UPDATE...post #35 - Would you propose this offer or not?

[leagirl12]

We are surprising our kids with a trip to WDW for Spring Break and are planning to purchase AP's so we can go back a few times next year. I was thinking how much fun it would be to take DD's BFF and her brother. DD's best friend's brother is very good friends with my DS...in fact he is spending the night with DS tonight while DD is at his house with her BFF. I think all 4 kids would love it. The issue is we can't afford the extra expense that their tickets would be.

So I come to my fellow Disers to ask....would you be offended if someone invited your child to go on vacation with them but asked you to pay for their admission? Would you talk with their mom about it or just scrap the idea? I will say that I feel very comfortable with the mom...in fact she went with me, dd, and her bff for a weekend getaway earlier this year...but just not sure about proposing this.

We will cover all other expenses...transportation, condo, and food.

 

[design_mom]

If you are that comfortable with the mom, then I would propose it -- as long as you think there's a reasonable chance that they'll accept. (If I knew the family was having financial troubles, or had issues with the kids being out of state without them, or "always wanted to take the kids" themselves, then I probably wouldn't mention it at all.) But it sounds like a very generous offer. However, I would definitely do it in private without mentioning it to the kids (hers or yours) first.

 

[sallysue66]

If you are that comfortable with the mom, then I would propose it -- as long as you think there's a reasonable chance that they'll accept. (If I knew the family was having financial troubles, or had issues with the kids being out of state without them, or "always wanted to take the kids" themselves, then I probably wouldn't mention it at all.) But it sounds like a very generous offer. However, I would definitely do it in private without mentioning it to the kids (hers or yours) first.

Ditto. We have taken cousins before and it does make the trip even more fun. Plus, the other Mother may welcome the chance for some quiet time!

 

[Friendly Frog]

I think it is a wonderful thing for you to do. I would just talk with the other mom before talking with any of the kids. Set the rules upfront and maybe get her to sign something so that you can authorize medical care if needed.

Some of the best memories in my life were because another parent would invite me places they went. ( and my parents would invite the other child along with us.) win-win!

 

[figment3258]

When I was younger my mom let me ask a friend to go to Disney with us. As long as you talk to the mom and mention that you would pay for this and that there is nothing wrong with asking for her to pay for the other things. i think its a great idea

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

I think there are a lot of factors to consider. How long will you be going for?
Is the other family financially able to pay for tickets for 2 kids? What about spending money for souvenirs? Are you prepared to purchase little things for them as well as your own kids (ice cream, popcorn, etc.) it really adds up fast at Disney. What happens if the bff get into fights as may happen after spending every day together? What if one of the friends gets sick? Are you comfortable enough with this family to discipline their kids, if need be? I do not mean to be a downer but bringing other people's kids to vacation with you, no matter how well you know them, is a huge responsibility and it will add stress to your and your dh's vacation. That being said, you will be making a VERY generous offer and I see no problem in asking for money for the tickets since you are close. Just ask yourself how you would react if it was the reverse and the other mom asked you.

Have a magical time, whatever you decide to do.

 

[momxx5]

Thats a tough one.

We are under extreme financial stress right now and most families do not know that about us.
DS is asked to go with his friend to a lot of places and in the past has paid for his own food, fun, etc.
Well this had to stop and I had to talk to the mom about the invites. They could choose to leave my DS out of it or pay his whole way. They have always chosen to pay his whole way because they want they child to have a better time. I do feel bad, but my DS understands that he would not be able to go.
The problem is the kids do the inviting instead of the parents calling talking to us. The kids are 15-16yrs old, but certain things should be run by the parents before its told to the children.

 

[Micday]

We just did this. I asked her mom before the kids knew and she talked to her husband and we work out all the kinks.


We had a GREAT time and they where thrilled that we asked, it made us closer to the family. Go for it!!

Michelle

 

[disneymama83]

Hi! I think there is nothing wrong with proposing the idea to the parents, but I would do it in private when the children are not around. This way nobody gets their hopes up and then find out it is not possible for them to go. I wouldn’t even tell your children until you get confirmation that their friends can go.

 

[leagirl12]

Thank you for the positive responses. I guess I just needed that reassurance that it wasn't a rude thing to ask them to go but yet pay for some. I wouldn't think twice if she were asking me about it but I am pretty laid back so I guess that is why I wanted others opinions.

I think I am going to talk to the mom tomorrow when we pick up DD and drop off her son. I want to talk to her as soon as possible because if the roles were reversed I would want to know sooner so I could work it into our budget. The kids won't know anything about the offer as they don't even know we are going during Spring Break...much less going back in June.

I think we are comfortable enough with each other that she would tell me if they financially couldn't do it. I know I feel like I could tell her that without fear of judgement. I of course will put out there that I realize it is several hundred dollars so if she has to say no I will totally understand.

To the pp who asked about extra costs...for souveniers I will talk with her about the kids having their own money but for other things like snacks and drinks, we will cover that. This will be trip #4 for my kids so we won't do souveniers but I will explain to her that anything I buy my kids I of course will by for hers...so that means anything like shirts or hats I would ask that they bring money for. Which is how I would want it to be if my kids were going with her....I would want them to have their own money for those types of things.

A big thank you to everyone that responded!

 

[horseshowmom]

So I come to my fellow Disers to ask....would you be offended if someone invited your child to go on vacation with them but asked you to pay for their admission? Would you talk with their mom about it or just scrap the idea? I will say that I feel very comfortable with the mom...in fact she went with me, dd, and her bff for a weekend getaway earlier this year...but just not sure about proposing this.

We will cover all other expenses...transportation, condo, and food.

We used to do this regularly when DD was growing up. Her best friend rarely got to travel at all, and her parents were more than happy to cover her tickets.

If we invited someone to do something here at home (DD was an only child), we always covered all of the expenses (dinner, movie, whatever), but we couldn't afford to cover everything on Disney trips. We found that her best friend's parents were glad to cover their child's expenses to give them a chance to go.

We always rented a house so we had plenty of room. While we fly about half the time and drive about half the time, we always drove when we were inviting someone so that didn't incur any additional cost. We covered their meals for what we ate in the house. They usually covered their meals/snack when eating out. It always went very well.

 

[ConnieB]

We are surprising our kids with a trip to WDW for Spring Break and are planning to purchase AP's so we can go back a few times next year. I was thinking how much fun it would be to take DD's BFF and her brother. DD's best friend's brother is very good friends with my DS...in fact he is spending the night with DS tonight while DD is at his house with her BFF. I think all 4 kids would love it. The issue is we can't afford the extra expense that their tickets would be.

So I come to my fellow Disers to ask....would you be offended if someone invited your child to go on vacation with them but asked you to pay for their admission? Would you talk with their mom about it or just scrap the idea? I will say that I feel very comfortable with the mom...in fact she went with me, dd, and her bff for a weekend getaway earlier this year...but just not sure about proposing this.

We will cover all other expenses...transportation, condo, and food.

I've done that several times with various friends (always looking to rope friends into become Disney-holics with us, lol). I approach mom first so that the kids don't wind up disappointed if Mom says no. "Hey, Mom, we're going to Disney next month and thought it would be fun for X to come with us. We've got a hotel, we're driving, so X would only need park admission, food and spending money.". So far we've not been turned down, so I guess friends don't mind! I've had two families really happy to not have to go, parents weren't interested and deemed it to expensive for a vacation parents didn't want....so I was a pretty perfect solution, lol. One of these families the kid comes with us pretty often.....but I still haven't convinced them to buy an AP, lol.

We've only had one bad experience....kid did a Jekyl/Hyde thing on us from the semi-sweet kid at home to a monster who told me he was going to do what he wanted as his parents had paid ME for him to have a good time. We left for home the next morning, lol. Parents were very embarassed but the damage was done...my kids faded away from him pretty fast after that.

It's a different feel when we've got an extra kid or two along, but it's still great fun!

 

[pigletto]

Thank you for the positive responses. I guess I just needed that reassurance that it wasn't a rude thing to ask them to go but yet pay for some. I wouldn't think twice if she were asking me about it but I am pretty laid back so I guess that is why I wanted others opinions.

I think I am going to talk to the mom tomorrow when we pick up DD and drop off her son. I want to talk to her as soon as possible because if the roles were reversed I would want to know sooner so I could work it into our budget. The kids won't know anything about the offer as they don't even know we are going during Spring Break...much less going back in June.

I think we are comfortable enough with each other that she would tell me if they financially couldn't do it. I know I feel like I could tell her that without fear of judgement. I of course will put out there that I realize it is several hundred dollars so if she has to say no I will totally understand.

To the pp who asked about extra costs...for souveniers I will talk with her about the kids having their own money but for other things like snacks and drinks, we will cover that. This will be trip #4 for my kids so we won't do souveniers but I will explain to her that anything I buy my kids I of course will by for hers...so that means anything like shirts or hats I would ask that they bring money for. Which is how I would want it to be if my kids were going with her....I would want them to have their own money for those types of things.

A big thank you to everyone that responded!

I think it's a great idea and you are approaching it with the best intentions and plans
I know in our family there has been times where if someone made an offer like that at the last minute the answer would have to be no.. but given enough time to budget for it and plan, it would be a sure thing.

You are giving them enough notice that they may even be able to incorporate it as a Birthday or Christmas gift too.

I hope it all works out and think it is a very kind offer

 

[TheMorgans]

We always travel with an extra BFF or two and I have NEVER asked the parents to pay for any part of the trip. The only thing the BFF needs their own money for is spending money - I pay for plane tickets, meals, park admission, extra hotel rooms... If you are going to ask the extra BFF's to go you should be prepared to foot the bill. IMHO - I think it is in poor taste to ask someone if their child can go on vacation with you but then tell the parent that their child will need $500-$1000 to go with you. If someone were to suggest this with one of my children I would be offended.

 

[Skatermom23]

We always travel with an extra BFF or two and I have NEVER asked the parents to pay for any part of the trip. The only thing the BFF needs their own money for is spending money - I pay for plane tickets, meals, park admission, extra hotel rooms... If you are going to ask the extra BFF's to go you should be prepared to foot the bill. IMHO - I think it is in poor taste to ask someone if their child can go on vacation with you but then tell the parent that their child will need $500-$1000 to go with you. If someone were to suggest this with one of my children I would be offended.

I have to agree with this poster. If you are going to ask for the child to come along then you need to foot the bill. I think it puts the other parents in an uncomfortable position.

 

[beansmom]

I think there are a lot of factors to consider. How long will you be going for?
Is the other family financially able to pay for tickets for 2 kids? What about spending money for souvenirs? Are you prepared to purchase little things for them as well as your own kids (ice cream, popcorn, etc.) it really adds up fast at Disney. What happens if the bff get into fights as may happen after spending every day together? What if one of the friends gets sick? Are you comfortable enough with this family to discipline their kids, if need be? I do not mean to be a downer but bringing other people's kids to vacation with you, no matter how well you know them, is a huge responsibility and it will add stress to your and your dh's vacation. That being said, you will be making a VERY generous offer and I see no problem in asking for money for the tickets since you are close. Just ask yourself how you would react if it was the reverse and the other mom asked you.

Have a magical time, whatever you decide to do.

See...this is what i have a problem with....other people doing my thinking for me. It's not YOUR responsibility to decide in advance what they can afford, etc. I would talk to the mom and let her decide...

having said that, the PP has some other valid points. You'll need a POA for medical care in an emergency...all kids fight and they just have to work it out...as for spending money, that should also be discussed.

I think it's a wonderfully generous offer...one I have made in the past myself. I think you'll have double the headache, double some expenses and double the fun.

 

[beansmom]

We always travel with an extra BFF or two and I have NEVER asked the parents to pay for any part of the trip. The only thing the BFF needs their own money for is spending money - I pay for plane tickets, meals, park admission, extra hotel rooms... If you are going to ask the extra BFF's to go you should be prepared to foot the bill. IMHO - I think it is in poor taste to ask someone if their child can go on vacation with you but then tell the parent that their child will need $500-$1000 to go with you. If someone were to suggest this with one of my children I would be offended.

I disagree...it's perfectly fine to say 'i'd like to take the kids along...i'd pay for the travel, food, etc if you can get the tickets'. Adults understand that nothign is free and Disney isn't cheap. With the right people, I'd be more than happy to let them go for a fraction of the full cost.

 

[My5Mouseketeers]

We always travel with an extra BFF or two and I have NEVER asked the parents to pay for any part of the trip. The only thing the BFF needs their own money for is spending money - I pay for plane tickets, meals, park admission, extra hotel rooms... If you are going to ask the extra BFF's to go you should be prepared to foot the bill. IMHO - I think it is in poor taste to ask someone if their child can go on vacation with you but then tell the parent that their child will need $500-$1000 to go with you. If someone were to suggest this with one of my children I would be offended.

I totally disagree! I would be in tears if I found out that someone had wanted to do something so wonderful for one of my kids and didn't ask because they couldn't afford to foot the whole bill for my child!

I hope no one ASSUMES that I would be offended if asked to pay part of the bill. Just seems silly to me. I have 5 kids and we take kids/people take my kids all the time. Sometimes we pay for everything and sometimes we don't. It depends on the situation. If you are friendly with the Mom, PLEASE ask her and let her make her own decisions. Don't make the decision for her!

 

[DCLbrideSept2009]

We let our oldest bring a friend when we go to WDW. (We have 4 kids and there's a 5-year age gap between the oldest and the next one, and the other 3 are pretty close in age.) We have done 2 trips so far this way. The first one, money was tight for us (weren't good at budgeting at that point and didn't plan very well) and did ask the friend to pay for her park ticket. We drove (no added expense) and stayed at Pop (again, no added expense, already had 2 rooms because we have 4 kids) and had free dining. The next time we went, we were better off financially (started Dave Ramsey before that and were budgeting, etc.) For that trip we also got the YES program tickets (like half off!!) No free dining, as we are now DVC members. We told our dd that we would pay for the friend's park ticket and if she *could* contribute to food costs, fine... if not, no big deal. She gave us $100 toward food (basically covering TS meals) and we paid for everything else (her ticket, food we prepared in the villa, etc.). Her mom actually gave her like $500 for the trip, but we only took $100 from her. We are now planning another trip for June and I don't think we'll ask the friend to pay for anything. I just didn't feel totally right asking. On the other hand, if it were my dd being invited on a trip, I don't think I'd feel comfortable letting them pay for everything for her.

 

[MiniGirl]

OP, I think it is a generous offer, and say go ahead and ask. I would remind her, however, that this is a surprise trip for your kids and ask her not to say anything -- regardless of her decision.