Throwing Family Baby Shower is it the Best Friends Job??

[Freyja]

She just sounds very rude! Of course it is not your JOB. I nice gesture if you can afford it but definately not something you HAVE TO DO.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would be careful when you say you will help with the shower. Be sure to give a dollar amount that you can afford and stay firm with it or you could end up spending way more than you want.

If you were planning to give her a small shower, that is what I would offer. Decide how many persons can fit in your house--you can borrow chairs or some people can sit on floor, if needed. Then tell her that is the amount that will fit in your house. She can make a list, then sit down with you. There may be some people to invite that you know will not be there--such as the ones from FL. Otherwise, firmly but gently tell her that you can only accommodate X number and help her pare the list.

You don't have to spend a lot to have a nice party--coffee, ice tea, soft drinks or a bottled punch, some nuts, mints, veggie tray, small cake. You do not have to get fancy paper goods that cost an arm and leg.

Good luck, wait til she calms down and stay firm with what you can afford to do.

 

[disneychrista]

I never expected a shower with either pregnancy. In fact the only shower I did get was from the people I worked with with my first prgnancy and none of the second.
A shower is not a given just because someone is having a baby (getting married or whatever)

 

[bigsis1970]

well here it is a new day and she is avoiding me again today -- what a silly thing to fight over.. we are on a bowling team together on Thursday nights with another co-worker so i am going to have to clear it up before then .. I think i will write her a letter and leave it on her desk for tomorrow morning .. I think all she did hear was "i am not having a family shower" I think she missed the words after that -- I was planning a small shower for the people around here . Thanks again to you all for being a sounding board for me . Michelle

 

[Patty3]

I know that you were planning a smal friends shower and I think that is very nice of you to want to do this. I think your friend is behaving badly and should realize that she is expecting too much since you already had the bridal shower. It seems like she is just looking for presents. Both my bridal and baby showers were a surprise. Do folks not throw these parties as a surprise anymore?

 

[bigsis1970]

OK so she didn't talk to me all day yesterday and so she snuck out the back way again .. I left her a note on her desk that simply said "XX we need to talk" and then when i got in this morning it was like nothing ever happened between us .. she is nice and friendly like she always was before - do you think i should let sleeping dogs lie or tell her that her behavior really did hurt my feelings ? Thanks once again for any advise you might have.. Michelle

 

[Fantasmic303]

I don't really have any advice, except that this issue was addressed in Dear Abby yesterday, except the other way around. The person wanted to throw a shower for her twin sister, but was told by her husband's family that it would not be appropriate or something.

I thought it was interesting that "Abby's" response was out of the etiquette books, and it said that it is NOT right for a mother or sister to throw the shower, but perfectly acceptable for anyone else, including MIL, SIL, aunt, cousins, or friends.

I know that doesn't help your question, but I just thought I'd share. I, personally, would hope that my sisters would hold the shower for me if/when I was pregnant, and I would do the same for them. As a friend, I think you are only "obligated" to do what you want - and that includes making the shower as small or large as you feel comfortable.

 

[disykat]

OK so she didn't talk to me all day yesterday and so she snuck out the back way again .. I left her a note on her desk that simply said "XX we need to talk" and then when i got in this morning it was like nothing ever happened between us .. she is nice and friendly like she always was before - do you think i should let sleeping dogs lie or tell her that her behavior really did hurt my feelings ? Thanks once again for any advise you might have.. Michelle

Maybe she vented to someone and they told her how out of line she was! I'd still talk it through - since at some point it will come up again.

 

[Crankyshank]

I've never been to a baby shower that wasn't thrown by the mother or sister of the expectant mother. Unless it was a work baby shower.