Thoughts on honeymoon registries?

[ORMom2Four]

I think they are pretty tacky, but maybe that is my generation (I am in my very early 40's).

IMO, if you go on a honeymoon, that is your decision and should be done on your dime.

It's like sending everyone you know a Christmas card telling them that they can send you cash instead of a gift so you can take a Disney trip It might make those who will never be able to afford a Disney trip for themselves bitter towards you.....

 

[LuvLDM]

If the honeymoon registry info was included in a bridal shower invite I wouldn't find that unusual as the showers purpose is gift giving.

Including it in the actual wedding invitation is super tacky IMO.

 

[Skywalker]

The truth? I think that's pretty bad. Asking guests to pay for your honeymoon? While it is true that people traditionally give gifts, coming right out and asking people to pay for the honeymoon is a whole new depth of tackiness.

As background, my fiance and I are in our late 20s and have been together for 9 years. We will have been engaged for 5 years by the time we get married. We've lived together for 8 years and purchased a house together 2 years ago. We have everything we need from a home goods perspective, so there is nothing we would register for at a store like Bed Bath & Beyond or Macy's. This honeymoon registry would be the only "registry" we are offering, and I think all of our guests are aware of our love for travel.

Based on everything you say above...wouldn't all of your invited guests already know all this? And with the above being the case most of them will probably just give you cash anyway. Let people do what they want. If you get something you don't need or want you can just return, re-sell, whatever everyone else does in that situation.

 

[pooh6890]

Actually both of my daughters were married over the last 2 years. Also, about 12 of their friends have also married. Every one of the them used a bridal registry and a honeymoon registry. Not one of them found it tacky. It was used to purchase things for the honeymoon such as dinners, wine and excursions where they honeymooned. It seems to be the new thing and I don't know of anyone that didn't think it wasn't a good idea. These days after living together you basically have your home furnished. I found that for the wedding showers they still used places like Crate & Barrel and BB&B too. But, for the honeymoons, all of them used a website so people could purchase things for them on that. Of course, nothing is better than $$$ too.

 

[lthiesfeld07]

I don't think it's tacky. I've attended several wedding showers and weddings where this has been done.
I'll be using the Disney Honeymoon Registry for mine.
If you're having second thoughts, maybe set up a registry at a store too for the shower.

 

[cfriend416]

I honestly don't think it's a generational thing. I am in my mid-20's, and as I said in my post above, it's not something I would even consider doing for my wedding. Knowing all the details, in YOUR situation I don't think it's tacky, but everyone I know who has done a honeymoon fund instead of or in addition to a registry has come off as tacky. I really wouldn't recommend putting it on any invitation. If your mom doesn't include any registry info on your shower invitation, people will likely ask about when they RSVP and she can tell them your preferences then.

 

[pooh6890]

I think they are pretty tacky, but maybe that is my generation (I am in my very early 40's).

IMO, if you go on a honeymoon, that is your decision and should be done on your dime.

It's like sending everyone you know a Christmas card telling them that they can send you cash instead of a gift so you can take a Disney trip It might make those who will never be able to afford a Disney trip for themselves bitter towards you.....

I'm 58 and think it's fine with my generation...

 

[nkereina]

Thanks for the additional responses! Lots of insight, and some good alternate ideas as well

Oh boy. You're inviting people to your shower that will be excluded from the wedding?

I think you misread my post. We're not interested in having our parents spend $10,000+ on a traditional wedding, so we're doing a small ceremony with a justice of the peace at a ski chalet two hours from our city with only our parents. We're then having a party a few weeks later for our reception, inviting 200+ people. Anyone invited to my shower will be invited to the party. It's no different than someone going to Jamaica for a wedding, and having their reception at home.

 

[shoney]

I am in my 40's and married over 20 years. Where we live, registry info is included in the shower invitation not the wedding. Gifts are only given at the shower and cash only at the wedding.


If I were in your situation, I would...

include honeymoon registry in shower invite.

I would also do a traditional gift registry at Macy's or wherever! Since showers are traditionally gift giving parties, some people will still want to buy a gift that they can wrap in a box. Just because you've lived together doesn't mean you can't use some new things. Is your toaster on the fritz? New blender you've been eyeing? Changing the color scheme of your bedroom or bathroom? There has to be some things you could use. Maybe travel items or a picnic basket?

I wouldn't include a honeymoon registry only. Then, to me, it looks like you are only asking for cash.

Congrats!!!!

 

[gwynne]

I am in my 40's and married over 20 years. Where we live, registry info is included in the shower invitation not the wedding. Gifts are only given at the shower and cash only at the wedding.


If I were in your situation, I would...

include honeymoon registry in shower invite.

I would also do a traditional gift registry at Macy's or wherever! Since showers are traditionally gift giving parties, some people will still want to buy a gift that they can wrap in a box. Just because you've lived together doesn't mean you can't use some new things. Is your toaster on the fritz? New blender you've been eyeing? Changing the color scheme of your bedroom or bathroom? There has to be some things you could use. Maybe travel items or a picnic basket?

I wouldn't include a honeymoon registry only. Then, to me, it looks like you are only asking for cash.

Congrats!!!!

Excellent advice!

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Tacky beyond belief and no better than a Go Fund Me site hitting up people to pay for your teen to go on "the trip of a lifetime" so you don't have to part with your own cash. On some level, you KNOW it is tacky or you wouldn't have asked, IMHO. I think what you are really wondering is, have standards slipped so much that people will just shrug and go along with it? Well, some will and some won't, but it will still be tacky.

It is YOUR honeymoon. YOU pay for it. If people choose to give you money as a wedding gift (unsolicited) then you can use that to help with the honeymoon. But you don't ask people to pay for something that you should pay for. It doesn't matter that you have lived together for years and have all the household stuff you need. That was your choice.

It costs almost nothing to go to a JP and get married. People choose weddings and honeymoons, which cost money. Their guests should not be responsible for those choices. They should not have hints dropped that cash gifts are best. Again, if someone chooses, unsolicited, to give you money, then do a happy dance. But to do otherwise is tacky, no matter how many people do it these days.

This! Since when did it become appropriate in our society to ask for gifts for every special occasion in someone's life? (even in situations where you know you will be receiving them). I just finished reading the thread about the housewarming party and asking for presents and people feeling pressured to contribute at the office even though some would not even be there. That is beyond tacky and cheap and would certainly lessen my opinion of that person.
Now I know your situation is totally different and most of your guests must certainly know all the specifics about your life that you mentioned here. Let them make their own decision on what their gift will be and be gracious about it.
Chances are that you will collect a fair amount of money which you can then spend to pay off your honeymoon without being seen as telling people what you think their gift should be to you.

Unless specifically asked, I do not think it is ever ok to bring up gifts and what you would like to receive.

 

[pryncess527]

Setting up a registry to ask for money strikes me as tacky and frankly, unnecessary. I know everyone wants and accepts money.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I see you edited your original post, to read " shower" invitation, originally it appeared to be in the wedding invitation. Reading further the more details the more turned off I would be.

So am I reading this all correctly now ? I'm not invited to your wedding, it will be small and for you & your parents, but I am invited to your wedding shower and then a reception/party a few weeks after the fact. Call it generational I'm 60 but to me it's all a money grab.

HOWEVER, best wishes to you may you have decades of love and happiness.

 

[JanaDee]

I think you misread my post. We're not interested in having our parents spend $10,000+ on a traditional wedding, so we're doing a small ceremony with a justice of the peace at a ski chalet two hours from our city with only our parents. We're then having a party a few weeks later for our reception, inviting 200+ people. Anyone invited to my shower will be invited to the party. It's no different than someone going to Jamaica for a wedding, and having their reception at home.

No, I didn't misread it. It all comes off like a gift-grab to me. Also, a bit disingenuous, since it is the reception that costs all the money, not the actual ceremony.

 

[KennesawNemo]

Oh, wow, OP, I personally wouldn't have any problem with your honeymoon registry or wedding reception arrangements. I don't find it tacky at all.

 

[SLP958]

If you have to ask you know it is tacky. Don't do it.

People these days...

 

[MSLRAC]

No, I didn't misread it. It all comes off like a gift-grab to me. Also, a bit disingenuous, since it is the reception that costs all the money, not the actual ceremony.

The ceremony costs money too, that's part of why destination weddings are so popular.

OP, you will find that there are many people here that seem to find fault with every wedding and shower invite out there. They find them all to be tacky for some reason or another and proclaim that it's all nothing more than a gift grab. You truly can not win with those people. Just like you can not win with everyone in your real life. So do what you want and what you feel best, knowing that some will be fine with it while others find it totally tacky.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't have an opinion one way or the other. It's pretty popular now a days for honeymoon registry though.

Here is a pretty popular website I saw on shark tank and seems pretty interesting.

http://www.honeyfund.com/

 

[JanaDee]

The ceremony costs money too, that's part of why destination weddings are so popular.

OP, you will find that there are many people here that seem to find fault with every wedding and shower invite out there. They find them all to be tacky for some reason or another and proclaim that it's all nothing more than a gift grab. You truly can not win with those people. Just like you can not win with everyone in your real life. So do what you want and what you feel best, knowing that some will be fine with it while others find it totally tacky.

Our ceremony cost less than $200 (church rental and fee for pastor).

If people ask for opinions, they'll get all kinds of opinions. Not only those that agree with them.

 

[EMom]

Twerking is more accepted these days, especially by younger people. However, it is still tacky. Just because "everyone is doing it" doesn't mean it's not tacky.