Upset About Niece's Wedding, Need to Vent (LONG)

[The Mystery Machine]

What a shameful thing to do to your parents.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

I'm not as nice as you. I would have been on that phone so fast and gave my brother a good talking to. I'm sure the SIL's family had a good dry spot.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

My DSis, DBIL and their kids were at the ceremony, too. The ironic thing is that they came up in two cars b/c their DS19 did not have the evening off from work and was going to have to drive the 2 hours back to Glassboro, NJ after the wedding. My DBIL insisted that he attend the wedding b/c DSis has RSVP'd for the 6 of them, it was a family event, he should be there to show his support for his cousin, yadda, yadda, yadda.

After the ceremony was over, as they sat shivering in their own car, my DBIL suggested that they skip the reception and just head home, too. It was pretty evident to them that they had been invited for the gift that they would give the couple and not because anyone really expected or wanted them to be there. Both my DSis and DBIL told me that they weren't surprised at the way they were treated personally (we've all come to expect that from my brother and his family) but no one expected that Mom & Dad would be practically ignored the way they were.

As far as calling my brother or his wife is concerned, I don't think that will happen. They screen all their calls (think: bill collectors) and if they hear my voice, they will definitely NOT pick up. Like I said before, they've become the textbook case in my house on how NOT to treat the people who love you.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

How sad for your parents.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

....As far as calling my brother or his wife is concerned, I don't think that will happen. They screen all their calls (think: bill collectors) and if they hear my voice, they will definitely NOT pick up. Like I said before, they've become the textbook case in my house on how NOT to treat the people who love you.

I'd spend the $.37 to tell the rat exactly what I thought of the way he treated his own parents!

 

[Jennifer S]

I can't stop thinking about your poor parents. I live in PA and it was mierable on Saturday. I think somehow someway you or one of your siblings needs to have a word with him.

 

[mbw12]

Wow...how sad. People should be happy that they have grandparents alive to view their special day. If they didn't want them to have a "place of honor" or anything like that, that is their decision....but to have two elderly people standing outside of a tent in the rain???????????? Let alone that these two people were the bride's grandparents!!!!!!
Sad, sad, sad.

 

[thelittlemermaid]

I am so sorry that your parents were treated like that at their granddaughters wedding.

I had something similar happen at my wedding. I had told my grandma {my dad's mom} and my grandpa {my mom's dad} that they are to tell the ushers who they are and the ushers will seat them were they are suppose to go in the pew right behind my parents. On the day of the wedding I had my maid of honor go get the ushers and told each of them who my grandparents were and where they were suppose to sit.

Well the day went on without a hitch except my maid of honor forgetting my DH's ring.

About a week later I had received the videotape of our wedding that was done by a friend of my parents. He recorded everything from the time the guests started arriving all the way through our reception. While watching it I noticed a great aunt and uncle that I am not close to say something to the usher, apparently about were he was going to sit them. They ended up sitting in the second pew with my grandma and my two great great great aunts. In the church where we were married the way the pews are is the ones down front are small and get bigger the further you go back. By the time this aunt and uncle sat down that pew was full. Fast forward to when my grandpa shows up, he ended up having to sit in the 6th pew.
Needless to say, I was pretty ticked!!!! At that time I thought everything was going so good until I saw that video. I wanted everyone sitting in a certain place and figured everyone was.

Of course mine is not has bad as your story, cause I thought I had taken care of my grandparents. I'm sorry, but your neice should have had someone waiting for your parents especially with them traveling so far. That way someone could have let them know where to sit and just made sure they were taken care of. It was uncalled for the way they were treated!!!

 

[Nancy]

My husbands Grandparents were treated as special guests at our wedding, they were seated (even though they were not at the rehearsal at all) by the ushers right up front, they had a special table with the parents, my younger sister and my nephews at the reception...I would never had slighted my husbands family that way, Grandma's feelings would have been so hurt if that happened to her! (My Dh was also the first grandchild to get married)

 

[momof2inPA]

Emily Post says that grandparents are normally ushered down before the parents, which might not have worked out if everyone else in the procession sprinted down in the rain, but are not included in the receiving line. Maybe the bride doesn't feel close to her grandparents. Christmas, Easter, and birthdays aside, how often did they visit each other? Did the grandkids spend summer visits at the grandparents or overnight trips?

Your parents shouldn't have been standing in the rain, but unless they were in the absolute middle of the tent, I bet all the guests were soaked after that awful weather. What a terrible day for a wedding. The bride and whoever paid the bills must have been crushed. They should have been given seats by someone. Was anyone seated? Thoughtless and poor planning, but I don't know that I would call the brother and ream him out. Why didn't the other siblings who attended usher your mom out of the rain and find her a seat?

Another thing- not for the OP. I would never expect a couple being married in another state to pay for my travel expenses to attend their special day.

 

[N.Bailey]

I too live in PA and have done so my entire life. I can't even believe that someone would plan a wedding outdoors in this state in October without alternate plans just in case. Heck, it's not gotten out of the 50s the past 2 days here. You just never know!!!

I'm so sorry that your parents had to go through this entire ordeal. I can't even begin to imagine treating family like. For you all.

 

[minniecarousel]

Well, that's just wrong!

When a group of us flew 2000 miles to our niece's wedding, my brother told us not to bother getting to the wedding too early - "it's a big church". So here I am - Godmother and Aunt to the Bride & I'm seated so far back - I couldn't see or hear a thing! I would have hoped that the Bride's father's family, who travled so far, could have been seated somewhere in the first 10 pews.

sheesh! these Brides get all the "planning" books - and they overlook that type of thing.

 

[flminivanmama]

my grandparents walked down the aisle at my wedding.... and all my friends who had grandparents alive did the same at their weddings - I just assumed that's how it was done?? maybe only at Jewish weddings??

 

[RUDisney]

I (raising hand and bowing my head in shame) forgot to seat my grandfather specially and I also forgot to have him announced at the reception. I was never close to him. We made sure he had a flower for his lapel and that he sat close to the bridal table, but it never crossed our mind until we watched the video that my grandmother was fussed over... seated before my Mom... announced at the reception from her table instead of her walking down the stairs into the ballroom. We felt like such jerks. He just wasn't a big part of my life... made it clear that he raised his kids and my parents could raise theirs. yada yada yada.

Anyway, so as not to make you think we were terrible boors.... DH and I went to all of the cemetaries the day before our wedding to present flowers in memory of our grandparents. We really wanted to include them, living and dead, in our day.

So, what was a mistake for me... and all of my siblings corrected my error by making sure they did things right... was completely inadvertent. What happened to your parents was unbelievable. But, at least, for this wedding, the bride and groom got what they deserved... a miserable day to match their miserable planning. It's just too bad that the other guests had to suffer and that other brides and grooms had to endure the same weather.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

Emily Post says that grandparents are normally ushered down before the parents, which might not have worked out if everyone else in the procession sprinted down in the rain, but are not included in the receiving line. Maybe the bride doesn't feel close to her grandparents. Christmas, Easter, and birthdays aside, how often did they visit each other? Did the grandkids spend summer visits at the grandparents or overnight trips?

My parents visit several times a year. More often in the spring, summer and fall and less frquently in the winter due to the weather we get here. My SIL has always been very clingy with her children and never allowed them to vacation for even a couple of nights at Grandma & Grandpa's. SIL also hates to travel, herself, so there were always excuses for NOT visiting them in Pittsburgh.

What a terrible day for a wedding. The bride and whoever paid the bills must have been crushed.

The bride was reportedly unphased by the weather and beamed the whole time. She told my mother that rain means fertility and she wants a big family. Well, if that's true, she'd better start saving now for those college funds now!

They should have been given seats by someone. Was anyone seated? Thoughtless and poor planning, but I don't know that I would call the brother and ream him out. Why didn't the other siblings who attended usher your mom out of the rain and find her a seat?

There were seats inside of the tent, which had sides on it to protect the occupants from the elements. However, people were even standing in the aisles and along the sides inside of the tent in an effort to stay dry. From what my DSis tells me, there was absolutely no way to get into the tent once they got to the doorway. They did not want to create a scene by pushing their way in. They kept Mom as dry as possible by moving her as close to the entrance as possible and covering her with their jackets and holding an umbrella over her. Believe me, if there had been room, my DBIL would have found it for her. He loves Mom as much as he loves his own mother.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Wow.. that is unbelievable.

I think you did the right thing coming here and ranting about it, but I have to say I would be tempted to call my brother and tell him what I thought about the way your parents were treated. It is shameful...

 

[Meezers]

Yep...this stinks.

Just curious though....what about all those other people that let your parents stand out in the rain....I know I sure as heck would have been jumping out of my seat and giving to anyone like that....whether they were related or not!

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

No not just a Jewish thing about grandparents walking down the aisle at a wedding. I have been to all types of weddings and ALWAYS the grandparents were escorted down the aisle. I would expect nothing less.

There has got to be some way to get in touch with your borther and let him know about your parents treatment and feelings. Even if you have to drive down to his house to talk with him.

I am curious as to how close your brother is to your parents and siblings. As you said the relationship with the SIL is strained with you and most of your siblings, but what about your parents? To me, it really doesn't matter how close you are to your grandparents. They should be in a place of honor at your wedding of at least be treated in a decent manner.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I am curious as to how close your brother is to your parents and siblings. As you said the relationship with the SIL is strained with you and most of your siblings, but what about your parents? To me, it really doesn't matter how close you are to your grandparents. They should be in a place of honor at your wedding of at least be treated in a decent manner.

I always thought that my brother was fairly close to my parents. He certainly identified more with Dad than he did with Mom but that's guys, right? He is closer to DB#2 than any of the other sibs. DB#3 and DB#4 rarely talk to him and never visit them. DSis would not have gone to the wedding had it not been for her DH insisting.

My parents tolerate SIL. They accept that my brother loves her and that she is the mother of his children. They are smart enough to know that if they want to have any kind of connection to the grandkids or their son, they'd better make nice with SIL. When they were first married, my parents and sibs did everything they could to make SIL feel like she was a part of the family. But she goes around telling lies to different family members in order to cause trouble. Eventually the truth comes out but not before feeling get hurt or tempers flare. Most of us just feel it's better to avoid her in order to circumvent any possible misunderstandings. She IS the reason why DB#3, DB#4, DSis and myself do not visit my brother. It's really kind of sad, but still not an excuse for the way my parents were treated.

 

[RadioFanatic]

We were invited to my first cousin's wedding in a different state, the wedding is actually today. It was only planned 4 months ago. My dh,I, my kids,my mom and dad decided not to attend the wedding because of airfare costs, hotel costs, and rental car costs. Didn't sound like my mom's sister( mother of the bride) wanted to help flip the bill for airfare, rental car or hotel. So, why bother going?

now I feel horrible for OP's parents -they were treated horribly. At my wedding, my grandmothers (gf's already passed) were with me before the ceremony for pictures, went in the limo with me and my parents, were in the second row at church and sat at my parent's table at the reception. They are both now gone and I have wonderful memories and pictures of them to hold me over while missing them.

On the other hand, why in the world would you expect someone planning a wedding to pay your travel expenses? I had people from all over and, although I got a discount on the hotel room, I paid for no one. Some who traveled far did give less for a gift, which is totally understandable as I consider their traveling to see me and dh marry a gift in and of itself, but I would never expect someone else to pay my travel expenses for a wedding.