Trying Not To Get Worked Up...

[FayeW]

but I'm not succeeding very well!

When I picked my 10 yr old son up from his afterschool program, he said "Mom, I've got some really bad news". Somebody STOLE his hat and gloves while he was in music class today. His class is in a portable. Music was the last class of the day and the music room is inside the school. They had to take all of their belongings with them to the last class, since they would be dismissed from there and not be returning to the portable. They are instructed to leave boots, coats, snowpants, etc, outside of the classroom in the hallway during class. He purposely tucked his gloves and his hat inside his boots, and then covered the boots with his coat and snowpants. When he came out someone had stolen the hat and gloves!

Now, first off, it was about -24 celcius today with the windchill, so taking somebody's winter things is a pretty crappy thing to do (luckily, his afterschool program is held in the community center attached to the school). His gloves were really nice & warm, and he'd managed to not lose them or rip them, so that in itself was cause for celebration. What really roasts my chestnuts is that his hat was a Christmas gift from his hockey team. It has the hockey association crest, with the team name and his jersey number emboidered on it. Seriously, what good is that to anybody but him??? Why would some little jerk take that??

I am really angry that this happened during class time. I suspect I am going to ask to be reimbursed for the hat so I can go and get him another one. My thought on it is that if they require them to leave there things out in the hall, and they don't provide a secure area for them to do so, they should be held responsible! (Frankly, I would like to make them search the backpacks and lockers until they find his stuff, and press charges against the culprit, but I KNOW that is just me being angry and unreasonable).

 

[Bojo]

Sorry to hear about the theft. But, you're right; no one would want the hat with all the stuff on it. Look for the hat and you'll find the culprit.

Has DS been having any problems with other kids in school? Are you sure someone took the things and he didn't lose them somewhere?

Good Luck!

 

[Daxx]

Sorry this happened to your child. Does he not carry a backpack? You said it was the last class and they wouldn't be going back to the portable ... that makes me think he'd have his backpack w/him?

I would ask the principal to make an announcement that the hat and gloves are missing and if they're found, to return them to the office. The principal will be aware of the situation and maybe the gloves and hat will be returned. We've always found that kids will return things if they know they won't get in trouble for taking them. While it sounds like it condones stealing ... it actually gives them the chance to "turn it around" and hopefully learn a lesson that way rather than be persecuted. It also allows the staff to keep an eye on the person who turned it in to be sure that it doesn't happen again.

A long time ago, I had a problem w/a student stealing from the coatroom. I knew who it was (she admitted taking it when she returned the item). We had a chat about stealing and I knew to keep my eye on her whenever it was her turn in the coatroom.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Post charges? To a 10 yo? That seems a bit extreme to me. A possible detention/suspension would be more in order.

Besides, are you absolutely sure they were stolen? Maybe they will show up tomorrow in the lost and found.

Also you say that he put his jacket purposefully over his boots. Was the jacket mooved out of the way when he went to get it? Of course he may not have noticed (I know I never noticed such things when I was 10.....or 20 for that matter). I fthe jacket was in a different spot/position, then obviously someone did take them.

 

[pfishgirl]

im sorry for your DS's loss..


ok not dont flame me... but... maybe the person that stole them doesnt have a hat or gloves of their own ??


my uncle would leave money in his truck at all times.. one day DH & I were using his truck and brought it in for service.. Now we knew DU always leaves money around so we searched the truck and found almost $1,000 and when I yelled at him not to leave that much money just lying around.. His response was.. If the person who stole it felt a Need to steal it... Then they need it more then I do...

 

[Hannathy]

Reimbursed? You have to be kidding. It is too bad and it shouldn't have happened but I have never heard of a school reimbursing a student for a lost hat or gloves or even a coat. All our kids hang their stuff in the hall and you have to hope the kids are honest, but sometimes they aren't. I would have him keep checking the lost and found it may turn up. I know our schools don't have funds to pay for lost hats. Now if a teacher took said hat away from child then they are responsible for it's safe keeping but not from the general hallway. Pressing charges for a hat is a bit extreme.

 

[pfishgirl]

maybe the person who took them will bring them back or his/her parents.. his.her parents are going to know that hat and gloves dont belong to their child.. keep checking with lost and found.. they may just turn up

 

[FayeW]

Post charges? To a 10 yo? That seems a bit extreme to me. A possible detention/suspension would be more in order.

Besides, are you absolutely sure they were stolen? Maybe they will show up tomorrow in the lost and found.

Also you say that he put his jacket purposefully over his boots. Was the jacket mooved out of the way when he went to get it? Of course he may not have noticed (I know I never noticed such things when I was 10.....or 20 for that matter). I fthe jacket was in a different spot/position, then obviously someone did take them.

Well, to be fair, I DID say that I knew suggesting searching backpacks and pressing charges was just ME being unreasonable because I am angry.

I am going to look in the lost and found in the morning, in case they turned up. I spoke to the custodian as I was leaving and she promised to keep her eye out.

I believe my son when he tells me that he had them in his boots and covered by his coat and pants. He told me that his pants were not in where he had left them, they had been moved.(Beside his boots rather than on top of his coat).

Daxx: He did have his backpack with him, I'm not sure if that was in class or left in the hallway as well. Since they were leaving all of their wintergear in the hall, I guess he didn't think to put some of it in his backpack. He thought he had tucked it away securely, and that was more so he wouldn't leave something behind than out of fear of it being stolen.

This is the second time in 3 weeks that something of his has been stolen. He took one of his mini (hockey) sticks to school and was playing with it at the afterschool program. *I* forgot to put it in his bag when I packed it up (he was outside playing when I got there and I ran in to get his things). I forgot he had taken the stick with him and I didn't know the stick was his, so I didn't put it in the bag. We were on the way to hockey practice and he asked if I put the stick in his backpack. I promised we would run back to the school after the practice, but by the time we ate dinner it was too late, the program had closed. The next day I asked the counsellors if they had seen it the day before. One guy said " yeah, I picked it up and put it in the lost and found box." Well guess what, they leave the lost and found box out in the change room that is open to the public in the evenings (there is an outdoor rink at the community center) and somebody undoubtedly saw the stick and took it home! I was really upset that he took something that he KNEW belonged to one of the daycare kids (because it was found in the room that is used only for the afterschool program), removed it from a secure, locked area, and put it in an unsecure area open to the general public! That just doesn't make any sense! You know it can only belong someone in this particular group of children, so instead of leaving it where it was safe, they put it where it could be stolen! (I did suggest they have a lost and found box in that room, JUST for those kids to access, but they compromised and moved the other box out of the change room so at least access to it is more limited).

 

[FayeW]

Reimbursed? You have to be kidding. It is too bad and it shouldn't have happened but I have never heard of a school reimbursing a student for a lost hat or gloves or even a coat. All our kids hang their stuff in the hall and you have to hope the kids are honest, but sometimes they aren't. I would have him keep checking the lost and found it may turn up. I know our schools don't have funds to pay for lost hats. Now if a teacher took said hat away from child then they are responsible for it's safe keeping but not from the general hallway. Pressing charges for a hat is a bit extreme.

His belongings are quite safe 99% of the time, because they are inside the portable. I am only going to ask for compensation for THIS item because it was a custom order, done for the team. It is going to cost me a lot of money to replace it for him. I guess I should be grateful they didn't steal his coat and boots while they were at it. (Although, my neighbor's son had a pair of brand new boots stolen a couple of years ago. I think he had worn them only once or twice when they were taken. They were huge, too, so it wasn't like some little kid took the wrong pair home.) Somebody took my son's snowpants home by mistake and never bothered to bring them back a few years ago. We live in a very good area where most people own their homes, so I would be very surprised that people are taking these things because they need them. I just hope they didn't throw his hat away once they saw it was customized.

 

[Michie]

I am sorry! This is the very reason why I never let my kids take expensive or things that mean anything to school.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Well maybe a child took them home by mistake. Sometimes kids grab things (even from the wrong spot) without realizing it. Call the teacher and ask that an announcement or flier be sent home with the students asking the parents to check and see if the hat and gloves inadvertently went home with someone else.

I will say that this made me chuckle. Last year I received a phone call from my son's coach. He runs track and cross country. The coach calls to let me know that he told my son if he did not tell me that he lost his Orthodox (my son has flat feet) that he (the coach) was going to call me. So, according to my son, someone stole his Orthodox.

Who would steal dirty, used molded and made for someone else's feet? I know, and the coach knows that my son lost them. He insisted that someone stole them. This was a 17 year old, and it wasn't the first time someone stole something of his. This time it was a $375.00 theft. A year later he is still trying to say someone stole his stinky Orthodox .

 

[LuvN~Travel]

That's one argument I've had with my son for the last year. I won't let him wear his NASCAR jacket to school because he'd had three jackets taken over the years. And, then this past week another was taken! Sheesh! The kids around here will take anything in a heartbeat! Drives me nuts! And, this has been at different schools no less....
Kim

 

[FayeW]

Well maybe a child took them home by mistake. Sometimes kids grab things (even from the wrong spot) without realizing it. Call the teacher and ask that an announcement or flier be sent home with the students asking the parents to check and see if the hat and gloves inadvertently went home with someone else.

.

I know that happens, but in this case I am fairly sure that somebody didn't move the coat and snowpants, them remove gloves and a hat that were tucked inside the boots, by mistake.

I went to the school this morning and searched through the lost and found. I then spoke to the office administrator, and she told me some boots had been taken at the end of the day as well. They found at least one of them in the bathroom.

What upsets me is that as parents, we try to teach our children to do what is right. This is the 5th time in the last year that something has been stolen from him so now the lesson I have to teach him is not only that stealing is wrong, but that sometimes people are just rotten, and steal from children. Sometimes the rotten people ARE children! A couple of times it was due to his carelessness, but the last 3 times were just thieves taking advantage of a situation. In the summer, his day camp group went on an outting to an outdoor pool. Somebody stole his backpack, which had his Spiderman towel that we got on our first trip to Universal. It also had his lunch inside so he was starving when he got home. (That was his fault, because he chose to eat his snack at lunchtime instead of his sandwich, and when he was hungry and went looking for his bag it had been stolen). That same day, one of the counsellors had to come home in barefeet because somebody stole his worn out, dirty runners! I just don't get it! All of the children had been instructed to leave their bags in a particular area, so it's not like he just dropped it somewhere. I wish I understood what makes people just take things that don't belong to them. Don't their parents notice when hats, towels, boots, snowpants, etc come home that they know don't belong to their child? Do their kids just have so much stuff that the parents DON"T know what the kid has?

 

[golfgal]

Is there any chance your child lost these things and doesn't want to get into trouble at home?

 

[FayeW]

Is there any chance your child lost these things and doesn't want to get into trouble at home?

Yes, golfgal, there is a VERY good chance that that is exactly what happened!

The school just called...they found them. Anybody want to guess where? They were in the portable, on his hook/shelf where he left them! The two other times he was careless and lost hats ( 2 Ottawa Senators ball caps last spring) he got in big trouble. When we were on vacation to WDW in Dec, he spent his own money for a Goofy hat, and lost it within 24 hours (left it on the back of his chair at the restaurant...we called within the hour to see if it had been turned in but of course, another kid had already taken it. I really don't understand why a parent would allow that, and not just turn it in at the hostess stand...but, I digress). Point is, the kid has a problem with hats. He knew I would be upset about him losing his "special" hat from his team., so he made up a big whopper so I would be sympathetic. Now he is going to have to be punished for lying and wasting my time, and the school secretary's time, this morning.

I spoke to the secretary to see if there was any "busy work" he could do at recess for the rest of the week to make up for wasting her time, but there was nothing he could really do. I AM going to make him write a letter of apology to her, so that he understands that his actions impact other people. I am also grounding him from TV tonight, which will kill him, since the Senators are playing tonight and we always watch the games together. He will lose computer/game systems for the rest of the week as well.

In case you are wondering...crow doesn't taste very good for breakfast.

 

[Sandy V.]

I'm glad you got them back, although I suspect it will probably be the last time your son ever wears the special hockey hat to school for a LONG time!

You have my sympathies . . . my DS is 16, almost 17. I can't even begin to count how many coats, gloves, and hats he lost/misplaced/were stolen in elementary and middle school. I would only buy "cheap" ones because he never could hang onto them for any length of time. Now that I give him a clothes allowance and say "When it's gone, you're responsible for replacing anything out of YOUR money,", he hangs onto things much better!

 

[Hannathy]

I personally think you are being a bit tough on the kid. If I knew I would get in that much trouble I would probably have done the same thing. I mean he honestly could have thought he brought them from his classroom-- Haven't you ever done that? I sure have! I have honestly thought I brought something in from the car or downstairs and then later found it just where I left it. I feel you are setting yourself up for more stories instead of less. I would have him write the letter to the sec. but cut out at least one of the other punishments. If you are this severe with a little thing what will you do for a major transgression. I don't think he did anything that wrong and prefer to cut my kids some slack sometimes, I really think he may have forgotten he didn't bring it with him after school, no one is perfect. I'm sure the lesson has sunk in and he feels pretty stupid about it and also upset when he saw how angry and worked up you were.

 

[shirleyb]

I don't think she's being tough on him at all. I think the lying is a huge issue, and deserves to be dealt with severely.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

I personally think you are being a bit tough on the kid. If I knew I would get in that much trouble I would probably have done the same thing. I mean he honestly could have thought he brought them from his classroom-- Haven't you ever done that? I sure have! I have honestly thought I brought something in from the car or downstairs and then later found it just where I left it. I feel you are setting yourself up for more stories instead of less. I would have him write the letter to the sec. but cut out at least one of the other punishments. If you are this severe with a little thing what will you do for a major transgression. I don't think he did anything that wrong and prefer to cut my kids some slack sometimes, I really think he may have forgotten he didn't bring it with him after school, no one is perfect. I'm sure the lesson has sunk in and he feels pretty stupid about it and also upset when he saw how angry and worked up you were.

You're kidding right? Lying is a big deal. His lie affected several people. He should learn there are consequences to his actions. Kudo's to mom for teaching him a lesson and not teaching him it's okay to lie.

 

[FayeW]

I personally think you are being a bit tough on the kid. If I knew I would get in that much trouble I would probably have done the same thing. I mean he honestly could have thought he brought them from his classroom-- Haven't you ever done that? I sure have! I have honestly thought I brought something in from the car or downstairs and then later found it just where I left it. I feel you are setting yourself up for more stories instead of less. I would have him write the letter to the sec. but cut out at least one of the other punishments. If you are this severe with a little thing what will you do for a major transgression. I don't think he did anything that wrong and prefer to cut my kids some slack sometimes, I really think he may have forgotten he didn't bring it with him after school, no one is perfect. I'm sure the lesson has sunk in and he feels pretty stupid about it and also upset when he saw how angry and worked up you were.

I was worked up and angry ON HIS BEHALF, not at him! I was angry that somebody deliberately searched through his things and stole something that was irreplaceable.

If you had heard the description of exactly how he placed is gloves and hat inside his boots, and then layered his coat and snowpants over them so they couldn't be seen, you would understand why I cannot just cut the kid some slack. BELIEVE ME, this kid is the apple of my eye. I would love to cut him some slack, but as a parent I have a responsibility to teach him that his actions have consequences. It wouldn't have been the first time he left something in the classroom. Last week I had to go to the school because he forgot his skates and helmet (they had been skating on the outdoor rink for their gym period). Not a big deal at all, except the day he forgot them, he also had hockey after school. He was late getting to practice because I had to go back to the school, get a key from the office, go to the portable, return the key, etc. I was only able to do that because I picked him up at 3:30 to go to hockey. Ordinarily, I don't pick him up until 5:30., and the office would have been closed. He was't overtly punished, it was a mistake. HOWEVER, I did not send his skating things on Friday because he had a tournament on the weekend, and if he forgot his things a second time that would have been a big problem.

He's not being punished because he forgot his things. He is being punished because he purposely lied, and caused the secretary and I to waste our time looking for things that had never been there in the first place. That's not OK.