Tired of being fat

[Carol_]

I apologize now but I’m feeling sad today and just needed to vent.

I was heavy for a long time, but managed to lose weight when I got married (years ago), and then aside from when I was pregnant managed to stay within about 5 lbs of that for quite a while. When the pandemic hit I gained weight again (like many people), but started exercising more and actually saw a bit of improvement. The greatest strides came from cardiovascular health, which for me was huge.

Fast forward a year or so and return to office was announced. I immediately stopped all exercise (my hatred of commuting is well documented here) and gained a bunch of weight back.

I tried hiring a coach which didn’t do anything, tried paying for expensive diet food, and kept both a gym and peloton membership but has worked. I’m feeling depressed that none of my clothing fits, I have fat rolls everywhere, and looking at photos of myself (I’m working on the family Christmas book) just makes me want to cry. At home I spend most of my days in my husband’s XL clothing or leggings because my jeans are a nightmare. I’m also intimidated about getting back into peloton because I have lost so much vs where I was. Now after many weeks of diet food and actually gaining weight I don’t want to keep throwing good money after bad.

I don’t know how to change my mindset and actually start to see improvement. Work has been HORRENDOUS lately so the thought of doing anything more just isn’t going to happen.

How have you motivated yourself to make positive changes in your life? The coach didn’t help at all, but I’m hoping this board might.

Been there, am there, just had a bag of Doritos for lunch.
That said, my best success was last year when I cut the carbs down to less than 200g per day, and tracked my food on MyFitnessPal, which is free.
I watched a lot of YouTube videos about Keto (Thomas Delauer and others), and bought the Lumen device (which you don’t need but it made it a fun game to see if I was in ketosis or not… it currently sits neglected in my glove compartment.)
Anywho, I lost about 30 lbs doing all that.
Also, try to cut out the fake sugars that keep you hungry.

ETA: I also found intermittent fasting (only eating all my calories between certain hours each day, like 12pm-4pm or 4pm-8pm for example) was helpful.

Oh ya - I did not add exercise but kept a regular routine of gym time with a trainer once a week just to prove I could still move my body the way it’s supposed to move. I hate running but I managed to finish 2 WDW 1/2 marathons without proper training, and my BP has always been 120/80, but no one ever gives me a gold star for it. <<patting myself on the back because someone has to>>

There are always days filled with fried dough and Oreos and staying in bed with the blanket over your head. Just make sure those days become more and more rare. Get up. Do the things. Reward yourself in small ways. Buy the Atkins peanut butter cups from the warehouse club. Have two.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I lost a bunch of weight in 2009-2010 and gained most of it back. I've been working on losing it again, and the most frustrating thing is that when I started going to the gym, they weight stopped coming off. I can't figure out why. I'm lifting weights, but I am not putting on that much muscle to counteract any fat I would be burning, at least not at the weight I was losing weight before I started lifting. Maybe it's water retention, I dunno. But it's super frustrating.

I am getting stronger, though, so there's that.

 

[tzolkin]

What do you mean by diet food?

What you eat will impact your health and weight more than exercise so I'd start there.

I was wondering the same thing. What “expensive diet food” has the OP been buying?

Exercise is certainly good for your health, but focusing on food is more important for losing weight. And, especially with how stressed OP seems to be about work, trying to start a regular routine of working out daily that will take hours of time each week does not seem like something feasible that they will be able to follow through on at this point.

 

[mrodgers]

Flavor additives which can be fruits and such or you could do it (if you don't overindulge) in the flavor drops or crystal light stuff. You could experiment with a water container that has a built in infuser. We have one but TBH we never got into the infusing so we removed that part of it but I could totally see where adding in lemons, or berries could help the water at least bring in something to your tastebuds.

You know how people get those huge water containers and fill them up? The ones that have either the oz on them or they mark the time of day they should be drinking? Yeah those wouldn't work for me. That becomes a chore to me, a chore I do out of obligation a chore that I would end up dropping because it's not making me enjoy even a little of it.

So what I personally do is stick to smaller containers of water (like normal water bottle size or smaller) because as I'm drinking it I know to refill it and it's like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (by that I mean an empty cup/water bottle) gives me the personal motivation. Because I work out nearly everyday I do drink a lot throughout the workout but even if I wasn't working out I would stick with the same thing of water bottle size or less container of water. Most of the drinking cups I use are anywhere between 12-16oz+ so I see it as a doable goal not a daunting task. It's easy for me to rack up the amount of water I drink that way.

Also that "8 drinking glasses a day" is not applicable to everyone out there it's a general guide but some need more, some need less. What you eat, where you live, what your activity level is, the weather, etc all interact. I think for many it's just drinking a consistent amount of water per day in lieu of not really drinking water at all.

But for some people they need that huge water container with reminders because they see that as their motivator.

Ha, I don't have a huge water container to plan drinking water. It's because I drink a ton of water (ton used as an example of large volume, not literally 2000 lb. of water.) I have a 40 ounce thermos I carry to work and continue using at home. I fill it 4 or 5 times a day because I drink that much. It's anywhere from hot to blazing at work.

I carry 2 of them for an hour's worth of exercise on the bike. One insulated stainless filled with ice and the other regular plastic jug that I dump into the ice when that one is empty. I generally ride for half an hour, take a break and eat my dinner while guzzling down the first bottle. Refill and may stop halfway back home because it's all uphill for the ride home and put down half of it. I drink the rest of it when I get home putting the bike away. Then in for a cold shower.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Ha, I don't have a huge water container to plan drinking water. It's because I drink a ton of water (ton used as an example of large volume, not literally 2000 lb. of water.) I have a 40 ounce thermos I carry to work and continue using at home. I fill it 4 or 5 times a day because I drink that much. It's anywhere from hot to blazing at work.

I carry 2 of them for an hour's worth of exercise on the bike. One insulated stainless filled with ice and the other regular plastic jug that I dump into the ice when that one is empty. I generally ride for half an hour, take a break and eat my dinner while guzzling down the first bottle. Refill and may stop halfway back home because it's all uphill for the ride home and put down half of it. I drink the rest of it when I get home putting the bike away. Then in for a cold shower.

I was speaking only about encouraging yourself to drink water when you do not like water although I am aware of your work environment. You don't sound like you need motivation to drink water and you sound like your activity level and the environment is where you need a lot of water (which was part of my comment).

It has become a trend if you will to get containers like this:



(the one pictured above is 128 oz)

That may work for some people giving them a goal, I know it personally wouldn't for me to encourage drinking water. Gotta find what works for you (general you).

 

[Christine]

As to water--I just don't drink the amounts of water some people do. I find I don't need it, I feel fine, and I think some of those suggestions/reccomendations are way over what anyone needs. But if you love it, sure why not.

I drink about 3 16oz mugs of hot tea per day (no matter what time of year). I will have 16 oz of plain water at lunch. I also eat a lot of "watery" fruits throughout the day. During exercise I have a 30 oz bottle of water with me. I never fully drink it.

I can't walk around drinking water all day. Tried it, spent too much time in the rest room. Also, it's really cold in my office and even when I get the chill off the water it makes me colder.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

As to water--I just don't drink the amounts of water some people do. I find I don't need it, I feel fine, and I think some of those suggestions/reccomendations are way over what anyone needs. But if you love it, sure why not.

I drink about 3 16oz mugs of hot tea per day (no matter what time of year). I will have 16 oz of plain water at lunch. I also eat a lot of "watery" fruits throughout the day. During exercise I have a 30 oz bottle of water with me. I never fully drink it.

I can't walk around drinking water all day. Tried it, spent too much time in the rest room. Also, it's really cold in my office and even when I get the chill off the water it makes me colder.

Right which is why I said "Also that "8 drinking glasses a day" is not applicable to everyone out there it's a general guide but some need more, some need less. What you eat, where you live, what your activity level is, the weather, etc all interact."

The old 8 glasses of water a day is outdated and was more a general guide to begin with.

You're drinking water without tracking it (which is why I mentioned what you eat). When you eat foods (like fresh fruits and vegetables) you're intaking water. So who knows maybe you are intaking more on par with what some people are.

Every person's body is different. However, when you don't like water, you gotta find ways that help you (general you).

 

[DLgal]

I lost a bunch of weight in 2009-2010 and gained most of it back. I've been working on losing it again, and the most frustrating thing is that when I started going to the gym, they weight stopped coming off. I can't figure out why. I'm lifting weights, but I am not putting on that much muscle to counteract any fat I would be burning, at least not at the weight I was losing weight before I started lifting. Maybe it's water retention, I dunno. But it's super frustrating.

I am getting stronger, though, so there's that.

Exercise is stress on the body. Stress releases hormones that counteract weight loss. How much are you working out? Weights should be 1-2 times a week, maximum, if you are just trying to maintain lean muscle while you lose fat. Too much cardio is also stressful to your body. Try limiting your cardio to 3 sessions of 30 minutes a week, and 1-2 twenty minute loght weight training sessions. Take 3 days off per week, where at MOST, you take a walk. See what happens.

 

[RamblingMad]

I find that my lifestyle depends on me being healthy. If I'm not healthy and fit, I can't do the things I want to do. Last week, I hiked up to the top of Mt. LeConte. Being in shape made that climb much easier than if I wasn't in shape. Do you do anything that requires you to be thin? Do you have a support system? I'm in several hiking groups, and they act as my support group.

This is a good video:

 

[PollyannaMom]

Best scenario - change jobs.

But if that's not feasible, start with one exercise day on the weekends. Either find something active you enjoy, or tie something you enjoy to being active. (In my case, I watch stuff on the iPad while I walk on the treadmill.)

As for food, I've never felt like anything extreme is a good idea, so I don't like fad diets, eliminating whole categories of food, or super-strict limits on calories or what time I can eat.

Try to make sustainable changes - more healthy choices and fewer unhealthy ones, and watch portions. (One thing that helps me is remembering the law of diminishing returns. - The first few bites of anything taste better than the rest of them! So portion size isn't directly related to satisfaction.)

Another good tip I read somewhere is to set up your environment to make the healthy choices easy and the unhealthy ones more work - things like how you arrange your fridge and how accessible your exercise items are.

 

[disneyworldsk]

Ha, I don't have a huge water container to plan drinking water. It's because I drink a ton of water (ton used as an example of large volume, not literally 2000 lb. of water.) I have a 40 ounce thermos I carry to work and continue using at home. I fill it 4 or 5 times a day because I drink that much. It's anywhere from hot to blazing at work.

I carry 2 of them for an hour's worth of exercise on the bike. One insulated stainless filled with ice and the other regular plastic jug that I dump into the ice when that one is empty. I generally ride for half an hour, take a break and eat my dinner while guzzling down the first bottle. Refill and may stop halfway back home because it's all uphill for the ride home and put down half of it. I drink the rest of it when I get home putting the bike away. Then in for a cold shower.

Maybe we need a thread just on water intake!

 

[mrodgers]

Maybe we need a thread just on water intake!

I was thinking maybe we need a thread to help us all be accountable for what we eat.

I can start here and admit that I didn't bring anything to work. Ate a mini pizza out of the machine and a bag of Doritos. I should have brought pork chops and asparagus as that would have been maybe around 300 calories. Instead, it was 460 calories for the mini pizza and another 260 for the Doritos.

See, I know why I am failing and failing hard, LOL. Tough to cook when you're never home.

 

[Travel60]

I think of unwise eating like alcoholism. Probably not medically accurate and please if any alcoholics are on here don't read me chapter and verse. It's my mental thing.

I tell myself "this week I will not eat bread with dinner". "This week I will not eat sweets". Those are my two hard items. I find I lose the worst of the craving after 4-5 days but if I eat cake or cookies, I have to start all over. Summer is hard because there are so many picnic type get-togethers with food I would never otherwise eat.

Don't think of yourself as far and needing to diet. Think of it as eating healthy to get healthier.

 

[Colleen27]

A few things that have helped me outside of the conventional eat less, move more calorie deficit thinking.

Sleep enough. It took the forced slowdown of the pandemic for me to realize how self-sabotaging my terrible sleep habits actually are. I'd been in the habit of around 5 hours a night and while that was enough for me to feel fine, as far as daily activities, getting a couple extra hours a night made a huge difference in my "soft skills" like motivation (including to exercise and actually cook instead of ordering out or grabbing something pre-packaged) and I think made a metabolic difference as well. It is a constant struggle because I crave the alone time of late nights after everyone else is in bed, but seeing the difference that actually sleeping enough made helps me curb my night owl tendencies somewhat.

Shop for convenience. For a long time, I wouldn't buy things like pre-cut fruit or veggies, bagged salad kits, and things like that because they're so much more expensive than whole fruit, heads of lettuce, etc. but I have come to realize that I'll only eat healthy on a regular basis if I make it as easy as eating poorly. So what if a whole watermelon costs less than my $5 tub of pre-cut chunks - if that bowl is in the fridge, I'll have watermelon as my evening snack but I'm probably not going to take the time to cut and store a whole melon's worth to keep around, I'll feel bad when some of it goes bad, and I will just grab chips because they're easier. So the extra cost is worth the convenience (and is partly offset by fewer cravings to hit the convenience store for chips or whatever). I also cook more with veggies if I have pre-prepped (whether fresh or frozen) around, because it is so much easier to add in a package of frozen stir-fry blend or pre-chopped stew starter into dishes that don't necessarily call for them than to peel and chop everything from whole. Because I like fruits and veggies. I just don't much like cooking or meal prep.

Find an activity you actually like. This is the one where I struggle the most, because I enjoy hiking and being outdoors but live in kind of a wasteland as far as that goes. Good trails with nice scenery, not a ton of (car) traffic or roads to cross, and a good "vibe" for lack of a better word just don't exist nearby. I can walk on noisy sidewalks next to constant streams of cars, or I can walk the one flat, boring rails-to-trails path through the cornfields on the edge of town. When I'm traveling, I think nothing of walking for miles around city streets or hiking up mountain paths, but drop me in the car-centric world of home and I'll be right there, driving to the corner store like everyone else. I have a gym membership but a treadmill is no substitute for being outdoors, and I really haven't found something I enjoy enough to make being active an enjoyable part of my routine rather than a chore. And I know that's the key. I lost 25lbs over 6 weeks of national parks road tripping in 2019, 20lbs over a month in Alaska in 2021, and almost 20lbs over a month in Europe this past summer... but each time, I've gained about half of that loss back after coming home (I am still 26lbs down from my May 2019 starting weight) because on vacation, 30K+ steps per day is just part of the fun while at home just getting to my 10K goal is sheer drudgery.

 

[DLgal]

A few things that have helped me outside of the conventional eat less, move more calorie deficit thinking.

Sleep enough. It took the forced slowdown of the pandemic for me to realize how self-sabotaging my terrible sleep habits actually are. I'd been in the habit of around 5 hours a night and while that was enough for me to feel fine, as far as daily activities, getting a couple extra hours a night made a huge difference in my "soft skills" like motivation (including to exercise and actually cook instead of ordering out or grabbing something pre-packaged) and I think made a metabolic difference as well. It is a constant struggle because I crave the alone time of late nights after everyone else is in bed, but seeing the difference that actually sleeping enough made helps me curb my night owl tendencies somewhat.

Shop for convenience. For a long time, I wouldn't buy things like pre-cut fruit or veggies, bagged salad kits, and things like that because they're so much more expensive than whole fruit, heads of lettuce, etc. but I have come to realize that I'll only eat healthy on a regular basis if I make it as easy as eating poorly. So what if a whole watermelon costs less than my $5 tub of pre-cut chunks - if that bowl is in the fridge, I'll have watermelon as my evening snack but I'm probably not going to take the time to cut and store a whole melon's worth to keep around, I'll feel bad when some of it goes bad, and I will just grab chips because they're easier. So the extra cost is worth the convenience (and is partly offset by fewer cravings to hit the convenience store for chips or whatever). I also cook more with veggies if I have pre-prepped (whether fresh or frozen) around, because it is so much easier to add in a package of frozen stir-fry blend or pre-chopped stew starter into dishes that don't necessarily call for them than to peel and chop everything from whole. Because I like fruits and veggies. I just don't much like cooking or meal prep.

Find an activity you actually like. This is the one where I struggle the most, because I enjoy hiking and being outdoors but live in kind of a wasteland as far as that goes. Good trails with nice scenery, not a ton of (car) traffic or roads to cross, and a good "vibe" for lack of a better word just don't exist nearby. I can walk on noisy sidewalks next to constant streams of cars, or I can walk the one flat, boring rails-to-trails path through the cornfields on the edge of town. When I'm traveling, I think nothing of walking for miles around city streets or hiking up mountain paths, but drop me in the car-centric world of home and I'll be right there, driving to the corner store like everyone else. I have a gym membership but a treadmill is no substitute for being outdoors, and I really haven't found something I enjoy enough to make being active an enjoyable part of my routine rather than a chore. And I know that's the key. I lost 25lbs over 6 weeks of national parks road tripping in 2019, 20lbs over a month in Alaska in 2021, and almost 20lbs over a month in Europe this past summer... but each time, I've gained about half of that loss back after coming home (I am still 26lbs down from my May 2019 starting weight) because on vacation, 30K+ steps per day is just part of the fun while at home just getting to my 10K goal is sheer drudgery.

Have you thought about a bicycle? Cycling is a fun way to get outdoor activity and flatness is an asset on bikes.

 

[RamblingMad]

I was thinking maybe we need a thread to help us all be accountable for what we eat.

I can start here and admit that I didn't bring anything to work. Ate a mini pizza out of the machine and a bag of Doritos. I should have brought pork chops and asparagus as that would have been maybe around 300 calories. Instead, it was 460 calories for the mini pizza and another 260 for the Doritos.

See, I know why I am failing and failing hard, LOL. Tough to cook when you're never home.

You really need a good support system that keeps you going. I'm not overweight, but my friends are always keeping me in check. And if I eat something that isn't good for me in front of them, they'll call me out. I wonder if the OPs friends are also overweight.

 

[MrsPete]

You're right in that unless your mind is in the right place to lose weight, nothing will work.

Agree. That mindset /motivation can come from a variety of places, but until "you're ready", the best of plans won't work. So how can you motivate yourself?
- Post positive motivations around the house -- on the bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator, on your desk at work.
- Create a visual for your goal -- a chart, etc.
- Download a good habits game on your phone.
- Pair up with a friend for accountability.

What worked for me was a visit to the doctor to see the weight on the scale and the doctor tell me how this affected my health.

Yeah, I've never been terribly overweight, but hearing my doctor say I was Diabetic lit a fire under my butt. Fear is a motivator.

Stop eating ultra processed food. Eat more "real" food, as close to their natural state as possible.

I've heard it said, Eat food that remembers where it came from.

Some people find working with a nutritionist is beneficial. Perhaps that would be helpful for you?

A nutritionist was SUPER beneficial to me. That one-on-one help really helped.

My weight really got out of control with switching jobs because in my old job I walked miles every day, and then I switched to a desk job where I sit for 8-10 hours per day.

Could you get a standing desk?

That said, my best success was last year when I cut the carbs down to less than 200g per day, and tracked my food on MyFitnessPal, which is free.

200g of carb a day? When I was diagnosed as a Diabetic, my doctor put me on a Keto diet -- he says it's not something you want to do long-term, but he promised it'd take weight off fast and would get my blood sugars "back to normal". And it did. Thing is, it took ALL my attention; counting carbs and planning meals was ALL I did for three months -- but, yeah, my doctor was right. I was a different person three months later.

Anyway, I was allowed 30 g of carbohydrate per day. 60g is my maintenance number. Admittedly, I am very small for an adult.

I was wondering the same thing. What “expensive diet food” has the OP been buying?

Maybe Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem? Some of my co-workers have used that stuff, and I know their secret: they're child-sized portions.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I just began the process of having bariatric surgery. Nothing else is working for me. I've thought about this long and hard, and so it was a bit dismaying to go to my PCP to talk to him and get a referral for the same place my cousin went when she had her surgery only to have him tell me to eat less. Well, thank you *so* much. I've been doing that for years. He sent me home to reconsider but said that he'd give me the referral after I try one more time to diet and see him in three months. I don't even know if ethically he's allowed to refuse a referral or if he's right to make me wait, and I'm not the confrontational type so I just meekly left and cried all the way home. I'm not lazy or looking for an easy way out. I understand that it's a lifetime commitment after sleeve surgery. I just want to feel well and healthy again.

OP, I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, too.

 

[Treysar]

Hello friend. Huge hugs. I'm a serial gainer/loser. I simply can not maintain. I'm a binge eater. Its so frustrating - like I'm watching it happen to someone else even though it's me. I see a therapist now, and it has helped a lot. I think part of my problem is addiction. Addiction to food. Addiction to losing. My mindset is rarely in the right place. It's like AA, I need to take it one day at a time. My greatest success has been in mindset change. I no longer " need to lose X by X date". I try to think of day by day. The need to live longer for my kids ( although this pressure can sometimes undo me). I try to concentrate on how I feel (it hurts to eat ****, like physically hurts.) To stop and think when I feel good and think about what food decisions led to feeling better. I don't hate on myself as much when I hit a snag. I try to move on from it quickly. A slip doesn't have to be a slide. Movement is extremely helpful to me. Even if it's 20 minutes once a day, of purposeful movement. But it has to be fun. No more forcing myself to run on a treadmill - that isn't fun for me. It is for some - not me. I put on angry music and lift very light hand weights. I dance to 80's tunes. I talk a walk. i do NOT repeat the same boring **** over and over - that is just a losing battle for me. i need to change it up and make it about the experience, not about calories lost I stopped wearing the apple watch, stopped counting calories. For me, this always led to feeling like a failure. Not the case for everyone - but for me, it gets me in a cycle of "you didn't eat=good, you ate = bad," A lifetime of disordered eating isn't easy to recover from, but I'm trying. Be kind to yourself - you are beautiful in every size. STOP talking to yourself negatively. Negative self talk is sooooo bad! And if you're anything like me, it was happening often. I actually force myself to rephrase when I think " what the **** is wrong with me", which happens way too often. I seriously STOP myself now and think of something kinder. It sounds cheesy - even to me!, but it has helped me.

 

[Treysar]

I just began the process of having bariatric surgery. Nothing else is working for me. I've thought about this long and hard, and so it was a bit dismaying to go to my PCP to talk to him and get a referral for the same place my cousin went when she had her surgery only to have him tell me to eat less. Well, thank you *so* much. I've been doing that for years. He sent me home to reconsider but said that he'd give me the referral after I try one more time to diet and see him in three months. I don't even know if ethically he's allowed to refuse a referral or if he's right to make me wait, and I'm not the confrontational type so I just meekly left and cried all the way home. I'm not lazy or looking for an easy way out. I understand that it's a lifetime commitment after sleeve surgery. I just want to feel well and healthy again.

OP, I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, too.

I NEVER see the choice of bariatric surgery as an easy way out or lazy. NEVER! Take that thought right out of your head. It is a brave choice! It is NOT easy!