To much on my plate (long)

[dyna]

Dec 19th DD 19 ran off with what ever well could have been internet pervert we have not heard from her since other than a letter from the dean at her college stating that we are forbidden to be on campus for any reason. DD has pulled simular stunts in past. Prolly has some untreated mental issues goin on but since she is of age nothing her dad or I can do.


Got a brother in very very poor health who lives alone in very very small house like 12x14 he can no longer stand to get anything off shelf all his meds are left within his reach with the caps off as he'd never get cap off by himself.
Often he does not make it to bathroom( an yes in that tiny house he does have indoor bathroom with toliet sink an shower) sometimes messes his bed because he could not get in electric scooter an to bathroom. Could not open the meals that meals on wheels delivered so stopped those he was throwing away as much food if notmore than he was eating anyway cause he did not like it an he not a pickey eater.

September brother had gangrene in a very embaressing part of his body told dr an hospital staff he had someone at home who could dress an bandage his boo boo (gangrene) twice a day of course he did not tell mom itwas going to be Her running after him an taking care of him ( weeks twice a day MOM is only 80 yrs old has no biz driving NOW it's late Feb mom is still having to run after brother toes has dry gasngrene now on one foot other foot a sore on outside of heel that has been trouble spot in past......diabetis does horrible things to the body


My daddy past 80 can no longer dress self never was good at waiting on self but now much worse an I can't say he needs to carry an open container of drink while walking not sure he can without spilling it..VERY demanding man who expected to be waited on all his life an rather than asking for drink would ask you if you wanted a drink or rattle ice in his glass or bang glass on table ...this man did not even know where his underwear was at cause mom was always there to get them out for him....

Dad has bladder issues does not always make it to bathroom yet refuses to wear diapers even the pull on breifs like pull ups

Dads health is not good heart troubles an heart attacks, pace maker, stint etc along with diabetis ankles an legs not strong enough to support him no more yet most of the time he refuses to use his walker with seat.

Mom at 80 also has diabetis along with a few other health issues now has a sore on her foot from taking care of my brother an daddy. She is doing more now the past few months than she has done in the last 15 yrs at least.

MY brother is refusing all outside help to come into his home or to go else where. My mother is an my daddy supports mom taking care of brother enabling him to stay at home by taking him food taking care of his sores going to store for him doing his laundry dressing him doing his banking an paying utility bills OHHHHHHHHHHHHH an the land brother lives on is in my parents names because yrs ago he got in financial trouble an was about to loose laND so daddy bought it meaning daddy has ever right to kick him out of his house.

Parents afraid their only living son will soon die if forced to go where he can be taken care of Yet my parents has neighbors who carries their fire wood into them cleans out driveway when it snows cuts grass keeps car going , does home repairs etc.

Oh brother cannot live with parents he smokes they don't an he not able to go outside everytime he wants a smoke.

WHY don't I step in an help??? I have long term issues with my brother from childhood an honestly do not care what happens to him..he molested me from the time i can remember 3 or 4 till I left home I told he lied his way out of it every time.....

I don't mind helping parents but it hard to help them without helping brother even my DH forbids me to help him. Before brother got gangrene in Sept i was talking to my DD now 32 yrs old about taking my brother to dr an bank etc to help out grandma...Dh heard convo an put stop to it instantly because we have never trusted my brother with our dd's....well he past being able to do any harm now but DH was an still is totally against my brother being helped by any of us.....

Yesterday sis in law rused to hospital with prolly another heart attack her 4 servere one an another family memember found unresponsive prolly dibetci coma


I got more than full plate more like a BUFFET WITH ALL THE FOODS I DON'T LIKE AN NO DESSERT!

 

[H&Hmommy]

Sounds like you need a
So sorry you are going through so much.
Kim

 

[quasar4legs]

Sorry you are facing all these problems, can your parents get access to aged care services in their home? Looking after elderly parents can be very difficult emotionally and physically.

Sending you a big Koala cuddle and hope things improve for you and your family.

 

[dwmlaf]

 

[AnnaS]

 

[CarolAnnC]

You do have a lot on your plate. But, you need to take care of yourself first. We tend to feel responsibility sometimes to all our family members. But, we cannot always help those in need.

Your DD will come back around to you one day. Are you paying for her college education? If so, I would consider turning that responsiblity over to her. If you are not allowed to set foot on campus, then the college needs to receive payments only from her IMHO.

As far as your brother, from what you shared here I would forget about him.

You may want to visit your local town hall, senior center or YMCA/YWCA to check out servcies that may be available to the elderly. There are many programs and helpers that your parents may be able to benefit from.

And, please take care of yourself and don't feel overwhelmed. People who are in this "sandwhich" generaltion where they have issues not only with children (though they are now young adults) and their parents as well have high levels of stress.

Do something fun like a dinner out, going to a movie or buying a new book to read. Make time for relaxation. And come visit here whenever you need to vent. That is what we are for...