" Toxic " relatives

[Kteacher]

Anyone else dread the holidays because of relatives who are so emotionally draining they are difficult to be with . Usually we have a huge crowd at our house for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, but this year it will only be us and my inlaws. My MIL is one of those people who constantly needs to be entertained, refuses to help with anything at holiday dinners ( she sits in a chair and asks me to bring her things ) This is an extremely physically healthy woman whose only reason to be waited on is that she claims she never gets a chance to "visit" with her son-we live 15 minutes away- so she wants to spend the day talking with him I'm having a "leftovers party " the night after Thanksgiving with some neighbors just so I can recover from dealing with her the entire day on Thanksgiving, and when she found out about this party she wanted to come to this too! Aackk.......okay I've vented for the day- feel free to vent along with me if you go through the same thing this time of year

 

[Crankyshank]

Let's just say we give my Mother wine as early as possible on the holidays to relax her because she's a major stress case that makes everyone miserable on the holidays until after the meal. Every little thing sends her over the edge and she's not the one that cooks most of the meal - my Father does.

 

[kaylajr]

The stress of my MIL is so great that we just decided that we would NOT see her this thanksgiving
just easier that way

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

We visit my MIL for Thanksgiving, and I dread it. She's an absolute clean/control freak--fine on her own time, but then she goes nuts when there are 10 extra people in her house. And it's just complain, complain, complain--and when she's done with that, it's all sorts of snide, passive aggressive comments to round out the holiday meal! God, I would love to just skip the whole thing, but we did that last year because the kids were sick, and DBIL is BEGGING us not to desert him in his time of need again! And, I gotta feel for the guy.

Maybe we can get together and have a chat afterwards. We can all wear, "I survived Thanksgiving" t-shirts and take up a collection for those of us who couldn't take it anymore and need to post bail.

 

[CJK]

I feel for all of you!! My MIL and I don't get along well, but we've basically agreed to call a truce for holidays. My current problem is with my MIL's brothers and mother! Her mother (dh's grandmother) is probably the nastiest person I've ever met. Dh's two uncles have both basically hit on me at different times. There's pretty serious mental illness in that family too (which explains the strange behaviour).

I practically had a breakdown 2yrs ago at Christmas having to visit with these people, so since then, dh goes without me. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I still visit with my in-laws over Christmas as well as dh's paternal grandparents and family.... I just can't handle the maternal extended family. I do feel guilty about it, but I read somewhere that when you get married, you should really try to get along with the in-laws, but it's not as "expected" to fight to get along with the grandmother and uncles. Maybe I made that up in my mind, but I'm sticking to it anyway!!!

Good luck everyone!

 

[Kteacher]

I think a toxic relative support group here on the DIS is a great idea My MIL has only one other son-last year he called us and said they would give us a break and have his parents for Thanksgiving. I guess they couldn't deal with them again this year-my BIL leaves for Florida tomorrow so his MIL can't even come up the day after Thanksgiving to visit . My relatives refuse to sit next to her at dinner because she drives them nuts. She makes underhanded comments about the food throughout the meal. One year she said she wanted to help with the meal, so I asked her to bring the desserts to serve 20 people-she brought a carton of ice cream! to all of you going through the same thing-keep those vents coming!

 

[Jingle]

Add me to the list of people who are dreading the holidays because of relatives. My problem person is my mother. I wish I could get her to drink! She will make snide comments with a smile on her face and then laughs. Then she'll try to act like, who me? I didn't say anything bad about anyone.

Either that, or her face is so twisted up from all her complaining that she looks like an old witch. She is also a clean freak who is always hovering over everyone so they can't relax. I have not seen her since July 5th, and have only talked to her once since then. I can't wait for January!

 

[Alice28]

My toxic relative I don't see anymore as we live too far away. She just makes jabs at her DH, her mother, her father all day long and it's draining and uncomfortable. Like we're all supposed to laugh at her mean, snotty jokes.

My MIL I wouldn't say is 'toxic' but is definitely draining. She helps, and can be pleasant enough, but soon enough she will say something that is uncomfortable and often she and my DH get into some sort of argument on a holiday. Not fun. She just knows how to push your buttons and it's draining- it can hardly ever just be light-hearted, fun, silly conversation with her.

 

[lyeag]

We visit my MIL for Thanksgiving, and I dread it. She's an absolute clean/control freak--fine on her own time, but then she goes nuts when there are 10 extra people in her house. And it's just complain, complain, complain--and when she's done with that, it's all sorts of snide, passive aggressive comments to round out the holiday meal! God, I would love to just skip the whole thing, but we did that last year because the kids were sick, and DBIL is BEGGING us not to desert him in his time of need again! And, I gotta feel for the guy.

Maybe we can get together and have a chat afterwards. We can all wear, "I survived Thanksgiving" t-shirts and take up a collection for those of us who couldn't take it anymore and need to post bail.

I think we must have the same MIL.

 

[Stitchfans]

The stress of my MIL is so great that we just decided that we would NOT see her this thanksgiving
just easier that way

That is exactly how I handle it all the time. I have nothing to do with DHs family at all anytime. Holidays have been stress free for 4 years now.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

I can't even post about it - too stressful just thinking about it!!

 

[katedrew94]

My dad married a woman that I don't like and they will be here for Christmas. My SIL is also a piece of work. Then there is the aunt who never liked my mom and tried to take over planning her funeral. <insert sarcastic tone> It makes the holidays fun.

 

[Kteacher]

Wish we could just not see my MIL for Thanksgiving, but they live too close. Now it looks like it may snow here Wednesday into Thursday, which means my DH and my FIL will be out plowing, and I'll have to deal with my MIL on my own

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Anyone else dread the holidays because of relatives who are so emotionally draining they are difficult to be with

Not only just holidays here..........every other month as well.

 

[Brianne]

We resolved it by moving all the way across the country from ours. Drastic, but it's made our lives so much calmer. I definitely sympathize with those who don't have that option.

 

[disneymouse]

you all need to check out motherinlawstories.com

 

[Brianne]

you all need to check out motherinlawstories.com

I've been a professional lurker there for years. It's a great site!

 

[lbgraves]

I eliminated the most toxic relatives for us...my parents. It's been a much better life since then especially at the holidays for the past 4 1/2 years. On DH's side they kind of keep to themselves, which is fine with me since we were basically kicked out of their house a couple years ago. Christmas Day is spent at our house with noone else allowed. If anyone wants to come visit, they are welcome the afternoon AFTER Christmas. I wont have Christmas morning ruined by comments from the peanut gallery. The kids can do as they wish with no rush to go anywhere else & can play with their new things on their own. If they want to stop opening to play with a new toy, that is no problem.