Travel without your spouse.

[McDISer]

Me and my daughter were in WDW with my sister and her family. My husband is gone from April till Oct. with my 2 sons everyweekend. I told him for Valentine's day not to buy me anything, cause I just wanted a vacation.

Well the day came and went and I didn't receive anything. I kept hoping he would come home from work and tell me, he put in his time for a vacation and he never did.

My sister asked me if I wanted to go to WDW with them and help watch her son, he has a small form of Autism. She said my daughter could come too. She does a lot of flying and she wracked up a lot of frequent flyer miles.

I told my husband about it and he was like "whatever". We came home this morning and the boys and him are gone again. They weren't suppose to be gone racing, but the dirt bike track was open.

I just felt really bad taking vacation without him-we barely spend anytime together. I asked him not to work so many hours at work, he starts at 5:30 a.m. and works till 6:30 p.m. He comes home eats and falls asleep on the coach and is in bed by 9:00 p.m. We don't do anything together.

Do you think this is normal. We have been married 23 years and it is only getting worse, he says he has always been a work aholic, why change now.

 

[Vivianne]

Sounds like it's time for family counseling. Even if you go alone. Going on separate trips is not necessarily bad but this sounds like your family is disconnected from one another. You need a professional to give you advice..

 

[THESCHULTZFIVE]

Maybe you should mention to him about the Richard petty driving experience at Disney if he likes racing. Sometimes people think of Disney World as a big giant "it's a small world". but there are all different kinds of things to do. Ask him to help you research the trip or order the vacation planning guide and see if he gets interested. If the issue is deeper than just wanting different vacations b/c you have different interest, then I would agree with Vivianne. Good Luck to you!

 

[Catrin]

My husband refuses to go to Disney again - we went in 1996 and 2000 for a week with our kids, and for 3 days by ourselves in 2003.

Since my kids have not been in five years, and my oldest is 10, I have decided to take my kids one at a time. He is not thrilled with the idea, but he had his choice.
SO each kid gets "mom and me" time. Kyle this year, Matthew in two years, and Allison when she is 8 or so.

ENjoy your vacation without your hubby....if he doesnt want to go .. just say>>>>
Catrin

 

[cindyfan]

Don't feel guilty about going without him!!!!!

You have different interests and you need to enjoy your vacation.

It says you "were" in WDW......so I assume that means you went and came back....
Were you looking for him to take notice and not go with the boys?

It sounds like it doesn't matter to him that you went with out him.
So going to WDW is not the way to get him to change his ways.

Just learn to do things on your own.....enjoy your time with your DD.

 

[DisneyGirl2005]

I have to say I am with Vivianne on this one. It would be one thing if he just didn't want to go to Disney, but it sounds like this is an all the time thing. There is so much more I want to say, but I feel like I might be jumping to conclusions about your husband that are not true and I don't want to do that. If you don't want to do the professional counseling, maybe you could talk with a family member or your religious leader ( if that applies). Good luck.

 

[McDISer]

My husband refuses to go to Disney again - we went in 1996 and 2000 for a week with our kids, and for 3 days by ourselves in 2003.

Since my kids have not been in five years, and my oldest is 10, I have decided to take my kids one at a time. He is not thrilled with the idea, but he had his choice.
SO each kid gets "mom and me" time. Kyle this year, Matthew in two years, and Allison when she is 8 or so.

ENjoy your vacation without your hubby....if he doesnt want to go .. just say>>>>
Catrin

Thanks everyone for some suggestions. We used to go on family vacations all the time, but the last 3 years we have not taken a vacation, nada, nothing. This racing thing has really gotten huge.

I usually go along to local tracks, but when they go 3-8 hours away I usually stay home. They always tell me to come along, but this sport is such a guy thing. I feel out of place, most of the racers are between 16-26. Most of the guys take themselves to the races and some like my boys have their dad as their mechanic. The days get to be really long. You have to be there by 6:00 a.m. for sign in, practice at 10:00 and races start usually by 1:00. The races are usually over by 5:00, then you have the long drive home or you sleep in your trailer for a Sunday race.

Me and my daughter did have a really good time on vacation, but I just felt something was really missing. I just don't understand why we aren't just as important as this racing.

I tried talking to him a few weeks ago about being home for supper and eating as a family again, I told him to be home by 5:30 at least. He made a really snide comment one Sunday when supper wasn't ready at 5:30. Grrrr.

He wants to look at a home out in the country tomorrow with acreage. I told him I don't want to live out in the country. Then I would really be isolated. I told him if we sell our house, I am taking half of my share and moving somewhere else. He told me not to talk stupid. I think he would freak not having someone cook, clean and do his laundry. He really is clueless!

 

[mking624]

You could always "surprise" him with a trip. My husband did this for me one time. He actually called my manager and arranged time off for me without me knowing and then surprised me with the trip and had everything already arranged (airfare, hotel, etc). It was one of the most memorable things he's done for me. Sometimes when we want to have that spark in our marriage again, we gotta step out of our comfort zone and take the initiative ourselves. It took a lot of stepping out for my husband to do what he did, but it really reconnected us during a time we were incredibly stressed out and fighting all the time. We've only been married for a little less than 5 years and we've been through more than what a lot of marriages have ever seen...so we've really had to learn how to work on taking initiative to spend time together and enjoy each other.

 

[DissyLove]

First, let me say I think going without your spouse on a trip is fine. As you can see from my signature, I am doing just that in June with my two older kids and leaving the baby with my husband and a sitter (he is fine with it, and doesn't want to go, so it worked out fine for us!)

As far as not spending time together, spouse time is very important. Someday, it will literally just be the two of you again-kids grow, have their own life, and you want a "partner" that you can enjoy time with.

I hope you can convince him of this, or pehaps get him to at least talk about it. Since he makes free time for your sons, he should certainly do the same for you. Maybe find something (or, discover something) that the two of you might like to do together. Good luck to you, and I say go and enjoy your WDW trip!

 

[Simba's Mom]

I went solo for several years (still do sometimes) because DH had no desire to go to WDW. And boy, is he a workaholic, too! You know what happened after I took a few solo trips? I came back so happy, telling him about all the great times I had, that I think he got the "Gee, maybe it's not so bad" idea and decided to go back with me. He still doesn't go as often as I do-WE go once a year, and then I go solo once a year. Works out great for us! So don't hesitate to go without him a few times-he might decide it sounds like fun when you come back talking about the great time you had.

 

[McDISer]

You could always "surprise" him with a trip. My husband did this for me one time. He actually called my manager and arranged time off for me without me knowing and then surprised me with the trip and had everything already arranged (airfare, hotel, etc). It was one of the most memorable things he's done for me. Sometimes when we want to have that spark in our marriage again, we gotta step out of our comfort zone and take the initiative ourselves. It took a lot of stepping out for my husband to do what he did, but it really reconnected us during a time we were incredibly stressed out and fighting all the time. We've only been married for a little less than 5 years and we've been through more than what a lot of marriages have ever seen...so we've really had to learn how to work on taking initiative to spend time together and enjoy each other.

I hinted so hard on Valentine's Day about a vacation. We were standing in the grocery line and everyone was buying, flowers, candy, cards. I looked at my husband and I told him the only thing I want for Valentine's Day is a Vacation. Isn't that a big enough clue. I'm still waiting and I didn't get anything either for Valentine's Day so I thought he planned something. Nope, Nada-nothing.
I have been the Family Vacation planner. We have taken spontanious vacations and those were fun. He has 2 weeks coming this year, and I think he wants to save them for when he needs to leave on Friday's.
I asked my son if he has a race the weekend of June 11/12 and he told me he don't. He wants to go on a vacation too. But I know my husband would be comparing the money we spend on how it could of went to racing. By the way, we are almost $20k in the hole with racing. We owe his mom $5k, 2 credit cards $5K each and our home equity $6K. If I would of done this I would of been tossed out on my ear. Racing each weekend runs around $150-$200.

 

[DissyLove]

Racing sounds like an expensive hobby, and not a family decision. I hope you can get him to hear your voice on this subject. You made a convincing arguement to us, I hope you can explain it to him this way. Good luck to you.

 

[princesslulu]

I think you need to talk to someone professionally! It sounds as if he is clueless to your family's wants and needs. He sounds awfully selfish. Have you ever asked him what he is planning to do with his daughter? My dad always had time for my brothers but my needs were neglected by him. I don't think I have ever really forgiven him. It hurts not to be an equal with my brothers for his attention. Thank god for my mom!

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I agree with those who suggest counseling or outside help. Sweetie, it's time to stop being oblivious to the problems. You have our sympathy, but we can't help you on this one, I'm afraid. Sounds like it needs a much deeper fix.

 

[Jamesbyr]

Hmm. Presidents weekend in February is also the Daytona 500. Would that work?

 

[mking624]

When I meant surprise him with a trip, I don't mean hinting to him about a vacation and hoping he plans it out...I meant you actually surprising him with the trip yourself.

How about planning something that focuses on something *he* likes? One thing my husband complained about in the past which helped me wisen up was that I was expecting him to do things for me on certain days, etc.... I read a book a couple of years back that said if we want out husbands to romance us, we need to romance them as well with the things they like. If you want him to enjoy your hobby with you (i.e. WDW), enjoy his hobby with him. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just getting out of our comfort zone and doing it. So if he likes racing, plan a vacation that will involve some sort of racing thing...not necessarily an event, but something like a racing museum or otherwise. Make the trip about him. Since you're already taking a trip to WDW without him, it might make him feel special if for the next vacation, you do something HE likes. There's gotta be give and take from BOTH sides, not just one.

But I agree with the others...this is something you need to speak with someone about, we can't fix it here. This is going well beyond just a vacation thing...there's serious communication breakdowns going on in your marriage that need to be worked through and you're not going to find the help you need on a Disney board.