Toddler frustrations....

[meloneyb21]

are so frustrating. DD2 gets frustrated so easily, she becomes unreasonable. Yesterday DH bought her in a Happy Meal, and while she eating, she seemed to realize that the bun was not perfectly lined up to the burger, so she starts to trip out! She really can't fix it because you know how the cheese is like glue and sticks everything together, and I'm trying to tell her to calm down. I try to help her fix the darn burger but she won't give it up. She then turns red , screams, rips the burger in half and just throws it across the room . DH is now looking at her like she should be is a straight-jacket. She was so mad, she couldn't even finish her food and just was hysterically crying. She wanted the burger back but also DIDN'T want it because it was ripped.

This is not uncommon, my mom tells me she's just throwing a tantrum because she wants her way, but she seems like a total lost case sometimes. Something like this happens 3-4 time a day, maybe more. She was coloring and broke a crayon. When I saw the look on her face, I knew it was coming. She brought it to me to fix but when I told her it couldn't be fixed and that she now has 2 crayons to color with (I tried t make it sound good), she wasn't havin it. She turned red again , screamed, tried to pull her hair out, and tried to throw the cat across the room. Honestly. I just don't know what to do to help her clam down. Spanking won't work, so I just don't bother. Sometimes I just leave her there and let her have a fit, but I hate hearing her break down like that. I mean she has a total meltdown over some of the smallest things. Sometimes I think that she is just being a toddler, but other times I think the girl is actually crazy. The only good thing is that she never acts out in public. It's like she knows when to turn it on and off.

This emoticon represents her so well. I swear if she was on Heroes, she'd be that radioactive man and absolutley explode of she could.

 

[golfgal]

Your best response is to ignore that behavior, walk out of the room and don't talk to her until she has calmed down. Also, when toddlers are getting ready for a new stage in development, talking more, etc. they usually become easily frustrated so it isn't something that you really should be concerned with at this point. Again, ignore it and it will go away.

 

[disneymama73]

My first DD was like that. It's a no-win situation. Because you're trying to give them what they want, but they're so out-of-control at the moment, that what they want changes from second to second.

Try to stay calm and ignore the behavior. That's the only thing I've found to help.

 

[alldiz]

you have to know your kid if u can do this...

when dd gets totally irrational...
i put her in her room and close the door....
tell her i refuse to listen and to call me when she is done

oh i have one of those safety knobs so she
cant get out

usually works...sometimes i'll go check in 5 min....
honey are u ready to be nice....

she will actually say no....but can u get me this or that
peace
kerri

 

[Robmom]

My DS is 20 months and he has meltowns all the time. In the beginning I would yell or give him a spanking, and like you said, it only makes it worse. I just let him have his tantrum and wait for it to stop. Your DD won't be like that forever. They grow out of it. My DD would fall down flat on the floor out in public screaming and crying and there is nothing you can do. But she stopped that not too long after.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Our DGS will be 2 in February and he has tantrums too. If he gets upset or is overtired he will throw himself to the floor and flail around kicking and screaming. It's embarrassing, really. He only does it when his mother (our DD) is here. She pretty much ignores it. I do hope he outgrows it, soon!!
Other than that he's a delightful, sweet little boy. Love him dearly.

 

[dmslush]

My dd was an angel at 2 compared to how she was when she turned 3!! But, those tantrums are normal. Put her somewhere that she cannot hurt anything (such as the cat!!!!!), and let her have her tantrum. Then go on about your business. It is not your job to fix those little things in life, and she simply is at an age where she has to learn how to funnel her frustrations. If she knows that she is not going to get anywhere, only be ignored, she will learn that is now how we solve our crooked bun issues

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Been there. Although usually not in public. DS always seems to have his worst melt downs at home. Part of his problem is that he cannot express himself the way he wants because he is speech delayed. Part of it is the fact that he also has a sensory-seeking Sensory Integration Disorder and if he doesn't get enough stimulation during the day, towards the end of the day he has meltdowns. Part of it is that he is almost 3 and he wants his way all the time.

TOV

 

[meloneyb21]

Thanks for the advice yall. I knew yall would have something good for me .

 

[inaminute]

They don't call them the "terrible twos" for nothing!

Best advice is to ignore as much as you can. Anything else may be reinforcing her behavior.

Remember, this will pass. And, you'll have lots of stories to share with her when she's old enough to be embarrassed by them (it's especially fun to pull out the stories when the grandchildren are around!).

 

[ilovejack02]

Sometimes I think that she is just being a toddler, but other times I think the girl is actually crazy. The only good thing is that she never acts out in public. It's like she knows when to turn it on and off.

This emoticon represents her so well. I swear if she was on Heroes, she'd be that radioactive man and absolutley explode of she could.

Ok i know its not funny, but to hear you describe it like that, it sure is!!
I think you hit it on the head, that girl does know how to turn it on and off. My best friend's dd used to throw herself on the floor and on her back and then push herself around the room the whole time screaming. My bff used to line sofa pillows up against the brick mantle so she wouldnt hurt her head when she hit it and then mom would leave the room. LOL!
When my little guy started it at 2 I dumped in him his crib ( he was still in it at the time and never climbed out) and left and said let me know you are done and close the door. A little while later id hear "mommy im done" and all peace would be restored till the next time. Crazy kids!

 

[luvmyfam444]

I agree mostly with the others - I tell my dd (3) that I will not listen to her that way & she must stand in the corner til the timer goes off - that usually makes her scream louder @ 1st till I tell her that I can't start the timer till she's standing quietly (or sitting for a 2 yo) & then wait on her to quiet down - ocassionaly she'll take a while but I just stand there waiting. Then set the timer for 3 mins & then it's all over.

 

[minkydog]

This too shall pass Take care of yourself. Headphones help.

Cathy--mom to John,20(bipoloar tantrum-thrower extraordinaire), Eleni,13(they call me Mellow Yellow...thank God for one normal one ), and Christian,11(Autistic--I'll see your tantrum and raise you one!)

 

[Mono~rail]

I don't believe it! That sweet little cutie in your sig can't possibly throw tantrums!

I just ignore tantrums. Easier said than done, I know. I wish I could tell you they outgrow the behavior, but DD14 still has them from time to time.

Next time she breaks a crayon, scotch tape it back togther!

 

[zagafi]

Now multiply that times two! I have 2 1/2 year old twin boys and we're right with you in the "terrible" part of the twos. One of them is a *very* intense little boy and sometimes the best thing I can do for him is hold him--tightly. He needs to give all that emotion somewhere to go, so rather than hitting, kicking, biting, he gets to SQUEEZE for all he's worth. It really seems to help him. For one, he's my snuggler anyway, but two, he's working all that physical energy out in a way that keeps him out of trouble!

 

[Aidensmom]

I don't miss those times!

Like a lot of posters have said, we also ignored the behavior. Every once in a while we still have to tell DS to go to his room until he is ready to calm down. DS always was a lot worse with this stuff right before a new developmental accomplishment. It's like their little brains are just on overload and they explode.

It can be so frustrating as a parent. I used to sit and cry sometimes while DS was in his room calming down.

 

[justhat]

I recently started telling my daughter that it's okay for her to tantrum, but only in her room cause I don't want to hear it. When she gets worked up beyond all hope I calmly walk her to her room and then leave. She cries in there for awhile usually, then sometimes she climbs on her bed and falls asleep (!!!) or other times she just stops, gets a tissue and cleans her face, then comes out to play again as though nothing had happened. Weird kids.

 

[redshoes]

I wish that I could say, "Oh I have no idea what you're talking about", but sadly that is not the case. My youngest DS is three and although two was a breeze he is currently making up for that with the fits that he is throwing at three. In my opinion kids at this age feel things pretty deeply. With my DS he is either happier than happy or he is upset and angry. There is no middle ground with him. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt on his actions but I make sure that if I'm going to battle with him that it's a battle I can win.
I also have a 4 year DS and I can tell you that although the fits have decreased- the words have increased and sadly that means that he says things that at times hurt worse than any fit he ever threw.
A lesson that I'm learning everyday with my kids is- Dont take it personal. Easier said than done sometimes, but the reactions that they receive from the fits they threw and words they say help them to judge what is acceptable in public and what is an acceptable way to treat those around them. It's an ongoing lesson but they are learning. Hang in there.

 

[VAN]

I have two kids 15 months apart and I don't honestly remember regularly occurring temper tantrums. Once in a while when their routine was interrupted and/or they were tired, but not on a regular, several times per day basis.

Not knowing your child, I would try to establish a routine where there is regular quiet time and regular nap time. I would also be firm about establishing boundries ... what will be tolerated and what won't. Agree with others that when she is out-of-control, she needs to be removed from the situation (room, bed, etc) so that she can refocus and calm down.

I would also bring up the subject with your child's doctor ... they can be very helpful with providing suggestions - they are also in a position to work with you to determine if there are any other factors in play.

- - -

Slightly off your topic ... recently a coworker with a 2 year old says to another coworker "Does your child hit you? Mine hits me all the time." The other person says, "Yeh, but I think that's normal." Huh??!! It wasn't when I was growing up and it wasn't when I was raising my children either !!!!

 

[megan4777]

My dd#2 has temper tantrums. She throws herself on the ground, kicking and screaming (also usually whacking her head)when we take her off the dining room table (how she gets up there is beyond us), the toy chest, or tell her she can't do something.

I try to distract her but 99% of the time I ignore her and tell her that I'll play with her when she's done screaming.


I was just talking with DD's pediatrician about "time-outs" the other day.
They don't work for DD#1 (3.5yrs)b/c she just gets more angry and more upset....

Their ped. told me to thank her/praise her for good behavior, no matter how little the act is while making eye contact.

She said that I should put her in her room is she hurts her sister or outright ignores a rule.

I've been thanking her for sharing with her sister (17m), helping her sister do something, helping me clean something up....etc.
It's just a basic, "Thank-you very much for helping me wipe up the water on the floor. It was very helpful."

I've been doing this with her for the last 3 days and her behavior has totally improved. She's been great and I've only had to put her in her room 1 time(for spitting...that's a HUGE no-no and she has been having issues at school with it, too). She hasn't spit since.

DD#1 used to really get annoyed if she couldn't do something on her own. She would get really mad and yells/scream. I would encourage her to keep trying and not let her give up, even when she would kick/yell that she couldn't. I would just give her a few seconds to scream it out, then have her try again.
She basically outgrew that, at this point, though


Sorry for the novel...I've just been dealing with a ton of stuff with DD's in the last few weeks and hopefully some of what's working for me will work for someone else