To share or not to share...

[Emwit27]

I am having a little dilemma and I am hoping that you other Disney brides may be able to help. DF and I are writing our own vows. He wants us to share the vows with each other before the ceremony. He is thinking that it would be good to make sure that the vows are consistant, in length and concept. Apparently he read some horror stories online about couples who had completely different themes to their vows.
Okay, I understand that. But I think of the vows as a gift. I think it would be great to share them with each other for the first time at the ceremony, in front of our family and friends. I am fine with discussing length ahead of time, but I am not convinced that the vows will be as emotional if we know exactly what is going to be said.

What do you think? Did anyone else write their own vows? Did you share them ahead of time?

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Hi Emily

We are not writing our own vows although we did consider it. Anyway I will give you my opinion on the sharing of the vows.
While I understand that you would wish them to be heard for the first time at the ceremony, I completely get why your DF would want to compare vows. I would prefer to do this because as he said there is length, theme, wording etc. Now for example my wedding is very intimate, I am a more romantic, long speech sort of person, so I would likely write a drawn out speech and very flowery albeit important vow. Steven on the other hand hates speaking in public so he would likely write a very short vow and he likely wouldn't make it too personal as he embarrasses easily. If we were not showing eachother the vows, we would have noticed at the ceremony a huge difference in theme etc which could lead to disappointment that you didn't share them.
It really depends though on you as a couple if you both are very similar you will likely write along the same lines. I know that I for one though being the obsessive planner that I am would want to know
The thing is if you share your vows now, the chances of you remembering by the ceremony what he said and he what you said is very slim. On the day it will feel so special and nothing will take that away.

 

[Error_kitten]

I wrote the entier cerimony, but them my officiant was our fencing instructor and he had never done a wedding before.
But I had my DH read it and help me write it, and saome family members proof read it as well.
I think though if your writting vows to each other that it would be more of a surprise to not read them ahead to eachother.
Why not write them and have someone who you trust read both and make sure that they have the same theme? or pick a theme together, like trust, passion, love, or devotion and write your vows around the word and its meaning to your relationship.

 

[Fantasia Sam]

I have attended a Disney Wedding where both the Bride and Groom wrote their vows for each other and the other did not know those vows until the day and at the ceremony and they were just beautiful OMG we were all passing kleenex up the aisle LOL

However I have to say that the bride and groom in question never doubted the other on what the other would write - not because they were so in tune with each other but because they trusted each other implicitly and they wanted to hear what was impportant to the other - it was so sweet and a very good start to a happy marriage where trust can be so important.

However I personally could not have gone through that LOL I had no intention of even doing a personal message on video for Paul had Stan not tole me Paul had done one OMG no pressure then LOL and that worked out well.

I say you should both go with the flow after all this is the man you are marrying and you are the woman that he is marrying, embrace the trust and run with it, is what I say.

 

[DisBride2007]

Hi,

We did not write our own vows, but if we had, I would have wanted to share them ahead of time. There is so much to worry about on the wedding day, you don't want to give yourself additional stress. It will be emotional and special regardless of whether or not you know of them beforehand. Think about it this way: would you want the officiant to give his or her speech without knowing it ahead of time?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[JonetteA]

I don't think I would have wanted to share if we had written our own. ( Leif said he had enough to worry about and didn't want to write our own. =)) I look at is a special message, and I wouldn't want to here it until the right moment! How exciting that you are writing your own.