Time For a A Shower

[Luv2CtheMouse]

I have a silly question...maybe a few of them.

I have not been to a bridal shower in many many years. Most of the people we know have been married for quite some time. Somebody in the family is getting married in a few months and I dont know what is considered proper these days.

What is the difference between a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift?

If you buy somebody a bridal shower gift, are you also expected to bring a gift to the wedding?

I bought this person a gift which is was over $150. Do I bring this to the bridal shower or wedding.

I am so confused.

 

[MomofKatie]

Save the big gift for the wedding!

Where I grew up, shower gifts were usually more practical things like linens, kitchen utensils, etc. Or, if there was a theme to the shower, gifts pertaining to the theme (like a barware shower, a recipe shower, or a ladies only trousseau shower). Most often, shower gifts were also less expensive than wedding gifts.

IMO, yes, you do need to give a gift at the wedding, even if you give a shower gift. Two different occasions. But, the more expensive gift is for the wedding. Since your wedding gift is so expensive, I would maybe do something more "from the heart" but not necessarily expensive for the shower.

Maybe you could give a handwritten set of recipes, along with ingredients or a few kitchen items to go with them. Arrange them prettily in a dish towel-lined basket. You won't have spent too much, but the recipient should love it!

 

[mamacatnv]

Here is my take, not sure where it falls under proper etiquette but its what I do.

If attending the bridal shower, a gift is expected and is different than the wedding gift.

If attending the wedding, a gift is also expected in addition to whatever you bought for the shower.

If not attending shower, no gift is necessary.
If not attending the wedding due to geography or previous committments and it is a close family member then a mailed gift is appropriate.

If not someone close and not attending the wedding, no gift is necessary it is purely what you chose to do.

When my brother got married I dumped a ton of $$ on their gifts but I coordinated it all. I bought all the bath towels, accessories, mats, rugs, canisters, decore and curtains that they were registered for - gave them the towels as the shower gift and the rest as the wedding gift.

 

[chibichibirei]

I agree with the above posters about needing 2 separate gifts if you are attending both functions. For the shower a small meaningful gift, perhaps a nice frame that the bride could use to put one of their wedding photos, or like MomofKatie suggested, recipes. Even if there was just a small item on their gift registry that you could perhaps give with dish towels or other house hold items!

 

[aprilgail2]

2 different things so 2 different gifts. I usually give a smaller gift off the registry ($50.00 ish) for the shower and then the bigger check/cash for the wedding.

 

[Hannathy]

Oh and if you are out of the marrying age (like I am) get ready for this new way of doing things! Many brides now have multiple showers and these things can be big productions. And the grooms can even have them or sometimes even if the bride has a women only shower they will have a "Jack and Jill" meaning men and women go to it. My nephew got married this summer and it was a huge wedding and there were 4 showers!

Shower gifts are completely separate from Wedding gifts. yes give the $150 gift for the wedding and something in the 30 to 50 range for the shower, depending on how close you are to the bride.

 

[Rora]

Here is my take, not sure where it falls under proper etiquette but its what I do.

If attending the bridal shower, a gift is expected and is different than the wedding gift.

If attending the wedding, a gift is also expected in addition to whatever you bought for the shower.

If not attending shower, no gift is necessary.
If not attending the wedding due to geography or previous committments and it is a close family member then a mailed gift is appropriate.

If not someone close and not attending the wedding, no gift is necessary it is purely what you chose to do.

When my brother got married I dumped a ton of $$ on their gifts but I coordinated it all. I bought all the bath towels, accessories, mats, rugs, canisters, decore and curtains that they were registered for - gave them the towels as the shower gift and the rest as the wedding gift.

These are the rules I follow.

Have a good time!

 

[golfgal]

Oh and if you are out of the marrying age (like I am) get ready for this new way of doing things! Many brides now have multiple showers and these things can be big productions. And the grooms can even have them or sometimes even if the bride has a women only shower they will have a "Jack and Jill" meaning men and women go to it. My nephew got married this summer and it was a huge wedding and there were 4 showers!

Shower gifts are completely separate from Wedding gifts. yes give the $150 gift for the wedding and something in the 30 to 50 range for the shower, depending on how close you are to the bride.

None of this is new. I think everyone I know had at least 3 showers, usually one on each side of the family and one "work" one. I went to Jack and Jill showers (which were a heck of a lot more fun) back when our friends were getting married. Some were big deals, others were more intimate. In our old town it was very common to have a HUGE shower-open house in the church basement and not uncommon to have over 100 people from church there.

 

[blana]

So, I'll throw in the obligatory "other side". Here, most people only bring 1 gitf to either the wedding OR the shower. So, a $150 gift at the shower would be fine, with nothing expected at the wedding. But, based on comments I've heard here & on other boards, this is a regional expectation.

 

[Nennie]

It's definitely a regional thing!

Around here, you give a physical gift (usually from the registry) at the shower, and then give an envelope with a check at the wedding.

Shower gifts are usually around $100, and wedding gifts are $200-$300 (maybe a little less if it's a coworker or distant friend, and a little more if it's family).

 

[indimom]

One gift for shower, one for the wedding. I won't get into $$ because that depends on your area and your budget.
I've heard of the multiple showers, but have NEVER experienced that. Generally both sides of the family and friends are invited to one shower around here. No co-workers unless they are also Friends!
I know of a few people who had two showers only because their families were too far apart to get together for one party. But no one was invited to both celebrations. So only one gift was expected. Personally if I was invited to multiple showers for one couple, I'd choose one shower to attend. That's beyond ridiculous.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Wow, We only gave 1 gift and that was at the shower. I guess again it is regional, not sure. I haven't been to a wedding since I got married and we only got gifts at the shower, unless it was someone that wasn't close ehough to get to the shower or couldn't attend for one reason or another.

I need to move, the most expensive gift we got was like $400 cash from my FIL and his wife, I don't think anybody else spent over $50 and the gift from my MIL and her husband came from a yard sale. The wedding was my gift from my mom and she bought things here and there for us. I guess we live in the wrong place.

Suzanne