Trip to WDW--In-laws won't take no for an answer!

[LockShockBarrel]

We're probably just distantly related Brooke!!! Like I said, I grew up with one side of my family pulling this kind of thing so I understand.

 

[disneydreamgirl]

Stick to your decision! You've been extremely reasonable and very clear with them. Fortunately you've developed a thick skin with them over the years...even a semblence of giving in, like discussing it in any way further, will give them an opportunity to step up their efforts. I speak from experience as well...good luck to you. I hope you have a fantastic trip with your parents - such a nice trip to celebrate a great milestone!

 

[AndreaDM]

Omg, above all else I cannot fathom being expected to share my hotel room with someone elses kids when my own weren't even staying there! The thought of even hinting to one of my siblings that they should take my kids on their vacation is beyond my comprehension! So sorry you have these crazies in your family, kudos to you though for moving away, are you sure Texas is far enough? I might consider Australia!

 

[disneymegs]

Think of it this way: they can't force them on you. If you leave without them and they have no money to buy a plane ticket to get there, they're not going! What a nightmate! Your mother and DH sound pretty cool considering they haven't budged, and they should keep that going. Tell your MIL that if she wants those kids to go to Disney so bad, she needs to take them herself (at a DIFFERENT time) and get out of everyone's hair about it. It sounds like she enables your SILs to be greedy and mooch off of you and your DH. I hope you never have to go to Disney with that side of the family. That's just not magical.

 

[GrammyJudy]

DO NOT CAVE IN OR YOUR LIFE WILL ONLY GET WORSE. I would avoid them till after the trip and then act like nothing happened. They will get over it.

 

[GrammyJudy]

By the way I would pay for SIL and her 2 kids to go themselves...stay value for maybe 3-4 days before I would let them ruin my trip!

 

[jjsmom]

Oh my gosh. I thought my family was pushy. I agree with others who have said, STICK TO YOUR GUNS!! I totally understand because I'm in a similar situation. You and your husband are not responsible for his sibling's lifestyle choices. This is YOUR family's vacation and an event for YOUR family. You have every right to your own life.

Believe me, I know and I can concur that this situation will get worse if you let it!

Take care of yourselves! Have a fabulous vacation!

 

[manning]

Wouldn't it be nice if you could move the trip up a few weeks, then mail a card saying "having a good time, glad you missed it".

 

[LockShockBarrel]

I can't figure out if I'm sadder or more enraged that the kids have picked up on Mom's behavior...I mean I'm not surprised, but geez

 

[Virtucomp]

I've read through the posts and I can't seem to find an answer to a question I have....

Are the inlaws asking you to pay the way for the neice and nephew to go with you on the family trip that you planned with your family?

Are they saying "oh you planned to spend thousands on a trip so you can add another set of park tickets, food and all to your bill because they are your neice and nephew?

That is 1) way out of line
2) unheard of knowing you and DH will be in a room alone

Please keep your support for DH up since this is probably very difficult for him to deal with being between the families. The two of you should drop the subject whenever it is brought up without acknowledging any chance of bringing them on this trip. Any glimmer of hope will allow them to pry in even more.

If you don't keep talking about it you will be less likely to say something that will cause more of a rift in the family later. We can choose are friends but we can't really choose our inlaws.

Good Luck and enjoy your family trip.

 

[tjmj9801]

I just can't agree with PPs on planning a trip with DH's side of the family. If they're like this when they're just trying to get the niece and nephew to go, can you imagine what they'd be like trying to coordinate a trip with them?

THIS!!! I DO NOT recommend offering to plan a seperate trip for them just to appease them.

 

[LockShockBarrel]

Virtucomp, I'm not the OP but I'm pretty sure the inlaws are expecting OP and husband to pay, and even if they did offer up the money, it's still crossing a line expecting them to include their kids on a trip that is for OP's parent's anniversary.

 

[bpesch]

I think you have done just fine so far. Keep it up and all should be fine. I'm very fond of the statement "You can't be taken advantage of unless you allow it to happen."

Makes me very happy for my relatively quite in-laws!

 

[LuvLuvLuv]

ahhh, are you sure our families aren't related??

stay strong! don't give in! you deserve this time!!

---now just remind me to do the same when i let our families know we're getting married by ourselves and no one is invited to our disney wedding

 

[mickeymouse108]

stick to the workd NO and do not let them get a yes.

I would tell them that if they want to go they can buy their own hotel stay and their own tickets but this is your trip your money your time not theirs.

 

[chartle]

No one knows where DH and I are staying. And, I'm a travel agent, so our reservation can only be changed by the agent who made it, me.

I've been reading this thread and yes MIL and SIL are out of line.

But what I quoted above may shed some light on the matter of cost and where they are coming from.

You say you are a TA so I'm wondering if they think you are getting this trip free are at a greatly reduced cost.

Because as a TA all your vacations and travel are free right or at least a tax write off.

 

[papamouse1]

I just saw this thread and honestly, I usually avoid threads like this because reading feels too much like work
I deal with families in crisis on almost a daily basis, and I can say you are not alone. In fact I have a FIL that must be related to your kin... they are exactly alike.

I just want to encourage you with one simple thought. I know it may seem simplistic, but sometimes the simplest observations are the only ones that make sense.

This is the simple truth... Maybe, nothing you ever do or ever say is going to make a difference in these people's lives. So often, when we deal with irrational, unreasonable people, there is just a part of us that gets so upset, because we want them to change. Everything would be fine if they could think reasonably. But I think you already understand that this expectation that they will "get it" is probably not going to happen. But here's the thing... I counsel people all the time with this simple truth... you Absolutely CAN control how their irrational behavior affects you.

It's OK to get mad, it's OK to be utterly frustrated (I would be), but it is also OK to set boundaries on how much of your energy and sanity you will devote to this. Give them clear caring instructions on how you plan on handling any further conversations concerning the matter... then just like with your kids, don't tell them something you aren't willing to do. Tell them you understand their desire and respect their opinion, but this is simply not up for any more negotiation or discussion, so please let it go. Then do just what you are doing... steer conversations away, then if they refuse, cut the conversations short. Let them know you won't be returning any calls or responding to any e-mails concerning this issue, then the minute you see info in an e-mail regarding this erase immediately, don't even read it.

Don't keep revisiting their irrational behavior and trying to fix it or help them "get it". They are adults (sort of), you are not responsible to train them.

Here's the thing, the irrational behavior of others is not the most destructive part for us all in situations like this. The most destructive thing for us is we keep revisiting the insanity, we want to change it, we want to explain it to them so they understand, we want them to "get it". Accept right now they aren't going to get it!! And choose not to give it anymore of your energy.

Will they keep trying to push your buttons? Yes. Will they just let it go? No. Irrational people are insistent that we give in to their demands, and they figure if they keep hammering long enough we will... don't let them have the hammer anymore
They may never let it go, but rest assured you can!

I will be praying for you... I definitely feel your pain

 

[sixcats]

You have my sympathy. We keep our vacation plans to ourselves for as long as possible.
The next time they bring it up, tell them the trip has been cancelled. When they find out later that you went, tell them it was a spur of the moment decision. They don't sound like the kind of people that you will ever be able to reason with. I wouldn't feel bad about lying to people that act that way.

 

[DeaverTex]

OMG. If I had in-laws like this, I think I'd need to stock up on ammunition.

Stay strong, and have a wonderful trip -- just you and your husband!

 

[dzneelvr]

I couldn't resist your thread title! Your mom did the absolutely correct thing by speaking honestly and directly to MIL and kudos to DH for (finally) setting up your family boundaries and keeping them in place in this situation. Our family has one branch of the "family tree" who is very dysfunctional and what works for us is to ignore all their self-imposed drama and stay uninvolved. I am done being "sorry" or "sad"...rather have learned that every action has a consequence; their actions cannot mean others make something positive out of their negative. Step out of the drama in any way that your family can. Years from now you will look back and realize how freeing it is and how much time was wasted. I'm on your side