Trying to salvage my trip...not looking good!

[omalley1118]

Hi everyone. This whole Summer has been a nightmare, and I have barely even looked at my beloved DisBoards. My Mom has had a very difficult time with multiple hospitalizations and the realization she can not liv independently anymore. She lives 3 hours away from me which made it necessary for multiple trips to empty her house, etc. Guess what 37 years of stuff looks like...

She is now in subacute rehab and will be staying with us when she is discharged. While I am happy about this, it's causing our Fall trip to look like an endangered species. I would do anything for my Mom, but I am also a little sad. The worst part is that we will also be missing our free 4 night cruise that we got for joining last year. UGH!!!

So, I guess I have until 31 days before to cancel in order to avoid losing points, right???? I was so looking forward to teh Food and Wine plus Halloween there.

 

[nunzia]

Is there no one who can come in and help out so you can take you trip (s)? A sibling? Maybe there is an organization who has people who will help out, or a temporary visiting caregiver?
I'm sure your Mom doesn't want you have to give up vacations...

 

[jerseygal]

I WISH YOU THE BEST RESOLVING AND NAVIGATING THROUGH THIS
HEALTH PROBLEM..

WE ARE NOW ALSO 3 HOURS AWAY FROM ALL OF OUR RELATIVES...4 1/2 FROM MY ELDERLY PARENTS, 80 AND 86...IN GOOD HEALTH NOW, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW FROM HOUR TO HOUR...

BEST OF LUCK AND SOMEHOW SOMEWAY I HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY CAN ENJOY THE DISNEY CRUISE!

 

[3happydancers]

Hi everyone. This whole Summer has been a nightmare, and I have barely even looked at my beloved DisBoards. My Mom has had a very difficult time with multiple hospitalizations and the realization she can not liv independently anymore. She lives 3 hours away from me which made it necessary for multiple trips to empty her house, etc. Guess what 37 years of stuff looks like...

She is now in subacute rehab and will be staying with us when she is discharged. While I am happy about this, it's causing our Fall trip to look like an endangered species. I would do anything for my Mom, but I am also a little sad. The worst part is that we will also be missing our free 4 night cruise that we got for joining last year. UGH!!!

So, I guess I have until 31 days before to cancel in order to avoid losing points, right???? I was so looking forward to teh Food and Wine plus Halloween there.

First let me say that I am so sorry to hear that your mom's health is failing. I have been in that same situation and my mom lived hours away. My mom passed away just a year ago and I miss her terribly. I would give anything to have her back.

Is it possible to turn to your church, family and/or neighbors for help? If so, then perhaps in between their visits, you could also arrange for a Home Health Aide and Visiting Nurse to come in (of course this would depend on her insurance and financial situation). Also, even though she can no longer live independantly, can your mom still perform any tasks on her own or does she need 24/7 care?

In my mom's case, she needed assistance, but she was able to be left alone for periods of time (a few hours at a time with periodic visits from others while I worked), she could dress and shower, and was able to fix simple meals. If your mom can function at this level, then scheduling visits from others that can help might be the way to go. That's not to say that this is an easy task, it is not.

I know how difficult this all is but the reality of it is that now, and in the future you and your family may have to make difficult dicisions and sacrifice. If it is any consolation, I will say that in looking back, for me, the sacrifices seem ever so small compared to the sacrifices my mom made while we were children.

I wish you and your family the strenght needed to get throught this difficult time and lots of for your mom.

 

[AnnetteF]

I understand what you are going through. Both of my parents became ill last January, within a week of eachother. My father passed away in May, but before he passed away, he sold their condo. My Mom was in rehab at the time. My husband and I had to empty the condo of 20 years of stuff. Needless to say, most of 2010 has been a nightmare.

My Mom came to live with us when she got out of rehab. We had our trip planned before all of this started for early August, and for a while I also wondered if we would be able to go (and this year I needed it more than ever!).

Luckily, as it turned out, my Mom was able to get around in the house just fine. I stocked up on groceries for her and had a couple of people I could call if anything came up. She had someone do a grocery trip for her during the trip as well, but that was all she needed. We also had one of those medical alert systems set up for her, so she just has to push a button that hangs around her neck if anything happened and she needed help.

I don't know if this could work for your Mom, but if not, there are other alternatives. If you don't have a relative or friend who would be willing to stay with her, there are still a couple of other options, although, I have to imagine that they are expensive. I found that many assisted living facilities offer short term stays for people like your mom who just need care while their family is away on vacation. Again, I don't know what the cost of this is or if it would be possible for you. Also, I found a company in this area (I'm in CT) that offers in home care and you can have them there as much as she might need.

I hope you are able to find some way to make your trip. People kept saying to me that as my Mom's caregiver (combined with taking care of DD6) it is more important than ever to make sure you still do things for yourself and get away from the stress for a time, and they were absolutely right. Believe me, when the time for our trip came, I needed it very badly. I feel like it saved my sanity.

I agree that your Mom also would not want you to miss out on your trip (which sounds wonderful, by the way). Talk to her about it, too. Maybe she would be willing to help out with the cost of her care for a week or so.

Anyway, don't feel guilty about still wanting to take your vacation! You need it more than ever now, too. Keep us posted. I hope to hear that things worked out and you are able to go.

 

[lisah0711]

Sorry for the rough summer! I would look for someone, a relative, a paid caretaker, or a combination of the two, to come and stay with your Mom while you are on your long planned vacation. It sounds like you really need one. We all want to do what is best for our parents, and do what is needed to care for them properly. But you can't take care of them, if you don't take care of yourself, first.

 

[jekjones1558]

OMalley, i understand. Our trip is not far away and I am holding my breath that health issues won't interfere again. We have had to cancel numerous times and I have traveled without DH other times, so I know about the disappointment. I have one positive thing to add: I have learned to not get my undies in a bunch about views or ADRs or room selection or even the resort I book. Just being able to use our points is such a blessing. Here's hoping that your next trip is just a wish away.

 

[mdsd8700]

I will be thinking of you and hoping that you are able to find a way to go on your trip. I agree with other posters that you will need the stress relief. I was in a similar situation 3 years back and almost needed to cancel our family vacation. However I realize that not all situations are the same and your circumstances may warrant you being home. However if possible you should look at every avenue possible so you will be able to go. In any case, I wish you the best. I know what a difficult and trying time this can be and I send you lots of . Please let us know how things go for you. Take Care.

 

[toniosmom]

Sorry to hear about your mother's illness. Watching my cousin go through the same thing, twice, I can understand how you are torn by being there for your mother, yet needing a vacation, a respite from all of it.

I hope you have a sibling or two who will be able to take the responsibility from you for a week so that you can take that much-needed respite.

All the best to you and your family...

 

[BroganMc]

Hi everyone. This whole Summer has been a nightmare, and I have barely even looked at my beloved DisBoards. My Mom has had a very difficult time with multiple hospitalizations and the realization she can not liv independently anymore. She lives 3 hours away from me which made it necessary for multiple trips to empty her house, etc. Guess what 37 years of stuff looks like...

She is now in subacute rehab and will be staying with us when she is discharged. While I am happy about this, it's causing our Fall trip to look like an endangered species. I would do anything for my Mom, but I am also a little sad. The worst part is that we will also be missing our free 4 night cruise that we got for joining last year. UGH!!!

So, I guess I have until 31 days before to cancel in order to avoid losing points, right???? I was so looking forward to teh Food and Wine plus Halloween there.

Wow oMalley we are in similar circumstances, aren't we?

So far I've given up my summer at the beach, my birthday trip to Disney and a family trip to Disney in early December to look after my dad. Makes me wanna cry sometimes. But we do what we do for the ones we love.

My situation differs in that I already live with my dad (have since my mom died 6 years ago) and I'm disabled in my own right (I use a powerchair). But we manage together, helping eachother live as independently as possible.

Doesn't help that the man is a clutterbug. I've been working with my cousin and other family to dejunk the house from 45 years worth of clutter. Rented two dumpsters last Spring and reclaimed 4 rooms including my dad's bedroom. Reclaimed another 2 rooms this summer. Hopefully by winter I can get to reclaiming the other rooms for me. Disability and clutter do not mix well.

I could have kept some of those Disney trips and gone with other family but I'm in this till the end with my dad. I've done a Disney vacation while he was recuperating from a broken leg. Too heartbreaking for me. I ended up bawling my eyes out during Illuminations because I missed him (that music is his favorite). One day I know I'll have to go on my own but not while he's stuck somewhere suffering.

Sorry, that's not very reassuring is it? I'm still bummed for you. Sucks to sacrifice for someone, but the regrets in not sacrificing are far worse. I went through this when my mom died from cancer. Put my life on hold to be there for her. By the time we had to say goodbye I just had happy feelings. Like our relationship was complete. My sibs, on the other hand, still live with regrets. We're all doing a much better job being there for my dad now. Thank God for unlimited texting!

As far as cancellations go, as long as you're not using any banked points you should be fine. Just save them for next year. My trouble was in losing some banked points from last year. As for the cruise, can you maybe rent the reservation to someone else and recup enough to pay for a cruise next year? I'm not sure how this works.

I don't suppose there's any possibility you could take your mom with you? At least maybe to Disney? I'm a bit of an expert in doing Disney with health issues. Have wheels will travel is my motto. (I've been disabled since I was 2 so have tons of experience in living life differently.)

Failing that, you can always dip into some of my online blog video and adventure stories to soak up some Disney moments. I know I'll be replaying the Hallowishes fireworks come October. And I think I'll get a bottle of Moet & Changdon pink champagne for my birthday. Split it with my sister at least. Throw in some spanakopita, Plum Wine and other hors d'oeurves and I'll have the makings of a Food & Wine fest evening.

 

[bumbershoot]

I watched (from afar, I was in college) my aunt take care of my grandmother for years. She was the only one in the state; the out of state sibs contributed money.

My aunt destroyed herself for YEARS before she finally listened to her siblings and got respite care so that she could take care of herself.

Please don't let it take years before you make sure to care for yourself. Get yourself a network NOW. Find the elder centers, get involved with the elder care organizations in your area, find people who can stay with her (even at your home) or even a place for her to stay on a temporary basis...get that network now, and don't destroy yourself in the process. I can't possibly imagine that she would want you to lose all the parts of your life that you enjoy...I know that just thinking of my son doing that for me or DH makes me want to cry.

 

[toocherie]

Molly--first of all I can't believe Eamon is 6!

Second--OP_-listen to Molly and the others. Most assisted living facilities have what they call respite care--it's not cheap but the peace of mind of knowing your loved one is being well-cared for is worth it. I have also been having health challenges with my Mom this year. So I totally empathize. I am holding my breath that some emergency doesn't come up when I am supposed to go to WDW in November . . . . .

 

[omalley1118]

Thanks for all of your advice. The main issue is that I am running out of time. I have about 34 days to decide about the trip or bank the points. The cruise was free for joining DVC, so we cannot reschedule, etc

I just found out my Mom is coming home on Sunday. She needs to use a walker and has some short term memory loss. No one knows yet what that will mean for the future. She will be staying with us for awhile but not long term, as my house is not set up for that. DH and I have talked about an addition but it's very expensive. The only other family member is my brother who is 3 hours away. He also has a very sick wife and MIL. No easy solutions here. LOL!!!

It comes down to finding an assisted living arrangement for her or help in the house while we are away. I would not feel safe leqving her for more than a few hours at a time. The other issue is that she really wants to move back to her "home" but that is 3 hours in another direction and no family there. Trying to make her see that is a bad choice...

Again thanks for your concern, ideas, etc. Also, my 6yo is not Eamon, and I am not Molly...someone has us confused with another person.

 

[Gracesmom]

I work as a Physical Therapist in a short term rehab/ nursing home facility. Did you ever consider paying to have your mom stay for a respite stay in a local nursing home while you are on your trip? I know that my family would want me to enjoy my vacation and not cancel....and at a facility your family member should receive appropriate levels of care. Plus, you could still call and check on her....and reassure her if she is having any concerns.....Just a thought. Many nursing homes or rehab centers may offer short term respite.....that way you could vacation and know that she is in good hands.....