Our drive to Animal Kingdom was uneventful except for the very rude guest who cut us off and almost sent us plummeting to our deaths.
disclaimer: some events in the previous sentence may have been exaggerated for dramatic effect. It's called artistic liberty people. Deal. ;-)
I think a song is needed, so I sing one.
"California, here we come. Right back where we started from"
"Why are you singing that? We aren't in California!" Peej sounds annoyed.
"B/C" I explain "You are boring as heck AND I am a jovial person. Also, not to point out your error, but the song states 'California, here we COME.' meaning you are in fact NOT in California but heading towards Californina"
PJ=
"But we're not heading to California. We're heading to AK"
"Exactly" says me, myself, and I
PJ screams. literally. "EXACTLY?!?!?!? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???"
"Exactly. An adverb. Meaning precisely. with precision"
"Oh good Lord" PJ sighs. "You are so freakin' annoying"
I smile. Pleased with myself. BBN-1 PJ-0. heh heh
RS feels it necessary to explain to PJ that sometimes I say stuff just to see how people will react. Sometimes it will be something ridiculous, sometimes smartypants, sometimes annoying, and sometimes thought provoking.
I ponder this.
Hmmm. It's true. Good observation skillz there, RonStoppable. I do indeed say things for the sheer pleasure of watching said reactions. The human condition fascinates me. PJ is definitely human, but let's not speak of her "condition"
fyi, she's crazy.
We pull into the AK parking lot. The parking lot attendant was VERY exuberant. She would give an air traffic controller working Christmas Eve at O'Hare a run for his money. What is it with parking lot attendants anyway? They definitely march to the beat of a different drummer.
This gal took her job seriously. Directions were being shouted, arms were flailing, and cars were lining up quite nicely into their designated spots.
uh oh.
Somebody decided to buck the system. You could hear frustrated parking lot screams all the way to Tuscaloosa. DO NOT veer from the path. DO NOT stray from the course. DO NOT pass go. *yikes*
Was it wrong to giggle at her flailing ways? Was it frowned upon to stare in amazement as she barked orders like General Patton during Operation Torch?
Here's a picture. She had relaxed a bit by the time we got out of the veehickuhl, so some of the flailing is lost in translation.
The photopass people want to give us a photopass card and take our picture. Somehow RS talks them into snapping our picture with our camera and leaves them standing there holding their photopass card.
Look. A rose between two thorns.
Who likes the purple Cpt Jack shirt I bought for "dd"?
Knowing that it is already getting really crowded, we head to Expedition Everest and grab fastpasses to use for later. Why do we always encounter problems at the fastpass machines?
The chick in front of us was cursing like a sailor. her language was so atrocious she would have made Gordon Ramsey blush. (Hell's Kitchen. WATCH IT!) The cursing wasn't her only character flaw. Her subject matter was crass and vulgar and she was rude and inconsiderate and trying to bully everyone around her so she could work her way to the front of the FP line. Let's not even discuss her attire or how she was unable to meet a goal of smelling nice that morning.
RS was growing weary of her nastiness. She was indeed making a spectacle. Her dh or dbf just kept looking at her and nodding. He knew he was powerless to stop her disgusting tirade. Other AK guests kept trying to look away, but couldn't. One might even say it was a:
Her rantings grew louder and louder. The discomfort level was rising significantly. The castmembers would look at her and then quickly glance away. When she practically took out a small child and bumped RonStoppable which caused him to bump me, which caused me to bump PJ, which caused PJ to bump the kid next to her, RS had decided he had had enough.
As RS grabs my hand so I dont land flat on my keister, he turns to cursing lady and says "Hey, the rest of us didn't get the memo that it was dumba** day at Animal Kingdom. I suggest you do us all a favor and knock it off"
I giggle. PJ giggles. The rude gal's significant other actually laughs. Then several other people do too. The lady with the bumped kid thanks RS. I guess the wind was taken out of her sails a bit, so she skulks to the end of the line and doesnt say another word.
Soooo, RS tell us how you really feel. hee hee
We finally grab our fastpasses and mosey on over to the monkey exhibit. Our very first trip to AK was in May, 1998. When we walked into the park that day, the first thing we heard was a loud howling screech. Then, a few moments later, another howling screech. This continued and we finally asked a CM what the racket was. He informed us that the howler monkeys were feeling a little full of themselves and were giving morning shout outs to all the guests. There was no screeching today, but the monkeys were in a festive mood. Come to think of it, when are monkeys NOT in a festive mood? Perhaps we should all take a lesson from the primate. After all, nothing says festive like picking fleas from your SO and then enjoying those fleas as a snack.
Monkeys. Pictures. Enjoy.
The heat was getting to Baby PJ and complaining ensued. To put it plainly, the hotT college chick was, well, hot. RS and I are absorbed with the antics of the monkeys. I look around.
She's gone. I poke RS "Where'd Peej go"
He shrugs his shoulders and gives me a look that implies "dont know. dont care." (sorry Peej)
I look around. I thought there would be no lost child issues this trip. Did I or did I not leave the bbn brood behind? Why am I now searching for a little lost college kid?
I walk to the bathroom. I scan the stalls for white tank tops thrown haphazardly over the top. Nope. I press forward.
Drink stand? No
Monkeys? Nuh uh
Souvenir stand? Nada
Trolloping with new found friends? Negative.
Hang on. I spy something out of the corner of my eye. I should have looked here first. It is a well known fact that P. Lauren cannot handle the heat. I guess she needs to get out of the kitchen. Hell's Kitchen? Sorry. stream of consciousness took over for a second.
Where else would I have found her, but here? Loserfreak.
I gather up the newly found lost child and the not afraid to call you a dumbastarstar cowboy and head towards the expedition of a lifetime. I figure if bbn is persuasive enough to get PJ to ride ToT, then surely I can be persuasive enough to get her to ride Everest.
My work is cut out for me. Wish me luck.
I forgot all about that.
with that remark)
