UPDATE post 14: Wedding dilemma - it's TODAY

[clh2]

I could just about scream. We're supposed to go to a wedding (DH's cousin) at 2. We are supposed to be expecting DH"s brother/family at noon. The kids were invited to the wedding/reception AFTER the fact, i.e. not on the original invitation, because one of my 7 SIL's pitched a fit. We responded with no - DD would not be coming. This was a decision made jointly by DH and me, after consulting with my SIL (not the one who complained, but the one staying at our house.) The family staying at our house has 4 girls, from 13 to almost 19. DD is 12. So, all the girls were goiong to be at our house for dinner, I confirmed this with my SIL on Thursday. I fixed up taco meat and all the fixin's last night. Everything is proceeding smoothly...UNTIL...

I get back from an errand, and DH tells me his brother called. They might not want to go to the wedding. And, they've decided to bring their girls to the reception. And, a different brother of DH said it will PROBABLY be fine, as it seemed everything for the wedding is not organized. DH said he would e-mail the groom and ask...HELLO, the wedding is in 5 hours. The groom will probably not be checking e-mail today to respond before 1:00, which is when we would have to leave.

Since it has been decided we will probably not be going to the wedding, we can't even ask the DH's aunt if it would be OK to bring my DD. While part of me is saying they've prepared all the food for 200 people, the reception is a pig and chicken roast, and the families have fixed all the rest of the food, that is won't make a difference if 1 more person is there or not. There will be enough food to feed an army - I've been to functions on this side of the family before.

Also - it is a million degrees today (well, almost 100), I can't imagine how they are going to keep the "cold foods cold," I would just be cautious about anything with Mayo in it.

The point is~ you just can't "change these types of plans" the day of a wedding. It would be, well, RUDE.

DH then mentions it would be rude to just leave our DD home alone, when she could & should be having "cousin" time.

And...DH tells me not to stress out. I told him if he wants Stacy at the reception, he should take her. I'll stay home and get stuff ready for the brunch we are hosting tomorrow for all of his sibs and families. We're having about 23 or 24 people over tomorrow.

I just think I am in a lose-lose situation. Maybe I'll just go to the wedding, and come home. DD and DH can go to the reception. Unfortunately, the wedding/reception are about an hour away, so, once the reception starts, if the mother of the groom suggests we go get our daughter (entirely possible) it would be a 2-hour round trip, and then we'd just miss the entire reception.

Any advice?

 

[EthansMom]

IMO, it would be rude for adults who've RSVP'd that the would be attending a wedding to skip the wedding and just show up for the reception. So, despite what DH's family may or may not do, I think you and DH should attend the wedding ceremony.

If the reception is informal (ie. no placecards or assigned seating), I wouldn't have a problem calling the mother of the bride or groom and letting them know that your plans have changed and DD will be attending the reception. For a formal reception, I would respond differently. But, it's not as if you're suddenly adding several adults to your party, just one 12 year-old.

(Personally, I think your DH's family sounds pretty selfish. They don't seem to be thinking much about the bride and groom when changing their plans. My in-laws are the same way. They do what they want with little regard for the feelings of others.)

Edited to add: You could always freeze the taco meat and use it later if you have to. (More than once, my in-laws told us they were coming to visit on a three day weekend and called to cancel AFTER they were expected to arrive -- after I'd stocked up on groceries. )

 

[lowie]

sounds very unorganized! i can't even imagine my wedding being like that. personally, when things get hectic, and people start irritating me i just stay home. my husbands cousin is also getting married today, in NY. our children weren't invited and i couldn't possibly leave my 10 and 6 y.o. home alone for a weekend! so i couldn't go it's actually better that way. i don't want to be where my kids aren't welcome. plus it saved me tons of money!!

so, i'll vote for staying home with your dd and having a mommy and me day.

 

[Tuffcookie]

First of all, take a deep breath! Since this is your DH's side of the family, I would let him make the decision of whether to include DD or not. Let him be the one to deal with the in-laws if they complain.
It sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now with this wedding and then the day after get-together you are hosting. That is such a nice thing you are doing! I hope your DH appreciates all your hard work!

TC

 

[The Mystery Machine]

1) I think having your DH take your DD is a wonderful compromise if you need to stay home and prepare for tomorrow.

Or

2) Since this is a "pig roast/BBQ" reception, I also would not have an issue with calling up the cousin's family and telling them that the plans got changed on you and you have to bring your dd to the reception. I would go with this solution since the other cousin's are going. It will not be right to leave your dd out of it.

 

[clh2]

i don't want to be where my kids aren't welcome.

It isn't that kids aren't welcome. The original date for the wedding was mid-October. They had a huge hall booked, and originally kids were going to be invited. (This had been discussed months ago, due to some of DH's sibs needing to make travel plans WITH kids.)

Then, the bride and groom found themselves in a "family way" so they bumped the wedding up 3 months, and couldn't find a large hall, so they are doing the reception at the church hall. Their original banquet hall had a capacity of 400, the church is aobut 200. They said they would love to have kids there, but they are fearful of the space.

 

[GIOny]

You couldn't pull that where I live, bringing 5 unannounced guests but this seems like a very relaxed reception. If all your DD's cousins are going then why should your DD stay home alone . I don't understand why you would want to just attend the wedding and come home and I don't understand why the others aren't attending the wedding ceremony?? Isn't that the most important part ? I think that's kind of rude, not to go to the ceremony. Why don't you all go to the wedding and explain your situation there . Let your SIL with the 4 kids look like the rude ones (for not attending the ceremony and just showing up for the party! with 4 additional guests!!

 

[clh2]

I think the reluctance for some to attend the ceremony is the church is going to be hotter than hot today. (Temps expected to be 100 or so.)

I also find it rude to not attend the wedding. But - this is DH's cousin, not mine, and I don't know him that well.

I think, based on some of your comments, I'll have DH contact his aunt or uncle about adding DD to come along.

I agree, the taco meat will freeze, but not the 5# of lettuce shreds or the pico de gallo sauce, or the rest of the taco fixin's. We could always have that tommorow if people hang around after brunch and want lunch. The only reason I planned the brunch in the first place was so all the kids could see all the aunts and uncles. Had I known that they'd just be going to the reception anyways, I could have just slept in tomorrow and enjoyed my coffee.

 

[GIOny]

I see in your siggy that you want a real countdown timer again, I recently have seen these around: http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/index.htm not as nice as the old ones but they do countdown the days/hours/minutes!!


BTW, have a good time today and enjoy yourself. Don't let your in-laws get to you . Enjoy your brunch tomorrow, I'm sure they will all appreciate it!!

 

[clh2]

I see in your siggy that you want a real countdown timer again, I recently have seen these around: http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/index.htm not as nice as the old ones but they do countdown the days/hours/minutes!!

I know how to "get" a countdown timer. Just need to figure out how to get a trip paid for - if you know what I mean! So - what that actually means I can't have a countdown timer, until I have a significant vacation planned.

 

[GIOny]

Oh, I get it........

 

[PaulaSue]

so what happened?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She is probably busy with her party! I hope things went well...

 

[clh2]

So here is the update:

The family that was staying with us arrived about 12:15, their 2 oldest girls just didn't want to go to the wedding or the reception. One of the girls was a foreign exchange student from Barcelona, Spain - so she didn't really care one way or the other. My DD and her fav. cousing didn't really care as long as they were in the same location. So...we left all the girls home and went to the wedding and the reception.

I am glad we left them home. The church was a very small country church, with 12 pews, that held about 6-8 people each. Remember, it was about 100 degrees yesterday, the church was not air conditioned. Luckily, the paster believes in a 25 minute service. The receiving line was cancelled, the goal was to get the people out of the church quickly.

The reception was very nice, and while they had enough food for a small country, there were no empty seats. Not one. So - from that perspective (and the very crowded church) I am really glad the girls did not come with.

There was an unfortunate event during the dinner: The groom's uncle started to get chest pains and passed out. One of the sisters of the groom is a nurse, so she started CPR, until the rescue squad was able to arrive. The uncle was conscious when he left, and what we heard today was they didn't believe he had a heart attack (although he has had heart problems in the past) but was kept overnight for observation and possibly more tests either today or tomorrow.

The party today went great!!! I felt very prepared, and even though many of DH's sibs invited others (2 sibs of the groom and their families and the mother and father of the groom) we only ended up with 1 extra person than I had expected.

The downer (yep - there has to be something) was most of the company, including the overnight family, was gone by about 12:30 or 1. One of DH's brother and SIL stayed until 5:30. We started doing laundry (we had tons of towels and sheets to do in addition to our regular laundry) about 2pm. My BIL and SIL just kept staying and staying. I can only take this SIL for limited periods of time, and by about 4 - needed the house to myself.
We didn't want to "kick them out" as they are in town for a week, staying at one of DH's sister's house. And, I'm sure she needs the break as well from them.

As always, I really appreciate everyone's advice. Getting a broad range of opinions when there is a dilemma, really helps to see things a little more clearly.

Now...since I cleaned my kitchen floor yesterday...does anyone want to help me with it??? PLEASE!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am happy that it all worked out for you! Thanks for the update!