Treating the symptoms, not the cause

[runsandjumps]

Is there a point in time where you stopped loving yourself? Do you look back and think about a catalyst for your unhealthy behaviors?


I am curious since we all have a story. I think we sometimes go about weight loss all wrong. We hate how we look, we want to be thin..... I am wondering if other people have tried therapy to help them realize the why.

Anyone want to share their story?

Ana

 

[Castillo Mom]

Hi Runsandjumps, sure I'll share. I think honesty is an important part of the journey.

Since it's late, I'm going to keep this as short as possible. Basically I was a chubby child, so food choices were essentially out of my control at that stage. However, I feel the issues I had growing up, especially during the teenage years contributed to my self esteem issues and my weight just climbed.

My parents divorced when I was very young and unfortunately I had little contact with him growing up. I questioned why my dad went and made another family and didn't seek me out. I couldn't really verbalize my feelings but I always felt there was something missing. Fast forward to adulthood. I married, had three wonderful sons but began to have serious marital issues, again, not good for self esteem.

Now when I say all of this, I'm not trying to make excuses. I've come to the realization that I'm an emotional eater, something that I've only recently been able to admit. The bottom line is that I have a choice. I can choose to overeat or I can choose to eat balanced meals. Will I always struggle with weight? Yes. Just like a alcoholic or drug addict will always have cravings and can fall off the wagon, so can I. But I choose not to give up and get caught in a vicious cycle of guilt and soothing myself with food. I watched my husband slowly die because he was a non compliant diabetic. I adore my sons and I'm their only parent. They are worth the struggle.

 

[bumbershoot]

I found that I did a lot of mental work on my own as I went through the weight loss process. But I had had therapy before, so have something of a toolbox already. As DH continues his weight loss, mental work is a huge part of it. He has some of the worst emotional eating problems I have ever known in person, so for him it's way beyond calories in/out. If he had time I would recommend therapy. As it is I know of nutritionists in my town who do therapy type work and I have their business card up prominently in case he wishes to use their services.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

I have always had a very positive self-image, even when that self-image did not match the overweight image looking back at me in the mirror. It took a comment from my wife about 15 years ago to get me to take a closer look at my weight and lifestyle.

So, I didn't need therapy. I just needed an honest wife who was more worried about my health than hurting my feelings (at least, with respect this issue).

 

[bumbershoot]

I have always had a very positive self-image, even when that self-image did not match the overweight image looking back at me in the mirror. It took a comment from my wife about 15 years ago to get me to take a closer look at my weight and lifestyle.

So, I didn't need therapy. I just needed an honest wife who was more worried about my health than hurting my feelings (at least, with respect this issue).

You ad your wife are so very lucky.

The fallout for a year or two after I had that talk with DH probably did 25% more damage than he was already doing on his own. DS was 2 at the time, he is 9 now, and DH and I still get sad and upset when we think about that time.

Some people are just so damaged emotionally when it comes to food. And his mom is still doing it to him. She doesn't see maintaining a loss when you aren't at goal as a positive. We do, as does his endocrinologist (maintaining when you have never done that before is HARD). But she won't stay quiet. If he gains its always been his fault (even when she was choosing, making, plating, and forcing him to eat ALL his food), and if he loses now as an adult he thanks *me*. So demoralizing.

 

[runsandjumps]

If you look at pictures of me growing up you can see exactly where I start to gain weight.

The transformation is pretty sad when I think about it now. I remember being told that I probably started overeating as a coping mechanism to ward off the abuse I was subjected to by a step parent. It's funny how once the body decides to protect itself, you can't just flip the switch back off when you're safe again.

Ana

 

[njcarita]

i have no reason except getting older........ and 5 pregnancies in 6 years...... i was a skinny minnie all my life 5'9' and 123 when i married at age 23........ now at age 49 happily married for 25 years........ i shrunk and i am presently 187lbs............ i would love to loose weight.......... but gosh I still mentally think i am a size 3....... its not till i walk by a mirror.... see a photograph of myself...... or have to go clothes shopping that i realize i am a size 14........... so not sure why mentally i think i am thin????

 

[BuckeyeBama]

i have no reason except getting older........ and 5 pregnancies in 6 years...... i was a skinny minnie all my life 5'9' and 123 when i married at age 23........ now at age 49 happily married for 25 years........ i shrunk and i am presently 187lbs............ i would love to loose weight.......... but gosh I still mentally think i am a size 3....... its not till i walk by a mirror.... see a photograph of myself...... or have to go clothes shopping that i realize i am a size 14........... so not sure why mentally i think i am thin????

You have a great self-image. It is so much easier to make changes with this starting point, if you decide to do so.

Still, at 5'9" and 49 yearls old, 187 lbs isn't bad. We are also in our late 40s - looking like we did at 18 just isn't going to happen, even if we got down to that weight.

 

[njcarita]

You have a great self-image. It is so much easier to make changes with this starting point, if you decide to do so.

Still, at 5'9" and 49 yearls old, 187 lbs isn't bad. We are also in our late 40s - looking like we did at 18 just isn't going to happen, even if we got down to that weight.

thanks BuckeyeBama................ I guess i have to focus on the health aspects......... cause no matter what size i am i am happy........but gosh darn it are me knees starting to hurt from the extra weight........ and it does get tiring carrying aroung the extra weight.......