UPDATE in First Post!!! Fraternities/Sororities

[DVCLiz]

DD17 is going through rush next week, and I'd never seen this topic discussed. Were you in one? Any advice or good stories? Anybody with a student who is or has gone through rush or joined one? I'd love to hear whatever you have to say!!!

Update: I just got the magic phone call - DD got a bid from her first choice, Theta!!!! She is so thrilled - there was much squealing in the background. I'm so happy for her! Some of you had asked for an update - thanks again for your comments!!!!

 

[mamajoan]

Alpha Phi Omega!

I was a member of a co-ed service Fraternity at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale in the '70's. We did not have a ''house".

We were based on the Boy Scouts. It is a wonderful Frat that provides community service. We did things like re build a accessible playground at a nursing facility for the mentally ********, cancer rides, taking local foster kids to the zoo, bowling tournaments for Special Olympics etc. There was the party/social component also I enjoyed all of my time with my brothers and sisters of APO.

I had many friends that were "Greek". Each Frats social distinction often depends on the campus it is located. Some are known exclusively for their parties, some for being jock oriented, some for academics.....
I had good experiences with the kids in Fraternity/Sorority system at SIU back then. My son now attends SIU, it seems the Greeks are different now.
Not as popular as they once were. The school has pulled some Frats charters for disciplinary action. For example.. severe hazing, drinking, drugs, money problems. These problems may be isolated.. but do happen- just like in the real world......

If your daughter chooses to rush a sorority she may want to check it out her freshman year... watch it closely for the year. She may choose to rush her sophomore year with more imformation to make a clear choice of sororities.

Best wishes!

 

[lecach]

I agree with not rushing freshman year - you need to see what each one is like first and you need that first year to find out. Every sorority has a different personality. And it changes over the years too. When I was in college my chapter was known for being a mish mash of different types of girls - who had a lot of fun. Now they are known as having the highest grades on campus.

I was a Sigma Kappa. It was a lot more work than they make it look like in movies. We did a lot of philanthropy work like adopting grandparents and raising money for the Maine Sea Coast Mission.

Not to say that we didn't have fun. A lot of parties were held but the good thing was that we usually attended with other sisters and could watch out for each other.

It was a good experience for me. I was a transfer student and had trouble making friends because the girls in my dorm were already buddies. The only college friends that I still keep in touch with are my sisters.

 

[JulianneCP]

Delta Zeta From Sheperd College!

One of the best things I have ever done in my life! I'm 34 and I still feel this way My sisters are still my closet friends and our kids are too! It helped me keep my grades up in school and stay organized Really helped with self confidence! I was very activite and learn how to plan big events/socials/fundraiser/philanthopies ect.. all important things that you need in life I really think this helped shaped the person I'm today!

Also helped me learn about a budget becuase my parents paid for my school but I had to pay for all my fees etc...

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Read Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities by Alexandra Robbins.

Here is a link to the Barnes and Noble page.

This book was extremely eye-opening and Robbins didn't set out to write an eye-opening book. I had some Greek friends in college and their experiences mirrored those in the book.

 

[noodleknitter]

An interesting read is Alexandra Robbins book, "Pledged."

While the sororities offer "ready made friends," there is also a great deal of drug use, cheating on exams, binge drinking, hazing (even when illegal), etc. As the head of the counseling center at our college, I dealt with too many negative behaviors that were "enabled" by the sisterhood.

I find that people always stick up for them, etc., talking about all of their good works and deeds, when they are "attacked", or questioned. BUT, the stories they tell of the fun involves all of the above-mentioned activities!

 

[CheshireVal]

They always seemed like tremendous wastes of money and time to me.

 

[PlaneJoy1]

I am a Zeta Tau Alpha from years back.... once a Zeta, always a Zeta!

As other posters have mentioned, I'm sure there are unscrupulous things that go on in sororities/fraternities but that was not my experience at all. We were a group of different women from different backgrounds brought together by our beloved fraternity. I'm sure there were some that cheated on tests, but I found a great group of ladies to take classes with and study with. There were parties to do to that included drinking (not our parties - it wasn't allowed and we followed that), but anyone could go to those parties. It wasn't just the "Greeks" that were invited.

It depends on what your child makes of it. If he/she wants the drinking/drugs/partying, they'll find it. If they want a great group of friends, they'll find that too. Most fraternities/sororities have 50-300 people in them, depending on the size of the school usually. With numbers like that, you're going to find all kids of people.

Just my two cents.

 

[SC Minnie]

I was invited to go to a meeting about a particular sorority during rush my sophmore year. We had to fill out some forms and one of the questions was 'Can you meet the financial obligation of the sorority?'. This just struck me the wrong way. I didn't want to 'buy' friends. Needless to say I thanked the girl for inviting me but told her the whole thing was not for me. I didn't tell her why. This girl was in a couple of my classes and was always nice and friendly until I didn't want to rush her sorority then she acted as if I didn't exist.

 

[AKLRULZ]

I was a Lambda Chi Alpha and had a hugely positive fraternity experience. I'm also baffled how people who weren't in the Greek system bash social fraternities/sororities. You'll always hear the bad in terms of hazing and drinking, but I had nothing but an incredible time with lifelong bonds. Is it for everyone? No. But my fraternity didn't have rampant drug use nor were we cheaters. Rather, to even be initiated into my fraternity a guy had to have a 3.0 grade point average. We had a very smart group of young men who have gone on to successful careers and families.

I would encourage any young man or young lady to pledge into the Greek system as it will only enhance their college experience.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

When I was in college you couldn't rush until you had been in school 1 semester. Anyway, Kappa Psi Nu here.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I was not at all interested in the sorority scene when I was in college (sister in law was heavy into one - maybe that had a lot to do with it). It just seemed like another clique and reason to exclude. My roommate actually went through rush and was asked to join and then told them no thanks.

Anyhow, I still think they are worthless and will encourage my boys to avoid the "Greek system". There are much more productive uses of a college student's time, IMO.

 

[MissMinnie]

Hi! A sister from Delta Phi Epsilon here!! Just a note on the financial obligation subject. This is not so that you can buy friends. A sorority or fraternity has dues that must be paid to the national chapter of whatever house you are in and there are house expenses to be paid that are not covered in your regular tution and board. We had to pay for a cook for lunches and dinner and buy new appliances/equipment for the house as needed. Also, we had a house fund for parties and other events so that we did not have to pay out of pocket every time we wanted to host something. I did not pay a lot out of pocket either. Each house is different. As far as all Greeks being drug users and heavy partiers, on my campus that was not the norm. The people with the drug problems tended to be those who came to our parties from outside the Greek system and brought the problems into the house. I had a wonderful experience with a great group of young women in my college sorority and I did pledge my freshman year. That said, a Greek house is not for everyone, but it can't hurt to look into it. You can say no thanks if you want. I had a few good friends outside my house that lived in a dorm, and our doors we open to them anytime to visit and hang out even if they never pledged. My sorority was full of down to earth people who excelled in school. If we did not keep our grade point average to standard, we had to leave the house until our grades went back up. I find most people who put Greeks down are those that do not really understand what it is all about. Again, it is not for everyone, but it can be very rewarding.

 

[javaj]

MissMinnie -- hello to a fellow Deepher!

To the OP -- MissMinnie's points are very good ones.

Another thing I wanted to add is that the sororities may differ from campus to campus. So each person should decide for herself whether she'd benefit from joining a sorority.

Different chapters the same sorority may have very different personalities depending on the campus. I went to a small school, and I really enjoyed being part of my sorority. I did have friends outside of my sorority during college, but this thread just made me realize that I've only kept in touch with some of my sorority sisters. (I graduated over 9 years ago).

Fiduciary responsibilities also differ based on each chapter's expenses. We didn't have a house, so our dues were much less. I also learned so much from holding different offices in my sorority (Fundraising Chair, Treasurer, President -- at different times of course).

Plus it was FUN!

Hi! A sister from Delta Phi Epsilon here!! Just a note on the financial obligation subject. This is not so that you can buy friends. A sorority or fraternity has dues that must be paid to the national chapter of whatever house you are in and there are house expenses to be paid that are not covered in your regular tution and board. We had to pay for a cook for lunches and dinner and buy new appliances/equipment for the house as needed. Also, we had a house fund for parties and other events so that we did not have to pay out of pocket every time we wanted to host something. I did not pay a lot out of pocket either. Each house is different. As far as all Greeks being drug users and heavy partiers, on my campus that was not the norm. The people with the drug problems tended to be those who came to our parties from outside the Greek system and brought the problems into the house. I had a wonderful experience with a great group of young women in my college sorority and I did pledge my freshman year. That said, a Greek house is not for everyone, but it can't hurt to look into it. You can say no thanks if you want. I had a few good friends outside my house that lived in a dorm, and our doors we open to them anytime to visit and hang out even if they never pledged. My sorority was full of down to earth people who excelled in school. If we did not keep our grade point average to standard, we had to leave the house until our grades went back up. I find most people who put Greeks down are those that do not really understand what it is all about. Again, it is not for everyone, but it can be very rewarding.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I was not in a Sorority, but DH was in a frat. DS is a freshman this year at OU and he has pledged at Kappa Alpha. No hazing is allowed. They've done a couple of things, like make the pledges race down the street while the sorority girls watch, but it's NOT madatory. It's a dry campus, so the only drinking has been at off-campus parties. Some of the guys drink too much, but to be honest, so did the kids in the dorms when I was in college. DS isn't into drugs or alcohol, so he's been honest with me. He sees the frat as a great way to bond with a group of guys and a way to meet pretty girls.

Even though I'm not particularly pro-Greek (or anti-Greek for that matter), I will say they are encouraging him to keep his grades up with mandatory study hall. One of the members is a math tutor has pledged to help him with his Calc class and often shows up during study hall to help out. They seem like a nice group of young men.

 

[noodleknitter]

I find most people who put Greeks down are those that do not really understand what it is all about.

Or they are those who deal with the clean-up, emotionally, physically or finacially. The Greeks system has been one of abuse and bigotry for years. There is no arguing that. Hazing is alive and well in the system. Deaths occur yearly from alcohol abuse. Small town/college...or State U.

And, it is never the "studying to be good students" that comes up at reunions. It is the sex, drugs, sneaking around, and rule breaking that is the topic of the day.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I would encourage any young man or young lady to pledge into the Greek system as it will only enhance their college experience.

That is quite the hasty generalization! I realize you had a positive experience but I really have to disagree that going Greek will only enhance a college experience.

Am I outside the system? Yes, but I went through rush week and declined to join a sorority because of what I saw: underage drinking, casual sex encouraged and expected, eating disorders, cattiness, cheating, drug use, etc. Don't tell me I don't understand or can't have an opinion because I'm not Greek.

I had several friends in the Greek system and many of them did not have good experiences.

If you consider rape of a sorority girl by a fraternity brother an enhanced college experience, then go for it. Especially when the girl gets dropped from her sorority because her "sisters" didn't want to offend the frat. Yes, this actually did happen to a friend of mine. She persisted, the rapist is in jail, but she recieved death threats from his "brothers" and her so-called "sisters" spread rumors about what a "slut" she was.

If you consider being told how much to weigh, how to dress, and what color your hair should be, and who was acceptable to date an enhanced experience, then join! One of my friends was put on probation because she was a size 8. Not fat by any means, but still too large to "properly represent" her "sisters." It was a total "Mean Girls" mentality.

Several of my friends fell behind in school work because of required house commitments.

On my college campus, the Greeks were the partiers. Their parties were not open to "outsiders" so there was nobody to blame for "bringing problems in" but themselves. One frat president got kicked out of school for selling drugs.

Frankly, I feel that positive Greek experiences are the exception and not the norm. I have Greek friends who attended different colleges and they generally have had poor experiences, too.

Granted, these experiences can and do happen outside the Greek system. I am not saying it is limited to or even exclusive to Greeks. It is just that I have observed that friends outside the Greek system had an overall better college experience than those who did pledge.

OP-- read "Pledged" -- it will really open your eyes.

 

[DVCLiz]

OP-- read "Pledged" -- it will really open your eyes.

I'm not the one going through Rush, so I won't be reading this!!!

I gave it to DD last year and she read it - and enjoyed it, while taking some mental notes from it. Her school is small, and I think the Greek system is important but not critical in the larger sense of how the school functions and how students can find their niche. DD wants to join a sorority, and although she could wait until next year, she and all her frineds are rushing this year. So, again, not my decision, but hers.

Interesting perspectives from all - keep them coming!!!!

 

[MissMinnie]

Nice to meet you, Javaj!!! Go Deepher!!!

 

[noodleknitter]

Interesting. Sending a 17 year old into that situation, but not willing to look into it yourself? I can't imagine.