total cost of being a bridesmaid

[Sagginit]

i would do this, find out who the other bridesmaids are and get in touch, by email, by phone, by facebook. before anything is planned talk budget. i know someone who made the mistake of telling the other bridesmaids they could plan it, since she was the sister of the groom and they were all the brides friends. they were all over ten years older and did not think about the fact that she was still a student. it ended up causing problems b/c she tried to back out and her brother felt the bridesmaids were spending too much. the groom ended up paying her share of the shower and she had to skip the bachelorette.

i just missed being in the bridal party for two friends, but one i still did the bachelorette party for because she was a good friend. between that her shower, her wedding, and my friends shower last weekend i have spent $600 in less than 3 months. i still have the wedding for one coming up and my friend just go engaged. praying im not in her wedding party to save me the cost of it.

 

[kimkoz]

I've been in many in the past couple years and each is different but this would be my guess.
Dress - 200

Shoes - 50 (less if she lets you pick our your own and look for deals)

Hair - 75

Alterations on Dress - 30-100 ( I go to local shops, not the bridal shops to get a little cheaper

Shower - 100

Bachlorette Party - 100

Gift - Could be included in the shower cost, but then you need to add wedding gift.

Thats what I would guess without travel. 500 plus not including travel.

You really need to talk to the bride, I got married while most of my bridemaids were in grad school. Most parents helped them pay for dress attire and my mom and sister gave me a nice shower. The girls helped in little ways if they could but its something my family as a whole understood.

For long distance weddins I've been in I was just honest with the bride and MOH. I either only traveled for the bach party or shower.. I couldn't do 3 travel trips. If she really wants you in it she'll work things out. If this is a new engagement maybe give her a couple weeks for the rush to cool off, then you can sit down and talk to her.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

It can be difficult financially to be a bridesmaid. So I think it is important to be honest with the bride from the start. Last wedding I was in was in April:
Dress: $190
Alterations: $75
Hair: $85 (bride hired stylist to do our hair and make up at the hotel. I declined make up application but got my hair done)
Shower: $150 (I organized this and asked each bridesmaid to contribute $150 and I covered all additional costs so I really paid about triple that amount because I thought it was unfair to ask the girls for anything more).
Bachelorette Dinner at Melting Pot: $75
Bachelorette Night Out in AC: $25 cover, $15 p/p room, $100 buying drinks
Hotel for Wedding: $200
Gift: $200

Some brides pay for things for their party though. For example my cousin surprised is and paid for our hair, bought our jewelry and our shoes.

My sister surprised us and paid one night at the hotel.

I got married in Jamaica so I only asked my 2 sisters and 1 cousin to be in the wedding party. I knew they would be making the trip to JA and they were excited for an excuse to take an all-inclusive vacation. They paid for their own travel so I made sure they did not have additional expenses for the wedding. I paid for their dresses, make up, jewelry, and gave them a gift. I told them to wear flip flops or whatever shoes they wanted because we would be on the beach.

 

[Diegosmom]

It really depends...I have been in 3 wedding and I have another one coming up. All 4 weddings the dress came from davids bridal and with alterations I think around $200.

1 wedding I was MOH and we put on the shower. We did it in the church hall so that was free and the mother of groom did most of the food. We did some snacks, made the favors (chololate mold and chocolate, pretty inexpensive) and then bought a few prizes (although I think the mom's brought some stuff too). Did some fresh flowers for table (which I think mom of bride paid for) and we went in on a shower gift (I think under $100, although bride said we didnt need to). I would say shower was under $100.

2nd Wedding Mom of groom did shower and we did nothing for it (there choice) but show up.

3rd and 4th wedding family friend put on the shower

For my wedding my sister did a Jack and Jill and actually you take the cost of the jack and jill out of the profit and then give bride and groom the rest. Although my bridesmaids did do a snack table and decorations (and didnt take that money) and my sister and a family friend bought a ton for the raffle (and didnt take that money either)

It is really the MOH's job to do the shower and bach. party but sometimes bridesmaids are asked to help pr offer.

So do you know is this going to be an "expensive" wedding or more low key? That will help in determining the cost to you.

 

[dizzydrop]

I was a bridesmaid last month and incurred quite the costs, more than I expected...
Dress-$240
Alterations-$60
Strapless Bra-$40
Bridal Shower-$300
Shoes-$25
Hair/makeup-$70
Bachelorette party-$100
Gift for bride/reception drinks-$150
Total cost about $1000.00

 

[FlyingDumbo]

It really depends...I have been in 3 wedding and I have another one coming up. All 4 weddings the dress came from davids bridal and with alterations I think around $200.

1 wedding I was MOH and we put on the shower. We did it in the church hall so that was free and the mother of groom did most of the food. We did some snacks, made the favors (chololate mold and chocolate, pretty inexpensive) and then bought a few prizes (although I think the mom's brought some stuff too). Did some fresh flowers for table (which I think mom of bride paid for) and we went in on a shower gift (I think under $100, although bride said we didnt need to). I would say shower was under $100.

2nd Wedding Mom of groom did shower and we did nothing for it (there choice) but show up.

3rd and 4th wedding family friend put on the shower

For my wedding my sister did a Jack and Jill and actually you take the cost of the jack and jill out of the profit and then give bride and groom the rest. Although my bridesmaids did do a snack table and decorations (and didnt take that money) and my sister and a family friend bought a ton for the raffle (and didnt take that money either)

It is really the MOH's job to do the shower and bach. party but sometimes bridesmaids are asked to help pr offer.

So do you know is this going to be an "expensive" wedding or more low key? That will help in determining the cost to you.

It is going to be a very fancy wedding and the bride and groom definately will be putting themselves into debt for. They keep saying "you only do this once, so do it right". I am really thinking I need to back out quick.

I am also starting a new job next week and without having a wedding date or month set yet, I am concerned about getting the time off.

 

[bpesch]

It totally depends on the wedding and the bride. I've done them for a few hundred dollars because it was on the casual side and we pretty much got to pick what we wanted to wear based on color. I've also seen them be very expensive because the bride wanted her way in everything and there was no room for negotiations.

So without more details, coming up with an approximate cost is just not possible.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

It is going to be a very fancy wedding and the bride and groom definately will be putting themselves into debt for. They keep saying "you only do this once, so do it right". I am really thinking I need to back out quick.

I am also starting a new job next week and without having a wedding date or month set yet, I am concerned about getting the time off.

It sounds like not being able to get time off of work might be the most graceful exit if you are uncomfortable with discussing finances with the bride.

 

[marie1203]

Anyone had this honor lately? How much overall did it end up costing? I am kind of worried about the cost involved, since I will have to travel for all the events.

I made a similar post a few months ago. Last year I was a bridesmaid for SIL overall we spend well over $1000. And next year BIL bride asked me to be a bridesmaid too . I don't really know her I seen her 3 days in my entire life and now I am her bridesmaid. Last dress was $400 so we will see. But I did not make it to all the activities last wedding and I would probably not make it to all the activities to the next one. We live 800 miles away and she decided her wedding will be finals week so I will be there for the wedding the rest I am not interested. I feel your pain.

 

[caitty13]

I was in a wedding this past Saturday. My dress was $100, luckily it didn't need alterations so I saved there,shoes were $5.00 on clearance, hair was $50. That was just the wedding, then another $350.00 to stay for the weekend. Then the gifts and bachelorette party was about $125 total.

So over all I paid about $630.00 and that doesn't include gas driving everywhere. My bride also didn't ask for a lot form us...

 

[disykat]

The weddings I've been in, the bride bought all the bridesmaid's dresses or the fabric for them. I did the same at my wedding. I've never had to buy specific shoes. Jewelry has been a gift from the bride.

Showers were in someone's home and not catered affairs, so sharing in them was not a huge deal. I did pay my own travel costs, etc. Those were costs I WANTED to pay - a dress I'd never wear again, not so much!

It's always a surprise to me that people expect people to pony up so much money for their wedding. In my circle people tried so hard to make being in a wedding party an honor, not an expense.

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

I think there will always be people in a wedding party that give more/have more. I wouldn't let that stop me from being in a wedding. If the bride is a very good friend or family member, I think they will understand you are on a budget. I think most brides would. Are you planning on going to the wedding if you aren't a bridesmaid?

The last wedding I was in was pretty easy. Dress was chosen by the bride and the rest was totally up to us. Even with hair and make up services some did their own and no one cared. I've never had to pay for a shower that I wasn't throwing. The bachelorette party is usually just split between everyone and pitching in for the brides drinks/dinner.

 

[ceecee]

It sounds like not being able to get time off of work might be the most graceful exit if you are uncomfortable with discussing finances with the bride.

Sounds like it could end up costing you a lot more than you want to spend. "shouldn't be too bad" amount is different for each person. What she thinks is cheap may be expensive to someone else.
I just couldn't ask people to spend $ so I let my MOH choose her own dress and no manicure/pedicure or hair appt. I had a smaller wedding and used the $ for a down payment on our first house.

 

[ceecee]

It's always a surprise to me that people expect people to pony up so much money for their wedding. In my circle people tried so hard to make being in a wedding party an honor, not an expense.

I agree!

 

[twinkle49]

Hey I was just in my cousin's wedding on Aug. 12th. Here's my run down...
Dress - $205
Alterations - free (the place we got our dresses from messed up our order)
Hair - $110 with tip
Make up - $85 with tip
Bridal shower - $275
Bachelorette Party in NYC - $120 (we live 15 min away so it wasn't that bad)
Shoes - $50
Nails and Pedi - $60
Gift - $325
This was a big North Jersey wedding!!! It was an awesome time so it was worth it!

 

[crisi]

The weddings I've been in, the bride bought all the bridesmaid's dresses or the fabric for them. I did the same at my wedding. I've never had to buy specific shoes. Jewelry has been a gift from the bride.

Showers were in someone's home and not catered affairs, so sharing in them was not a huge deal. I did pay my own travel costs, etc. Those were costs I WANTED to pay - a dress I'd never wear again, not so much!

It's always a surprise to me that people expect people to pony up so much money for their wedding. In my circle people tried so hard to make being in a wedding party an honor, not an expense.

Many brides do. And other brides get caught up in "it needs to be perfect" and "what is $300 of your money on my special day - aren't I worth more than that to you." And it happens to good people, one minute they are fine, the next Bridezilla. The pressure for "what do you mean, you aren't having a band?" can become overwhelming. I think it also depends on what part of the country you are in and what social circles you run in. I'd never heard of other bridemaids shaking each other down for expensive bachelorette parties or showers - every wedding I've been involved in the shower is a simple thing that involves a $35 sheet cake from Costco, and the bachelorette is "buy your own drinks at the bar - and make sure the bride doesn't buy her own - while dressed like a $100 hooker" until recently. I've been in weddings with cake and punch receptions in church basements, and weddings where after church the guests changed into evening gowns.

 

[mistysue]

You guys are making me feel much better... I always felt bad about the girls having to buy dresses and shoes for my wedding. (I think the least expensive option was like $80) I paid for hair and makeup, we the bachelorette party was watching movies at my in-laws house and my sisters threw the shower.

I was in one wedding that cost me about $300 + gift.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[Manders77]

Just being invited to a wedding can cost money. My BIL is getting married in Las Vegas (he lives there) we live in FL.

Airfare: $800 (3 tickets and 1 lapchild)
Hotel:$250 (BIL works for a company that gets us a killer deal)
Rental $150

Plus food and any other incidental expenses.

We can't even go to a show or gamble because we have no left over money. I had to use my cruise money to pay for this.

I get it family and all but none of us are in the wedding (which we would definitely decline even if it was asked.)

We were not even going to go but my IL's would be pissed. WE will make the best of it and as soon as we get back - we will start saving once again for our Disney Cruise.

Our gift is us showing up, It may sound bad, but we can barely afford this trip alone.

 

[fakereadhed]

I find this whole thing completely shocking. I was in a few weddings where I bought the dress(picked for me) and shoes on my own, any white shoe to be dyed to match which was taken care of by the bride. Showers were thrown by the family and as maid of honor I helped with everything from decorating to keeping track of gifts. No cost to me.

For my wedding, I had one attendant. She picked out her dress(my BFF- we had fun shopping!)and I never gave a thought to her shoes or hair or even if her nails were done. She is someone special to me that I wanted at my side when I married. She wasn't an embarrassment if she didn't have the exact shoes I wanted or a French manicure or every hair in place.

OP- don't do it! It's sheer craziness to expect that kind of $ commitment from a friend. Work is not only an excuse, it is a legitimate concern. Take it, and RUN!!!