Thoughts on Preschool?

[TnKrBeLlA012]

My daughter turned three in July. I have been sending her to preschool for about a month. In the first two weeks she did great. She loved it. After that she has not wanted to go. She cries from the time I leave the house until we get to school. I've asked her why she does not want to go to school and she says she is afraid of the teacher.I like the teacher but her aide is a little more strict than the teacher seems. She is making it so hard for me that I wonder if she is just to little to be forced to go. Should I give up or keep trying and not let the extreme guilt of leaving my crying child get to me. Just the mention of school makes her cry. Anyone else take their child out of a preschool for this reason??

 

[Cindy's Mom]

Have a talk w/ her teachers and see how she is doing IN SCHOOL. Kids can be scoundrels sometimes, they really know how to play that guilt card. My son did this to me - when I talked to his teachers and the director of the day care, they said he was the most pleasant little boy they've seen.

 

[kidshop]

How many days/hours is preschool? Is this the first time she has been away from you? My ds just turned 3 and he has been going since Sept (MWF for 4 hours/day). He cries every morning but stops soon after I am out of sight. I know this b/c they have closed circuit cameras! The first few weeks, he cried when I picked him up....like falling apart after holding it in all that time. Now, he all smiles and happy when I pick him up, so I think he has adjusted even though he cries when I leave and even sometimes says he doesn't want to go in the morning. I'm sure you can tell if your dd is really unhappy, but I don't think drop-off crying alone is a reason to stop. Talk to the teacher to see if she is adjusting and how she is during the day. If she is miserable the entire time, I would not hestitate to pull her out. There is plenty of time for preschool.

 

[Deb in IA]

I'd talk to the teacher and the aide first. Let them know what is going on with your daughter, and find out how she is after you leave her at preschool.

See if there is anything that can be done to make it better for her before you take her out.

 

[ElizaB39]

One of my best friends took her daughter out of preschool for this exact reason (just not wanting to go). She cried everytime they left the house. Finally the mom had had enough, I know my kid, she doesn't want to go. Her daughter didn't take off her pjs (except for church) for months. She thought if she didn't change out of her pjs she wouldn't have to leave the house. poor little kid...

She did eventually go to 4 yr old preschool and did just fine.

To this day when they pass the school, the daughter says, "those weren't such happy days were they mom?" Name of the preschool, "Happy Days". THe daughter is almost 12, smart and well adjusted.

 

[Rachie0507]

My son also turned 3 in July and he also started preschool this fall. He loved it for the first month until some girls picked on him and he started crying when ever we talked about bringing him there. I talked with his teacher about the problem and then requested a meeting with all three teachers at the school to get everyone's opinions about him being there. They were very helpful. I know my son is over-sensitive and couldn't deal with someone not being 100% nice. We talked about ways to make it easier for him. Obviously it would be different if your daughter is saying the teacher is mean!! But maybe it is something to approach them about. I was ready to pull DS out because I felt like I was torturing him. But I think the benefits won over for us. He needs to learn to socialize, good or bad. He also is willing to sing the alphabet now and he refused before.

I don't know if I helped at all. All kids are so different. I would say though, don't give up until you talk to the teachers. This may be a problem you can work through.

 

[Castlebound]

My DD cried when I dropped her off for the first 3 months ofher first year of preschool, and for most of the first month of kindergarten. Her preschool teacher gave her the book, "The Kissing Hand". It is a story about a little raccoon who is scared to go to school and afraid that he will miss his mom too much. The mom kisses the palm of his hand and tells him to lay it on his cheek whenever he misses her and her kiss will be there. DD and I still do the kissing hand every morning when I drop her off at school. I knew with my DD that if I took her out of school because she cried that she would do it again the next time we tried school. So she did not really have a choice and we made that clear to her.

If your DD loves school after she gets there and gets settled in I would not take her out. If she stays upset during school and is still upset when you pick her up then you should talk to the teacher. If she really is scared of the teacher then you may need to put her in a different class. I think that the last resort should be taking her out of school. My DD's teacher told me that she stopped crying less than two minutes after I left everyday and one day she just stopped getting upset when I left. The worse mistake parents make is not having a goodbye routine and sticking to it. At my DD's preschool they had a policy where they would call a parent if the child stayed upset for over a certain period of time. Does your perschool have a policy like that. It may help you feel better about leaving her. All of the teachers that I have talked to have said that a week or two after school starts is when the most kids get upset when their parents leave.

 

[CEDmom]

My DD went through a rough few months when she started pre-school. I used to have to physically hand her to someone so I could get out the door. She would pitch a fit until I was out of sight and then be fine. This was confirmed by several staff members. BTW, my DH never had a problem when he dropped her off .

Ask her teacher how she is once you're gone. If she's fine then just give it more time. Kids go through phases of seperation anxiety. Good luck.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. My daughter goes for two hours two days a week. I did talk with the teachers. They both said she is just fine when I leave. I think it's the structure that bothers her. The only thing is I am a weak mom. The guilt of seeing that little face crying,"Don't leave me mommy" kills me. I know I should be strong,but? I just worry that maybe she is just to young? I don't want her to end up scared of school. The funny part of this is I have two other children. One is twenty the other one is eighteen. I have been through this. They never cried or had any problems. This is new to me.

 

[noseybuddy]

I would meet with the teacher and aide to see how she is once you leave. I cried every morning when my mom took me to school from 1st grade to 4th grade. It was so bad, when I was in high school people remembered this about me. I just didn't want to leave my mom. Hopefully it will get better.

 

[noseybuddy]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. My daughter goes for two hours two days a week. I did talk with the teachers. They both said she is just fine when I leave. I think it's the structure that bothers her. The only thing is I am a weak mom. The guilt of seeing that little face crying,"Don't leave me mommy" kills me. I know I should be strong,but? I just worry that maybe she is just to young? I don't want her to end up scared of school.

I didn't go to Pre school or kindergarten, and I think if I did the transission into school would have been easier for me and my mom. I wouldn't take her out. She is fine when you leave. Be strong it will get easier. Because of what I went through I made sure I sent my kids to preschool. Best decision I every made.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I think 4 hours a week is about perfect for a three year old.

Being able to seperate from parents is an important skill to learn. I have a friend with an 8 year old boy. He has ALREADY been marked absent 17 times this year at school and the school district is threatening retention -- already!

He gets up in the morning and fakes illness to stay home. He goes to school for an hour or so and fakes illness so they'll call Mom. It is a huge ongoing problem, that he has had ever since Kindergarten.

That is an extreme case, just wanted to let you know that by helping your daughhter learn this gradually, you really are helping her. A couple of tears never killed a toddler.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

Sounds like you've got here enrolled for an optimum amount of time. I have been a preschool Dad for the last seven year (this year our youngest is in kindergarden). As others have said, the report that she does fine after you leave should mean a lot to you. Sure, her first preference is to be with you. But a couple hours at a time in a preschool you have a good feeling about should be very manageable for her and for you.

I know Dads and Moms have different experiences on this sort of thing, but I remember when our oldest was just starting preschool. She bawled just about every day (I was always the one to drop her off). Her teacher told me she was fine, and that if I did not believe it I should watch her at play through the outside window. I did one morning, and sure enough, she was grinning and playing and having a grand time without me. I think that was a time when I realized I had to let her stop needing me (and her Mom) quite so much.

Good luck and best wishes on this situation with you and your dear child.

 

[karisbell]

I am always in the minority on this, but I don't understand the rush to put kids in preschool so early. I have a 4 year old and a 2year old. I put my 4 year old in preschool last year because all of my moms friends did it with their kids and seemed to love the time away. My reaction was totally different! I ended up taking him out in January. He didn't really care either way. He has just as much fun on playgroups with friends and at home with his sister as he did with the endless coloring sheets and craft projects .

Besides, our family sacrifices alot for me to be home and I want to treasure the time with him - not the endless running that comes with even a 3 day a week program. My son is well adjusted and has no problems leaving me or staying with a sitter. He learns more at home - although we don't do a million color sheets/craft activities a week- and I think he will be a better adult for our time together. Isn't that what it is all about??

 

[Tigger&Belle]

As long as she is fine when she is actually there I would leave her in the preschool program. My kids all started preschool by the time they were 3yo and liked it usually. My 2 middle kids both went through a time when they would cry, but it wasn't at the very beginning of the school year. It was after they'd been there for about a month. I guess they thenn realized that they were going to be going there for awhile.

My youngest started a mother's day out program when he was not quite 2yo. It was only once a week, which I don't think was often enough for him to get used to it. He was fine the first week, but then fell apart the other weeks. Would cry when I left him and cry when he was there. He cried to the point of throwing up. I did quickly pull him from that and waited until the following fall when he was almost 3yo to put him in a twice/week preschool. At that age he was ready and had an easy adjustment.

You know your DD, but as long as she is happy when she is there I would give it more time, at least until Thanksgiving, if not winter break.

 

[faith]

Please don't take offense to this. But, if you don't have to send your child, let them stay home. Why do so many parents feel their child has to go to school so early?? I understand some parents have to work, etc, but children grow up too quickly. Spend those early years with them if you can.

 

[karisbell]

Every extra day we have to snuggle in the mornings or stay up a little late for one more story is so priceless...

 

[justhat]

My daughter is 19 months and she started preschool in September too. She goes for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. Just like your daughter she was fine for the 1st 2 weeks or so (well, actually she did cry the first 2 days, but then after that no crying for a couple of weeks). Then the crying started-she'd cry when we'd approach the school and then start crying when they went out on the playground before pickup (cause she knew that was when she got picked up and saw other kids leaving). After about 2 weeks, the crying dropped to only at dropoff (no more crying at pickup) and then about 1.5 weeks ago she stopped crying at dropoff too! Well, today my husband came with us so that changed her routine and she cried this morning, but I think she'll be fine again tomorrow.

I know exactly how you feel about walking away from her while she's crying cause I felt the same way everyday. There were times I really fought with myself about just taking her out of school and waiting till she's older, but then I thought that if I just stick with it then she'll get used to going and the crying will stop. Her teacher (who I really like) assured me that she stops crying as soon as she gets in the class and loves being with the other kids (though she did add that she is still she around the teacher, and prefers to talk to 1 of the assistant teachers most). Working in a daycare/preschool before my daughter was born convinced me that her teacher was telling the truth because we had plenty of kids who cried at dropoff but were very happy all day long.

What's probably making the transition take a little long for your daughter is that it's 2 days a week. I found when I worked in the daycare that the kids who came for morning preschool 2 days a week generally took longer to stop crying than those who were in the daycare part, since the daycare kids were there everyday so it became more routine for them to go everyday rather than just 2 days a week. Same with this other preschool we looked at-they had a 3 days/week or 5 days/week program and the director told us that the kids that go everyday stop crying sooner. So I would give it more time and I'm sure she'll stop crying and have fun.

And since I'm posting this after just reading the questions about why send your kid to preschool, I'll give my reasons. I am a SAHM so i could just keep my daughter home with me all day, but I chose to send her to preschool because I wanted her to be able to interact with other kids and learn those very important social skills early on in life. When she's home with me, that's it, just me. I took her to Gymboree classes before she started school and she'd get to play with other kids there, but I felt she needed more than 45 minutes/week. Plus, since she's home with only me, she's very attached to me, which of course is a great thing, but I want her to learn that when I'm not around she'll still be okay. My husband is in medical school and therefore wasn't home much since she was about 4 months old so she is really dependent on me and I didn't think that was really in her best interest long-term. I know 18 months sounds very young, and I was initially thinking I'd send her at 2, but this school takes them at 18 months. She was initially wait-listed (preschool in DC is crazy!) and we thought she'd be starting in January (they have 2 start dates, Sept. or Jan.) but in July they called us with an opening for the fall so we sent her. So far I'm really happy with how she's grown since she started school. I'm not concerned at all about what she learns academically, but will say that her speech has improved dramatically. When she started school in mid-Sept she was saying 12 words and now 6 weeks later she's saying over 50 words. She loves other kids and runs to play with them now, she does so many things by herself that she had no interest in before, and she's sleeping better on her own with I honestly believe is a result of learning that she's okay to do things without mommy. And we still get tons of cuddle time everyday-she's with me from 6am-8am, then I pick her up at 11:30am and she's all mine till she goes to bed around 7-which is now so I better run!

 

[momof2inPA]

If my three year old were still crying everyday when I went to drop him/her off, I would pull her out of pre-school and wait a year.

And 3 hours a day, five days a week for a 19 month old is daycare in my book. It's your choice, don't be ashamed to call it what it is. If you need a break, you need a break.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Just that, I think that was an excellent explaination about preschool. I also think it is good for my DD to learn to take and follow directions from someone other then me (and form relationships with, my DD is very close and dependent on me.) She also learns indipedence, but on a minor scale for the age.

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but it was in a day care center so the kids were there more then I was. There was a lot of benfits for it for the kids, but I think the idea is more time with family just haniging out, and school a few hours a week. (as is in this situation.)

My own DD did the 2 days (3 hours) a week thing when she was 3 and now that she is 4 does 3 days a week for 3 hours. We do afternoons. I like it because it give you that time to cuddle in the morning and take your time getting ready. Also it gives me more useable time in the afternoon to get things done for myself. (and spend some time with her baby sister.)

Stopping because she isn't ready is one thing. Stopping because she managed to manipualte the situation is another. It rewards the behavior and she learns it works so she will continue it in the future.

My sugestion at this point is try getting together with some of the other moms and kids on a off day for a play date. This really helped kids in my DD's class feel better and transtion better.

I have found when I volunteer in DD's class she is clingly and whinny. Her teachers say she is never like that when I am not around.