Update !! HELP !!!!!! Things are happening TOO fast!!

[C.Ann]

As I posted previously, my DH & I are in the process of determining other living arrangements..

Well - last night my son-in-law called me all excited about this house he saw for sale that appears to be an amazingly good deal given the size, location, etc. He suggested that we sell our house and move into this new one (or another, if this one isn't as good as it seems).. He would build an apartment for us to live in and our investment would be about a third of the cost of the house. He has ALWAYS said that I would live with them once my DH is gone anyhow and now that it's getting harder to take care of him he thinks we should BOTH come to live with them now..

We have an appt. to see this house at 6:30 tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything is happening too fast.. I can't think clearly so I'm counting on all of you to look at this objectively and offer opinions and advice..

About the ONLY thing that has to come mind for me is that I would give them the money from our house - but attach a lien to THEIR house so if they ever split we would be able to get our money back..

What else do I need to consider here? Do these arrangements ever work out? Would YOU consider this kind of living arrangement?

Please give me some guidance here as I would hate to make a HUGE mistake!!

I'll check back in after we've seen the house..

Thanks all!

 

[tc]

I think it sounds like a great idea. You get a long great with your dd and her husband, and it would be great to have them near. Just make sure you have an attorney draw up the contracts so you will be able to protect your interest. Even if it's family, it's alway good to protect yourself. Good luck and let us know what the house is like.

 

[Beauty]

When my dad died I know I wanted my mom to come and be with us and we had ONE discussion about the possibility of jointly purchasing a home. So I decided for the heck of it I would go look. We needed all these particular things, 4 bedrooms, a big fenced backyard for the dogs. A separate type space for privacy for her and in a good neighborhood.

The very first house we looked at fit the bill...on the FIRST day of looking! I looked at about 10 more houses during that day and the next and then we made an offer all within 48 hours....we were approved and closed within about 3 months! Unbelievable!! But we have been here a little over a year now and we love it. Its like the house just spoke to all of us.

 

[Lezah]

We have a situation like that. My parents live with us in a basement apartment. They paid for the renovation and my hubby did all the renovations himself. They also put down the downpayment and we pay the mortgage every month and have for the last 12 years. We have a raised bungalow so the basement has above ground windows and a zero clearance garage door that we use as their entrance. It has worked out very well for all of us. They look after our DS9 while we both work and it is the best possible arrangement for us all. They are both 71 and have been married 50 years this year. I am an only child and I would worry about them living on their own and am extremely close with both my parents so I would be spending a lot of time with them away from my family if this weren't the case.

 

[Mishetta]

I think it's a wonderful thing that your SIL wants you to live with them! My Mom moved in with us shortly after we were married. I am an only child & my Dad passed away when I was 8 y/o...so Mom was all alone anyway. It was wonderful because it was like my kids had 2 Mothers!

My DH embraced my Mom from the get-go so it worked out well. Last year Mom was diagnosed with Cancer & it really helped having her here with me as I didn't have to run to another location to take care of her. My Mom is gone now & I'm so grateful that we got to spend as much time together as possible.

Good luck on your decision!

P.S. (Seen any bears lately?? )

 

[PamOKW]

If you all think you can live together it's a great idea. It's a good sign that it's your SIL who is all for it.

The legalities are something to consider and I suggest that you get some estate guidance. From the little I've read, I gather your husband has health problems. I'm not sure what they entail but you may want to get the advice of a lawyer who specializes in estate planning/elder law. You want to protect your assets and also not jeapordize those of your daughter's family. If your husband and/or you may require assistance from Medicare or Medicaid down the road the house could be put at risk if it's in your names.

 

[Serena]

C.Ann, from all your posts, your son-in-law loves you and has a good head on his shoulders. He won't steer you wrong.

 

[C.Ann]

This has got to be the strangest showing of a house that I have ever encountered in my entire life!!

First of all, I'm used to the owner NOT being home and the general rule of thumb is that if they ARE home they're supposed to stay in another room and not utter a word unless DIRECTLY asked a question by the realtor or prospective buyer..

Not only was the buyer home, but he made a HUGE point of saying every possible negative thing about this house that he possibly could! There's something fishy going on here and the realtor that showed us the house (he's a good friend of ours and a neighbor at the lake) is going to try to get to the bottom of it tomorrow.. He suspects this may be a divorce case.. Wife was never mentioned, but there was evidence of two college-age daughters living there with the man..

The house was SOOOO dirty I couldn't believe it! Now if you truly wanted to sell your house - or get a decent price for it - even with problems with the house, wouldn't you at least wash the kitchen floor, clean the bathrooms, straighten up the rooms, and vacuum the rugs before someone viewed it???

Then there was the issue of approximately 8 inches of water in the basement that he claims has been a problem for YEARS now.. If you had a water problem in your basement for "years", wouldn't you have bought a sump pump by now? AND, the water was crystal clear and no evidence of water stains anywhere - like he purposely flooded the basement before we got there..

Asked about the inground pool and he immediately said, "Oh, the pump is shot and so is the liner.. Haven't used it in 2 years.." Yet it looked like it had in fact been used this summer..

Asked if the appliances stayed and he said, "Yes - but they're all on their last leg.."

Asked about the roof and he said, "It definitely needs a new one - there's loose and missing shingles up there and this winter I'll probably have to throw a tarp over it.."

When my DD remarked about how nice the skylights were in the family room he responded with, "Yeah - but they both leak.."



Does THIS sound like someone trying to sell their home - or someone who is being FORCED by an ex-wife to sell and therefore wants to either get NO offers or sell it for a fraction of the price so she'll get much less money??

Other than the "weirdness" of this guy, the house looks awesome from the outside and is on the most incredibly beautiful HUGE lot.. Great neighborhood.. Everything needs to be updated and/or repaired, but my son-in-law is a genius at that kind of stuff..

The guy is asking $150,000.. If it were in the shape it should be, it would easily sell for about $250,000..

So....for now it's "wait and see" till our friend gathers more info tomorrow.. My son-in-law is going to go back on Saturday during the day to take a good look at all of the property and to go down into the basement (wearing waders) to see if it was flooded intentionally..

The whole thing is just SOOOOOO weird!!
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As for my son-in-law.. Yes - it was HIS idea that we come to live with them.. That's the way he was raised (at one point or another, both his dad's dad and his mom's mom lived with them because they were in poor health).. He's very family-oriented that way and lucky for us, he thinks we are the greatest in-laws on the face of the earth..

Of course if we DO go through with this venture, we will have legal papers drawn up in terms of our share of the money and what it entitles us to in the future.. I've already discussed that with him and he has no problems with that at all..

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So - what the heck do you think was up with this guy? It was certainly an ODD experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[robinb]

I think an inspection will clear up a lot of your questions. If you are interested in this house, $250-$300 isn't too much to pay to really find out if things are bad or not.

 

[Mermaid02]

Sounds to me like you have got it right- for whatever reason Mr.Negative doesn't want to sell. Don't let him deter you though- a home inspection sounds like a good idea (understatement) and if the home is jointly owned, maybe you could speak to the wife too.

 

[Serena]

It does sound fishy. I always vote for an independant inspection.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here is my take on this....

You guys are the shoppers. Why in the heck would you buy something that obviously flawed? Nope, I would not even give it a second thought. (I learned my lesson on a dirty car (we got BURNED)...I want something that someone has taken care of it)

I didn't read your posts about the fact you are moving in with family.
How we have solved it is....BIL bought a condo for MIL (he took the sale from her home) & she rents it back to him.
If it came down to my parents I would do that too, unless it was just my mom.

My neighbors up the street built a house with the basement finished for "mom". She was the one that got them into the house as they were unable to afford it without her. Is that the case with you C Ann?

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
Here is my take on this....

You guys are the shoppers. Why in the heck would you buy something that obviously flawed? Nope, I would not even give it a second thought. (I learned my lesson on a dirty car (we got BURNED)...I want something that someone has taken care of it)

I didn't read your posts about the fact you are moving in with family.
How we have solved it is....BIL bought a condo for MIL (he took the sale from her home) & she rents it back to him.
If it came down to my parents I would do that too, unless it was just my mom.

My neighbors up the street built a house with the basement finished for "mom". She was the one that got them into the house as they were unable to afford it without her. Is that the case with you C Ann?

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I think what has us puzzled is that it appears that many of the "flaws" either don't actually exist - or they were "manufactured" for this showing (such as the crystal clear water in the basement, yet no water stains or anything to indicate this has been the ongoing problem he related to us).. I'm guessing that it's a bitter divorce and he's either being "forced" to sell the house and doesn't want to - or he's bitter enough that he wants to devalue it to the point where his ex would get little to no profit from the sale..

As for the "problems" he pointed out to us, with my son-in-law's expertise in that field they're irrelevant to him.. The house that he and my daughter live in now was acquired as a bank foreclosure for under $40,000.. Before being evicted, the prior owners TOTALLY trashed the place inside and out.. They smashed the concrete in the inground pool; ripped the liner to shreds; destroyed the pool pump, tore down the fencing; smashed HUGE holes in the walls of every room of the house; destroyed the plumbing in the kitchen and bathroom; pulled down ceilings; ripped the ceramic tiles off of the bathroom walls; broke doors off the kitchen cabinets; broke at least one window in every room; and on and on.. My son-in-law had been in the home construction business for 10 years and saw the potential (it was the classic "bad house in a good neighborhood") so they bought the house anyhow, he went in and gutted everything to the outside walls and replaced it all with new materials; replaced all of the windows; put in a brand new wiring system; replaced the furnace and all plumbing; repaired the fence & pool; puchased a new pool pump; etc. and it only cost them $40,000.. (This of course is due to the fact that he was able to obtain most everything he needed at wholesale and he was able to do all of the work himself..) As it stands today, (according to our realtor friend who has been selling houses in that particular area for 35 years) he believes they could easily sell it for at least $110,000 right now.. Their current mortgage (which includes the $40,000 worth of materials they put into the house) is half paid off..

Now - as for where "we" come into this.. DH and I are in a situation where we need/want/have to move.. The taxes keep going higher and higher where we live and we just can't afford them anymore.. The house is over 60 years old (my childhood home) and needs lots of repairs that we also can't afford and quite frankly, even if we could, I just don't want to live here anymore.. We're looking at many alternatives right now - even turning the lake house into a year round house and moving up there.. However, due to my DH's serious health problems it's making my son-in-law and DD very nervous that we would be living so far away in a somewhat isolated area.. I think that's probably why my son-in-law all of a sudden started looking at houses now rather than waiting another 2 years or so.. He has ALWAYS indicated that once my DH was gone he would want me to come and live with them, but now with this new turn of events, he wants us both to come and live with them..

If they were to buy this particular house for the price they're willing to offer, then NO - it would not be a case of they can't purchase this house without help from us.. They both have very good, well-paying jobs, excellent credit, and he has the ability (and desire) to do whatever work would need to be done.. (He LOVES that "hands on" stuff but doesn't get to do it much now that he's a project estimator for a huge commercial construction company - he mostly sits in his office all day long except when he has to actually go out and look at the sites..

Having said all of that though, I would WANT to contribute something to the cost - providing we had the proper legal documents drawn up.. I can't even begin to tell you how much my son-in-law has done for us over the years and is willing to do for us in the future as well.. If we decide to turn our lake house into a year round place HE will be doing all of the work except for the poured foundation (we'll need to add on) and he will NOT take a dime from us.. Also, when we pass away, my DD (and granddaughter) get everything anyhow, so it's just a matter of do they get some of it now - or all of it later?

I hope I haven't confused you with my reply here.. Obviously my son-in-law would have a professional inspection done prior to an offer (just in case the water in the basement is legit) and he would NEVER go for the asking price of $150,000, so I guess whatever happens now hinges on additional information, an inspection report, and if this guy is really serious about selling..

Meanwhile I'm still exploring the possibility of living at the lake house year round and will be going to the county office tomorrow to get a map of my property to take over to the building inspector in that teeny tiny town up there to see if we can actually do what I want to do without requesting a variance from the planning board..

So - where are we going to live??? Who knows !!!! LOL

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like SIL knows what is going on & has been thru that before. UGh, made me tired reading it. I wouldn't like all that extra work. Too chaotic for me.

I don't know about the moving in thing. For some it works out beautifully and others it ends up creating tension and people ending things on a bad note. You can just never know. Esp if you are still young. Peace, quiet & freedom would be something I would like in later years. I guess that is all personal decisions.

I suppose the main thing is, what do YOU want? If you want to be at the Lake House for now then probably your gut instinct is correct.

You could always move in with SIL at any time if things didn't work out.

Good Luck!

 

[MerryPoppins]

My grandparents moved in with my parents. They sold their house and paid to build their apartment. Of course, my parents were already in the house at the time. Anyway, it worked out great. And I think it was easier for them to move in before one of them was gone. You go through enough changes with a death.

I think it sounds like it might be a good idea. You obviously get along well. It would be nice to have help close-by. Where would your apartment be? Would it be enough space for what you would want to keep?

My grandparents had my dad build a bedroom, living room/dining room combo, and a kitchenette in an oversize 2 car garage. It was the perfect size for them. Now that they are gone, my mother still enjoys the space.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
Sounds like SIL knows what is going on & has been thru that before. UGh, made me tired reading it. I wouldn't like all that extra work. Too chaotic for me.

I don't know about the moving in thing. For some it works out beautifully and others it ends up creating tension and people ending things on a bad note. You can just never know. Esp if you are still young. Peace, quiet & freedom would be something I would like in later years. I guess that is all personal decisions.

I suppose the main thing is, what do YOU want? If you want to be at the Lake House for now then probably your gut instinct is correct.

You could always move in with SIL at any time if things didn't work out.

Good Luck!

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I hear what you're saying.. And ironically, I get along better with my son-in-law than I do my own DD most of the time!! LOL (She can be a head-strong little thing but we always end up kissing and making up.. Ha!)

That's the beauty of still having the lake house though.. Even if we didn't turn it into a year-round home, we could easily live there from mid-April till the end of October and go back with the "kids" for 5 months of the year..

Guess we'll just have to see how everything pans out - but one thing is for sure - I will NOT be "rushed" into making such a major decision.. When it comes down to do we "definitely" do this or "definitely" do that, there will be some LOOOOOOONG heavy-duty conversations going on!

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by MerryPoppins
My grandparents moved in with my parents. They sold their house and paid to build their apartment. Of course, my parents were already in the house at the time. Anyway, it worked out great. And I think it was easier for them to move in before one of them was gone. You go through enough changes with a death.

I think it sounds like it might be a good idea. You obviously get along well. It would be nice to have help close-by. Where would your apartment be? Would it be enough space for what you would want to keep?

My grandparents had my dad build a bedroom, living room/dining room combo, and a kitchenette in an oversize 2 car garage. It was the perfect size for them. Now that they are gone, my mother still enjoys the space.

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If they go with this particular house - and we decide to go with them - then it would probably be the exact same scenario as your grandparents - the small apt. in the oversize 2-car garage.. If I DID need extra storage (for stuff you don't have to get at daily), there's tons and tons of room for my SIL to construct one of those really nice wooden sheds on the property..

I'm glad to hear it worked out well for your grandparents.. My SIL has a very strong sense of taking care of older family members and he almost acts like it isn't something you even need to think about - you just DO it..

 

[dianeschlicht]

I think it sounds like a good idea. I know your DH needs care, and a year round home at the lake might be all right now, but what about the future? I think you SIL has a GREAT idea! I also think you are well aware of what needs to be done legally etc.

Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

Let me speak to you as a daughter who also has aging parents, although mine are, fortunately, in very good health for their age, and live completely independently at the moment, and thankfully, their home is about 10 minutes from mine. As I recall from previous posts C.Ann, your DH is not in the best of health.

If you think that the space you would have in this new house would be enough to afford both you guys and your DD's family privacy, while still having the convenience of being close by, then by all means do it. If you think that all of you can comfortably and reasonably live in close proximity, then do it. If it makes financial sense, then do it.

You mentioned something about winterizing the lake house, so it has year-round livability. If it is far away from your DD and DSIL, then don't do that, because when something happens, it just makes everyone's life more difficult. Your daughter has to try and assist you from a distance, the logisitcs of something like that are a nightmare. I've been a nurse for 20 years, and it is very difficult on families when they are out of town, and a loved one is ill. With your DH's health history, chances are that something may happen that would require him to be hospitalized, or at least more care than you are able to handle alone. It would be so much easier on all involved if you were close by.

When my D in-laws were both ill, we were fortunate that they lived about 5 minutes away. They stayed in their own home, and we, along with other family members, were able to care for them. How easy it was to hop in the car and drive 5 minutes around the corner, rather than having to drive 30 or 60 minutes or more.

You are fortunate that your DD and DSIL are so willing to do this. Don't make their life any more difficult than it may have to be by adding a long commute to your house when they need to assist you.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I think an apartment would offer you the privacy you want, but also give you the support you'll need in the future. Just be sure you plan for storage. Dad put in a small walk-in closet for my grandmother. It helped that they could have their own space and also places to store their own things.

Keep us informed with what happens.