to change the name or not?

[HarbinsMom]

I dropped my middle name and used my maiden name as my middle name. I didn't hyphenate, but use all 3 names. It does get a bit confusing at times, though. My whole name doesn't fit on my credit card, it's one letter too long. But I use 2 last names most of the time.

I had a friend who hyphenated her name and her husband took the name as well. Of course, they gave the child the name, too.

 

[Ember]

I'm the odd ball out. It was never even a question, we both knew how strongly I felt about keeping my own name. I won't even let people get away with calling me "Mrs." I always have been Ms. Brandy Williams (which I started insisting on when I was about 8 and learned what "Miss" and "Mrs" meant), and I always will be. His name and status don't chance with marriage and neither did mine.

In any relationship where a woman freely chooses, I respect her choice. I respect it even more if the man is willing to change his name to that of his wife - regardless of who takes who's name. I believe that only in this situation is it truly equal. If a man is unwilling to even consider taking his wifes name, it is because he sees it as making him less (less of a man). By extension then, for the woman to change her name it makes her less because she is expected to do something he is unwilling to or finds distasteful. Whether people are willing to believe it or not, I still think there is a power issue at play in many cases when it comes to this topic. So for those few who had a husband who was willing to take your name, your husbands have earned my deepest respect for their demonstrated belief in equality.

 

[caryndisneydiva]

i am the same way with ms. every since i heard about miss/ms i too have insisted on it...

 

[Poohnatic]

I'm married 10 years, but I love reading about Disney Weddings, so I lurk over here.

My name is hyphenated, but I'm usually addressed as Mrs. His Last Name. I'm okay with that. My boys both have my husband's last name.

My reasoning for this was twofold. When I married the first time, I was gung ho with changing my name and did so willingly. Seven months later, my dad passed away and I was sad that I let go of his name. Then when my ex husband left, I was Mrs. Ex's last name for a long time, and it brought up bad memories.

My DH wasn't thrilled that I wouldn't take his name, but understood that I wanted a piece of my dad (and my independence). Now he just laughs when I have to sign my whole name!

My sister got married a few weeks before me and she's very traditional. She took his name, but both of her sons have our maiden name as their middle name to carry it on.

Suzanne

 

[Lizby]

I will definitely be taking his last name. To me it signifies a new beginning and I am happy to leave my maiden name behind.

 

[M&M126]

To be honest I never really considered NOT changing my name. It just seems natural to me. I want DFs last name I will take my maiden name as my middle name like my mom and sisters did. I dont at all feel like I'm losing my identity b/c I'm still the same person regardless of my name.

Like someone said above, I might give my sons (if I have any) my maiden name to help carry on the family name.

All that being said, you should do whatever works for you. If you want to keep your name, then do it! Just figure out whats comfortable for you and your DF. Good luck to all those having to make this decision

 

[JandJ]

I went back and forth on this for awhile. I thought I'd hyphenate but my maiden name is 2 words so that would be a little long. DH didn't care either way, but when I decided to change my last name to his, he was happy about it and he smiled the first time I told someone "I'm Mrs. Jen His-Last-Name." I did it because I wanted us to be one unit, we're married and I thought we should have the same last name. Also, I have a friend who kept her maiden name and it caused all sorts of hassles when they had kids who had her DH's last name.

I dropped my middle name (never liked it anyway) and moved my maiden name to my middle. The hard part is my maiden name was beautiful and not to sound stuck up but it was very "old world" and regal and my new last name is not aesthetic at all.

When I changed my passport the guy at the post office asked "what was your maiden name?" and I told him and he said "that's pretty!" and then he said "what is your new name" and I told him and he said "wow, it must be love" Oh well . . . it still sounds weird when I say "I'm Mrs. His-Last-Name" like I'm referring to his mother but I figure I'll eventually get used to it!

 

[mla1977]

In my case, DBF's mom still goes by her family's name. I don't know if she ever changed it (they've been divorces for decades - HEHE, yesterday was DBF's 30th b-day). I would never feel like it was refering to his mom for just that reason.

 

[Janet2k]

just wondering how many people did or didn't?

Caryndisneydiva, I allowed my husband to keep his name when we got married. I told him I was a woman of the '80's and understood his desire to keep his own identity.

When our first child was born, I gave him my husband's last name. That was the deal that my husband & I had struck when we were dating -- the first child would have his last name. The rest of that "deal" included the agreement that children # 2 through # 100 would ALL have my last name. So, when our daughter came along, she got my last name. Sadly, we decided that we could only afford two children and thus stopped there.

Whatever decision you make regarding names, remember that it can always be undone if you change your mind at some point in the future. Nothing is ever written in stone. That's the nice thing about life.