Toddler Tantrums

[T16GEM]

Hi!

Any ideas on this would be much appreciated as I am literally at my wits end with Shelby! Whenever she has a tantrum, or is told not to do something or that she can't have something etc she is banging her head off what ever she can find, the floor, tables, doors, stair gate etc. Last night her head was bruised from it.

What can I do to stop it or is it just another Toddler phase that we have to ride out? Blimey if this is what she's like now imagine what she will be like when the Terrible Twos really kick in!!

HELP!!!

 

[wilma-bride]

Gems, I consider myself very fortunate in that none of my children ever really did the tantrum 'thing' but I know, from speaking with other Mums how annoying and frustrating it is - so you have my sympathies.

I don't know if it's any help but I found this information on Toddler Taming:

Head Banging

Head banging is a habit quite common in toddlers, which usually occurs for one of two reasons. Most commonly, it is a part of a tantrum particularly seen in 1 to 2 year olds, although it can be a form of innocent entertainment in slightly older children.

When toddlers throw a tantrum, many will throw themselves to the floor and start head banging. If this sounds familiar then don’t worry, they rarely hurt themselves. Most become quite good at making sure they bang their heads on a surface that makes the greatest noise and yet hurts the least! Like all tantrums, try to ignore whenever possible. Your toddler will soon realise that this is not having an effect and will stop this behaviour.

Some children head bang when they are bored or tired and it occurs most frequently when they are in their cot. They enjoy head banging, as it helps them to go to sleep, even if it keeps everyone else in the house awake! There is really nothing you can do to address this behaviour, as it is not a sign of bad behaviour, just innocent entertainment and often a form of getting off to sleep, which they will hopefully grow out of.

I hope she grows out of it soon but, until then, like the article suggests, the best thing to do is ignore it. If it looks as though she is hurting herself, perhaps just lift her out of reach of whatever it is she's banging her head off and put her in the middle of the floor or something. Have you considered introducing a 'naughty spot' or time out?

 

[natalielongstaff]

my advice would have been to ignore it !! not easy when its your child tho

 

[wils]

Molly was a headbanger! It's quite frightening to watch them isn't it but she will grow out of it. . If we did time out in her room she'd just bang her head against the door until we opened it. Sometimes she got herself in such a state that DH would just wrap her tightly in his arms and sit it out - watch for the back headbutt!

Do your best to ignore her if it is safe to do so. I remember let Molly roll around an empty floor at a toddler group which she'd headbutt if I tried to lift her (one Mum made a nasty comment which I didn't totally hear but it really upset me ) Also distraction if you can is a good one - I'll ask DH if her remembers any more (my brain is shot!)

Take comfort in the fact that it is 'normal' - at the time we heard about a little boy who'd stand at the top of the stairs and hold his breath until he passed out So there's always someone's child who is worse

 

[Dimplenose]

My son stopped after he'd banged his head on a tiled concrete floor instead of carpet. Again I'd advise ignoring it.

Libby

 

[Beth__WDW23/6/02]

Its a tough one they do say ignore them as its a form of getting your attention and the more you say No behave the more they do it.
I would say try ignoring her when she is tantruming and believe me the terrile 2's starts early Im sure it does.
Our DD is nearly 2 in a couple of weeks and she can be a right little madam when she pleased especially in shops when she wants something,and you say NO she will kick her legs and fling herself about.

If she continues and you really do not where to turn too I would mention it to your HV but it's a common phase in these toddlers.

 

[T16GEM]

Thanks everyone, I thought it was "Normal" but it is really hard to watch her! Today I have had to grab her up while I was strapping Harley into his car seat out side so that she wouldn't do it on the driveway. but maybe I should have let her just to see if she got the idea that it does hurt?

Jo - I know what you mean about the back head butt! SHe got me last week and I had a split lip! I really thought that my tooth had come through and it was swollen for a couple of days the little bug!! She was very upset about that tho and was wailing MUMMMMMMMYYYYYYY OOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOO! so I must admit that I did have a little titter to myself!

I shall try ignoring from now on - DH has a problem with ignoring though as he thinks that she hurts herself so I will have to send him out or something!

 

[arieliwish]

Yes my DS was a head banger, until just before his first birthday when he head butted the carpet but there was a toy tractor in the way! Nice scab on his forehead on first birthday pics!! My best friends oldest son was a breath-holder! The first time he did it he wasn't even a year old and did not want to be dressed that day! She thought he was dead when he passed out and ran to a neighbour who was a nurse, they called a doctor out who said he actually couldn't harm himself as his body would breath itself once he passed out - some consolation then! He did that til school age!!

Its all a phase and you'll be shocked how quickly it all passes, as everyone else has said, make sure she can't do herself any real damage and ignore it, they are little monkeys at times aren't they!

It does get easier to reason with them as they get older, and then even more difficult as they get older still! LOL!!

Lynn

 

[emily1982]

If it were any other tantrum i would normally say ignore her, but if i were you, i would sit on the floor with your legs crossed and hold onto her,there is a safe way of doing it, just put your hands around her in a lock. Especially since she's causing herself bruising.

 

[Goofyish]

Just to cheer you up - from experience the 'Terrible Twos' lasts until they are at least 18 years old

 

[wils]

Just to cheer you up - from experience the 'Terrible Twos' lasts until they are at least 18 years old

Molly is officially a pre-teen at the age of 4! She told me this morning that she didn't want to be my child anymore (mean Mummy wanted to watch the news for 5 mins) - we've made up now after I pointed out that I feel under no obligation to take her to Nursery or the school fete if I was no longer her Mum!

 

[T16GEM]

Jo I tell Shelby that if she doesn't stop it and be good then we won't do anything fun EVER again! ha ha!

Goofy - Thanks for that - 18 that seems like a really really long time!

Last night she head butted the bedroom door 6 times, then I went in and she was telling me her head was sore! so I put her back in bed and told her to stay there, I didn't hear from her again until 7am! not bad.

 

[wils]

Last night she head butted the bedroom door 6 times, then I went in and she was telling me her head was sore! so I put her back in bed and told her to stay there, I didn't hear from her again until 7am! not bad.

ooough! I assume she is in a bed rather than a cot? Molly was from very early as she hated her cot (Dec loves his and will probably +be there until he no longer fits!)

DH reminded me of one of Molly's worst outbursts. We'd put a stair gate across her bedroom door so that we could keep her in her room but be able to see that she was safe (and try and stop her headbutting the bedroom door). It was an expanding gate firmly fitted but she managed to barge it out of the door hulk style I can laugh now but at the time...

 

[T16GEM]

yes she has been in a bed since she was 14months as she climbed out of the cot, we started off with the matress on the floor for about 3 months and have only just put the base in her room, she seems to get on well with it.
We have had to screw the stair gate into her door frame otherwise she would turn green and Hulk barge too! If the door is open and she has had enough of head butting that she head butts the stair gate on the doorway anyway so we can't win - maybe we could turn her room into a padded cell!

 

[wils]

If it's any consolation Declan is much more laid back though he does do the floppy body act now (or rigid if he objects to going in the car seat!) so hopefully your little man will be the same