aka-mad4themouse
<font color="blue">Budget Board Co-Host</font>
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2004
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- 9,291
My mother had been looking forward to my neice's wedding this past Saturday. It was the first grandchild to tie the knot and Mom was very excited for her. My parents live 300+ miles away from where my brother and his family are, but they drove in that heavy downpour that deluged eastern PA on Saturday.
The wedding was an outdoor wedding with no alternate plans for intemperate weather. According to Mom, the setting would have been perfect had it not been for the horrible weather. Okay, she used the word "yucky" instead of "horrible" but that's my mom for you. I chose not to attend because my SIL (the bride's mother) and I have, shall we say,a strained relationship. Actually, all my sibs with the exception of her husband have a strained relationship with this SIL. Only two sibs (out of 5) and their families chose to attend. They also drove a considerable distance to be there. I sent my best wishes along with a gift. The following is a retelling of what Mom told me this morning.
My parents arrived at the site for the ceremony at the very last minute due to a combination of bad weather, heavy traffic and poor directions. All the guests were waiting in a covered pavillion which was about 500 yds from the wedding tent down by the pond. No sooner had they arrived, when someone rang a bell and the guests sprinted from the pavillion to the wedding tent. Mom & Dad hadn't even had time to say hello to the two sibs who had already arrived or to speak to my brother, the father-of-the-bride. No one gave them any idea of what to expect but they were assuming (wrongly) that the grandparents from both sides would be formally seated.
The next thing they knew, the wedding party was on their way down the pathway between the pavillion and the wedding tent. Dad grabbed an umbrella, threw his suitjacket over Mom's shoulders and took her down the aisle to the tent behind the last bridesmaid. Of course, they arrived at the tent and couldn't figure out what to do next.
There was no room in the packed tent. So there they stood, in the wind and rain, on the outside of the tent. They were unable to see or hear anything. My Mom who will turn 70 on Friday. Who has a pacemaker. Who suffers from diabetes. A woman who twisted her knee the previous weekend and was on crutches until Thursday. My Mom had to stand for the entire ceremony. In the driving rain. Shivering. Because this was her granddaughter's wedding and she drove all that way to be there. And she didn't know what else to do. And my mush-for-brains brother never made sure that his parents were looked after or cared for.
When the ceremony was over, they went to their car to warm up. Because no one asked them to join the receiving line. And they were cold and wet and didn't want to stand in the rain anymore. So the people who should have been among the first to congratulate the couple, waited until the very end when the line was shorter, so that they could offer them their best wishes.
At the reception for 400 people, they were not given a seat of honor or any of the preferential treatment that one would expect to be extended to an elderly relative of the bride. Instead, they fell in line for the salad bar which Mom said my vegetarian DD would have loved. She added that the pizza that was offered really hit the spot when you haven't eaten since breakfast. My SIL never once said a word to them but Mom attributed that to her being so busy with "mother-of-the-bride" stuff. She's too kind.
My mother won't say a mean word about anyone or anything. And that's why it hurt so much when she said that she felt like an outsider who wasn't really welcome. She also added, "I guess we'll know what to expect next time." My heart is breaking for her because I know how deeply she was wounded by the treatment she and Dad received. Mom is the kind of woman who lived and breathed for her children. And then for her grandchildren. She sent cards and gifts to my neices for every birthday, Easter and Christmas. And even though she never got a single Thank-You card, email or phone call in 20+ years, she still continues to send things to them.
I want to call my brother and scream at him for his lack of consideration for his parents. I want to b-slap my SIL until I knock all the nastiness out of her. And I want to sit my 20 yo niece down and explain to her how caring and compassionate people treat their elderly loved ones.
But instead, I'll hold their behavior up as an example to my kids on how not to act.
Ranting over. I feel better now.
The wedding was an outdoor wedding with no alternate plans for intemperate weather. According to Mom, the setting would have been perfect had it not been for the horrible weather. Okay, she used the word "yucky" instead of "horrible" but that's my mom for you. I chose not to attend because my SIL (the bride's mother) and I have, shall we say,a strained relationship. Actually, all my sibs with the exception of her husband have a strained relationship with this SIL. Only two sibs (out of 5) and their families chose to attend. They also drove a considerable distance to be there. I sent my best wishes along with a gift. The following is a retelling of what Mom told me this morning.
My parents arrived at the site for the ceremony at the very last minute due to a combination of bad weather, heavy traffic and poor directions. All the guests were waiting in a covered pavillion which was about 500 yds from the wedding tent down by the pond. No sooner had they arrived, when someone rang a bell and the guests sprinted from the pavillion to the wedding tent. Mom & Dad hadn't even had time to say hello to the two sibs who had already arrived or to speak to my brother, the father-of-the-bride. No one gave them any idea of what to expect but they were assuming (wrongly) that the grandparents from both sides would be formally seated.
The next thing they knew, the wedding party was on their way down the pathway between the pavillion and the wedding tent. Dad grabbed an umbrella, threw his suitjacket over Mom's shoulders and took her down the aisle to the tent behind the last bridesmaid. Of course, they arrived at the tent and couldn't figure out what to do next.
There was no room in the packed tent. So there they stood, in the wind and rain, on the outside of the tent. They were unable to see or hear anything. My Mom who will turn 70 on Friday. Who has a pacemaker. Who suffers from diabetes. A woman who twisted her knee the previous weekend and was on crutches until Thursday. My Mom had to stand for the entire ceremony. In the driving rain. Shivering. Because this was her granddaughter's wedding and she drove all that way to be there. And she didn't know what else to do. And my mush-for-brains brother never made sure that his parents were looked after or cared for.
When the ceremony was over, they went to their car to warm up. Because no one asked them to join the receiving line. And they were cold and wet and didn't want to stand in the rain anymore. So the people who should have been among the first to congratulate the couple, waited until the very end when the line was shorter, so that they could offer them their best wishes.
At the reception for 400 people, they were not given a seat of honor or any of the preferential treatment that one would expect to be extended to an elderly relative of the bride. Instead, they fell in line for the salad bar which Mom said my vegetarian DD would have loved. She added that the pizza that was offered really hit the spot when you haven't eaten since breakfast. My SIL never once said a word to them but Mom attributed that to her being so busy with "mother-of-the-bride" stuff. She's too kind.
My mother won't say a mean word about anyone or anything. And that's why it hurt so much when she said that she felt like an outsider who wasn't really welcome. She also added, "I guess we'll know what to expect next time." My heart is breaking for her because I know how deeply she was wounded by the treatment she and Dad received. Mom is the kind of woman who lived and breathed for her children. And then for her grandchildren. She sent cards and gifts to my neices for every birthday, Easter and Christmas. And even though she never got a single Thank-You card, email or phone call in 20+ years, she still continues to send things to them.
I want to call my brother and scream at him for his lack of consideration for his parents. I want to b-slap my SIL until I knock all the nastiness out of her. And I want to sit my 20 yo niece down and explain to her how caring and compassionate people treat their elderly loved ones.
But instead, I'll hold their behavior up as an example to my kids on how not to act.
Ranting over. I feel better now.
I'm so sorry that your parents were treated like outsiders at a family wedding, and I hope that your mom suffered no ill effects from having to stand out in the rainstorm during the ceremony. What a shame! 
) and let him know how hurt your parents were to be treated in this manner. It sounds like your parents are dears to travel that far to go to the wedding. Give them a big 
