Update on the situation with my mom

[MeanLaureen]

Hi everyone

Thought I would give an update of whats going on for those of you that read my original post.

Yesterday was a...how can I describe it... chaotic day. I went to the hospital before work and she was about 60% out of it. After I left, my brother came down to spend the early part of the afternoon with her - this is when the chaos starts...

First off my brother calls me at work and accuses me of not coming by to see her. I told him I was there for almost an hour! Don't think he believed me. Then the hospital said they needed to move her out of her private room (joint replacements get private rooms) because they needed it for a man. They moved her into a room with a woman that just got back from a surgery (I think) with her husband crying in hysterics "Why did I do this to her... look at her... how could I let her be here" Just the calming surroundings my mom needed.

Just before noon the social worker came in and said they would need to make the decision on moving her today or tomorrow to a nursing home and a doctor would be by at 2:30. She told my brother that a bed would need to be secured at this place near my home and that there was only one opening and if we didn't act fast we would have to settle for a home in a not so nice part of town. He couldn't do it because he is clueless about my mom (Finally admitted that) and her history - even her birthday. So he called me and told me I needed to go get her admitted. I couldn't get a second person to cover me until 1pm and I was worried about my boss being mad but her response was for me to get my butt out of the store and go get the room in Chesterfield county.

So I did.. and I signed off on papers that were as thick as some small towns white pages. I had a hard time and cried through a lot of it because of the questions asked - like does she want to be resusitated, what is her funeral home choice, etc.

The place seems nice though. I signed her up to visit the beauty parlor for a shampoo and set weekly and a perm if she likes it (Just had to set up a "bank account" of sorts with the home for expenses)

But the kicker was...and the best part... they allow pets to visit!!! So my dogs, whom my mom loves more than her kids I think sometimes..lol can come and see her! They actually encourage it because of the proven therapy dogs have on people recovering from major illnesses and surgeries and they even ask that sometimes you visit other patients as well if they would like to see the dogs.

So back at the hospital the doctor shows up an hour early for the appointment and my brother almost missed him. Once again, another "talk to the back of my head as I'm leaving" doctor. Then the social worker comes in and tells him that she has to leave the hospital now and move to the home. He (since he hadn't contacted me since noon) didn't know how long before I'd make it to the hospital so he panicked. He told her that he had to leave at 2:30 to go back home and that his sister wasn't here yet, can't this wait. She told him that "They don't do things at this hospital for the convenience of him or his sister" That didn't go over well with him.

Anyway - I made it back by 2:30 from the home after checking her in, was there when they moved her. Went out to buy her a TV for her room (They want you to provide everything here - TV, phone, etc). My husband met be in the parking lot with Reilly, my apricot poodle, and we went in to visit her. She lit up when Reilly jumped up on her bed. When the head nurse came in to do her paperwork for admissions and saw the difference in her with Reilly there she offered Reilly a job . We spent about an hour or so there until she looked tired and ready to sleep.

So.. that is where we are right now. I can only visit her at night because visiting hours don't start until 10am and I work at 9am. We will bring Reilly and Hailey tonight to visit her - double therapy - plus several of the other patients seemed to take a liking to Reilly so I think he has a new fan club.

Please keep my mom in your prayers and thoughts - she still can't talk clearly or swallow thin liquids - and give me a dusting or two that I can survive this and my brother (who called me and went postal on me last night )

Thank you all!!!

 

[rasnlms]

To you. Sounds like your mom is in a great place - I know it is hard - I had my mom in one for a while.

Best of everything to you.

 

[holycow]

Whew! Chaotic?....Yikes!
So glad you got your mom settled in the "nice" part of town...so sorry you had to take the abuse from DB!

So happy your mom enjoyed the dogs! How nice that was!
Continued good thoughts for you/DH and your Mom too!

Lisa

 

[browneyes]

Thanks for the update, Lauri.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Wow - what a day! I hope that the days and weeks to come are better for all of you! {{{{hugs}}}} to you! I'm sending you loads of pixie dust.

 

[Big V]

A very hectic day for you with a lot of emotions to go through. Hopefully things will settle down for you now. I will keep your Mom in my prayers.
Scott

 

[DoeWDW]

Lauri, I'm sending an extra large but very gentle to you this morning - you sound like you need it after yesterday. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this in such a rushed fashion but maybe it's better this way - less time to worry and wonder and try to make decisions that are hard.

Your Mom sounds like she is settling in just fine and I think it's great that they encourage the fur-babies to see her!! I'm betting she'll adjust and truly feel comforted by the routine and all the care that she's getting.

You and your brother sound like you're very stressed and will have the tougher adjustment to make. You can breathe a sigh of relief, gather your strength and concentrate on visiting your Mom and monitoring her care, rather than draining all your strength by trying to do everything for her.

I think everyone will win in the end, Lauri, but change is hard. Be extra good to yourself, OK? Don't forget to take some time to take care of YOU. Your Mom needs you to watch over her and be her advocate for the best care she can get and to do that, you'll need to make sure you are getting your sleep, eating right, and taking your meds.

I'll continue to keep you and your dear Mom in my prayers.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

What a difficult situation. Hugs to all of you, prayers being sent up.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Hugs, Lauri! It sounds like a place where they take good care of people. Wow! Pets allowed for visits! Blessings to you and your mom!!

 

[wishuponastarforever]

Sounds like you have things under control. Don't forget some Lauri moments.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I'm sorry for what your are going through right now. My father was in a nursing home. It was horrible having to put him there but we all adjusted well. The nursing home workers became family. They did treat him well.

I think bringing your dogs is a wonderful act of kindness for all of the patients. My father's friends in the nursing home loved seeing me go through my 1st pregnancy and then spoiled my son rotten when we came to visit.

Also, we were able to check my father out for a few hours. He loved his short trips back home or to see the fall leaves. When he got tired he told us he was ready to go back to the nursing home. He felt secure there in case he needed medical attention.

You are still in my prayers.

Lori

 

[Dan Murphy]

Continued good wishes, with prayer, for your mom and all, Lauri.

 

[SandraM]

Glad things sound a little brighter Lauri, hope they continue to improve.
Regarding your phone call, I think the common advice for any abusive phone calls is to hang up! The fact that you know the person on the other end shouldn't change that. Obviously your brother is finding the whole situation difficult, but that doesn't mean he can take it out on you. I would let him know, politely, that you have been putting a huge effort into your Mum's life, and you have enough on your plate, so you will not accept inappropriate behaviour from him.
Best of luck.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Keep your chin up...your mom appreciates everything you do for her!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, if ti's any consolation to you, moving someone into a nursing home is always a traumatic event...there are many feelings conflicting, and it is, at best, difficult.

As far as the situation at the hospital prior to your mom's discharge....unfortunately, that is the way healthcare is these days, When the insurance company says time is up, unless the doctor is willing to go to the mat to prove why a longer stay is needed(which many aren't willing to do), then time is up. I do agree that the message could have been delivered a little more tactfully than "This hospital doesn't run to suit your or your sister's schedule", but that is, in fact, the message that has to be delivered. But it is a classic case of "it's not what you say it's how you say it". They said it poorly.

As far as your brother....his behavior is probably due to his own issues with his lack of attention to your mother over the years, and the sudden realiztion that when a hospital employee was asking him the most basic questions about his mother, he didn't know the answers. He got hit in the head with the fact that he is a schmuck. Since that information is too upsetting for him to deal with, he's going to deal with it by taking his anger out on you. I would recommend that when conversations with your brother take a downturn, that you calmly say "You are being rude and nasty and I will not continue this conversation" and then hang up the phone or walk away.

I will continue to keep your mother, but especially you, in my prayers.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

 

[Raulandpinboy]

I'm so glad you got her into the good home, and I'll pray and send PD your way.

Hang in there all will be fine.

 

[WeirdEyes]

Bless your heart. We had to do this with my grandmother when she had a stroke. It was a very traumatic experience. I'm so glad that you found a nice place for your mom and she can see her granddogs. Good luck!

 

[Luv2Roam]

I feel for you and hope things settle in for you and your mother.

Nursing homes are always sad, but on the other hand maybe she will get more of the attention and *nursing* she is craving through her hypochondria. She probably won't -- be she may be able to talk about her woes to anything not moving away. (My mother is a hypochondriac too -- and has been for years. As her father was. So I know what is like.)

My understanding when elderly people break their hip(s) and why often it leads to even worse health and demise is due to lack of movement, creating even more shallow breathing.
Due to this they often develop pneumonia.

And I hope you start to feel better. Your mother is important. But so are you.
You can't take care of someone else if you are run down too.

 

[Snowysmom]

It sounds like you were able to get her into a good nursing home. It is nice of you to take the doggies to visit her and help cheer her up. I hope things go better for you and your mother. Take care.