TMI from ex hubby!!

[jamiesmom07]

This is the strangest situation, I know I'm not alone out there. I just need a bit of support from someone who has experienced similar situation.

Ex Hubby (EH) and I have been divorced for 5 years. He is gay. He insists on telling me about his love life. I feel this is waaaaay tmi

I have asked him to not splurge on the intimate details of his relationships, etc...

How do I make him understand that I don't care what he does in his spare time? I don't care who he hangs out with, where he goes, what he does unless he has DS(12).

I can't get through to him, and if I don't handle it with kid gloves he is going to get very dramatic and wig out on me, in turn, making it tough on DS.

Suggestions?

 

[meliss8599]

Would something like this work? "Wow, I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough with me to talk about your personal life; however, I prefer not to hear the intimate details. I'm not even comfortable enough hearing these things from my girlfriends, let alone my ex!"

Play up how you feel "wonderful/honored" that he trusts you/values your opinion/etc. (even if you may not). Hopefully this will diffuse the anger/embarrassment(?) he may feel by your telling him (in a nice way) you're really not interested in the details.

Sorry you're having to deal with this!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I would keep repeating "Do me a favor and go find another girlfriend, we ain't Will & Grace". Then I'd laugh in his face every time he did it until he stopped, he broke your heart so why on earth would you care? maybe a few well placed LOUD utterances of the word "yawn" "bored" or " can we speed this up I'm a bit bored"

 

[CrazyDuck]

You should just shovel it back at him... Start telling him about all your exploits in excruciating detail... Use the phrase "(new BF's name) is sooo much better than you were" as often as possible! Also be sure to tell him how much bigger your new BF is as well.

 

[disneymarie]

You should just shovel it back at him... Start telling him about all your exploits in excruciating detail... Use the phrase "(new BF's name) is sooo much better than you were" as often as possible! Also be sure to tell him how much bigger your new BF is as well.

Oh I am so for this, in a positive way and tone like he uses.

Then tell him, truce I will not fill you in and you leave me out...

But, then again, I may extremely noticeably change the subject going TMI and have to go, leave, so long,. have a nice day etc.

 

[DaParkers]

You should just shovel it back at him... Start telling him about all your exploits in excruciating detail... Use the phrase "(new BF's name) is sooo much better than you were" as often as possible! Also be sure to tell him how much bigger your new BF is as well.

If he's gay, then he may not care.

 

[WDWBlue]

You should just shovel it back at him... Start telling him about all your exploits in excruciating detail... Use the phrase "(new BF's name) is sooo much better than you were" as often as possible! Also be sure to tell him how much bigger your new BF is as well.

Now there's some sweet revenge!!!

But, what if he wants more detail? Yeah, maybe this could backfire....

 

[princessnoelly]

You should just shovel it back at him... Start telling him about all your exploits in excruciating detail... Use the phrase "(new BF's name) is sooo much better than you were" as often as possible! Also be sure to tell him how much bigger your new BF is as well.

LOVE this! I'm cracking up..

But, add..."remember when we use to do _____ and I'd get really excited. Well, even at his worst, he is so much better than that!" and throw in a size comment too.

 

[meliss8599]

I think you all may have missed that there's a child involved and it sounds like if OP takes this route, the ex may take revenge on or take it out on the child. She has to keep peace for the sake of her son.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

Maybe he wants to be your BFF and talk "girl talk" with you.

 

[jamiesmom07]

Thanks for the advice. My wonderful loving sister thought I should go get a piece of lingerie and show it to him, explaining that this was for my new husband (we will be celebrating our 1 yr. anniversary in April! ).

I do have to keep peace because of my son so don't think I should be too over the top rude. He is a very dramatic, whiney, vindictive (sp?) sort.

I have told him it's tmi. At one point his bf at the time and him decided to start sharing very intimate details in my home. I physically pushed them out the door, locked it and told them through the closed door that it was tmi. Yesterday I just wanted to put my fingers in my ears and chant "la la la la", I guess that would be too immature and probably wouldn't work anyway.

I just find it horrifying .

He did break my heart, but I am sooooo over that now! I have a wonderful DH that I love waaaay more then I could imagine. DH is a better father, companion, friend, etc... than previous husband could have imagined.

I JUST WANT HIM TO GO AWAY with his stories

 

[LuvOrlando]

You poor thing This person treated you horribly by marrying you and starting a family with you when he wasn't even into your gender, what a user, and now he wants to be your BFF. Such a nightmare

If it was me I would definitely NOT bring my love life in for retaliation, totally off limits. The best you can do is keep on at how much you ARE NOT besties, BFFs or anything else and how you and him are co-parents & nothing else. Don't play along, don't laugh, just practice quizzical looks and redirect him towards his real friends who might actually care. I really don't see what else you can do with his childish antics.

 

[esbrick]

I would keep repeating "Do me a favor and go find another girlfriend, we ain't Will & Grace". Then I'd laugh in his face every time he did it until he stopped, he broke your heart so why on earth would you care? maybe a few well placed LOUD utterances of the word "yawn" "bored" or " can we speed this up I'm a bit bored"

I like this suggestion, on the Will & Grace quote! It is not antagonistic and it is getting your point accross with humor added to take the edge offf.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for the advice. My wonderful loving sister thought I should go get a piece of lingerie and show it to him, explaining that this was for my new husband (we will be celebrating our 1 yr. anniversary in April! ).

I do have to keep peace because of my son so don't think I should be too over the top rude. He is a very dramatic, whiney, vindictive (sp?) sort.

I have told him it's tmi. At one point his bf at the time and him decided to start sharing very intimate details in my home. I physically pushed them out the door, locked it and told them through the closed door that it was tmi. Yesterday I just wanted to put my fingers in my ears and chant "la la la la", I guess that would be too immature and probably wouldn't work anyway.

I just find it horrifying .

He did break my heart, but I am sooooo over that now! I have a wonderful DH that I love waaaay more then I could imagine. DH is a better father, companion, friend, etc... than previous husband could have imagined.

I JUST WANT HIM TO GO AWAY with his stories

Stop inviting him into your home and don't go into his home.

In other words, try and minimize the opportunity for small talk.

 

[swanmom]

My suggestion would be a polite but definitely direct approach. I would give him one last warning that you've previously made it clear that this is TMI for you and ask that he respect your wishes. If it continued, I would (calmly and non-dramatically) leave the room and tell him that, if he can't stop forcing information on you that you don't want to hear, then you will stop it for yourself.

 

[Gigi22]

Agreed with Swanmom. Can't think why your EH would insist on providing you with all the gory details, especially when you have made it clear that you aren't interested, unless, of course, he is a mean, spiteful, or very insecure kind of person.

If you feel you absolutely must continue to have him visit you in your house, have a second "appointment" of some sort planned for, say, 45 min. after your EH arrives--then you can simply cut his visits short. Just get up and say, "We are leaving now, we have another appointment/visit planned. So sorry. We can catch up another time." Escort him to the door, get in your car and drive away. And repeat.

The only other thing I can think of is to have someone else present that he would feel embarrassed to talk in front of when your EH comes over for a visit--your clergyman perhaps?

 

[brerrabbit]

Full disclosure, I am male, married for 29 years, conservative, christian, and a gun loving Texan.

I say those things only because I am going to go a little against the grain on this one. He hurt you I fully understand, I could not imagine the pain you went through. However I am sure there was a lot of pain on his part that he got to the point where he said "hey, I'm gay!". He obviously loved you at some point but still made the decision to divorce you. He obviously still feels that emotional attachment and therefore on some level wants to share his life and his feelings with you. I am not saying you need to agree to be BFF's with him, but I think the way to approach it is tell him he hurt you, you don't feel the same at all about him and that you are always willing to deal with him because he is your child's father, but beyond that you just can't be a big part of his life anymore. Bragging about DH's size or other digs will only hurt the relationship you need to maintain for the sake of your son.

 

[jamiesmom07]

I just want to clear up a few things:

A) He has not been "invited" to my home, he drops DS off from visits and acts like he is a guest. UNLESS my husband is home, then he usually doesn't even get out of the truck.

B) He left me, yes, but I am the one to file the paperwork. He couldn't figure out why we would have to spend the money to finalize the paperwork, everything was going just fine in his eyes. (well....some of us wanted to move on with our lives, so, I found a great lawyer and filed!)

And to really clear this up- I WOULD NEVER DIVULGE ANY INTIMATE THOUGHTS, ACTIONS, LINGERIE, ETC. WITH HIM. This is not my style.

I know he has issues.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I really think you should stick your fingers in your ears and say "la-la-la-la I can't hear you!" Do it with a smile on your face and then add, "Way too much info!! Feel free not to share those things with me." Then just keep smiling and get him out the door. He should get the point without anyone being upset. Let's hope.

 

[happygirl]

Be honest tell hiim you aren't comfortable with hearing his stories.