Dionnemay
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2006
- Messages
- 198
So just an update out of respect for those who were nice enough to give me advice on my thread:
http://www.disboards.com/threads/to...-don't-like-on-my-trip.3443925/#post-54349868
I didn't bring or invite my ex after all. We had an awesome time! I decided, as one commentator said, that the best thing for my exc at that time was to be with his living daughter but not to bring him to a place where there were so many kids that would be reminders of his other daughter , and also that I was being an enabler of sorts by taking on the responsibility of his mental health and choices even after we aren't even together and being manipulated by his constant guilt trips and I had to separate myself and move on with my life.
So I left our baby with my best friend and her boys who are like family on Thursday and the only thing I told my ex via messenger was that I couldn't drop our baby off to him on Friday like I usually did and so my friend would take her instead. So his "time" with her was not interrupted- a go-to rant he has used the TWO times in two years that I didn't bring her or brought her late because I had something else going on with her or went to the movies with her and friends- so there was no reason for him to complain.
He tried a few times to ask me what was going on- why I wasn't bringing her myself and even suddenly tried to make some kind of 'date" where he could come over and bar-b-q or something which I knew was because he was trying to sniff out if I had plans or something but I just told him i couldn't and that my friend would be calling him to find out when he wanted her to drop off our baby for the weekend and when she would pick her up.
This might sound unreasonable for some people but it would make sense if you knew my ex's history of becoming unreasonable and verbally abusive whenever I did anything and he wasn't right there with me. Even though ALL of the times we as a family have done things without him was his own doing- he was either in jail or in rehab or had such a bad history of being drunk and totally humiliating me and the kids in public that I COULDN'T bring him anywhere.
Any other person I could easily say "I'm going out of town to Disney" and , being an EX they wouldn't expect to go and would just say "have a good time" and be happy they still had their weekend with their daughter but not MY ex. About 4 years ago when we were still married (during the WORST times of his drinking) he was drunk yet again and put me through a wall yet again and tried to strangle me while my 12 year old son was in the next room. So I called the cops and he went away for 6 moths. When he was supposed to get out, he was expedited back to his home state to face charges an old girlfriend had against him of him getting rough with her son. He had been in jail all totaled about a year and awaiting trial so neither he b=nor I had any idea when he was getting out and I by that time had already begun putting my family back together and trying to get the kids life back to normal and move on.
I decided to take them to Disney world . So we went and midway through the trip I get a call from him and he tells me he charges got dropped suddenly and he wanted to come home. I told him I never said I wanted him back home and besides we weren't there anyway- we were at disneyworld. At which point he got extremely angry and verbally abusive and drunkenly ranted on and on about how i dared to go on a trip to disneyworld without him and how selfish I was blah blah.
WTH?
I hung up on him but he called several more times drunk and ranting about it. Ridiculous- you go to jail for assaulting your wife; your gone a year with no impending trail or release date; and you get mad that your wife and kids went on vaca? Like we were supposed to sit covered in ashes and mourning a drunk who made us miserable and postpone our trip until you were not only out but also for another 3 years until you were off probation and able to travel out of state/ Pssh!
So you can see why I didn't tell a man with THAT mentality, that I was going out of town to Disneyland without him. Even though we hadn't lived together in over 2 years and were separated and getting divorced because of his infidelity and drinking, he would manage to make himself a victim and be a headache about it.
So we left and had a great time. On our 2nd day(Friday) of course I got this angry "all caps" message from him that said,
"You couldn't go to (his deceased daughter) funeral but you can go to Disneyland. F*CK YOU!!! U UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH B*TCH!"
Keep in mind, I had never met or spoken to his deceased 17 y/o daughter. Not that I never tried. We had only been married 4 years and when I met him he had 3 kids by 3 other women and wasn't seeing any of them or paying any child support on any of them. He had had custody of his first oldest daughter until she was 8 at which time the mother who he SAYS was an addict, got clean and took her back. When we were dating and he told me his daughter lived just a mile from him but he never saw her and when I asked why since he had shared custody and there was no excuse why he wouldn't make continuous effort to see her or at least call her or drop off gifts or letter he got all defensive and told me to "stay out" of that part of his life. After that during our marriage whenever I would ask him about his kids and if he was paying support and what he was doing to stay involved with them and if I could get to know them and help him buy stuff for his girls or whatever he would give e this cold look and shut down so that it was clear to me I wasn't allowed in "that part" of his life. So it made no sense that he would get angry at me for not going to the funeral of a girl he never allowed me to get to know and never spoke about with me me, never paid any child support, and never asked me to go with him to the funeral when I went to comfort him the day he heard the news, and sat there with him as he was on the phone with his brother in law who bought him the ticket home, and DROVE him to the airport.
This was just like the Disney world trip all over so I didn't respond and we had a great trip. Have a funny story about getting hung up at the security check point that I am going to post right now in another thread haha! And we finally got to eat at the River Belle Terrace for the Fantastic dinner package which was amazing food and nice to finally see Fantasmic without straining over peoples heads! Loved it! And I cant wait until my baby girl is old enough to go- I think 4 is the right age where she will enjoy it.
I'm glad I listened to the advice of the ppl on here. He still tries to draw me into fights but I don't respond. Last weekend I had to call CPS and the Police finally because his drinking is so bad that I went to pick up our daughter from his apartment and after almost 3 hours of no response from phone calls and banging on his door, he finally answered and it was apparent that he had been passed out the whole time; apartment so filthy you couldn't see the floor; prescription bottles allover the floor that looked like our 2 year old had been playing with them, and in his room ,empty whisky and vodka bottles around the bed with my baby laying in nothing but a diaper that looked like it hadn't been changed in 6 hours.
CPS wont let him have her now until he gets treatment and supervised visitation is established.
But of course, that's all my fault too..
Sad thing is that I'm such a Disney fan girl- I think that everyone should have a chance to go and any time I can bring someone- especially someone who has never been, I do it.
September was the second time I had invited and paid for one of my sons friends to go with us because they had never been- last October I paid for another one. when I married my husband and found out he had never been, I started planning right away to get him out there. I was so excited and kept telling him how much he would love it and thinking about how much fun we would have there as a family because as an adult, I had always only gone with my children and often wished I had another adult with me. But His horrible alcoholism and drama prevented that from ever happening.
Oh well, anyway I'm already saving and planning for Disneyworld again next spring
http://www.disboards.com/threads/to...-don't-like-on-my-trip.3443925/#post-54349868
I didn't bring or invite my ex after all. We had an awesome time! I decided, as one commentator said, that the best thing for my exc at that time was to be with his living daughter but not to bring him to a place where there were so many kids that would be reminders of his other daughter , and also that I was being an enabler of sorts by taking on the responsibility of his mental health and choices even after we aren't even together and being manipulated by his constant guilt trips and I had to separate myself and move on with my life.
So I left our baby with my best friend and her boys who are like family on Thursday and the only thing I told my ex via messenger was that I couldn't drop our baby off to him on Friday like I usually did and so my friend would take her instead. So his "time" with her was not interrupted- a go-to rant he has used the TWO times in two years that I didn't bring her or brought her late because I had something else going on with her or went to the movies with her and friends- so there was no reason for him to complain.
He tried a few times to ask me what was going on- why I wasn't bringing her myself and even suddenly tried to make some kind of 'date" where he could come over and bar-b-q or something which I knew was because he was trying to sniff out if I had plans or something but I just told him i couldn't and that my friend would be calling him to find out when he wanted her to drop off our baby for the weekend and when she would pick her up.
This might sound unreasonable for some people but it would make sense if you knew my ex's history of becoming unreasonable and verbally abusive whenever I did anything and he wasn't right there with me. Even though ALL of the times we as a family have done things without him was his own doing- he was either in jail or in rehab or had such a bad history of being drunk and totally humiliating me and the kids in public that I COULDN'T bring him anywhere.
Any other person I could easily say "I'm going out of town to Disney" and , being an EX they wouldn't expect to go and would just say "have a good time" and be happy they still had their weekend with their daughter but not MY ex. About 4 years ago when we were still married (during the WORST times of his drinking) he was drunk yet again and put me through a wall yet again and tried to strangle me while my 12 year old son was in the next room. So I called the cops and he went away for 6 moths. When he was supposed to get out, he was expedited back to his home state to face charges an old girlfriend had against him of him getting rough with her son. He had been in jail all totaled about a year and awaiting trial so neither he b=nor I had any idea when he was getting out and I by that time had already begun putting my family back together and trying to get the kids life back to normal and move on.
I decided to take them to Disney world . So we went and midway through the trip I get a call from him and he tells me he charges got dropped suddenly and he wanted to come home. I told him I never said I wanted him back home and besides we weren't there anyway- we were at disneyworld. At which point he got extremely angry and verbally abusive and drunkenly ranted on and on about how i dared to go on a trip to disneyworld without him and how selfish I was blah blah.
WTH?
I hung up on him but he called several more times drunk and ranting about it. Ridiculous- you go to jail for assaulting your wife; your gone a year with no impending trail or release date; and you get mad that your wife and kids went on vaca? Like we were supposed to sit covered in ashes and mourning a drunk who made us miserable and postpone our trip until you were not only out but also for another 3 years until you were off probation and able to travel out of state/ Pssh!
So you can see why I didn't tell a man with THAT mentality, that I was going out of town to Disneyland without him. Even though we hadn't lived together in over 2 years and were separated and getting divorced because of his infidelity and drinking, he would manage to make himself a victim and be a headache about it.
So we left and had a great time. On our 2nd day(Friday) of course I got this angry "all caps" message from him that said,
"You couldn't go to (his deceased daughter) funeral but you can go to Disneyland. F*CK YOU!!! U UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH B*TCH!"
Keep in mind, I had never met or spoken to his deceased 17 y/o daughter. Not that I never tried. We had only been married 4 years and when I met him he had 3 kids by 3 other women and wasn't seeing any of them or paying any child support on any of them. He had had custody of his first oldest daughter until she was 8 at which time the mother who he SAYS was an addict, got clean and took her back. When we were dating and he told me his daughter lived just a mile from him but he never saw her and when I asked why since he had shared custody and there was no excuse why he wouldn't make continuous effort to see her or at least call her or drop off gifts or letter he got all defensive and told me to "stay out" of that part of his life. After that during our marriage whenever I would ask him about his kids and if he was paying support and what he was doing to stay involved with them and if I could get to know them and help him buy stuff for his girls or whatever he would give e this cold look and shut down so that it was clear to me I wasn't allowed in "that part" of his life. So it made no sense that he would get angry at me for not going to the funeral of a girl he never allowed me to get to know and never spoke about with me me, never paid any child support, and never asked me to go with him to the funeral when I went to comfort him the day he heard the news, and sat there with him as he was on the phone with his brother in law who bought him the ticket home, and DROVE him to the airport.
This was just like the Disney world trip all over so I didn't respond and we had a great trip. Have a funny story about getting hung up at the security check point that I am going to post right now in another thread haha! And we finally got to eat at the River Belle Terrace for the Fantastic dinner package which was amazing food and nice to finally see Fantasmic without straining over peoples heads! Loved it! And I cant wait until my baby girl is old enough to go- I think 4 is the right age where she will enjoy it.
I'm glad I listened to the advice of the ppl on here. He still tries to draw me into fights but I don't respond. Last weekend I had to call CPS and the Police finally because his drinking is so bad that I went to pick up our daughter from his apartment and after almost 3 hours of no response from phone calls and banging on his door, he finally answered and it was apparent that he had been passed out the whole time; apartment so filthy you couldn't see the floor; prescription bottles allover the floor that looked like our 2 year old had been playing with them, and in his room ,empty whisky and vodka bottles around the bed with my baby laying in nothing but a diaper that looked like it hadn't been changed in 6 hours.
CPS wont let him have her now until he gets treatment and supervised visitation is established.
But of course, that's all my fault too..
Sad thing is that I'm such a Disney fan girl- I think that everyone should have a chance to go and any time I can bring someone- especially someone who has never been, I do it.
September was the second time I had invited and paid for one of my sons friends to go with us because they had never been- last October I paid for another one. when I married my husband and found out he had never been, I started planning right away to get him out there. I was so excited and kept telling him how much he would love it and thinking about how much fun we would have there as a family because as an adult, I had always only gone with my children and often wished I had another adult with me. But His horrible alcoholism and drama prevented that from ever happening.
Oh well, anyway I'm already saving and planning for Disneyworld again next spring
