Time Machine Wanted

[ffugitive]

I am looking for a time machine, or any other means that will cause my departure date to arrive sooner than 52 days from now. I am willing to experience discomfort and even moderate physical pain if the technology requires it, and have no moral or personal objection to traversing or otherwise manipulating space-time. Alternatively, a deep, prolonged sleep would be equally acceptable. Any help is appreciated.

POR - May 4-14 - yeah baby!