This is just SO typical of my oldest child....

[bsnyder]

I am LOL right now!

My oldest son, Matt, is a freshman in college. Matt has always been the type of kid that finds change very hard to adjust to. Not that he complains a lot about it, but he just quietly resists it. He's not very outgoing and takes a long time to warm up to new people. This was always the case in school, and every school year, with a new teacher, it would take him months before he'd say a word to them. About the time he'd start to feel comfortable, the year would be over, and he'd have to start all over again wtih someone new. You get the picture....

Anyway, he spent the first 3/4ths of this school year coming home a lot on the weekends (he's at a school 2 1/2 hours away from home) I kept encouraging him to stick around more and give himself a chance to get used to it and get to know people better, but he'd come up with one excuse after another of why he needed to come home.

Well, he just called me and I am now chuckling to myself. His last exam was yesterday, and it sounds like he's one of the very last freshmen to leave campus. And instead of coming directly home, he's going to Orlando for dinner with some friends. He then asked if he could drive back to Deland this weekend, for the graduation ceremony!

I think he's finally made the transition! LOL!

Anyone else have a kid like this?

 

[jamsmom]

I would say he is growing up. You may wish one day that he would visit more often again

 

[Saffron]

LOL! I can relate! I'm like that! Change is difficult for me, and when I finally adjust, it's just about the time to change again. LOL!

 

[Fishbone†]

I also am like that.... I am just now working to overcome this as it's been almost debilitating. EVERY first day of school for my entire life, I would be physically sick..... I always went, but always lost my breakfast beforehand, and ate nothing all day..... it was pretty typical for my first full week to be like this. It lasted for months when I switched to Junior High, and weeks when I switched to Senior High. I takes me a VERY long time to warm up(hence my relatively small post count considering....) although this too is getting better for me. I HATE change of any sort, and usually voluntarily resist while my body is involuntarily resisting....

It really is something worth working through, as I think (at least for me) it can keep you from moving forward and discovering the possibilities. I can't tell you how long I stayed in a bad job situation before I had the courage to leave..... and even then I resisted. TOO LONG!!!

 

[mickeyfan1]

I am the opposite of you, but here is something that if you keep repeating it, it could help you get out into the new stuff sooner:


Change is good, folding money is better

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I have to say that freshman year for my oldest was the hardest transition... We did not think she would make it.............and figured she would be transferring after the first semester.... we encouraged her to stay as much as possible.. she found her niche and looks back at her years at Holy Cross in Worcester, MA, as a wonderful experience... the right one for her..

I am glad that Matt has made it and seems happy to be there.. Hugs..

 

[Tess]

Sounds just like our son--Ty is a wonderful kid--great student, responsible, good heart, friendly and talkative when engaged but doesn't start an interaction, and cute. Sadly, he's also such a loner--he likes to be with other kids, I just don't think he's very good at planning to be with others--it's easier to read, hang out at home, etc. My husband and daughter are just the exact opposites--so bored if they aren't "doing something". Guess my son takes after me--takes a long time to "warm-up" and sizes up (overanalyzes) every situation before proceeding. We've tried for years to get him to "open up", guess it's just his personality and he seems happy in his own skin.

I worry about him going to college in a few years though. He's a 4.0 student, but his social skills aren't conducive to dorm life--oh well, maybe he'll continue his academic excellence since his interpersonals won't get in the way. Now, our daughter--she's also a 4.0 student--but, I do worry about her going to college--oy vey. . .she's way too social!

 

[RitaZ.]

Bet, that's wonderful!

My oldest is also like that, he is only 11 yrs. old though. Sometimes I worry about him, but DH assures me that he was the same way when he was DS's age. I also agree that it's a personality trait.

 

[bsnyder]

Tess, your son does sound a lot like my Matt. And to Rita, I will say that I've fretted over Matt too, but that he's gotten more, not less, outgoing, as he's gotten older, and your son probably will too.

He finally got home, BTW, after midnight last night. I'm still laughing to myself that after all the pleading I did to get him to stay on campus on the weekends, yesterday I found myself calling and asking when he's coming home!

 

[Tess]

That's a Mom--we've never satisfied! My son gets a 95 on a test and I ask him what he missed. . .LOL. . .he just shrugs his shoulders and laughs. I'm really not being critical of the 95, just interested in his work!

When he was younger, our son said when he grew up he was going to find a "sweetie", get married, have 10 kids, build a house in my backyard (it's a large, large backyard), and let me have the privilege of helping his "sweetie" raise those 10 children. LOL While he no longer wants 10 children. . .I'm a bit worried he might want to stay at home forever. . . I did tell him that he'd have to find us at that stage of our lives because we'd be hiding out in Florida! I love my kids, I really do!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Yep, I can relate. I have a dd who is a college freshman and also like this. She is living at home and going to a local college. She did not plug into a group at her college this year. She also has a large group of kids whom she is friends with from high school. It took her a long time to make these friends. I know she will be spending alot of time with these kids over the summer. We have insisted that she live on campus next year even though it is close to home, hoping it will force her to make some friends at school

I also have twin sons who are 15yo. One is EXTREMELY social. The other sounds just like your son. After a long time of warming up to people he is outgoing with them, but it takes a long time. Since switching to high school he has made very few friends. It is mostly a poor ability to make social plans. And kids at school tell me that they all ask him to hang out, or want him to invite them over (we live 3 houses from the ocean). He wants to hang out but is very bad at asking people to do things.
What helped for him is that I took him, his brother and 9 other guys on a trip to Cape Hatteras for Easter break. In this environment he made friends. Since then he has been out surfing with these guys almost every day after school.
The thing is, with out twins, dh and I worry about the outgoing one because he is too outgoing. Schoolwork comes last, sleep comes last. The temptation to drink, etc. is great on him I assume. What if ther person he is riding with is a bad driver.
Then we worry about the other one. What if he doesn't make friends, what if he doesn't make good high school memories, what if he never leaves home. We were at a football function last night and all the guys told me they call him quiet Dan. We nudged him into getting a summer job this year, hoping that this will help.

 

[bsnyder]

tigeroo,

While I don't have twin boys, my sons are only 14 months apart. And my younger son is the exact opposite of Matt, he's outgoing, adventurous, and very typically irresponsible for his age and stage in life. I worry about him socializing too much and not applying himself in school and his other responsibilities!

Maybe Tess is right....we're just destined as moms to worry! And each child presents different things for us to fret over!

 

[Saphire]

Hi Bet,
My second son is as you described your Matt, especially the part about taking months to warm up to teachers and then having to start all over again. I may call on you for support as I can imagine he will have a hard time adjusting to being away from the 'home front' when he goes off to college (he is a junior). I get worried sometimes when I see his face as he talks pensively about living away at school. My heart breaks to think of him lonely or homesick. Anyway, I am so glad for you that your son seems to making his own way and enjoying himself, that means so much, doesn't it?