To any DVC widows or widowers...

[PSC]

Grammy - so sorry for your loss. My DW and I lost an adult son this year and I can tell you from personal experience that there are places at BWV and the rest of WDW that bring back strong memories of him. I can only tell you that we have been able to enjoy ourselves on our recent trips, but that we have definitely taken a few moments to reflect and grieve.

Our first trip back we went with good friends who had never been. We got to see WDW through new eyes. Our friends respected our memories and encouraged us to talk about them as they came back. We are fortunate in having friends who do not try to avoid talking about our son, but realize the therapeutic value they provide by just listening. Too many people avoid the subject of our loss in an effort to not upset us.

 

[TomD]

Grammy,
Sorry for your lose. I lost my dad last year to brain Cancer. It does get better with time. My mom is living proof of that. Every day is a new challenge for her and she meets it head on. some days are bettter then others.

Good luck and you will be in my prayers

Tom

 

[DVCJones]

Hi DVC Grammy,

First, I want to send you a BIG I am so sorry for your loss.

Perhaps you could wait a year or two before you make that kind of decision. Maybe you could go with your kids and grandchildren now. It won't be the same, but you may find a way to continue to enjoy WDW.

As a kid my father took my family to WDW every year. It was his "happy place". He was always telling us how he couldn't wait to take his grandchildren there some day. Sadly, that never happened. He passed away before he saw any of his grandchildren. Now, years later, I take my kids there every year like he did for me. Every year while at WDW, I always think of him and all the fun times we had there. Different locations in WDW will trigger a memory of my dad. I know he is watching me and my family enjoying what he loved. This thought always brings a smile to my face.

It would have been nice to have been able to share these trips with him, but there is comfort in all the memories and knowing he would want me to continue with the tradition. Maybe in time you can find the strength to continue your traditions and remember all the happy times you both shared there.

 

[shelby101301]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I very much hope you find your laughing place again

 

[Eventer98]

I also want to say I am sorry for your loss...I can only hope that you will be able to return to your happy place in the future and know your DH is there with you.

 

[LindaBabe]

DVC Grammy, My deepest sympathy on your loss. I haven't got the words to express my sorrow for you. But, you've been given some good advice that certainly worked for us when my father (with whom we lived) passed. Tincture of time, we were told. and it was true.

If you'd like to meet with a fellow DIS granny, I'll be at the world for the entire month of January, and would be pleased to meet you. Just pm.

 

[allaboutmm]

sorry for your loss.

 

[Inkmahm]

Grammy, I agree with the suggestions of the others who have posted in this thread as well. In time, when you visit WDW, your husband's spirit will be felt at certain moments while you're there and you will smile at the memories that come to mind. So maybe it won't be your "laughing place" in the same way it was before, but it can indeed be your "smiling place" after you've had time to heal. You will eventually get to a place where you can create new memories with other loved ones while still cherishing the ones you had with your DH.

If later you find that going doesn't bring you the joy you want it to, you can always sell at that time. If you make the decision to sell too soon, while you're hurting, you may come to regret the choice you made.

You will know the right thing to do when you need to know it. In the meantime, come to this board for support. Everyone here understands.

I can't imagine goint to WDW without my spouse. We go several times each year and it is also our "laughing place". I'm crying just reading this thread and thinking about not having my DH in my life at some point. Not sure I could make it.

I can relate to going to WDW after the loss of a loved one though. I took my parents several times in 2001 and 2002 before my died died. Just this year we took my mom again for the first time since his death. We all have wonderful memories of being in the parks with dad so I think of him often when we are there. "Smiling place" is a great description.

Give yourself the gift of time. It will be rough, but it will get easier to go back. I only hope I can follow my own advice someday if it is me in the position of having lost my DH.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

WDW was my DH's happy place. The first trip back without him was the hardest. Now I try and go 2-3 times a year, it brings me great comfort. As time goes by, you realize life goes on, with you or without you.

 

[JimC]

I am so very saddened by your loss. Although not quite the same, I lost my Mom this past May, the day after Mother's Day. We were vacationing at VB the week before and had to drive her back to Orlando to be admitted to Florida East.

My Mom lived with us and went to Disney on our trips these past two years. Returning to Disney this summer and fall had some sad times, but more often the memories were good and I am happy to have them. When we made reservations to VB for next May my wife asked if we should do something different (thinking that VB might be a more difficult place at that time). We will return next May to VB and I am sure there will be more sad moments, but I will focus on the good memories.

At some point I will face this again with the loss of my wife and while I know it will be difficult at first, over time I will gain comfort being where we have enjoyed so many good times.

I firmly believe that over time the cold emptiness and pain created by such loss will be filled with warm memories of good and happy times. I hope this is so for you as well.

 

[Straughn]

Grammy-
This response comes from someone who has walked in your shoes. I lost DH to metastatic melanoma in August 2007. We had purchased DVC in February 2004 because we spent so much time at WDW it seemed like the thing to do. It was always just the two of us. DH thought Disney was a golf resort and had played all the courses many times. We both enjoyed the restaurants. We were reserved for several days over New Year's Eve 2007- a trip I was not about to make. I cancelled that and rebooked a solo trip for ten days later in January 2008. On the one year anniversary of his death, I spent several days at Vero Beach and at AKL--solo. I am about to go on my third solo trip since his death next week.

On the first trip, I distinctly remember being on the bus from MK to the BW. As we drove by the Palm and Magnolia golf courses, I shed a few quiet tears. I still cannot bring myself to book a dinner reservation at California Grill as that was his favorite restaurant. I may try just going up for a glass of wine on the trip next week. I had a private chuckle on Expedition Everest because I remembered his first time on it and his reaction to it. Everytime I walk by Space Mountain I remember the first time he talked me into riding it- it was not a pleasant experience.

The point to all this is that you can continue to enjoy WDW without your husband. Yes, there will be moments when something jogs a memory of the two of you. But, as we both know, that happens many times, in many places, beside WDW.

I know this has been said by many of the previous posters- It does get easier. Time does help. I can now do a lot of things that I could not bring myself to do in the first few months after his death. Do not give up on Disney because you no longer have your husband. You will learn to enjoy life without him. I know that seems almost impossible now, but I can tell you that things will get better.

 

[wdwaholic2]

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

Secondly, maybe you can do something good for someone else this year by donating your points to either an organization for a raffle or to a soldier who could take his/her family to the happiest place on earth when being deployed or on block leave from a deployment...or better yet...to reaquint a family after a deployment.

Next year, sit and think...can I do this? I'm with so many of the other posters when they say to give it time before you make a decision.

All the best.

 

[DVC Grammy]

Again, thank you to all who have written encouraging words.

As I mentioned, I have asked friends to accompany me, each for about a week in January, and I am finding that their enthusiasm is re-awakening some of mine. I realize that although my DH and I, together, loved WDW, we also individually loved it.

This first trip without him will still be difficult, but I have enough faith that I'll be okay, that I went ahead and booked a week during F & G for me and my adult DH, and am in the process of arranging a September trip to bring one of my sons and his family with me. This will be the first time that this granddaughter (5) will see WDW, so that alone will make it a celebration! She'll be able to see and share all the things that "Poppy" loved in WDW.

 

[mamaprincess]

Again, thank you to all who have written encouraging words.

As I mentioned, I have asked friends to accompany me, each for about a week in January, and I am finding that their enthusiasm is re-awakening some of mine. I realize that although my DH and I, together, loved WDW, we also individually loved it.

This first trip without him will still be difficult, but I have enough faith that I'll be okay, that I went ahead and booked a week during F & G for me and my adult DH, and am in the process of arranging a September trip to bring one of my sons and his family with me. This will be the first time that this granddaughter (5) will see WDW, so that alone will make it a celebration! She'll be able to see and share all the things that "Poppy" loved in WDW.

I'm so proud of you DVC Grammy. May your future trips be blessed with lots of love and support and beautiful memories of your beloved DH.

 

[kato0627]

Grammy
First off, I am so sorry for your loss!! Like many here, I too have suffered a loss. I just lost my mother in Sept to Lung Cancer. There is not an hour of any day that I do not think of her. Often I wonder, what would mom want me to do. Sounds as if your DH loved you, and loved DVC. I am guessing he would want you to do what you are doing. Share the magic with family and friends. I am so glad you are planning future trips, before making any decisions. Please know you are in my prayers. Losing someone is never easy.
I feel your pain!! Wishing you some bright days ahead.

 

[Sandy321]

Again, thank you to all who have written encouraging words.

As I mentioned, I have asked friends to accompany me, each for about a week in January, and I am finding that their enthusiasm is re-awakening some of mine. I realize that although my DH and I, together, loved WDW, we also individually loved it.

This first trip without him will still be difficult, but I have enough faith that I'll be okay, that I went ahead and booked a week during F & G for me and my adult DH, and am in the process of arranging a September trip to bring one of my sons and his family with me. This will be the first time that this granddaughter (5) will see WDW, so that alone will make it a celebration! She'll be able to see and share all the things that "Poppy" loved in WDW.

Wishing you the best...

on another thread a Dis'er also shared her pain of her loss of her dh and how to go on, I remember someone mentioned adding to his memory, by either bringing a momento, his picture, or something special - as well as someone suggested the time honored, getting a balloon, writing something on it, and releasing it -

thank you for taking the time to share with us...

 

[DVC Grammy]

Wishing you the best...

on another thread a Dis'er also shared her pain of her loss of her dh and how to go on, I remember someone mentioned adding to his memory, by either bringing a momento, his picture, or something special - as well as someone suggested the time honored, getting a balloon, writing something on it, and releasing it -

thank you for taking the time to share with us...

Sandy321,
The idea of releasing a balloon with DH's name on it is wonderful; he would have loved it! This will be a tradition that I will begin in January, and will continue on each future trip.
Thank you so much for sharing it.

 

[tomandrobin]

I am lost for words.

Healing takes time and we all do it in our own unique way. Your loss saddens me and I am sorry for your loss. You can not forget or replace those memories you have with your husband. Hopefully when you can recall them, they are with joy of the times you shared.

 

[JerJan]

Hi DVC Grammy.... I lost my husband (unexpectedly) on July 12th to colon cancer, he was 49 years old. The last thing that he said to me was don't forget to take the girls to Disney (DD16 & DD8) and tell them that I love them! We (all of us) were scheduled to leave for VBR and SSR on August 5. I asked the girls and at their insistence we went on the trip...it was the BEST DECISION I could have made! We talked about "DADDY" alot and saw a SHOOTING STAR" at VBR that my youngest daughter swears was her Daddy, telling her that everything was going to be okay!

We just got back from VBR on October 20th...we took a long weekend and I could honestly "FEEL HIS PRESENCE at times..... Disney was our special place." I feel closer to him at Disney and in his home office than anywhere else in the world! Yes, sometimes it makes me cry...but crying is good IMHO it's kind of like watering the soul!

Best of luck to you.........and I am so sorry for your loss.