This makes me so sad !!!!

[EdiePA]

A little background -- my ex-husband walked out on me and our two sons over two years ago. I keep trying to be sure that the boys have a good relationship with their Dad (don't bad mouth him, don't put the boys in the middle, etc.)

BUT yesterday, I nearly broke my own rules. It was DS#1's 21st birthday. He's at school in Kentucky and I had sent a birthday cake and presents and cards. He called that morning to have me sing to him and we howled over the cake-in-a-box. Then, he told me that his Dad sent him a card and wished him a happy 20th birthday!! How out-of-touch can someone be??? He was there when the kid was born for goodness sake!

DS was so shocked and so upset. I tried to smooth it over, but really what could I say?

Ugh!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Edie

 

[Princess_Aurora]

Maybe it's just a guy thing. My DH was there when our DS was born...and that hasn't even been two years yet...and he asked me the other day, "What day was Mikey born?" Then when I told him he didn't believe me and was going to get out his birth certificate to double check. But he does know how old his kids are...he's not so good at remembering his own age though.

Men

 

[Planogirl]

Wow, that's rough. It seems impossible to know what to say.

 

[TigerBear]

That is a big one to be wrong about. Your poor son.

At least you know he appreciates you.

 

[barbeml]

My parents (they are divorced) didn't realize I had passed 40 until I turned 42 and they said "Can't believe you're 40!" Independently they both missed it. My DH was trying to plan a surprise party, and couldn't believe no one from my family contacted him to help.

Good for you for having the right attitude for your kids' sake.

 

[Mickey527]

Edie,
I don't think it's all men, just the ones with the EX-Husband after their names.
My story is pretty close to yours.
Every year my 3 boys and I celebrate their birthday with dinner out at their favorite restaraunt. their father calls them a few days after because he never can seem to get the day right. But he does send them a card with $50 in it so I can't complain.
As soon as my boys got close to their 21st birthday he began to show more interest in them. He took my first two out on their 21st birthday so he could be the first one to get them drunk legally. Like it was his right!
I was very upset with my two oldest boys and told them so. They were 6, 4 and 2 when their father left and I took them out each year on their birthday. On their 21st birthday they chose to go with their father and not me. It hurt.
My youngest son is turning 21 this August and he already told me that he has no interest in spending time with his father because his father had no interest in him when he needed a dad. He understands the way I feel.
Peggie

 

[Chattyaholic]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but maybe your son could just be happy that his Dad even REMEMBERED his birthday and sent him a card. Many kids of divorced parents never get birthday cards from their Dads, so I bet those kids would be happy to get a card regardless if it was the wrong year. I'm a 46-year-old married mom of two and I have to stop and think how old my kids are too, and I think it's even more that way for men. Most of them usually just don't THINK about it like women do.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

Edie, I can see your point but I can also see Chatty's. My brother was too busy committing a life of crime to remember his daughter's 6th or 7th birthday...in fact the last time he saw her was on her 5th birthday and she'll be 8 this year.

Although I know 21 is a big birthday so I can imagine that your son was hurt...so I do understand.

 

[danacara]

Clueless!

My biological father regularly forgets my birthday, as well as what age I am ... and I'm his firstborn, and this man ASSISTED in my DELIVERY (doctor!), and it's only a couple of days before his OWN birthday!

My mother always made me feel better about it ... her advice was along the lines of "pity the man, he's had a breakdown."

Works for me.
DC

 

[nativetxn]

To my father's dying day he never remembered my birthday. Either that or he was trying to "tease" me. I didn't think it was all that cute, myself.

I'm sorry your ex hurt your son's feelings

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>The kids' dad & I split up when they were 4 & 3. He lives down in San Diego now, and his family would always call my dd to wish her happy birthday the day before her birthday. One year (like after 4 years of this), I told her aunt that it was awfully nice of them to call, but why didn't they call on her actual birthday - it was because he had forgotten the date, and had told everyone down there the wrong day. After that, they all made sure to call on her actual birthday.

To this day, and they're 16 & almost 15, he forgets how old they are, what grade they are ... the kids just roll their eyes & laugh, and say 'That's dad.'

So, you're not alone.

Some people just don't attach importance to others' birthdays.

Maybe you can remind your son that his dad 'does' love him, even if he got the year wrong.

... oh, and EdiePA ... I commend you for doing the right thing and not badmouthing their dad. That's reallllllllly hard not to do sometimes, and it's something I have to work on for myself. I'm better these days, but people like you inspire me to do better.

 

[CRB#33]

Poor kid

You're doing a good job though. And your DS will remember it and be that much of a better father to his own children.

Take comfort in that

 

[bumcat]

How about your parent not remembering what your name is!

When I was born my mother named me Cheri pronounced like the Stevie Wonder My Cherie Amor song but my dad kept calling me Shery like the song Shery Baby why dont you come out with your red dress on -you know that old song.
My mother gave up and started calling me the Shery baby name. I promised her my first daughter would be named Cherie like the Stevie Wonder song and she is and she just turned 21.
Unfortunately my mom was long gone when I had my first child.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Tell your son not to feel too bad! My "very loving, very still married to my mom" dad can never remember how old my brothers and I are. He even has trouble remembering our actual birthdates , but that's OK because he is the GREATEST!!!!!!!

 

[Lynn CC]

{HUGS} to you and your son
some people sometimes they just don't get it