Totally stressed, thinking about canceling trip in two days. Julie, need your advise!

[Iggipolka]

I'm so stressed about our upcoming trip to WDW on Saturday that I'm thinking about canceling it and just eating the lost money. My 14 week old baby and I are supposed to be going with my brother & his family, but I don't think it's going to work out.

My spouse is out of town for 2 weeks on business, so the idea was that I would fly to Minnesota for a week with Lillian so that they could see her and I'd have some help. Then we'd go to Disney for a week and my brother & sister-in-law could help and I'd get to have fun with my 7 & 11 year old nieces at Disney.

Well, Lillian, at just 4 months, has developed separation anxiety and no one but me can hold her without her having a massive crying fit. I tried to go out for an hour with my mom today, but had to go back after 20 minutes because my sister-in-law called due to Lillian's inconsolable crying. I can't even shower without her having a fit!

I'm very worried about the heat in Florida and trying to keep her cool. I did rent a stroller and I have a fan for it, but she's not real good in the stroller as I usually wear her in a Bjorn. I think it's going to be way to hot for the Bjorn outside. I'd wear her inside attractions though. We're staying at BWV and I just have this awful picture of Lillian and I walking back from MGM, this over-heated screaming, pathetic infant in the hot Florida sun and me, feeling completely guilty for having subjected my poor kid to this.

I also just don't think it's going to be much fun for me or the rest of the family. It's not like I can go on many rides with her and child-swap seems out of the question since she won't let anyone else hold her. I'm not going to be able to go to the pool or water parks and I'm even a little worried about how I'm going to get anything to eat.

I'm so stressed about this that I'm up at 3am and with an infant, every moment of sleep is priceless. I can get on a flight back to California on Friday and I'm seriously considering it. My brother keeps telling me it will be fine, they don't do intensive park days. They just go for a couple hours to hit a few rides in the morning, back to the resort for lunch/pool/nap time and then go to Epcot in the evenings. He keeps reassuring me that they'll help with the baby, even if she's screaming.

My spouse keeps telling me it will be fine and if I go home, it will just be Lillian and I alone. At least if I go to Disney, I'll kinda have help, as much as the baby will let me have help. I'm just not sure if stressing her out at Disney is worth it, or just getting her home to her usual surroundings would be better and I'll figure out how to get someone to come over a couple times during the week so I can take care of basic necessities (like a shower and food!).

Am I over-reacting and over-stressing, or does this sound like realistic worries? Would you go to Disney in these circumstances, or would you take the baby and just go home? If I do go, any suggestions for keeping the little critter as happy as possible?

 

[NC Belle]

Sending you some hugs.

I don't have kids, but my nieces went through phases like this when they were infants.

Lillian would love the sights and sounds which would hopefully be enough to distract her from being so anxious. The boat rides might help relax her too.



edit: Is your daughter starting to get her first teeth?

 

[katscradle]

I have 3 children and have gone through this separation bit before.
My advice for what it is worth is to go.
1. Your brother and SIL know about this and are willing to help.
2. A different setting is a nice change.
3. You will have help with the baby.
Now I have found that the only way to deal with this is to face it.
Baby will get over mom leaving for a bit, but you have to force it.
If you don't deal with this now it will get worse.
I think your biggest help is going to come from your neices, as children are amused by other children.
Once your baby is aware your separation is for a short time she will calm down.
If your family is aware that the baby is going to cry the first few times it will be easier on them.
Needless to say you need the break.
I hope this helps you!
Have a great time.

 

[tmli]

I agree completely with what Katscradle said, avoiding situations where you leave the baby will only delay the inevitable! Eventually she will be away from you. I also think there will be so many other distractions, it may help.

Look at the worse case scenario....she cries (maybe alot!!), there will be lots of crying babies at Disney!!!! Or, you are there and can't seperate from her....that's no different then at home but at least you will have other adults to talk to and the possibility of the occasional relief! It sure beats spending the week home alone!

I say go, have a great time!!!

 

[firsttimemom]

remember you don't have to go to the parks each day- you two can hang out at the pool together.

Just go with no expectations of *having* to see/do anything in particular and you'll probably have a great time.

 

[mainegal]

She is a baby.
A sweet adorable BABY!
Don't push it, or her. You will have plenty of time for quality WDW trips in the future. When she is older and can appreciate. When you won't have to carry around diapers. And you won't both be baking in the hot Florida sun.

 

[Iggipolka]

I've got to make the decision today and am still waffling. So far, it's 4 to 1 in favor of going. I guess that worse case scenario is that she and I spend the week in a studio at BWV and walking the long hallways. We have AP's and are DVC members, so we go to Disney often. I'm not worried about having to see everything and go on every ride. We're actually going to be back in March, but my spouse will be with me and Lillian will be 10 months old then.

katscradle - I totally agree with you that the separation anxiety will just get worse if we don't deal with it now. I love hearing from moms with lots more experience than I have.

If I wasn't so sleep deprived, this might be an easier decision!

 

[fnkyyellow]

You poor thing!
I know what you're going through, it wasn't long ago that we went through similar experiences.
On one hand if you stay home you are alone with a baby for 2 weeks which is (in my opinion) too much solitude. On the other hand you are worried about upseting everyone else in your group.
I think that people are more understanding than you think and I don't think that you will ruin their trip by going. You are also staying at your sisters for a week first right? That's a good amount of time for the baby to get used to them. The first baby is always "the worst" because you are feeling your way through the unknown. I think you should go because if it was me I would regret staying at home.

Hope you have a great vacation!

 

[IWISHFORDISNEY]

You poor thing!
I know what you're going through, it wasn't long ago that we went through similar experiences.
On one hand if you stay home you are alone with a baby for 2 weeks which is (in my opinion) too much solitude. On the other hand you are worried about upseting everyone else in your group.
I think that people are more understanding than you think and I don't think that you will ruin their trip by going. You are also staying at your sisters for a week first right? That's a good amount of time for the baby to get used to them. The first baby is always "the worst" because you are feeling your way through the unknown. I think you should go because if it was me I would regret staying at home.

Hope you have a great vacation!

Bingo you hit the nail on the head. I say go. It is not gonna change a thing no matter the surroundings. At least you will have some help in WDW. I have been there and done that too. It is so hard when it is your first and you are trying to figure it out. Definatey deal with the seperation thing now and not let it escalate into an ongoing thing. They are over it in a few times leaving them and then you can be a happier mama.

 

[Michele]

I vote go. What katscradle said. Perfectly summed up.

 

[HillPete]

Another mom here saying you should go! Babies' phases are usually just long enough for the parents to get used to them. She may outgrow this separation anxiety in three days! Esp. if she has fun cousins who dote on her!

The hardest lesson for me when my oldest was a baby was that it won't kill him to let him cry for a bit. It kills you, inside, but does nothing to him. He cried thru every shower of mine at that age, but he also learned that I will always return. It's a developmental stage for her. Once she learns that gone now does not mean gone forever, the crying will stop. She can't learn that if you never go away!

Take advantage of your extended family members who are offering their help. I wish I had had folks like that in my family! You are very lucky.

Have a great trip!

--Hillary

 

[parrotheadlois]

My niece was born the same day as Lillian (my great-niece actually). She lives in North Carolina and visited NJ recently. Trust me, her aunts, cousins, miscellaneous other relatives will be dying to hold her! When they get tired, they'll give her back. Enjoy those moments when they're taking turns with her. It's good for her to get to know them too. Babies adjust nicely

have fun!!!!!!!

 

[wildfan1473]

GO.

I agree with what everyone else says. This is a developmental stage. It is much harder on you than it is on her, trust me. Two weeks at home without any help will be too much for both of you. Hang out at the pool with her. Let someone else watch her for an hour while you go enjoy a nice quiet meal. Ride the ferry boats with her.

This is your decision, and yes, your worries are valid, but as someone who has BTDT, I say take advantage of the willingness the others have to help you with the baby.

 

[AuroraJae]

The posters before me have really given some great advice! I say go and have a great time with your family! 2 weeks alone will make you go crazy and we don't want that to happen.

 

[basketlacey]

It sounds like you need the break! I say go. Enjoy it. If it gets too hot or she gets cranky, head back to the room to relax - nap or swim!

As far as the crying, they all go through those stages. In my opinion, you just have to let them cry sometimes because they need to learn that sometimes Mommy isn't there but she will always come back.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I really feel for you. My DD was one of those...nobody else could hold her, and nobody else could watch her, and nobody else could feed her. She was actually like that throughout her babyhood, and never got past it until she was in pre-school...although I did have to go back to work and leave her with people, she was never happy. (she's 21 now, perfectly happy, well adjusted, and I can't get her to stay home with me anymore!)

Anyway, if I had let her determine my vacations, I'd have been sitting in a darkened room cradling her for 4 years! I learned how to deal, and how to vacation with her, and adjusted my expectations about what my vacations would be like. Lots of down time, lots of pool time, lots of enjoyment of baby stuff, and occasional guilt as I handed her off to a loved one and had me some fun without her. We're mothers, guilt is part of the game. You learn to deal. Just know it's natural, and you need SOME time to have fun, but babyhood is brief (all too brief!). Roll with it. It's all good.

 

[DSNY4ever]

I say go. Even if it means you have to stick close to her the whole time or maybe take more breaks napping at the hotel in the AC than the rest of your family. I think you will still have a good time. They will understand. Just try relax even when she's acting up (easier said than done), but if you are nervous and tense about everything, your baby will sense that.

But this advice is coming from a cheapo who would need to be near death before canceling a trip and losing money

Good luck if you go!

 

[TIGGERmetoo]

I also say - go! It won't hurt her to cry, it will hurt you more but she will learn from it. Have a great time!

 

[SamSam]

I agree with the other posters; go and let others helps. Your little one will learn that mommy will always be back and then the crying will stop.

I had one of each; my son didn't want anyone else to even look at him, let alone hold him, while my daughter wanted everyone and anyone to hold her.
When my son was 1 year old I started taking him to a nursery at a local YWCA while attended an exercise class. The first week he cried the full hour, every day. The wonderful caretaker they had, assured me every day that it would be fine to just keep bringing him. She was a doll and held him and rocked him without every getting uptight. She was so right, after one week he loved going to play with his new friends and being held by his wonderful caregiver.

 

[Iggipolka]

Wow,. You all aare so wonderful, caring & supportive. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the advise & help! I guess I'm going to take the chance and go to Disney on Saturday. Little Lillian and I will just have to give this a shot and if it's really bad, I can catch a SouthWest flight home early. My brother & my nieces really want us to go and I love Disney (obviously), so we're going to give it a shot.

Thanks again everyone. You all are so awesome.