedding slaves and they probably don't want to help with the entire wedding (or hear about it all the time).

I totally understand its upsetting for her to be doing it all for her sister but it is her sister and she is family.

 

[JasonsPrincess]

I don't expect her to be a 'slave' at all. It's more about her attitude. I want someone beside me up there who is excited and happy about being in my Wedding. She was but since her sister got engaged all things regarding my wedding has completely ceased with her, including communication with my mom about shower stuff.

I understand her sisters wedding is more important, its family. I get that 100% and respect that. But it is hurtful that now my wedding is nonexistant to her.

For example, before her sister got engaged I had the florist consult Due to the florists availability it had to be done during the week, and my fiancee couldn't get off work. I was gonna go alone but she was off and offered to go with me. Yay! That was very nice and I appreciated her going and treated her to lunch to show my appreciation.

When I first got engaged a year or so ago, she very excited about going with me to look at gowns. I finally a month or so ago had made an appointment, and told her the date and she was going to go. Between the time I made the appointment and its actual date her sister got engaged (yes I know thats odd I had a floral consult before I bought my dress, but making that dress appointment was stressfull trying to make in regards to my mom n stepmoms schedules). The day before, I confirmed that she was still going. But she didn't show up at the time we said we'd leave, I called her and she said she wasn't going anymore, that she made other plans but she did ask me to pick up catalogues and stuff for her sister and let her know where and what item# my dress was so when they went she could look at it. It wasn't her job as MOH to go, but as a friend, after talking about going and planning on going, it did hurt.

I guess the other morning I was just upset cuz I had just looked at her myspace and saw all kinds of stuff blogged and mentioned about her sisters wedding but not a single word about mine..perhaps its just jealousy cuz I dont' have a sister to be that excited, and now my MOH seems to not really care anymore

 

[rumrunnergirl]

What I would do - if you want a MOH who is helping you a lot and excited for you - ask your bridesmaid who is doing that to be your MOH. Then tell your current MOH "I know you want to be my MOH, but you have plenty on your plate now that your sister is getting married, and I don't want you to stress or feel under pressure, time constraints, etc. Therefore I have asked so-and-so to be my MOH so you can still be in my wedding but have more free time to attend to your sister's wedding, and I will get the help I need for my wedding. It's a win-win situation for everyone."