To have children or not to have children

[Belle1981]

I realize that we have posted this before BUT I need some help. Yes I know we are having a Disney wedding therefore it makes sense to invite the children the problem being all of my cousins (10 of them who are older and married) have had a litter of children ( a min of 4 kids each). I love kids and I look forward to having my own one day BUT these kids are completely OUT OF CONTROL and all I can envision is the cake hitting the floor and one of the monsters will be to blame. I don't mean to be harsh but seriously I do not like my cousins first of all but you HAVE to invite them. Secondly they are the kind of parents who encourage the children to behave poorly. In fact they think its funny when the children are destructive.

I need any input possible. What do you think we should do?

 

[Lynn5700]

Do you have to invite them? I assume you are having a custom so you are probably inviting all of your family so it's hard to invite some family and not the other.

Because you are having a destination wedding I think they are most likely going to want to bring the kids especially because it's at Disney.

Could you may be sit and talk to them and ask,no I would tell them, to make sure their children behave. I am sorry but at a wedding there is no time for destruction and bratty kids.

Is there a way where someone at the wedding can keep them entertained and make sure they behave,sit them away from the cake table too and off to the side somewhere.

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I would highly suggest you maybe plan a kids party. It really is hard I think having a Disney wedding and not inviting kids. Especially if alot of people are traveling. Good luck. I hope you get some great suggestions.

 

[Skylarr29]

I think you have really answered your own question. It is clear that you do not want them there. I think it is perfectly acceptable for you not invite children, a lot of weddings are adults only. Send out a newsletter giving babysitting options such as the resort kids club (depending on the time of your reception) and kids night out for in room babysitting services. Hey maybe some of your cousins wont show up because if it! LOL Good luck. I definitely would not want 40 or so screaming brats running around. You will worry about it the whole night because you are obviously already worried about it.

 

[JandJ]

I don't mean to be harsh but seriously I do not like my cousins first of all but you HAVE to invite them. Secondly they are the kind of parents who encourage the children to behave poorly. In fact they think its funny when the children are destructive.

I need any input possible. What do you think we should do?

Just one of the many reasons we had an Intimate! I have dozens and dozens of cousins who have their own kids. I can stand like one of them! It was really nice to be able to "blame" Disney for only being allowed 8 guests

I know this is a hot button issue and people love to come to the defense of their kids, but they don't know other people's kids! Other people's kids can be real terrors, or have problems that prevent them from behaving. We did not have kids at our wedding. My sister has 3 and 1 of those was my MOH (she was 17 at the time) but her two little ones were not invited. She was fine with that, she left them with their father and had a mini vacation of her own. Her other option was Resort babysitting, which she was fine with as well. The boy is mildly autistic. I love him to bits but you can never predict how he will behave. We had such a small, elegant wedding, and yeah I was selfish, I didn't want him there and possibly running all over the place or shouting out something in the middle of my wedding. The little girl is sweet but craves attention and you never know what her mood will be. I love them both, but honestly, neither cares a darn that they weren't at my wedding. They were 7 and 5 at the time and had no idea about what a wedding is. There's also the questions of cost. A DFTW is very expensive and kids count unless they're really little (under 2).

That's a tough one and you'll get lots of opinions - good luck with your decision!

 

[Stucas]

I don't know if this is possible, but heres my suggestion

Invite everyone. Seeing as you're from canada I don't think many people are going to fly to disney world without their children. You should see about hiring a babysitter. I don't know if disney offers it, if not maybe a private service out of the world. See if you can get some activities for them do to and just don't let them come to the wedding. This way the parents don't have to leave their children home and you don't have to worry about them reacking havoc on your day.

If you don't think this is an option, just tell people that children are not welcome at the wedding. If you have kids I'm sure you know how to deal with finding a sitter while you're gone. Either they leave them behind altogether or they find their own sitter once their down.

Whatever you choose just remember its YOUR day. If you don't want kids don't feel bad saying no.

-Lauren

 

[AuroraBorealis]

As a disclaimer, I have nothing against children. In fact, I'm a children's librarian.

Don't invite them. That may seem harsh but it is your wedding day and you don't need to stress out over the behavior of ill-behaved children. You also don't need your memories of the day marred by some child-related mishap.

If their parents ignore bad behavior and only encourage them when they are destructive, I can only imagine they'd think it was much funnier in a formal situation like a wedding. And, the kids will be extra energetic being at Disney and that energy will have to be worked out somewhere; preferably not at your wedding. And with that many children, yikes! Something is bound to happen.

I could tell you a horror story about my college roommate's wedding where she was forced to invite children. Not to go into too many details, the day ended with her in tears, a ruined wedding gown, a wedding video where the brats tried to hog the camera and harassed the camera man, and some property damage all thanks to her cousin's "little angels." Needless to say, family relations are pretty strained right now. I know that is an extreme case, but it sold me on not inviting children.

Hope that helped. And I hope you are able to reach a decision without too much stress!

 

[Lynn5700]

Yeah umm maybe you shouldn't invite the cousins.What do your parents say? If it isn't going to cause a big problem and if you truelt just don't want them there then do what you want.

 

[M&M126]

I have faced the same "kid" issue but only on a much smaller scale. I am not inviting children to the wedding. The only kids that will be there are those that are in my family and that I'm very close to. I think it's perfectly fine to have an adults only event. I've been to plenty of weddings where the kids just run around without any parental supervision and it's irritating. It would be a good idea though if you have a lot of people bringing children to suggest resort babysitters or have some sort of kids party separate from your own reception. Good luck!

 

[purplegirl247]

Misbehaving children don't belong at weddings. It isn't fair to the bride and groom. It isn't fair to the other guests. Since Disney is a destination wedding for you, children will likely accompany their parents *to Florida* but they don't need to attend the actual reception or ceremony. Like princessdisneybelle said, you can have a kids party. Even if it costs a little extra, I think it would be worth it in the long run.

We're having an intimate, but technically we could've invited DF's 4 nieces and nephews. I, uh, fudged the numbers a bit and said that there simply wasn't room and Disney had said no. Just like J&J said, sometimes it's just easier to blame Disney. They're tough; they can take it!

Good luck with your decision; I know it's hard!

 

[Belle1981]

Thank you for all the advice. I do not want to come across as a wicked witch but honestly almost all of them are terrors. We were thinking about hosting a kid party in an adjacent room. I thought there would be no problem since most of them would not be able to come. We went to a family gathering yesterday and ALL of THEM are saying how excited they are to come and have a vacation(notice there is no mention of excited for my wedding). I was almost brought to tears. As you can imagine we are NOT close at all in fact my entire childhood they were just HORRIBLE to me.

My parents do not want the kids either but I HAVE to invite the cousins (To make my elderly grandmother happy). I know its a Disney wedding but I wish I could show you how these children behave. It's SHOCKING. My DF's family is saying to their side NO KIDS and they are fine with it. My cousins will start a war if this happens....Now that I think about it EVEN BETTER since then they will not come. Afterall don't we only want people who care about us on our special day? I am losing my mind. Thank you for the support

 

[StitchBride]

It really seems you answered your own question. What we were doing (and it seems to be less confrontational) is to plan a children's party. I really wanted my guests to come to the wedding and I thought people wouldn't if their kid's weren't welcome but I didn't want a bunch of kid's running around either. ....... but let me caution you that if you plan on doing that on the invitations, be careful! I included a section for number of kids and now it seems no one is bringing their children except 1 couple who has 2 young kids....we told them about babysitting services but they said they are bringing them to the wedding.....we'll see about that

 

[AnnieBelle]

What time is your wedding? Is there anyway that you could tell them that there are people at the resort who frown on children present for the reception (you! haha) and for that reason you would love for them to come down to Disney World but they would have to take part in the baby sitting services like the other people said. It just does not seem worth it to have happy relatives and a potential disaster if those kids act up.

 

[Belle1981]

The wedding is supposed to be either 3:30 or 4pm at WP and then Dinner in WHITEHALL at the GF. The best part is all of these cousins did not allow kids at their weddings. I wonder if I should bring that up if they cause trouble.

 

[figmentfan814]

I think you have really answered your own question. It is clear that you do not want them there. I think it is perfectly acceptable for you not invite children, a lot of weddings are adults only. Send out a newsletter giving babysitting options such as the resort kids club (depending on the time of your reception) and kids night out for in room babysitting services. Hey maybe some of your cousins wont show up because if it! LOL Good luck. I definitely would not want 40 or so screaming brats running around. You will worry about it the whole night because you are obviously already worried about it.

I definitely agree, this is what I'm doing for my wedding next year. We are not having kids at the ceremony or reception, but are allowing people to bring their children to our dessert party that evening.

 

[Skylarr29]

The wedding is supposed to be either 3:30 or 4pm at WP and then Dinner in WHITEHALL at the GF. The best part is all of these cousins did not allow kids at their weddings. I wonder if I should bring that up if they cause trouble.

Well there you go lol. If anyone says anything then that can be your excuse. Just stand your ground and don't back down. I personally wouldn't even invite the cousins because as you said it is your day and you want to spend it with the people who love and care about you... not people who just want to come for a vacation.

Here is the link to the in room sitting service that Disney suggests.

http://www.kidsniteout.com/svcs_sitter.aspx

Even if you pay and arrange for the sitters to go to each room it will be so worth it to not have to deal with them there. With the way you are describing them I don't think having them watched at the reception is sufficient. Either plan a party in someones room or just let them come to the individual rooms. Good luck.

 

[Tigger]

We are not having children under the age of 13 at our ceremony and reception. Since there is a 9 year age difference between my fiance and I most of his friends and cousins are all married with kids. There are 4 babies too. We worked so hard to cut the guest list down as it is. So what we are doing is using one of the BCV that my family is staying in as a babysitting area. Because our ceremony is at noon they will be able to get the kids and come to the dessert party that night.

We haven't sent out our newsletter or invitations yet so I'm not sure how this idea is going to go over. We aren't going to change our minds though. Our reception is at the Living Seas so we don't have anymore room.

 

[AnnieBelle]

Oh if they did not have children then you definitely can get away with it! If they complain you could say that you want all of the adults to be able to enjoy themselves and not have to worry about where the kids are, what they are doing and if they are entertained. It just makes it more relaxing!

 

[maria34a]

You know what? You are an adult and they just have to realize that. Speak frankly to your grandmother and let her know your feelings and what the cousins have said and how they feel. Tell her up front you are not inviting them and why. If she still doesn't understand, then just explain to her that it is your wedding day and it is your decision and that is what you are doing. Tell her that you know the decision you have made doesn't make her happy, but you love her and still respect her, but you want the same from her in return. Can she please accept that from you and love you for your decision and join you and your fiancé in the World for the wedding, because it just wouldn't be the same without her. Be firm, clear and stand YOUR ground. Let your parents know the same. Then after it is out in the open, you should feel much better and you can move on and then send a note to the cousins regretfully letting them know that they are not invited to the wedding due to unforeseen circumstances.

There... Done, non-messy and move on... Have a wonderful Disney Wedding! Enjoy yourselves and stop stressing! It's the beginning of the rest of your life!!!!

 

[AnnieBelle]

You know what? You are an adult and they just have to realize that. Speak frankly to your grandmother and let her know your feelings and what the cousins have said and how they feel. Tell her up front you are not inviting them and why. If she still doesn't understand, then just explain to her that it is your wedding day and it is your decision and that is what you are doing. Tell her that you know the decision you have made doesn't make her happy, but you love her and still respect her, but you want the same from her in return. Can she please accept that from you and love you for your decision and join you and your fiancé in the World for the wedding, because it just wouldn't be the same without her. Be firm, clear and stand YOUR ground. Let your parents know the same. Then after it is out in the open, you should feel much better and you can move on and then send a note to the cousins regretfully letting them know that they are not invited to the wedding due to unforeseen circumstances.

There... Done, non-messy and move on... Have a wonderful Disney Wedding! Enjoy yourselves and stop stressing! It's the beginning of the rest of your life!!!!

Can I keep you on hand when I have people I need to confront! Ha! Ha!