Toddlers in DL: to leash or not to leash?

[va32h]

I have three children, never used leashes, never will.

Aside from my personal feeliings of discomfort over the issue, I feel that leashes can give a parent a false sense of security and make them less attentive.

My classic example is a scene I observed at my son's T-Ball game last year - a leashed toddler happily sitting on the ground eating fresh dog poop, while his mother chatted away, holding onto his leash, but not paying any attention to him.

And honestly - if we are talking about preventing abduction, a leash offers no protection. A kidnapper can just cut the leash, or unbuckle it.

When looking at the broader picture as well, it doesn't do much to teach your child to stay close to you, if they can, in fact, wander away from you. I don't think very young children are capable of making the distinction between being able to run ahead of mommy when they have the harness on, and having to stay with mommy because they don't have the harness on.

On a more practical note - none of my kids would have kept something like that on. They would have unfastened it in a heartbeat.

I am 5'3 and have never pulled a child's arm out of its socket by holding hands. Perhaps I have unusally long arms for my height.

 

[haley's mom]

No to "leashes". I am against them. I will never use them on my children. My kids know where they need to be. If they needed to be on a leash, I would not take them to Disney

 

[shaylahc1]

My personal opinion: no. never.

And yes, I've taken small kids to parks. My parenting style - if they can't listen, they aren't old enough to have the privilege of going to the parks.

Based on most of the responses, I'm clearly in the minority here, but I also hate when parents use them in a crowd and get the 'leash' tangled around people, things etc. I'm sure there are many who would like to prove me wrong, "my child is different than yours because.... "

I also believe if you have 2 adults and one child, you should be able to manage keeping track of one child.

For a point of reference, I took 3 kids (6,4,2) to a 100,000+ person football game this weekend. (dh had to fly for work, so we went anyway) They did awesome and we had a blast! But they also knew if they didn't listen, we wouldn't go again (we have season tickets).

You asked for an opinion, I shared mine. Let's not start a war over whose parenting style is right and whose is wrong. Clearly, I believe mine is right for my family and others may disagree.

just my 2c.

I agree with this. If you want to teach kids self-control, putting them on a leash is NOT the way to do it. I have 4 kids, and have never used leashes. Well I did try once with my oldest and she promptly threw herself on the floor of the mall and refused to move What was I going to do, drag her around the mall? We keep ours confined in a stroller or a carrier most of the time. We've never had a problem.

ETA that 3 of my 4 kids are VERY active, and 2 refused to ride in strollers so I totally know what that is like! This is how our 2 y.o. made his way through Disney last week

 

[shaylahc1]

My classic example is a scene I observed at my son's T-Ball game last year - a leashed toddler happily sitting on the ground eating fresh dog poop, while his mother chatted away, holding onto his leash, but not paying any attention to him.

.

 

[all4fun]

We have used one at WDW and DL (numerous trips). I agree that it isn't a substitute for parenting. It is a tool, like a car seat, a high chair or a play pen. That is all. Sometimes you need those things and sometimes you don't. I also think people should be a little less judgemental about this topic. You may have 1 kid, 4 kids, or 15 kids, and I'm sure you're an expert on raising them. But you're not an expert on raising my kid. I know what he needs so I'm really not worried about what other people think. If you don't like it (for your kids) then don't use it. Simple as that. Sorry, just had to get that off of my chest, lol.

To hopefully help answer some of the OP's questions:
1.) How common a practice is this for families w/ "energetic" kids?

I think you'll see many people using them in the parks, not a majority, not even close, but you'll probably see several other parents with children in safety harnesses or wrist leashes.

2.) What are the typical reactions/ looks we'd get while there?

We've gotten several positive comments, actually. Maybe one slightly sarcastic one but I could deal with it. I mean have I ever seen that person since them? Nope. I could care less what other people think.

3.) What will likely happen to his personality after being/ looking like this for a full day (or more) at DL?

Uhmm, he's going to become a crazed psycho. LOL Just kidding of course. He will fine! My ds actually didn't like wearing the harness at all when we first got it. I put it away, for several months, actually, and brought it back out on our 3rd trip with him to WDW when he was about 20 mos old. On that trip (and thereafter), for whatever reason, he didn't care if he was wearing it. He liked to pull away from us a lot (very strong-willed & independant) but he was also very "clumbsy" so the harness helped us him keep his balance a lot. Even when he was in it, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It also provided a physical boundary and eventually he did start holding our hands but I think that was more of a maturity thing than it could be attributed to using the harness. The harness was a tool that got us through a challenging time is all. Also, in our case, ds actually had motor skill delays and combined with his independent streak the safety harness allowed us to give him some freedom without sacrificing safety ie falling down a lot. It was really really useful on the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. He loves to climb stairs, it's really good practice for him to increase his mobility, and with the harness on I could hold his hand (again, when he actually let me) but if it slipped from my grasp I still had a firm grip on the leash. For us, it just let us "relax" a little bit from the pretty constant fear of him falling and getting hurt. He's had tons of physical therapy now and is doing great so we don't have these worries so much any more (in case anyone is wondering). This last trip I actually forgot to bring it and he did pretty good without it, but he is maturing and doesn't need the physical boundary the harness provides as much any more.


4.) Anything else to consider/ prepare for if she gets her way w/ this crazy idea?

Like others have pointed out, keep the reins short and don't let it be a substitute for actually watching your child.

Just my 2cents. I hope it helps, whatever decision you make!

 

[va32h]

You may have 1 kid, 4 kids, or 15 kids, and I'm sure you're an expert on raising them. But you're not an expert on raising my kid. I know what he needs so I'm really not worried about what other people think.

That is a great philosophy to have. But it works both ways. (and I'm not singling you out on this issue - it's just a general observation on parenting threads).

What tends to happen on message boards is that people post looking for advice about a parenting issue, and then when the answer isn't what they want to hear, reject all the advice they've been given, on the grounds that nobody else understands their child.

If a poster asks for opinions, he/she will get them. I don't see anything wrong with people responding with their personal experiences when that is what the OP asked for.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

 

[all4fun]

Va32h, Whether you intend to "single me out" or not, that is how it feels. Where in my post did I reject others advice? Where did I say people don't have a right to express their opinion? I did say I think people should be less judgemental, but that is my opinion, and don't I have a right to express it also? In addition, I don't think some generic stranger observing me with my child in the parks or where ever does understand my child or our particular situation. They don't even know us so how could they?

 

[mickeymousemom]

I have 3 kids(17,12,3). The first two were no problem. They were good quiet kids, never got into ANYTHING. Then I had the last one. My oh my. She is SO rambunctious. She moves constantly, just like her dad. She's a good kid, but at times she will sneak behind a rack or something in the store. It takes only a second. Scares the crap outta me. I think it's extremely unrealistic to expect a toddler/preschool age child to stay right where they're told ALL the time. They aren't wired that way. For those of you who say NEVER...well, either you don't have kids, you're lucky enough to have kids like my first two, or you're confident enough that YOUR child won't wander...EVER.
My 3yo has liked to walk everywhere for about the last year. I let her do this with no problem in the malls, WalMart(she gets in the cart ASAP if she wanders even a little), etc. When we go to WDW, I'm just not that confident. I just bought one of the Monkey backpack/leashes from WalMart for our upcoming trip. I already have it packed and I KNOW I'm going to use it. I'm not the type to let her do whatever she wants just because she's in it, and for those kids that cause problems...well, that's the fault of the parents. They'd act that way whether or not they were on any type of restraint, only probably to a larger extent.
I will use the backpack without a doubt in my mind as to whether or not I'm right. In a place with thousands of people wandering all over the place, not only do I not want to take the chance of losing my child, but I refuse to put my child in the position of getting lost from us and being terrified. Any of it makes me sick to my stomach. Even though the chances of something happening to her are extremely small, I'll not risk it. The safety of my child is my biggest concern.

 

[Ash aka sky]

I agree with this. If you want to teach kids self-control, putting them on a leash is NOT the way to do it. I have 4 kids, and have never used leashes. Well I did try once with my oldest and she promptly threw herself on the floor of the mall and refused to move What was I going to do, drag her around the mall? We keep ours confined in a stroller or a carrier most of the time. We've never had a problem.

ETA that 3 of my 4 kids are VERY active, and 2 refused to ride in strollers so I totally know what that is like! This is how our 2 y.o. made his way through Disney last week

This post just proves that what is right for one is wrong for another. Personally I think the picture of your son/daughter looks very uncomfortable for both parent and child and probably not something I would do but thats me, does not mean I think others should not do it though. One mans junk is another mans treasure.

Ash

 

[Ash aka sky]

We have used one at WDW and DL (numerous trips). I agree that it isn't a substitute for parenting. It is a tool, like a car seat, a high chair or a play pen. That is all. Sometimes you need those things and sometimes you don't. I also think people should be a little less judgemental about this topic. You may have 1 kid, 4 kids, or 15 kids, and I'm sure you're an expert on raising them. But you're not an expert on raising my kid. I know what he needs so I'm really not worried about what other people think. If you don't like it (for your kids) then don't use it. Simple as that. Sorry, just had to get that off of my chest, lol.

You make an excellent point in that paragraph.

Regardless of where people stand on the debate I find the 'my kid listens/knows how to behave/does not wander' hard to believe as someone else said kids are not wired that way.

Ash

 

[i3utterfli82]

My husband is against the leash idea, and even the backback/leash combo. I on the other hand know our daughter and the excitment of Disney will not keep her in her stroller (she is 2). I think I am going to pick up the monkey one anyway and see how it goes. The moment she starts running around I am going to give this leash a try. I honestly don't care what others think, her safety is my priority.

I do have to agree that that 2 year old in the backpack/sling looks VERY uncomfortable and heavy.

 

[susancl]

We've never used a harness. We are the "hold a hand or we're leaving" parents. It usually takes one time carrying a child out of someplace they want to be, for them to take it seriously. We've been at WDW with DS's twice; once ages 4,4,2 and 5,5,3. As long as there are more adult hands than children, it goes smoothly.

When the twins were little, we used a stroller.

 

[va32h]

Va32h, Whether you intend to "single me out" or not, that is how it feels. Where in my post did I reject others advice? Where did I say people don't have a right to express their opinion? I did say I think people should be less judgemental, but that is my opinion, and don't I have a right to express it also? In addition, I don't think some generic stranger observing me with my child in the parks or where ever does understand my child or our particular situation. They don't even know us so how could they?

And where did I say you didn't have the right to express your opinion?

The point I was trying to make is that if someone posts a thread asking for advice on a parenting issue, and then gets advice that they happen to disagree with, it's silly to use the argument "well you aren't the expert on my child".

We aren't the experts on anyone else's child. So why ask us in the first place?

I didn't say you rejected anyone's advice. You aren't even the OP of this thread, so you weren't asking for anyone's advice. I don't even think the OP rejected anyone's advice. Which makes it especially silly that people are jumping in to defend the OP when she doesn't appear to feel attacked.

Leash or don't leash, I don't give a rat's patootie.

 

[shaylahc1]

This post just proves that what is right for one is wrong for another. Personally I think the picture of your son/daughter looks very uncomfortable for both parent and child and probably not something I would do but thats me, does not mean I think others should not do it though. One mans junk is another mans treasure.

Ash

Well it may LOOK uncomfortable to you, but I can assure you it isn't or else we (obviously) wouldn't travel that way My DH HATES strollers, he much prefers to carry our kids than lug a 50 lb stroller all over the parks. But like you said---to each their own. My DS and DH love traveling together that way, we can keep an eye on our son at all times and no need to tether him like an animal on a leash. THAT looks very uncomfortable to me

I would also love to see where in the photo you see that either my DH or son look uncomfortable? You can't even see their faces and it's a stretch to say they look uncomfortable because obviously they aren't I think it's your own personal prejudice against people who like to carry their children rather than tie them to a leash or push them in strollers You may not realize that while your judge one person for the choices they make, in turn others might be judging your choices as well.

 

[whogirl'smom]

"There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware--
it's a small world after all"
Everybody now...

 

[atisikitabasket]

I myself had the problem of whether to leash. I didn't feel right making my son ride in a stroller all day he wanted out to run and have fun. His problem is he has no fear and doesn't watch were he is running. He also has Autism and sometimes thinks it is a game to run from us. I have read a few people remarks about how their "parenting style" their kids would never act up. Boy are you lucky and you should realize that not everyone has children that can be controlled that way just because my son doesn't realize what can happen if he gets lost doesn't mean he shouldn't get to enjoy WDW just like your children. It is ok to have an opion but to act like your opion is the only one anyone should have is wrong and you should never guess what the other person has on their plate. My son looks "normal" to everyone and I get looks when he acts out. Do I need to put a big sign on his forehead or can you just accept their is a reason other than "parenting skills" that not all children listen as well as yours and that doesn't mean they shouldn't enjoy things too!

Sorry bad subject with me.

 

[lisadisney2003]

The whole idea of the "leash" is really the safety of your child. Our DD has always preferred to ride in the stroller but, we still took a harness leash with us just in case. I know that some people really frown on this but, I had to put the safety of my child about the thoughts of others.

One additional comment about the harness leash vs. the wrist leash. Depending on the time of year that you will go, the harness leash can make a hot day even more uncomfortable. Next time, we are taking the wrist leash instead.

 

[Ash aka sky]

Well it may LOOK uncomfortable to you, but I can assure you it isn't or else we (obviously) wouldn't travel that way My DH HATES strollers, he much prefers to carry our kids than lug a 50 lb stroller all over the parks. But like you said---to each their own. My DS and DH love traveling together that way, we can keep an eye on our son at all times and no need to tether him like an animal on a leash. THAT looks very uncomfortable to me

I would also love to see where in the photo you see that either my DH or son look uncomfortable? You can't even see their faces and it's a stretch to say they look uncomfortable because obviously they aren't I think it's your own personal prejudice against people who like to carry their children rather than tie them to a leash or push them in strollers You may not realize that while your judge one person for the choices they make, in turn others might be judging your choices as well.

Woohoo I really hit a nerve... first of all from the tone of your post seems like you need to chill out a little.

I would also love to see where in the photo you see that either my DH or son look uncomfortable? You can't even see their faces and it's a stretch to say they look uncomfortable because obviously they aren't

Before getting all irrate you need to read what I said: 'Personally I think THE PICTURE of your son/daughter looks very uncomfortable for both parent and child'. and why would I say that? well first of all I am guessing your son weighs between 20-25 pounds, who wants to carry additional weight around a park for 10-12 hours per day? (before you say it, I know your husband). Looking at your child in the picture, he has his legs spread the width of your hubbies back with his his legs/feet turned outwards that is why TO ME he looks uncomfortable. I do own a baby carrier, well actually 2, last week I had my 6 month old daughter in one of them for an hour while I shopped. When I lifted her out I had a wet spot on my shirt and she had wet hair from the sweat, hmmm after only an hour in an air conditioned store verses several hours walking around a park in the florida sun, can't imagine why I wouldn't think it would be comfortable

I think it's your own personal prejudice against people who like to carry their children rather than tie them to a leash or push them in strollers

That statement has me I am prejudice for commenting on the picture? what a silly childish thing to say and before you start accusing someone of being prejudice get your facts right because as I said earlier I do own a carrier and a hip hammock. Just out of interest can you quote me on where I said people should 'tie them to a leash or push them in stroller'. I think parents should use whatever tool (within reason) they need to make sure their child is safe, that includes you and your baby carrier. 3

You may not realize that while your judge one person for the choices they make, in turn others might be judging your choices as well.

I do not believe I was judging anybody like I said to you in my previous post each to their own! Having said that feel free to judge me I am perfectly secure in my parenting and will respond to anything you have to say in an adult manner.
I hope you are a little calmer now.
Have a wonderful disney day

Ash

 

[shaylahc1]

Never mind, some people aren't worth the effort

 

[Ash aka sky]

Never mind, some people aren't worth the effort

Thank you, with replies like that I really don't need to say anymore your reply speaks for its self

Ash