To all of you stay-at-home moms

[DisKim]

how do you do it??? I'm a working mom of two. My DH and I both want a third child but I refuse to work after having a third. I love my job and I am torn about the idea of leaving it. I also don't know about the financial aspect. It's hard to go from two salaries to one. So, how do you do it both mentally and financially?? Do you have any good strategies for cutting back expenses?

 

[binny]

well there are a lot of sacrifices weve made but I wouldnt hesitate to do them again

I work from home now so that helps financially. But before I did that we cut a lot of corners. ( still do in many ways)

coupons are a big saver for us! We really use them a lot!

I help out over at a freebie board YDF
and get so many deals from there! I get probably 20 magazines a month and they are all free so that takes care of my reading materials lol.

I get great deals on Christmas shopping by doing clearance sales at Target especially, and online. Amazon has some wonderful deals right now with free shipping!


As far as mentally dealing with it. The keys that I found for me was to stay active!! I joined ( started) a MOPS group and did a lot of library functions. I found moms at my church that wanted to get out and we made it a point to go once a month in the evening to have some *me* time.

There are lots of ways to make it work if thats what you want to do.

best wishes to you!

 

[Microcell]

You have to be prepared to deal with having less money, and realizing you can't go out as often or buy yourself nice things. It is worth it, but you have to live in a thrifty state of mind, which, sometimes can be depressing. Today I am planning cheap activities with my kids- after Dora, like going to the library, we live there! I think my kids are happy, so that is what I focus on.

 

[dizagain]

As others have said, you just have to find ways to be creative. The hardest thing for us was giving up going out to eat alot. We now order pizza every Friday and eat at a sit-down restaurant maybe every 4 or 5 weeks. That makes it a real event which is like it was when I was a kid! When the girls were younger it was hard not to be able to do everything I wanted to do - like go to movies all the time, buy books, buy Gap everything, etc . I just made friends with similar situations and we had our own fun!

I started teaching pre-school with my youngest and sort of worked up to Kindergarten with her - now they're 8 and 10 and I teach Kindergarten from 8:30 - 1:30. I have an hour and a half to run to the store or clean house or whatever and then I'm a SAH mom again...I LOVE IT!! The money, though not too much, is our "fun" money for extras such as vacations, piano lessons, out to eat, etc. It works out great except for summer...it's now the end of July and my summer fun cash is long gone!! Bummer! Oh well, I get paid again in September

Good luck with you decision...I have loved being able to stay home whenever my girls are home - the sacrifice has been worth it in my family.

 

[nkjzmom]

I have been a sahm since our first son was born so we've never really had to deal with losing one income. Over the years we've had hard times but we've made it through.

It is a hard and sometimes thankless job but the way I think about it is that our children are only young once and I wouldn't want to miss this for the world!!!

I also have to remind myself that I don't have to have them "involved" in every single hot item of the moment. They can be kids and we can just play. The older 3 are constantly on their bikes visiting friends and having friends visit our house.

One other thing I do is volunteer for organizations the kids are involved in. For example, I am the registrar for our local soccer organization (actually DH is the registrar, but I do all the registration at home during the day...he can have the title...I'm happy here working from home!) Our kids play for free in exchange for the work I do. It works out well.

 

[Kristi1357]

My DH is a SAHD of sorts. He does freelance work and some weeks has no hours, some weeks has 40+ hours. When he does work, we work opposite shifts. So one of us is always home with DS. As much as I'd like the extra money from DH working FT, we'd then have day care expenses and that would not be worth it in my opinion. And when he does have weeks with alot of hours, we tend to eat out more, and I am exhausted. The money goes anyway!

We have always been really good with coupons and sales. I also sign up for free magazines, samples, etc. There are some really good message boards for that sort of thing. We are starting to get much better about making lunch and dinner - something we were always so bad at before.

We just kind of fell into DH being the one to stay home. He was laid off over 2 years ago and has been freelancing ever since. Since I have the stable FT job with benies, it was a no-brainer for him to be the primary care-giver. And he has MUCH more patience than I do also! And, he loves it!

If there's a will, there's a way!

 

[SpecialK]

I know what you mean. I really wanted to stay home after my second son was born but I was anxious about it also. As far as finances go, we made sure we were debt free before I quit. That helped us relax. We were also surprised at how little impact going from two salaries to one actually had. When you think about all your day to day "work" expenses and the fact that you eat out more (at least we did) when working, you start saving on expenses from the get-go. It was hard sometimes, but worth it for me.

Emotionally was harder. I loved my job and the people I worked with. It felt really lonely at first. I wasn't the best mom in the beginning - the isolation was overwhelming and made me a witch (I'm embarassed to say.) Then you realize that just like any job, it has good days and bad days. You know when to get out and be around people. I have a girls' night once a month. So - six years later - I can say it was the best decision I ever made. I'm back to work part-time but still available to my kids when they need me.

 

[DisKim]

nkjzmom - your children are beautiful!


Thanks for all the responses. You are all really helpful. My DH and I have been in "discussion" over the idea of this third child lately. I'm not getting any younger! There is alot that goes into the decision to have a third. I knew I wanted two. I have a boy and a girl, but I always wanted a big family. The SAHM issue is big with me. I didn't want to work with the first two but I had to. I'm a teacher and really love my job. I have great classes and I'm in a great school district. I'm afraid that if I leave, I'll never find a job as good. I also love having my summers off with the kids . It lets me be a SAHM two months out of the year at least!

 

[mommytutu]

I love being a SAHM. One BIG plus for us is that DH and DS are rarely sick now because I'm home to tend to everybody. When I worked the daycare was always calling for me to go pick up Alec because he was sick (his allergies and asthma are awful). Same with DH.

Money-wise...it can be difficult. Dh and I both drive older cars, so we have no car payment and only have liability insurance. The same month we paid my car off is when I turned in my two-week notice. Coupons and sales, less mall and more Wal-Mart.

For my sanity, well, I crave adult conversation...so, I call my friends up and I visit boards like these.

To keep the kids busy...this summer we bought one of those BIG simple set above ground pools. I also run my errands during the day and they go along with me and we stop to have lunch at McDonalds. As we drive along we jam to Radio Disney and I've been known to take the long way just so we can sing a little more. I also ask friends and cousins to come over for the day or spend the night. Finding ways to keep the kids busy is probably the easiest part.

Being a SAHM was just a natural decision for us. My mom was a SAHM when we were little and it was the same for dh. I am going back to school and then dd will go to Mother's Day Out instead of daycare. And Alec is in school. Online classes are a big help. And when both of my kids are in school, I'll, I'll be done and ready to look for work as a teacher so I can have Summers off with my kids.

Once upon a time, someone told me, speaking of parenting, they wish they had "spent more time and less money" and for some reason that has always stuck with me.

Good luck with your discussions and big decision.

Crissy, SAHM to Alexander Neal, aka Alec (6) and Annelise Dawn, aka Elise (15 mos.)

 

[RNMOM]

I am not a total SAHM but went from full time days to nights on weekends. So, I am home a lot.

I know this sounds crazy but we actually seem to have more money since I don't work full time. We do much better on taxes, childcare became nonexistent and the gas and food money for work disappeared. Really, it will be better than you might think.

I would really advise you to consider working 1-2 flexible shifts a week or pay. It keeps you in the adult world, gives you a little flexible money and if you need more money, you often can pick up extra time. They like me cause I will help out and don't cost them any benefits.

 

[minniecarousel]

Teaching is a profession that leads easily to resuing your career after a few years "off". When I quit my job to be a SAHM, DH warned me that we wouldn't be able to move up to a bigger house as quickly. HAH! We moved within a year! It helps that he is in a career that has career advancement readily available. (of course, there was the year he was out of work! eeK!) I dealt with the "isolation" by joining the PTA, became the "team mom" for their teams, worked in the classroom, etc. The biggest shocker came when younger DS graduated from HS - all my volunteer jobs came to a screeching halt! Then my Mom moved in with us, & I have become her caretaker. (a lot of doctor appts - but also a lot of lunches out!)

Good luck with your decision - it's a tough one!

 

[mtemm]

financially start living on just your dh's now and see how it goes. Put all of yours in savings, except for what you pay for daycare (that will go away when/if you stop working after all. Make sure to add in some extras for the third baby. Should give you a nice little nest egg and the knowledge that yes, you can do it.

Being a SAHM doesn't mean you have to stay at home, either. There are so many things you can do...playgroups. music groups, storytime, the park, etc.

 

[DisKim]

financially start living on just your dh's now and see how it goes. Put all of yours in savings, except for what you pay for daycare (that will go away when/if you stop working after all. Make sure to add in some extras for the third baby.

That's a good idea.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I volunteered alot & got involved with my community. I did SAH with my dd after she was born because of medical reasons so DH HAD to become the sole $$$ and it did allow him freedom to take jobs without having to worry about my schedule. I think it put more pressure on him but in the end it all works out.

Try living without your salary and save that money and see how it goes. Good Luck!

 

[BedKnobbery2]

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 1st grade, then I was a "work while the kids are in school" Mom, and last summer was my first summer as a working Mom. That was rough after 10 years of spending every summer with the kids.

The lonliness is tough to combat, but try to get involved in some kind of mother's group--it helps. I also volunteered at their schools (when youngest started pre-school) and at a soup kitchen (before he started any schooling, I was able to bring him with me) which also helped.

We also rarely ate out during that time, I cooked almost everything from scratch, bought most of their clothes at yard sales when they were little, bargain shopping actually became a form of entertainment.

Good luck with it...sometimes I miss it, sometimes I'm glad its over.....it truly is the toughest job you will ever love!

 

[decker96]

I have been a SAHM for almost 7 years now. When our first DD was born, DH had only been out of chiropractic school and working for 6 months and he was working for someone else, so he did not even get everything he made. We had to cut alot of extras out, like going out to eat, going to the movies, buying stuff we really didn't need at the time. We did save a few dollars each week so DH and I could have a date night once a month. We made a deal to not use our credit cards so that we didn't go into major debt. If we wanted to buy something, we made paid for it in cash or didn't get it. Credit cards were only used for emergencies.
Now, seven years, three kids and two houses later, I wouldn't change a thing we did. We're comfortable now and can afford all the new things we couldn't when we were just starting out.
I hate it when some friends of mine complain that they really want to stay home with their kids, but they can't afford it when if they just cut out buying the Lincoln Navigator, didn't insist that their two-year-old wear only designer clothes and cooked a few meals at home instead of going out all the time, they could afford it!! I'm not saying this is your situation by the way, just venting! Some people can't afford it, but alot of people could if they'd just look at where their money is going every month.
By the way, I thought going from 2 kids to 3 was a much easier adjustment than going from 1 to 2. It is more expensive though!! I think trying to live on just your husband's income for a few months is a great idea. Then you will know if it's feasible or not.
Good luck with whatever you decide!