Trick-or-Treating w/Asperger's

[Luv Bunnies]

My 13 year old son really wants to go trick or treating this year. I was thinking he was getting a little big but then again I've seen lots of older teenagers doing it too. I'm a little worried about how big he's gotten and the fact that he still can't control what comes out of his mouth (we call it "the blurts"). In the past, he's said things like, "I don't like that kind of candy." "Is that all you're going to give me?" "Why does your house smell funny?" What kind of accent is that?" And our all-time favorite, "Hey! You look like Dr. Phil!"

Most people don't understand why he says these things, nor do I expect them to. They just think he's rude. It's easier to handle coming from a younger child but people seem to expect more of such a big kid. He usually realizes right after he's said something that it was inappropriate, but he's not at the point of being able to stop himself everytime. They're working on that in his Social Thinking class at school and we bring it to his attention everytime it happens.

I've told him that he can go trick or treating but I want to hear only 5 words come out of his mouth - Trick or Treat, Thank you. I plan to remind him at each house.

Has anyone else had experiences trick or treating with a kid who lacks a filter? I'm sure there must be some good stories out there! And at what age did you have your kids stop trick or treating? It's hard since we also have a 10 year old son and he still has a few years left to go out.

 

[ireland_nicole]

It's funny you ask this, b/c we just did the MNSSHP and there were lots of trick or treating opportunities- I love the part where DD tries to get what she wants out of the bucket or dish...not. Anyway, my kids are 8 and 6, and we also did a "social script" and practiced at home...And I told them, all you are allowed to say is Trick or Treat and Thank you. If anything else gets said, we go straight home. It probably is a little easier, b/c when we get home I have a "store" where they get little toys in exchange for their candy- so they're not actually eating it anyway But I do feel your pain.

 

[KirstenB]

My 13 year old son really wants to go trick or treating this year. I was thinking he was getting a little big but then again I've seen lots of older teenagers doing it too. I'm a little worried about how big he's gotten and the fact that he still can't control what comes out of his mouth (we call it "the blurts"). In the past, he's said things like, "I don't like that kind of candy." "Is that all you're going to give me?" "Why does your house smell funny?" What kind of accent is that?" And our all-time favorite, "Hey! You look like Dr. Phil!"

Most people don't understand why he says these things, nor do I expect them to. They just think he's rude. It's easier to handle coming from a younger child but people seem to expect more of such a big kid. He usually realizes right after he's said something that it was inappropriate, but he's not at the point of being able to stop himself everytime. They're working on that in his Social Thinking class at school and we bring it to his attention everytime it happens.

I've told him that he can go trick or treating but I want to hear only 5 words come out of his mouth - Trick or Treat, Thank you. I plan to remind him at each house.

Has anyone else had experiences trick or treating with a kid who lacks a filter? I'm sure there must be some good stories out there! And at what age did you have your kids stop trick or treating? It's hard since we also have a 10 year old son and he still has a few years left to go out.

I wish I knew how to quote fragments of posts...I love your rule about hearing only 5 words!!!

We're at the other end of the age range. Last year we tried to get our 2 yr old with ASD on the haywagon with her older sister to go trick or treating in our neighborhood. She wouldn't have any part of it. This year, we'll try again, but maybe we can have her practice trick or treating in her costume at our house. Since our older dd is "normal" I never thought about how many different parts there are to trick or treating. The verbal part that you're talking about is a big part.

BTW, as long as a kid is in costume, I don't really care what age they are. I'd rather them trick or treat than egg my house, you know?

 

[kaffinito]

Been there, still going through that!

My oldest went through a stage of not talking, so it was difficult to get him to say Trick or Treat at all. He was 15 last Halloween, he still dresses up and goes Trick or Treating. He does only a few houses now, and then comes home and passes out candy by sitting still and pretending to be a dummy to scare the crap out of the older kids. He's very good at it, and does not scare the little ones. BTW he was 175 and 5'9" last year. Kind of hard to hide, eh?

DS 8 was only 7 last Halloween. He lacks a filter of any kind. We have the 5 words rule too. If he breaks it we go home and try again in 15 minutes. He's a lot better than he used to be, but he still picks really weird costumes. Last year he was dead General Lee. No one knew who he was suppossed to be! I'll have to wait to see who he picks to be this year.....

Good luck!!!!

 

[Narnia]

Ohh I love trick or treating but it's alot of hard work. My son who has adhd(we think other things but it took setting a fire in the house and two years to begin the process of other diagnosis) other issues will tell them huge lies and if they give him anything with cocoa in it he makes them feel bad. My DD will make at the most 3 houses and pass out since she tires easy. I'd say go for it but tell him that this is his last year and next year he'll have to pick up his treats the day after when it goes on sale.

 

[mechurchlady]

Have you checked locally for Halloween events. My town of over 100,000 has annual events for Halloween. Also some parents at WDW and elsewhere hand out business cards that list a person's disabilities and anything special. I do not do Halloween but if he was coming around my neighborhood I would make sure to give him a double portion, because he has a swell mom.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Thanks for the advice and stories! I think I'll definitely tell him that this year will be his last for trick-or-treating. That way he'll know what to expect for next year. My husband will be out of town for Halloween this year so I'll be on my with the boys. My sister always comes over to hand out candy while we're out so I'll warn him that he if says anything inappropriate I'll walk him home to Auntie Laura!

I must admit that some of his comments are pretty funny, although I have to try not to let him see my laughing. The other day, one of his teachers informed his class that she's pregnant. He said, "Gosh Ms. Rachael, I hope your baby doesn't have any birth defects like that baby in China with three arms!" She told me she tried not to let him see her laughing and then explained to him that she knows him and isn't offended by his comment. She told him that it's generally not a good idea to talk to pregnant women about birth defects!

Once a week, his bus drops him at the special ed preschool where I work. He sits in my classroom and waits until I get off work and take him home. The kids in my class are fascinated by him because he looks so big to them. He usually just sits quietly in the corner and reads or plays his Nintendo DS. The kids (mostly non-verbal) just walk up and stare at him. Last week he said, "Mommy, these turbo toddlers are staring at me!" I don't know where he came up with "turbo toddlers" but all the adults in the room just cracked up! Gotta love our kids!

 

[kaffinito]

Turbo Toddlers!! That's a good one! Good luck with the T&T this year! Let us know what his costume is, ok?

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Turbo Toddlers!! That's a good one! Good luck with the T&T this year! Let us know what his costume is, ok?

Will do. We're waiting for the Spirit store to open up near us so we can look at costumes. His 10 year old brother is leaning toward being a Clone Trooper. I think the oldest will end up as some kind of Star Wars creature too.

 

[disneydeb]

well when the sad day comes that they are too big to go trick or treating you can always have an halloween party. or just make sure your at disney for halloween every year lol,

 

[Luv Bunnies]

And the costume verdict for my 13 year old is.....Darth Vadar! My 10 year old will be a Clone Trooper so I'll be taking out a couple of Star Wars dudes!

The good news is that both costumes have full masks. If either kid says or does anything embarassing, no one will recognize them!

Did I mention my DH will be spending Halloween on an all expense paid trip to Hawaii? He directs a men's chorus that is competing there so they are paying his way. Yes, I had the chance to go and yes, I decided not to. We would have to pay my way (and the kids' if they went). Plus I didn't want to take them out of school or have to enlist my family to watch them, shuttle them to school, etc. Too difficult. But, I can still give DH a hard time for going to Hawaii without me, right?

 

[kaffinito]

Oh, I would!!!

 

[MomOf2DisneyKids]

my ds walked right in someone's house one year and practically took off up the stairs! Good think it was a neighbor that we knew....but my ds had never been in that house.

 

[della]

I used to foster a 4 yr old little boy who fixated on cars. He didn't care about the candy and only wanted to go to the houses with really nice sports cars or luxury cars. He would stay at the bottom of the driveway while my other kids went to the door. The home owner would say, "Would you like candy?" and he'd reply, "I don't like your car!" I was mortified the first 2 times then I just had the giggles. I couldn't help it. The people looked so dumbfounded. He tried to open many cars and it was a miracle that no car alarms were set off in the process. The pinnacle was when we left a house with a Hummer in the driveway. As we were leaving, he ran back, threw his arms up on the tailgate, KISSED the tailgate and yelled, "I love you Hummer!"

 

[shewelch]

I work with adults with Asperger's and I am laughing hyterically at this thread. This is really the first generation of children that are getting diagnosed properly as far as I can tell, so I am really impressed that they are getting the structure and tolerance they need to thrive. Having a younger sibling and masks should really help despite the hubby's absence- Have fun!

 

[JulieWent]

Reading all the Halloween posts reminded me of something that happened when my DS (who is 13 now) was younger. He has NLD which is a lot like Aspergers, and we had something like the 5 words rule in effect. He and his friends were doing great, so the adults in the crowd had backed off a little and were letting the kids handle things.

It was a presidential election year, and one of the yards we went into had a sign for the candidate that our family was not supporting. I really didn't notice it, but suddenly, I heard these words from my son's mouth after he had gotten his candy, "I noticed you're for __________. Did you know that he's....." At that point I had lunged to the front of the line and grabbed him, clapped my hand over his mouth, and pulled him back. But I have no idea what he was about to say.

I had to add a sixth rule as we continued: No political campaigning.

Julie

(We solved the Trick-or-Treating this year. We're going to Halloween Horror Nights. Dear Son is an absolute horror movie fanatic now.)