Ugh! Bad day at preschool...

[ReneeA]

DS4 BIT another little boy at preschool today. I knew something was up when the teacher asked me to stay after to talk. So, I asked DS what happened. He told me he bit Ian and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I am furious at him! So, I made him sit in time-out and took his favorite toy away for a week. His aunt wanted him to go to her house for the day - his favorite place in the world, and I wouldn't let him do that...much as I would have liked to gotten rid of him for the day.

What else do I do? I'm a SAHM and it's his first year of "school". He's got a 2 y.o. sister that he plays pretty good with the majority of the time. He hasn't bit anyone since he was 22 months old! The first week of school the teacher told me he was everyone's best friend, but he was very "physical" - wanting to wrestle with everyone. It took a week or so, but we solved that issue. Biting obviously isn't tolerated and he could get kicked out if he does it again.

He really is a sweet boy 95% of the time. The other 5% . I am going to email his teacher and see if she will give me the other mom's number so I can apologize, and DS is going to apologize on Wed. Anyone got any other suggestions?

ReneeA

 

[lulugirl]

Unless it becomes a regular thing I wouldn't worry too much about it.
It sounds like he's generally a good kid, maybe he just had a bad day.
I think having him apologize to the child he bit is a good idea.

 

[Christine]

Often times, when a child bites, it is not that they just did it to be mean. It is usually because they feel threatened by another child. At that age, biting is the only way they can release their frustration and fight back. Now, this is not always the case all of the time, but most of the time it is.

I must confess: I was a biter. But only ever bit my cousin. She was kind of a bully to me. We would play and she would push me around and I would bite her. My grandmother (who was watching us) never saw what my cousin did to me but always caught me biting my cousing (mostly due to her screaming!!).

When my son was in daycare, he bit his best friend once. They were all lining up for something and his friend kept pushing him out of the way trying to get in front of him and my son bit him.

Mostly, if your kid is the one GETTING the bite, then your child is usually the instigator of something. The "biter" is usually defending themselves. And I say *usually*. I'm sure there are cases where a kids just bites.

 

[LBAK]

Personally I think that should do it. I doubt the teacher will give you the other mom's number. If she knows it was your son she might approach you.
It's a pretty common thing and I think you handled it really well with your son.
I always feel so bad for the moms of my biters because the are always mortified and embarrassed but you know what? That's just what kids do. He was probably frustrated with the child and didn't use his words. Biting is much quicker and more effective. Try to have a good day and don't hold it against your son.

 

[ReneeA]

Thanks! I know that DS has communication problems - he's got a neurological speech delay and actually didn't talk *at all* until he was almost 3. He's been in speech therapy since before he was 2, and has made huge strides in the last year. However, I know he gets frustrated at times, and can't communicate his feelings. That's when we have trouble with his behavior.

I am terribly embarrassed, and hate to face the other mom.

 

[mickeyboat]

Oh, biting! I do not envy you in the least. Emily was a biter, so I have a lot of empathy for you. It's so hard when you have a biter (that's not to say it isn't hard when your child is the one being bitten), because to the kid it isn't much different than hitting someone, but to the one being bitten, it is much more painful and leaves a mark that lasts for a long time.

She went through two phases of biting - one between 18 months and about 2 1/2, and another when she was around 4. The younger phase was tough, but a little more understandable, since she was going through a developmental phase where biting can be common. The boy she bit most often whipped a toy out of her hand one day and whacked her in the eye with it. She had a lovely little shiner - I look back at that time and call it pay back.

The four year old phase was much tougher to deal with. She knew it was wrong, and she knew it hurt people. It only happened when she was unsupervised - either at day care or at home while playing with her sister. So my first course of action was to make sure she was watched more closely. Second I worked really hard with her to find other means to express her frustration besides biting. Third we used a punishment system for immediate feedback (time-out) and a reward system for more long-term good behavior.

Talk to the preschool teachers and ask what they suggest. Good luck.

Denae

 

[ElizaB39]

At least he didn't pee out of a playhouse window onto a little girl.

That is whay my friend's 4 yo DS did. She was mortified, but the teacher did say he probably didn't know she was on the ground under the window and he just needed to relieve himself.

 

[lulugirl]

Please don't be embarrassed. Our children are always going to do things we don't like, hopefully the other Mom will realize this (unless of course her child is perfect).
My Dd started preschool when she was three, her first week there she told another boy that his feet smelled like diarrhea. I asked her why she said that, she replied "because he made crunchy eyes at me".
Now Dh and I thought it was kinda funny, but I worried that the other parents would be horrified. Some laughed, some thought my DD had a potty mouth....oh well.

 

[tiff211]

Don't worry about it.....it happens!! Over DDs daycare years, they have bitten, been bitten, scratched, have scratched, etc. It's par for the course. The funny part is Ian probably already told his mom who did it. Before DD3 could talk, she would point and scowl at the guilty party. Now she tells me their name. Kids will be kids and hopefully Ian's parents get that as well!!