Toddler "leashes"

[CleveRocks]

He does not like riding in a stroller. If you go to the mall or something like that, he has a really hard time staying in a stroller. He doesn't like staying in the "basket" of a grocery cart, either. For either, he can make it a little while, but he gets bored and tired of sitting there.

Someone looking at him might thing it is "degrading," but I'm pretty sure he'd argue with them if he had the vocabulary. For him it is freedom. Autonomy. The ability to explore a little. He doesn't pull or fuss or anything like that, but he likes to walk around and see the world. he is playing with things. Looking around. Exploring. It is the key to the world for him.

I am so much happier for him to be able to wear a harness at wdw and get to actually interact with the stuff there around him than I would be for him to be strapped in to a stroller most of the time. Don't get me wrong, we have a stroller of course, particularly for the end of the day or for the longer trips of arrival and departure. But during our last trip to MK it basically stayed parked during the time we were there.

Holden has so much fun being allowed to wear a harness. He is able to climb stairs, etc. (which is so fun for him). He is able to look into things. He doesn't feel restricted or "stuck." He can walk under his own ability, and focus on the things he wants to see. He can lead us, which is not very possible from a stroller. He can come to a dead stop and fixate on something. He can run a burst. He can dance if he wants to. He can bend over and pick up a rock. It fits his personality and temperament. He would not have nearly the fun at WDW or the Zoo, etc. if he wasn't able to wear the harness.

So I am going to say I think it is disrepectful to NOT allow your toddler the sort of independence and freedom that a harness allows during a trip to walt disney world. I understand that walking with a child on a harness through a place like walt disney world isn't an easy task, and it requires complete attention and focus from the parent to make sure the child is constantly OK, and that is probably hard for some people to do. Some folks probably just don't have the tolerance to let their child explore on their own at arm's length. ... But, I really do think it is mean and lazy for parents to not allow their child the freedom of a harness when with just a litle more effort and positive parenting guidance skills they could allow their child so much more freedom, particularly at an age (toddler-early preschool) where that autonomy and ability to explore is so important for children's development.

I don't recognize you from the early days of this thread, so I hope the others will forgive me if I repeat a little bit. I have 2 kids, now 5 and 3, but formerly younger, obviously.

I'm not a leash user. I object to it. I would never say anything to anyone about it, as that would be rude. People are allowed to parent as they see fit. God Bless America. But I love the idea of message boards as appropriate places to share opinions, agree or disagree.

I don't comprehend your dichotomy of "harness using" or "stroller using." Why are those the only 2 choices? They are not the only two choices! When I was at WDW, as when I am anywhere else with the kids, the stroller is an appliance we use when the kids are dog-tired from all the walking and exploring they do (and we also tend to use it in large parking lots or when crossing busy urban streets, for safety reasons of course). We don't use the stroller as a "restraint." As a matter of fact, if my memory serves there are no seat belts in the WDW rental strollers (which we used while at WDW, which means we had neither stroller nor leash in between the entrances and the buses, at our resorts, at DTD, etc.). My wife and I firmly believe in exactly what you said about the need for children to be autonomous and explore. Not to mention WALK and get exercise (and get tired so they'll NAP, God-willing!). We safely do all of that WITHOUT the use of a harness. Yes, we actually watch our kids. And walk near them. And run after them. And often get exhausted in the process. But I wouldn't have it any other way; it's a choice we make, without complaint. We allow our kids every bit the same amount of freedom you allow yours (from your written descriptions), and we do so without leashing them. Yes, we actually watch our kids. As I have written earlier, I often have the kids by myself, due to my wife's demanding work schedule, and I/we have had them in many crowded places very often. In addition to the many places we've had them in Philadelphia and NYC (not to mention WDW), we live at the beach, and we have the kids on the boardwalk where we live or in nearby Ocean City, NJ just about every weekend during the busy summer season. So in other words, I speak from experience when I say I happily do all this without leashes. I can't imagine how I'm being cruel to my kids. Can you?

-- Eric

 

[magicmato]

Wow, watching our kids. Why didn't any of *us* think of that???!?

 

[CleveRocks]

Wow, watching our kids. Why didn't any of *us* think of that???!?

Y'know, I've been asking that same question! I can't figure it out, either!

-- Eric

 

[magicmato]

Y'know, I've been asking that same question! I can't figure it out, either!

-- Eric

I don't even know how to respond to that. Your ignorance is amazing, not to mention your condescention and your snobbery. Why not support other parents instead of constantly deriding them for making *gasp* different choices than you. I am fairly certain you are not nearly as perfect as you want us to believe. Get off your high horse, for heaven's sake.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

CleveRocks, sometimes it depends on the kids, too. My older dd was easy. When I just had her, I thought exactly the same way you do. I watched her. She rarely ran away, and when she did, she didn't run that fast and I could catch up to her before she got into trouble. She happily held hands crossing streets, etc.

My younger dd is a different story. She bolts, anywhere and everywhere. She's getting better now that she's getting older (2yrs 9mos). We brought the leash to WDW for our trip a month ago, but never used it. But we really needed it when she was about 15 months to just over 2. Even then, she could run faster than I can, and no, I'm not that slow. but seriously she's going to be an Olympic runner -- she is fast! She can also climb onto the hood of a car in about 5 seconds, so I need to restrain her at places like the zoo where I know she'd be over the fence and into the polar bear enclosure if she had her way.

Now, I know, you're going to tell me how spirited your kids are, you just watch them. The truth is, every child is different, every family is different. Some parents can keep up with a child better than others. Does that make them bad parents? no! Are the ones that can keep up better parents? no!

Oh, and LOL at this part about using the stroller

(and we also tend to use it in large parking lots or when crossing busy urban streets, for safety reasons of course).

It contradicts your other point that you

don't use the stroller as a "restraint."

Clearly you also have the need on some occasions to somehow restrain your children for safety reasons. Other families draw that line elsewhere. Big whoop. :

 

[CleveRocks]

Why not support other parents instead of constantly deriding them for making *gasp* different choices than you.

I quote myself:

People are allowed to parent as they see fit. God Bless America. But I love the idea of message boards as appropriate places to share opinions, agree or disagree.

As far as being nice and supporting other parents, in past posts on this thread I wrote that parents who use leashes are certainly more responsible and loving than parents who don't take any reasonable steps to keep their kids safe, that if you're using a leash you're taking charge of the situation and trying something helpful.

I am fairly certain you are not nearly as perfect as you want us to believe. Get off your high horse, for heaven's sake.

Never said I was perfect. I've been wrong more times today than I care to count. I like my opinion on leashes. I agree with my opinion on leashes. Where do you get from that that I think I'm perfect. You have a backbone about your opinion. I have a backbone about my opinion. Where do you find a supposed belief in my own perfection because I stand behind one of my beliefs?

Puhleeze. Again, I get misquoted.

-- Eric

 

[CleveRocks]

Oh, and LOL at this part about using the stroller
It contradicts your other point that you
Clearly you also have the need on some occasions to somehow restrain your children for safety reasons. Other families draw that line elsewhere. Big whoop. :

In a parking lot or a street, a child quickly and unexpectedly darting three feet away (before you can react) can literally be a matter of life and death; you know, the whole car versus body thing. But a child quickly darting three feet away (before you can react) on Main Street USA or near Dumbo in Fantasyland or outside the Lego store in DTD is not literally a matter of life and death, unless the parent is either not paying attention or is not physically able to follow/chase the child.

I draw my line at preventing sudden death. Otherwise, I don't mind inconveniencing myself for my child's freedom and (gasp!) dignity.
[Two bonus points to anyone making a B.F. Skinner reference here]

-- Eric

 

[BlondeAlligator]

This thread has gone on long enough! I would like to repeat something I posted earlier...

No parent who is doing their best for their child should be criticized!

Each of us make decisions for our own kids everyday. We do the best we can with the knowledge and experience we have. For those of you who feel so confident in your ability to always keep your kids in check (you know who you are) I pray that your abilities never fail you. Perhaps Main Street isn't as dangerous as a city street in New York or Chicago, but WDW is not in a bubble and bad things can happen to children there just as easily as anywhere else. Kids can get lost, or hurt, or taken in the blink of en eye. If a parent wants to use a harness as an extra measure of precaution, than we should applaud the proactive parenting and not judge. Too many parents don't care a whip about their kids these days...to criticize parents who do care is shameful. Harnesses are not degrading...most kids who wear them are too young to remember the experience and are happy at the time to have the added freedom these devices allow.

Let's have some perspective, please people, and let this one go. Everyone here seems to love and care for their kids...the fact that we may do things differently is OK...let's be supportive of each other. It's hard enough to be a parent these days without other parents making you feel bad for the choices you make out of love for your child.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

In a parking lot or a street, a child quickly and unexpectedly darting three feet away (before you can react) can literally be a matter of life and death; you know, the whole car versus body thing. But a child quickly darting three feet away (before you can react) on Main Street USA or near Dumbo in Fantasyland or outside the Lego store in DTD is not literally a matter of life and death, unless the parent is either not paying attention or is not physically able to follow/chase the child.

I draw my line at preventing sudden death. Otherwise, I don't mind inconveniencing myself for my child's freedom and (gasp!) dignity.
[Two bonus points to anyone making a B.F. Skinner reference here]

-- Eric

LOL! If my dd only darted three feet away from me, I likely wouldn't have used a harness, either. Lots of things can happen to a toddler who runs full speed away from a parent, zipping right under the railings which slow her parents down. I draw my line at preventing a fall into a waterway or a run in with a ride vehicle. Heck, I draw the line at allowing her to get lost. To each his or her own, I guess.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Hello all,
Dug up this thread while researching harnesses/"leashes" for our quickly upcoming trip (we get on the plane in THREE DAYS!!!!! ).
I wanted to publicly admit that yesterday I purchased a harness. I haven't taken it out of the package, and I probably won't unless absolutely necessary, but I have a 12 month old ds who has been walking for about 2 months now and is really fast and very headstrong about it!! We will be taking our own stroller plus a wrap (like a sling, only I tie it up myself rather than it being "pre-formed"), but if him walking on his own isn't working out for whatever reason--and it WILL be necessary for him to walk some each day, because that's just CRUEL to expect him to stay confined in a stroller or someone's arms alllllllll the time--we will break out the leash!!!!
I also wanted to comment that when I was younger, I was against harnesses. I did recognize that in some situations, they may be practical or even necessary...but I didn't think two parents with one small child should need to use one. Well, now we are two parents with one small child, and my current feelings are that although I'd like to avoid the use of one if possible, I would rather be prepared to use one and have it handy (and not use it and return it to the store when we get home) than need one desperately for whatever reason and NOT have one!!! We are not neglectful parents by any stretch of the imagination. We do all the things responsible, forward-thinking, AP parents "should" do for our son, and then some. But I am not about to let someone else's disapproval stop me from taking safety precautions for my child! There is a famous saying to the effect of, if a million people believed something different than you do, that doesn't make it so. I completely agree with that statement and will do as I see fit as a parent, onlookers be darned!
I also have a personal note to add to this. My great-grandmother lost a 2 year old son to drowning in the '20s. She had many children, and he somehow got away from her for just a minute...and then it was too late and he was gone. After that, she tied her babies up whenever they were near water so they couldn't wander away. She was just a terrified, grieving mother doing the best she could to prevent a tragedy she understood all too well. We all do whatever we can to protect our children, if we are loving, attentive parents. How could that ever be the wrong thing?
Hugs to the other parents out there busy degrading their children with such inhumane treatment as a leash!!!!!

 

[Super Momma]

I really don't understand why people feel so strongly about whether OTHER parents use a body harness or not. Isn't a personal parenting choice such as breast feeding/ bottle feeding or homemade or store bought food? Isn't there more important things to stress about in our daily lives than if other parents are using body harnesses? My kids exhaust me every day, I rarely have time to notice or worry about what other parents think about my parenting skills. I really don't see the sense in the hostile comments some have made. It is a personal choice. I don't think parents should have to justify wanting to keep their children safe by using a safety method or by their desire not to use one. Honestly, worry more about the kid who is being hit or humilated by cruel words. That is something we should be concerned with. Not if people think that body harnesses make children seem like dogs. To those who want to use them, power to you and to those who don't, then don't. LET IT GO PEOPLE. This is all my personal opinion, and I am sorry if some disagree with me. But life is filled with disagreements isn't it?.

 

[TammyJ]

Super Momma...You sound like a Super Momma. I second everything you said!!!

 

[maxiesmom]

I think that the problem some people have with the toddler leashes are the parents who use them as an excuse to not watch their child at all. You know the ones. They are on one side of the path, their child on the other, and the parent totally oblivious as to what their child is doing. If you want to use them to help keep you child safe, more power to you! Just make sure you are still paying attention to your child. They can still get into trouble even on a leash!

 

[pedro2112]

When we went for a day trip back in 03', my DDs were ages were 4 and 3. We actully bought a "leash" type apparatus for our kids. Not because they were wild, but because we were freaked out over the possiblity that we'd lose them! In any event, we decided not to use them after all, and our kids were fine. I agree that it is up to the individual parents, and that one shouldn't judge another's parenting skills without knowing the full facts.

 

[TammyJ]

I think that the problem some people have with the toddler leashes are the parents who use them as an excuse to not watch their child at all. You know the ones. They are on one side of the path, their child on the other, and the parent totally oblivious as to what their child is doing. If you want to use them to help keep you child safe, more power to you! Just make sure you are still paying attention to your child. They can still get into trouble even on a leash!

I'm in the mood to be agreeable today. I agree with you too Maxiesmom!

 

[Belle5]

I, too, don't understand why anyone even cares. I have 4 teenage sons (one in college) and 8 year old son and a 2 year old son. After parenting my older boys I have gained some perspective. Let me confess, I was one who in my "young" parenting days had strong opinions about things like harnessing children. Honestly, folks...from the other side of the mountain...it doesn't matter. I have to tell you my four older kids are great. Right now I am feeling my age and a leash for my two year old isn't something I'd stress over in the least--I'd use one in a heartbeat if it would save my old bones a chase or two.

The things that I think do make a HUGE difference in kids: faith, chores (they need a strong work ethic to succeed), the movies they watch (my kids could watch bloody movies like Jurassic but no movies with smart mouthed kids and NO SEX), the kids you let them play with (never let your kids hang our with kids who are geographically close--just because they're near by. A nice friend and influence is worth a twenty minute car drive!) It is so easy to fall into the trap of not making waves with your children. Make waves gently and firmly--get up out of your cozy chair and DEAL WITH THE SITUATION AT HAND. No screaming. It makes kids bitter and rotten. Never scream. Bottle feed and use a harness. It really doesn't matter. The things I mentioned above do matter!

Oh, yeah, one more thing--even if your affluent--act like you have to struggle. Tell them they can't order soda and dessert every time you go to a restaurant. Don't buy the big ticket Christmas gifts. Make them wait until the popularity of an item has worn off and the price comes way down. (years) It makes kids grateful and pleasant to be around...

 

[TammyJ]

Belle 5, I agree with so much of what you say. It's sounds like you are a great mom!

But since this has turned into a "parenting" forum, I'd just like to make an observation and see what everyone thinks. It has seemed odd to me for so long that we Americans expose our children to so much violence but put sex (or nakedness) off limits. I have a friend who lets her children watch very violent movies but would never dream of letting them see a naked breast. So, how is it in our society, violence is exceptable but the human body is not?

If I had a choice I'd rather my children felt comfortable with their bodies and were having sex than seeing violence as "normal" and acting out. Of course my children are perfect so they'll actually do neither.

Just looking for discussion...to each their own.

Tammy

 

[littleshamrock]

I didn't even take the time to read through all of the replies on this, and excuse me for that. But...I am terrified that someone will take my son from me. You don't know who could/would just take your child from you while you are holding your hand, and then what? You are helpless. I don't agree with people using the harnesses so that they can divert their attention elsewhere, but in the case of kids running off, and people like me, I think it's a measure of security. I have yet to decide on whether to use on or not, but it has crossed my mind. There are just a lot of sick people out there, and this may be one way to prevent anything happening to our kids...

 

[Belle5]

Belle 5, I agree with so much of what you say. It's sounds like you are a great mom!

But since this has turned into a "parenting" forum, I'd just like to make an observation and see what everyone thinks. It has seemed odd to me for so long that we Americans expose our children to so much violence but put sex (or nakedness) off limits. I have a friend who lets her children watch very violent movies but would never dream of letting them see a naked breast. So, how is it in our society, violence is exceptable but the human body is not?

If I had a choice I'd rather my children felt comfortable with their bodies and were having sex than seeing violence as "normal" and acting out. Of course my children are perfect so they'll actually do neither.

Just looking for discussion...to each their own.

Tammy

Honestly, Tammy--I think you should start your question as a new thread. That way when folks do a "search" on leashes that's what they'll find here.

 

[VSL]

It could be a really interesting thread too.