Toddler Advice

[Mom2Ben02]

First off, HUGE congrats!

If it were me, I would invest in an Ergo carrier. If he is small enough to be thought a six month old, he will fit just fine. Look locally - you can get great deals on them used. Baby wearing also helps with bonding. <3

 

[Mom2six]

We are off to Disney in a couple weeks with our 23 month old boy on the spectrum and our 8 year old (who is celebrating his step-father adopting him, yay!)

Our biggest fear is the running. We can't let go of his hand or turn our head for a milli-second or he will be off. We will have one of those monkey tethers and the tatoos with our cell numbers on it. We hope to get the GAC because I have heard that the regular lines are very packed in - he will have a melt down for sure.

We have been trying to get him used to being around more people in similar situations. For example, we have been going to more restaurants. We have found he really needs to be walked around after ordering and then he is fine to sit for eating.

He had little interest at the zoo. He didn't seem to get that we were there to see the animals. He just sat in the stroller quietly and not having fun. Outlet malls (outdoors) was another test-run we did. He loved to run with the monkey on his back, but tended to head towards the parking lot and had to be carried kicking and screaming back to the stores. My poor kiddo.

Obviously, every kid is different. It must be very hard not knowing his history. I think your plan of taking him to different places is great (especially considering that is exactly what I did ) Good luck, I hope you have a magical time!

I always thought that when my son was sitting so quietly in his stroller he was not interested. Not that he is 5, I've found out it is all part of his anxiety. He actually may have been interested. Now that he has finally started playing, and says a few words, I was able to discover he is serious and quiet at new places, but then "plays" those things when we get home and seems to be happy about them. He was so quiet and nervous at the Disney Junior Live on tour show but when we got home, he tried to re-enact the show. He even watched Sophia the First on TV and he does not like Princesses.

 

[JKMadyson]

We have an 11 day trip planned for the last week of Sept. through the first week of Oct. and I am just trying to figure out our options.

 

[alicia080979]

We have had our little guy over a month now and he is getting more and more comfortable here every day. After talking with his caseworkers and getting more history the other day, we found out in his last placement they had people coming to work with him for RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder-Disinhibited) and being sensory seeking. I thought for sure at this point he didn't have sensory issues because he is constantly doing things that include textures, lights, etc. but didn't realize a child could be sensory seeking. They are going to start sending people here to work with him soon so I am looking forward to that to see how he does.
My new concern is this...we have a sweet little girl now (newborn) and she will be 5 weeks on our trip. We are going to bring our double stroller with the bassinet & car seat attachment for her and seat for him. He can be facing outward if he wants to see everything going on or if he gets over stimulated, we can turn it around and he can face us. As soon as we got the stroller, it became his safe place in the house. He will sit in it (strapped in) for hours. If I try to take him out, he climbs right back in. So now that it is a double stroller and he is the one with the needs, can it still be used as a wheelchair? I am hoping we don't need it but I definitely want that option because he feels safe in it.

 

[alicia080979]

I always thought that when my son was sitting so quietly in his stroller he was not interested. Not that he is 5, I've found out it is all part of his anxiety. He actually may have been interested. Now that he has finally started playing, and says a few words, I was able to discover he is serious and quiet at new places, but then "plays" those things when we get home and seems to be happy about them. He was so quiet and nervous at the Disney Junior Live on tour show but when we got home, he tried to re-enact the show. He even watched Sophia the First on TV and he does not like Princesses.

We are taking our kids to the zoo this weekend for the first time. I am interested to see how he does there. This is encouraging though in case he doesn't 'react' the way I think he might.

 

[alicia080979]

Thank you.

I can understand how a physical/mobility issue would need an accommodation regardless of a diagnosis. This seems like a different situation. The child could potentially have x issues but with children that age many parents face the problems the op has described.

really I'm not trying to be argumentative but perhaps part of the reason there is so much talk of the GAC system being revamped is because "get a GAC" seems to be the answer for every problem.

If you look at the family board, you will see bolting is common with children that age.

Hopefully by my post you can see that my goal isn't to just get a GAC just to get one or to abuse the system. I do understand kids at this age bolt and run off. Most children though know who their parents are and once they realize they aren't there, will either look for them, get scared, cry, etc. Our little guy has no concept or attachment to who his caregivers are. He would run off to a stranger and try to get them to pick him up. He seeks out anyone that will hold him.

Someone (not sure if it was you or not) said to just hold him in line. Obviously that is our plan but when he gets overwhelmed, he does not want us to hold him. He isn't attached to us the way a 'normal' child is. When he falls and gets hurt, unlike most children who want mommy or daddy to comfort him, he wants to go curl up by himself. He just doesn't understand that type of relationship/bond yet. So I am terrified of him taking off. I feel like Disney is pretty safe but there are times when it is VERY crowded that we won't be able to avoid and there are probably some shady characters mixed in there somewhere and that scares me that he bolts with no regard to see where his 'parents' are and would go to anyone.

Our plan is to be out of there before he is overwhelmed and just do a little each day based on what he can handle but now with him having been here a little longer and knowing that he has more than one thing going on, I am not the least bit concerned about getting a GAC because I know that IF we need it, it will make him feel safe and that is all I care about.

Not trying to be snarky but just trying to explain the difference between what might be 'normal' toddler behavior and one who has been moved to 4 different homes in 6 months with no concept of attachment/trust and is sensory seeking and how that is exactly what the GAC is for.

 

[lanejudy]

... So now that it is a double stroller and he is the one with the needs, can it still be used as a wheelchair? I am hoping we don't need it but I definitely want that option because he feels safe in it.

Yes, a double stroller can be used stroller-as-wheelchair. You'll need to indicate for which child as the GAC will be issued in his name, but both children can remain in the stroller. If you think there is any possibility you may need to split up during the day, you might consider 2 separate strollers, in which case only the one for the child with needs can be stroller-as-wheelchair. Though I'm thinking splitting isn't likely in your case with 2 young ones.

Enjoy your vacation!

 

[alicia080979]

I don't have much advice to offer you as I do not (yet!) have children, but I just wanted to commend you on being such an awesome mommy. Congratulations on your new arrival and this exciting chapter of your life! I can already tell you're going to be an incredible mother.

PS, I will be at Disney with my sister during the same time as you! (We'll be at Port Orleans Riverside from Sept 29-Oct 4).

Thanks for the kind words! It has been a wild 5 weeks so far going from having no children to a 17 month old and a 2 week old! We got our little girl straight from the hospital and her case plan is adoption so we are very, very excited!

We switched from POFQ to Riverside and will be there from the 25th to the 5th. If you see a frazzled, tired looking couple (both of us have blonde hair, pooh sized) pushing a massive purple stroller with way too much crap, a grandma, a little AA boy sporting a wild afro and a crying newborn...say hi!

 

[sunshinehighway]

Hopefully by my post you can see that my goal isn't to just get a GAC just to get one or to abuse the system. I do understand kids at this age bolt and run off. Most children though know who their parents are and once they realize they aren't there, will either look for them, get scared, cry, etc. Our little guy has no concept or attachment to who his caregivers are. He would run off to a stranger and try to get them to pick him up. He seeks out anyone that will hold him.

Someone (not sure if it was you or not) said to just hold him in line. Obviously that is our plan but when he gets overwhelmed, he does not want us to hold him. He isn't attached to us the way a 'normal' child is. When he falls and gets hurt, unlike most children who want mommy or daddy to comfort him, he wants to go curl up by himself. He just doesn't understand that type of relationship/bond yet. So I am terrified of him taking off. I feel like Disney is pretty safe but there are times when it is VERY crowded that we won't be able to avoid and there are probably some shady characters mixed in there somewhere and that scares me that he bolts with no regard to see where his 'parents' are and would go to anyone.

Our plan is to be out of there before he is overwhelmed and just do a little each day based on what he can handle but now with him having been here a little longer and knowing that he has more than one thing going on, I am not the least bit concerned about getting a GAC because I know that IF we need it, it will make him feel safe and that is all I care about.

Not trying to be snarky but just trying to explain the difference between what might be 'normal' toddler behavior and one who has been moved to 4 different homes in 6 months with no concept of attachment/trust and is sensory seeking and how that is exactly what the GAC is for.

I never thought your goal was to abuse any system I am sorry if I came off as if I were saying that. I guess I was talking more about the responses you were getting than you. Sometimes it seems "get a GAC" is the go to response here and there are other things that could be of more use depending on the types of help you need.

 

[Granny square]

I wouldn't take a child with those behaviours. Not vying snarky. I've dealt a lot with kids in the faster system. If a pool overwhelmed him like that Disney will be terrifying.

I hope things work out and as an aunt to 4 adopted foster kids thank you for being here for them.

 

[Camshell]

As an adoptive parent (my daughter was almost 4 at the time) your instincts about the challenges you will face on the trip are correct. The adjustment to a new family can take months even years and some of the behaviours you will see, while normal for many attached children at that age may be more extreme in time, duration and intensity for your child due to the developmental trauma he has faced.

Most likely he will have extreme anxiety and difficulty self-regulating his behaviour when he gets over-stimulated. The best you can do is watch him closely for those signs and make sure you meet his needs when you see his behaviours escalating. Go to a quiet spot, hold him, rock him, help him regulate off our your calm state. Punishment and discipline don't really work when his brain is in the "flight-state". Focus on calming him first and then you will have a more cooperative child that is able to receive instruction and guidance from you.

My daughter also ran from us (i.e. into traffic) at first when she deregulated (not being attached or even keen to be with us). We needed to use a child leash in certain situations to keep her safe. As she loves dogs, she actually was quite game to use it because she turned it into a play situation. Do what you need to during this trip to keep him safe and secure, and focus on the bonding time - keeping him close, holding him, etc. more so than the rides, etc.

 

[heidibilotti]

Best advice take your time and have fun.

 

[roseaster]

As a mom who adopted "older" kids, I would advise you to postpone the trip. Neither of my children have special needs, but it took time to adjust to a new home. Your little boy will only be about 2 months in your home, that time frame is probably much too soon.

He needs a chance to bond with you. To develop a routine and a sense of security. He needs to become comfortable in his own environment and routine. Changing his environment and routine at this point could cause a setback. Combined with the fact that Disney is very overstimulating, even to "typical" toddlers, this could be a huge source of anxiety to a child that is already insecure.

It took my daughter, who came to live with us when she was 4 nearly 2 years before she was absolutely secure that our family is permanent. Children, even those without special needs, need routines and consistency to feel secure.

 

[North of Mouse]

I am a mom of three children, and I can tell you your 17 month old sounds perfectly normal to me. I wouldn't 'look' for 'disabilities' which will put all of you at a disadvantage.

If any of mine at that age had been thrust with total strangers to live with, they too would have 'freaked' out! Just put yourself in his shoes

Please don't 'label' him or you will 'see' abnormal' behavior at every turn. That is just so wrong. Treat him like you aren't 'expecting' anything but a normal toddler, and he will more than likely be just that!

Happy a little fellow has gotten a permanent home with love.

 

[Camshell]

I am a mom of three children, and I can tell you your 17 month old sounds perfectly normal to me. I wouldn't 'look' for 'disabilities' which will put all of you at a disadvantage.

If any of mine at that age had been thrust with total strangers to live with, they too would have 'freaked' out! Just put yourself in his shoes

Please don't 'label' him or you will 'see' abnormal' behavior at every turn. That is just so wrong. Treat him like you aren't 'expecting' anything but a normal toddler, and he will more than likely be just that!

Happy a little fellow has gotten a permanent home with love.

While I'm sure from your perspective this sounds like good advice, those of us who have been through an adoption or foster placement can tell you it is somewhat misguided. A child that has had 4 placements in a year and a half will in most cases have some level of developmental trauma, anxiety, hyper-vigilance, etc. issues. We're not making this up. It is a reality.

These kids require therapeutic parenting techniques that may baffle parents with securely attached children. The original poster is quite on the mark to be concerned how a Disney trip would affect her newly arrived son.