um, any, um, ideas, to stop, um, saying um?

[kristilew]

My DD11 has developed the most annoying habit of adding "um" into everything she says. Not just when she is thinking or placeholding, but constantly, every few words. It is incredibly difficult to listen to any story she tells, because the "ums" are so frequent and distracting.

It's not a verbal tic like tourettes or anything (I have a friend whose kid has this, and I know I'm being a picky parent for complaining about something so much smaller-scale.) It's just a really bad habit. She doesn't even realize how often she does it. DH loses patience with her far sooner than I do, and gives her a hard time about it. So she'll try for a few sentences, but again doesn't realize how often it comes out of her mouth.

We'd love, um, to hear, um, all about, um, her, um, friends and like, um, what they did, um, today, um, but, like, um, it's hard to stay, um, focused long, um, enough to actually, um, follow a few, um, sentences without, um, wanting to, um, shake her.


Has anyone successfully battled this particular speech demon with a child? Any suggestions?

 

[marlynnp]

BTDT! Everytime mine did it we'd say 'root beer'. I don't even remember why we picked that, we were probably just trying to finish a sentence for her. But everytime she said ummm or like we said it.

So your example would be: We'd love, um {root beer!}, to hear, um{root beer!}, all about, um{root beer!}, her, um{root beer!}, friends and like{root beer!}, um{root beer!},(mommmmm!) what they did, um{root beer!}, today, um{root beer!}, but, like{root beer!}, um{root beer!}, it's hard to stay, um{root beer!}, focused long, um{root beer!}(arrrrrrrrrhhhhh, mom), enough to actually, um{root beer!}, follow a few, um{root beer!}, sentences without, um{root beer!}, wanting to, um{root beer!}, shake her.

It annoyed her enough to stop, lol. I think it took a good month or so to have the um's almost completely gone. Still get a few when she has to decide something but she can tell us a story without interruption now!

 

[kristilew]

awesome idea! I will be implementing it in t minus 10 minutes, when she walks in the door from school!

 

[locolala]

I did this for awhile, then my dad told me I sounded very unintelligent when I did it. I stopped after that!

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

Um, I used to have the same, um. Really bad habit.
My mom yelled at me. But, um, I think I'm better.



(Honestly, though, my mom did yell at me.)

 

[ohiomom28]

I did this as a teenager..lol it should pass.

We have a man at work that says "and stuff" after every sentence. For example..He will say, "My wife and I went to the drive in and stuff. We had a great time and stuff." It drives us insane!

Hopefully, um, this is just a phase and it, um, passes!

 

[eeyore65]

We charge my DS (now 10) a $1 every time he says the word or phrase he is to be eliminating. However, he only needs to pay once it hits $20. He mows the lawn and this is two weeks of mowing - so magical, the habit is ALWAYS broken before we hit the magic $20 mark. I think the highest he got is $17. Luckily, he is very money motivated!

 

[tinatark]

Never mind... I won't make this a political thread!

BUT, when we did discuss politics, I was attacked for criticizing a certain politician's use of "um" in his unscripted talk. I was told it was part of his speech pattern.

That said... have you considered saying it back to her? Or, just make her aware she is using it too much - also works for frequent "like" users!

 

[kristilew]

lol, I've been rather surprised, actually, that the first few replies on this thread were not to tell me that I'm a terrible mother for wanting to change my baby in any way So thanks for *not* making it political, tinatark

Actually, showing her this thread may have helped. She was pleasantly surprised to read that others had overcome this habit. And I'm already driving her nut with the "root beer," so we'll see what happens.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I had a class in middle school that did Junior Toastmasters with us. Nothing cures "ums" than the notorious "ums counter" who would catch them all. Learned real quick to knock it off.

But seriously--any type of public speaking opportunity will help if there is anything available.

My dd is only 9--but if she's um-ing it is usually b/c she hasn't fully gathered her thoughts or is otherwise distracted. So I will stop her and tell her to tell me when she knows what she is going to say.

So I would suggest the same approach to your 11yo. Um is simply a space filler while they are thinking of what to say.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

BUT, when we did discuss politics, I was attacked for criticizing a certain politician's use of "um" in his unscripted talk. I was told it was part of his speech pattern.

It is a part of an untrained speech pattern, but a habit easily broken if one chooses to pay attention to the fact they are doing it. It is a sign of being nervous or unprepared so I would not like if a person of any type of authority trying to speak authoritatively on a subject said um every other word.

Interesting article on the subject. It says that it is used to let people know the speaker is still speaking. I don't know why--but I find that funny.
http://www.toach.net/articles/speech_um.htm

Which I guess one could tie that to nervousness. I know in my beginnings--when I said um, I was searching for what to say and the um let people know that I was still hear and any minute I *might* say something wonderful. Sadly, my um was misleading.

 

[Imzadi]

Umm, like, I really don't know why you um need, like, you know, to change how, you know, the way, you know, DD speaks, like, um, you know, they are really like, you know, really understandable, you know, the way they are. You know?


Kind of like the "root beer" example, my DSis would interrupt me ever time I said, "You know." She'd say, "No, I don't know...What am I supposed to know?...I know what?..." It got to a point that if I wanted to finsih the simplest of sentences to communicate or to get my thought across, I had to literally pause and think what I really wanted to say beyond the "you know." It didn't take long as it was so frustrating no being able to get through a single sentence without being interrupted. My DSis also told me I sould really unintelligent when I kept saying that.

 

[Avalon_toon]

I wish we'd thought of some of these ideas when my step-DD was younger - she says "like" every few words, its maddening! But she's off to college now, so I don't think "root beer" would work with her now!

 

[monkey68]

My mom actually secretely recorded a conversation I had with her and then played it back to me, and I heard just how annoying all those "um's" and "like's" were. Stopped on the spot.

 

[golfgal]

It was "like" at our house. DD would like, say like, like every like 3rd like word so we like just started like talking like her like. It didn't take long for her to stop. Now if her friends (good friends) come over and do the same thing we just do the same thing back to them. We got one friend to stop saying like all the time, we are working on a couple others .

 

[minkydog]

I wish we'd thought of some of these ideas when my step-DD was younger - she says "like" every few words, its maddening! But she's off to college now, so I don't think "root beer" would work with her now!

Try "Budweiser"

 

[Feralpeg]

I had several students who would use "like" after every other word. It drove me crazy. I started making them repeat what they said until they said it without saying like. They got very annoyed, but it eventually sunk in. They also used it in their writing. I banned the word "like" from their work unless it was in reference to a description. If they violated this, they lost points on their papers. I had to do the same thing with several texting phrases as well.

 

[SandrA9810]

There was a kid in middle school that always said "you know". If he started out, "Ms. Cain, you know,..." And she would always say "no, I don't know". I don't know how long it took him to outgrow it. But it went on the whole year.

 

[clh2]

This summer's "most annoying expression from DD" included "dude".

Dh and I had been casually mentioning it to her all summer.

The dude comments originally started off referring to other people. By the end of the summer, she was referring to DH and I as dude. So - when DD made a comment...i.e. DUDE, blah, blah, blah...DH and I started answering ONLY: DUDE - my name is mom (or dad from DH). We are sure to emphasize the DUDE. We also refused to answer her question, unless she re-addressed us appropriately. 9 times out of 10 - she would forget what she was saying or asking.

The first week of "duding" her back was pretty irritating, however, the 2nd week of it was much, much better!

 

[minkydog]

I had several students who would use "like" after every other word. It drove me crazy. I started making them repeat what they said until they said it without saying like. They got very annoyed, but it eventually sunk in. They also used it in their writing. I banned the word "like" from their work unless it was in reference to a description. If they violated this, they lost points on their papers. I had to do the same thing with several texting phrases as well.

I had a professor who told us to cross out "very" and insert "damn" into our paragraphs. Then he took points off for profanity. He made his point. I learned to write without the use of "very" OR "damn"!