Traveling with non-planners! Aarrgghh!

[daisyduck123]

Well they want you to plan everything...so I'd go ahead & do it.

Type up itineraries for each day...stating that everyone awakens a 6am to be at rope-drop at 8am. Take it from there.

 

[jenseib]

Ok, first off the only meaning I know for commando is that your wearing no underwear! LOL! What does it mean to go commando?

But I think since yo ugo so often and live pretty close, yo ushould kind of go wit hteh flow this time. This trip is about everyone having a good itme together which is why they are paying. You guys go enough to have your full days, but let the family have this once in a life time nice time togehter. If you only went every couple fo years, then I would be for you, but I see you are going in a few days too, and then you said you moved to where you are so you can go sever al times a year. You may find this time to be a different kind fo fun doing it slower.

 

[HelenePA]

We went on vacation with friends once... all I can say is NEVER AGAIN! I love her to death, but we all wanted to do different stuff. She wanted to swim at the hotel I wanted to go to sesame place needless to say we didn't spend much time together, but ya know what? We both had great times! Let them know what time their ard's are and just let them be. We are also non-planners We dont plan much, we dont follow Tour Guide Mike. We do what we want when we want

 

[minkydog]

Sorry, but I have to side with the family on this one. Your touring style would be a real hardship on our family--we're all about flexibility around here. Sitting down for an hour while it rains sounds nice to me.

I think it's nice that you have all the planning done for your own family, right down to the hanging shoe holder but that's not for everyone. Don't expect your family to line up and do it your way. <gasp> they may not even look at your guidebook.

You have a big bunch of people going and the only way to make everyone happy is if everyone gets a piece of the pie. Organizing for a large group is a little like driving a cruise ship--everything takes longer than you think and you can't turn on a dime. Planning to get together for at least some meals is important, but the parents' idea of being together in one huge blob-y group is probably not going to work. Your needs are way too different. Oh well. They'll figure that out by lunch time. Try not to sweat it too much and just enjoy being together.

 

[bumbershoot]

DH and I have done all the planning, however, at the request of his parents, and his sis and her family.

Not one other person has picked up a guidebook, gotten online, or anything even remotely close to research!

But why would they need to do so? They have asked you to be their WDW guru, and you have been happy to do it. Just arrange them like they are a tour group, lead them and tell them where to be, and have fun!

I thought it would be something nice that MIL would enjoy. And she's tickled to death!....we moved to within 3 hrs of Disney so we can go just the 3 of us several times a year now and do it OUR way then!

Sounds like she's happy, and she's probably especially happy that she doesn't have to plan anything.


This isn't a long trip to WDW, but I've been on two one-day trips to DLR with my brother and sister in law. They are NOT commando-style people, and they would rather relax, walk slowly, take breaks, and so on. I started the online and guidebook researching for our initial trip back in Sept of '05, for that trip. I had a plan, I had FP strategy, I had....everything until SIL couldn't get moving and we ended up entering the gates after 10am instead of at the opening at 9, like I intended. I was grumpy for about an hour, and they were kind of making fun of me.

But then I realized that I didn't have to talk about what I had *planned* next, but rather would just leap in with a "suggestion" whenever things lagged. They took to that much better. It went over even more successfully if I pulled a map out of my pocket and pretended to look at it. We ended up seeing and doing more than we would have seen and done if they had continued to make fun of me and if I had sulked, or if I had just given in...instead the middle ground was me pretending that I had lost my plan, and just made suggestions that came to mind as we went along.

I suggest working on those "ooh I have an idea! " acting skills!

Also, this January I took a solo trip to DLR so that I could do my commando-style touring for under 48 hours. I got it out of my system so I would stop making my hubby and son miserable by dragging them out of bed and keeping them there far too long. I think your comment about living so close matches up with that...you guys have umpteen opportunities to get there (and for much cheaper than your relatives can) and tour like crazy, so you really can be a bit more mellow on this big paid-for trip!

Oh, and as for them being grouchy if you aren't with them all the time, eh. Just get up in the mornings, go tour commando-style, then meet up with them. "Oh we just couldn't sleep!" could be your mantra for their huffing and puffing.


I think you're super-sweet, making all those touring plans and everything for them. But I think you'll need to wait until AFTER the trip to get the kudos that you so richly deserve. I know I have gotten many thanks from everyone, after-the-fact, for how nicely I've planned things for my extended family.


Now if you want to talk "clash"...this December I'm planning a WDW trip (I've never been) and we're meeting up with family who live in Port Orange. My cousin was a CM at the Disney Store when it was Disney, and spent a ton of time at WDW when single and when courting. She knows the place well, but doesn't do much online b/c of low vision, and hasn't been there in a couple years b/c of babies and such. It's going to be "interesting" to see how we mesh and don't mesh with our different points of reference (she has scads of real-life but older info...I have scads of second hand knowledge that's more up-to-date).

 

[karajeboo]

I suggest working on those "ooh I have an idea! " acting skills!

I love it!

:Organizing for a large group is a little like driving a cruise ship--everything takes longer than you think and you can't turn on a dime.

Excellent advice!

Ok, first off the only meaning I know for commando is that your wearing no underwear! LOL! What does it mean to go commando?

For some it means following all the touring guides to the letter, sunup to sundown. For us I just mean that we are at the park when it opens and we stay until it closes. We don't do afternoon breaks at the pool. We are all parks, all the time.

 

[tlbwriter]

To the OP, why does it have to be "your way or the highway"?

It looks like her relatives expect to do everything together. Yet they refuse to prepare for the things she has planned to do. Therefore, either she isn't going to be able to do what her family wants to do (because, for example, the others don't have ponchos and won't go out in the rain) or she'll have to drag them along and everyone will be miserable.

 

[disykat]

But then I realized that I didn't have to talk about what I had *planned* next, but rather would just leap in with a "suggestion" whenever things lagged. They took to that much better. It went over even more successfully if I pulled a map out of my pocket and pretended to look at it. We ended up seeing and doing more than we would have seen and done if they had continued to make fun of me and if I had sulked, or if I had just given in...instead the middle ground was me pretending that I had lost my plan, and just made suggestions that came to mind as we went along.

I suggest working on those "ooh I have an idea! " acting skills!

Oh, and as for them being grouchy if you aren't with them all the time, eh. Just get up in the mornings, go tour commando-style, then meet up with them. "Oh we just couldn't sleep!" could be your mantra for their huffing and puffing.

Excellent advice! Consider your plans "backup plans", act like you are totally flexible, but be ready with some great suggestions when the moment calls for it.

 

[disykat]

It looks like her relatives expect to do everything together. Yet they refuse to prepare for the things she has planned to do. Therefore, either she isn't going to be able to do what her family wants to do (because, for example, the others don't have ponchos and won't go out in the rain) or she'll have to drag them along and everyone will be miserable.

LOL! What you just described sounds like "my way or the highway" too! Since it's not all about HER family, flexibility is key. Otherwise she'll just have people mad at her - at that would be a big Disney downer! The trip will be different than she would have planned herself - but someone else is paying!

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

LOL! What you just described sounds like "my way or the highway" too! Since it's not all about HER family, flexibility is key. Otherwise she'll just have people mad at her - at that would be a big Disney downer! The trip will be different than she would have planned herself - but someone else is paying!

Yep, as someone I used to work with very wisely used to say "he who signs the check has the last say".

 

[Disneygirl26]

We went on vacation with friends once... all I can say is NEVER AGAIN! I love her to death, but we all wanted to do different stuff. She wanted to swim at the hotel I wanted to go to sesame place needless to say we didn't spend much time together, but ya know what? We both had great times! Let them know what time their ard's are and just let them be. We are also non-planners We dont plan much, we dont follow Tour Guide Mike. We do what we want when we want

Out of the 5 trip to Disney all but one was with a group of 12-14 family members and every trip I say next time we're going to split but it never happens because we just have so much fun together I think I'm going to miss something if I go on my own...........lol

To the OP I know what you mean, I was the only one who took steps to plan things, read books, get tips from all you lovly disers. My family was like you're crazy we don't need plans they ignored me the first trip and we wasted time, so now while I don't map everything out to a T, a simple Itenary of what parks we're going to and what time everyone has to get up and be ready with a list of ride suggestions usually works well for us.

 

[crisi]

I'll tell you about our last trip - and perhaps it will make you feel better...

We invited friends of my husband's who have two boys about the same age as our kids. We only really invited them because we had some "extra" DVC points and didn't want to spoil our kids with a second bedroom when they'd have to be on the couch the following trip (family). And because she'd been making noise about a Disney trip that was a family trip - and she hadn't been in years. My thought was "these two, two kids, and two sixty five year old women - they aren't going to have the good time they think they are going to have."

So we did a little planning - I'm not nearly the planner you are. I just want to know where we will be eating dinner and have a plan for where we will spend the day. Having an idea of what everyones "must dos" are in each park is good. Well, their contributions to planning were pretty much "we will just follow you around." So I made dinner plans and attraction plans based off our preferences, not having spent a lot of time around her kids.

We went and had to change a lot of preconceptions on the fly - her kids were much more timid than mine (and she had made it sound like they'd be more couragous), but we still all had a good time because everyone was fairly flexible. They didn't whine or complain - they did just "follow us" - and my husband and I, unwilling to ruin our trip for our own kids, pretty much made sure our kids did the stuff they wanted to do - with our without our friends. Sometimes they spent time looking while we went riding. We split up with some of us going on Space Mountain and others the TTA.

In other words, don't make yourself responsible for their good time. They may have a great time just following you around. Or they may figure out that they'd rather do something else when they get there. Plenty of people show up at Disney without having "Tourguide Mike'd" themselves into a minute by minute plan - and they often have a really good time. Your family at least has the advantage of someone to ask for advice while they are there - and you sound like you can do touring plans on the fly. If things start going rough while you are there, adapt. Make suggestions like "I think we need a sleep in and spend it by the pool day."

As to our friends, they think maybe cruising with Grandma sounds like a better fit for their family. I'm not brining up seasickness......

 

[tlbwriter]

LOL! What you just described sounds like "my way or the highway" too! Since it's not all about HER family, flexibility is key. Otherwise she'll just have people mad at her - at that would be a big Disney downer! The trip will be different than she would have planned herself - but someone else is paying!

Well, that's what I was saying. She wants to have her vacation her way. Her family insists on sticking together, but they don't want to do what she wants to do. So somebody isn't going to have a good time! The problem here is not that the OP is planning. The problem is that she is planning for people who insist on doing everything together, and yet they probably aren't interested in (and refuse to prepare for) the vacation her immediate family wants. They can't have it both ways. They've got to either let her do her own thing, or do her thing with her.

 

[hlbrink]

I know what OP is going through -- we are going with a large group of family members in May and I am pretty much the only one making plans. The downside is that if everyone has fun, it's all wonderful but if something doesn't work out as planned than who do you think everyone will be looking at

I just made a chart of what parks we will be at on which days and we also have a couple of ADRs together. I keep mentioning that we can always split up and meet back up later, but my SIL is the type that wants us all to be together all the time. She hasn't come right out and said it, but I don't think she agrees with DH and I taking our kids back for a rest every day or not wanting to commit to staying for the fireworks every night (they will be 2 and 4) I can only imagine what her reaction will be when I refuse to take my kids on a ride or see a show that the guidebooks advise is too scary for their age group. My nephew was traumatized by the Snow White ride on our first day at MK about ten years ago and wouldn't ride anything for the entire trip. Not making that mistake again. But I am getting off topic here, sorry!

I say just do what you can to plan, and if it rains, your family will be the ones whipping out their ponchos

 

[karajeboo]

I know what OP is going through -- we are going with a large group of family members in May and I am pretty much the only one making plans. The downside is that if everyone has fun, it's all wonderful but if something doesn't work out as planned than who do you think everyone will be looking at

I just made a chart of what parks we will be at on which days and we also have a couple of ADRs together. I keep mentioning that we can always split up and meet back up later, but my SIL is the type that wants us all to be together all the time. She hasn't come right out and said it, but I don't think she agrees with DH and I taking our kids back for a rest every day or not wanting to commit to staying for the fireworks every night (they will be 2 and 4) I can only imagine what her reaction will be when I refuse to take my kids on a ride or see a show that the guidebooks advise is too scary for their age group. My nephew was traumatized by the Snow White ride on our first day at MK about ten years ago and wouldn't ride anything for the entire trip. Not making that mistake again. But I am getting off topic here, sorry!

I say just do what you can to plan, and if it rains, your family will be the ones whipping out their ponchos

Looks like we'll be there at the same time. I'll just look from one frazzled family planner to another!!!

 

[PiperPizzaz]

Sounds like you can get MIL and FIL in on it with you. If all of you are going X place the others will follow. Oh, and TRUST me you will need to let the anxiety go. Take a deeeeep breath and just look around and enjoy. GL!

 

[Chrissie-riel]

Good luck!! I just went in September and had a similar situation. My IL's are very active and fun; however, FIL was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. We all realized that if they wanted storm the parks with their grandkids, we better go now while FIL is still up for being active. I am a planner (by trade) and a WDW veteran, so MIL left everything up to me. But, then she wouldn't do things that I told, oops - uh - suggested, her to do. That was the source of my frustration. Why did she want me to plan it and then not bother to look at or use any of my suggestions? I totally get where the OP is coming from!

Oh, and my DH was one who wanted us to do everything together. It wasn't an option for us to just meet up here and there. Here are some examples of my planning frustrations:

My IL's own/operate a restaurant and can't leave town for long. We planned a 4 day trip that would accommodate their work schedule and scored the free dining plan at our number one resort choice with connecting rooms! I told them over and over that DH, DD7, DS6 and I would be leaving the night before so that we didn't have to get up at 3am to make to the airport with them the next day. They finally realized 4 weeks before we left that our schedule was probably better than theirs, and added the extra night. But they had to check into a different hotel w/out the dining plan and then make it over to our hotel the next morning. Needless to say, we didn't get to the parks until 12:30 that day!

Since they run that restaurant, they are night owls. They have breakfast at 10am and stay up till after midnight. Their grandkids are only 6 & 7 and get up at 6am, ready to hit the parks. Not so great with those connecting rooms. I didn't mind too much, was willing to adjust to their schedule, but really had nothing to say when they complained how hot & crowded the parks were in the afternoon - DUH!

They have a gorgeous pool at their beautiful home that was open from May - September. Yet, they were completely enamored of the Dubloon Lagoon pool at POFQ and would have been very happy to just stay there and swim all day long. OOOO-KAY?!? Why did we just spend $1000 on park tickets? They did end up going to the parks, but I was the one who had to feel sheepish when they got that "wish I was swimming" look in their eyes.

I was all for doing things differently and adjusting my planning/touring style to suit them, but don't ask me to plan, re-plan, and then ditch the plan!

 

[disykat]

Well, that's what I was saying. She wants to have her vacation her way. Her family insists on sticking together, but they don't want to do what she wants to do. So somebody isn't going to have a good time! The problem here is not that the OP is planning. The problem is that she is planning for people who insist on doing everything together, and yet they probably aren't interested in (and refuse to prepare for) the vacation her immediate family wants. They can't have it both ways. They've got to either let her do her own thing, or do her thing with her.

I can't tell if you're joking with me to make a point, or if you're serious. I think what many of are saying is the OP needs to loosen up (and I think by her posts she is willing to do that). It's not all about her - someone else is paying. They arent' the ones that have to make accomodations, she is. If she wants the vacation her immediate family wants, she needs to plan another trip that she is paying for.

 

[tlbwriter]

I can't tell if you're joking with me to make a point, or if you're serious. I think what many of are saying is the OP needs to loosen up (and I think by her posts she is willing to do that). It's not all about her - someone else is paying. They arent' the ones that have to make accomodations, she is. If she wants the vacation her immediate family wants, she needs to plan another trip that she is paying for.

So you're saying that since they're paying for her vacation, and they don't want to split up, she is obligated to do everything they want to do when they want to do it? And if they don't want to hit the parks until noon, she is obligated to stay there at the hotel with them, because it's not "all about her?"

Under those circumstances, I think I'd just pass on the free trip!