This is Bothering Me

[SydneyFalco]

Okay - male perspective - he told you because he wants to act on his fantasy/dream. He would not have told you otherwise. IMO, if he ever mentions this again, you need to treat him like a man who is propositioning you - because he is.

If he drops it and acts like a gentleman from this point forward, let it go. He may just be lonely since he is having problems in his marriage. That is probably why your husband doesn't want to know his name. To give him a "second" chance.

Yeah, BamaFan beat me to the male perspective.

That dream line... I used that once... when I was fifteen. It seemed (to my low-functioning and frightened adolescent brain) like the perfect passive way to be suggestively sexual and solicitous without fear of rejection. And even at that age--and in the eighties no less--no sooner had the words left my mouth than I realized the creep factor. But that's what age fifteen is for. This guy's X years old and still not clued in to how lame it is?

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Okay - male perspective - he told you because he wants to act on his fantasy/dream. He would not have told you otherwise. IMO, if he ever mentions this again, you need to treat him like a man who is propositioning you - because he is.

If he drops it and acts like a gentleman from this point forward, let it go. He may just be lonely since he is having problems in his marriage. That is probably why your husband doesn't want to know his name. To give him a "second" chance.

& Roll Tide!!

 

[Lily & Giny's Mom]

I am the father of a Girl Scout Brownie and I volunteer to help with her troop. The girls can not camp, hike, or have a camp fire without one of the volunteers completing a two day overnight camping training. When I completed said training it was, of course, outdoors and the temperature was a low of 21 F. I drove to the training about an hour and a half from my home and paid for the training out of my own pocket. Why did I do this? Because no one else would. We have been camping twice and have had numerous hiking adventures and camp fires (smores). A large ampount of planning and work go into each meeting as well as an undertaking such as a camping trip. Perhaps a parent that does not wish to allow their child to attend a camping trip because there is a male present should attend the over night training and volunteer to plan, supervise etc. the trip. Also, there are requirements as to how many adults must be present per GS. Perhaps a parent could volunteer to attend as several adults are needed. It is easy to drop off a girl at a meeting but many parents do not put forth the time and effort to be involved. I'm sure you childs troop would love to have another helping hand on their camping trip. If a female would volunteer to be the "camping person" there would be no need for a male to attend. L & G's Dad.

 

[Magic Mom]

I am the father of a Girl Scout Brownie and I volunteer to help with her troop. The girls can not camp, hike, or have a camp fire without one of the volunteers completing a two day overnight camping training. When I completed said training it was, of course, outdoors and the temperature was a low of 21 F. I drove to the training about an hour and a half from my home and paid for the training out of my own pocket. Why did I do this? Because no one else would. We have been camping twice and have had numerous hiking adventures and camp fires (smores). A large ampount of planning and work go into each meeting as well as an undertaking such as a camping trip. Perhaps a parent that does not wish to allow their child to attend a camping trip because there is a male present should attend the over night training and volunteer to plan, supervise etc. the trip. Also, there are requirements as to how many adults must be present per GS. Perhaps a parent could volunteer to attend as several adults are needed. It is easy to drop off a girl at a meeting but many parents do not put forth the time and effort to be involved. I'm sure you childs troop would love to have another helping hand on their camping trip. If a female would volunteer to be the "camping person" there would be no need for a male to attend. L & G's Dad.

Thank you for helping your daughters' troop! When I was a leader, we had fathers that would help as well. If they passed the training and the background check, it would never occur to me to tell them they weren't welcome at camp just because they were men.

 

[RUDisney]

While we are not a camping troop, the Dad's help the girls to get badges that the Mother's wouldn't necessarily. Our Dad's have helped the girls with construction badges and projects and auto repair badges. While I'm the first one to suggest AAA as a line of defense against many auto repairs, I also like that my DD has learned how to change a tire, fill it with air, add fluids, etc., so when she drives she can help herself instead of just waiting for help to arrive.

For me, it wasn't a question, I had to learn these things because our cars were sometimes held together by bondo and duct tape. At least they aren't anymore.

 

[Swank]

Okay - male perspective - he told you because he wants to act on his fantasy/dream. He would not have told you otherwise. IMO, if he ever mentions this again, you need to treat him like a man who is propositioning you - because he is.

If he drops it and acts like a gentleman from this point forward, let it go. He may just be lonely since he is having problems in his marriage. That is probably why your husband doesn't want to know his name. To give him a "second" chance.

Yes, this is a common pick up line. If the woman is interested she will respond and ask specifics, if she is not interested the Man can brush it off by stating it was "just a dream". This guy is an ***, if he had any morals he would understand how inappropriate it was in this setting. Keep an eye on him and tell your DH about it.

Some people are pigs.

 

[Andtototoo]

Last weekend I was at an event and making cocktail party conversation with a woman who is a marriage counselor. She commented that most men don't ditch their wives/SOs until they have a Plan B. In other words, they are often testing the waters before a separation/divorce to find a replacement -- usually focusing first on sexual replacement. She also said that men who have been happily married at least for a while will focus on finding that replacement amongst women they already know (from a male pov, it's a low-cost way to solve the problem of finding a new bed partner because there is little investment of time, money or effort when you can just reach out and pluck fruit from a neighbor's tree.)

IMO -- this guy was looking to see if you'd be his wife's replacement in the bedroom.

And aside from that, I've been propositioned by guys before with that line.

So yeah -- he was propositioning you.


(First time poster, long-time lurker)

 

[wdwiala]

I am no longer shocked at what people do. One of DH's coworkers and his wife were part of a swinger group. I later heard that about 11 couples from a very affluent neighborhood in town were also involved. Finding that many "friends" took a few first steps to find interested partners.

Maybe the leader is seeing how she will react. Maybe he is just an idiot.

 

[Imzadi]

Well since the male leader in question was having a sexual fantasy dream about one of the mothers-i rest my case.

I agree. You don't know the depth of his weirdness and sexual fantasies. I'd keep my kids away from him.

I don't see what that has to do with a background checked male camping with girl scouts.

I agree with the two above. It's one thing to have a dream. He can't help that. But to be telling the married mom, when he, himself is married, is inappropriate. What if he starts telling the girls he's having dreams about them?

Initial advances by sexual predators are often subtle, to test how far they can go. Where a person's boundaries are. They don't do the obvious, reach in and cop a feel. They are subtle.

The OP stopped him as he was describing her shirt.

Buckalew kicked the guy out of her chair.

A teen girl might be too speechless and frozen in place to do anything about an authority figure she looks up to, telling her he had a sexual dream about her and then starts describing it. She doesn't know how to tell her parents, so no one addresses him.

Next GS meeting, he caresses her hair. The meeting after that he fixes the collar on her coat. It's getting cold, after all. The more she doesn't respond with a NO, the more he knows she doesn't have good boundaries.

 

[Anjelica]

Okay - male perspective - he told you because he wants to act on his fantasy/dream. He would not have told you otherwise. IMO, if he ever mentions this again, you need to treat him like a man who is propositioning you - because he is.

I'm not a male and I could have guessed that is what he meant. I don't care how close you are with someone (wife/husband/friend) if the man is a heterosexual and tells you about that kind of a dream he's propositioning you.

 

[Magic Mom]

I agree with the two above. It's one thing to have a dream. He can't help that. But to be telling the married mom, when he, himself is married, is inappropriate. What if he starts telling the girls he's having dreams about them?

Initial advances by sexual predators are often subtle, to test how far they can go. Where a person's boundaries are. They don't do the obvious, reach in and cop a feel. They are subtle.

The OP stopped him as he was describing her shirt.

Buckalew kicked the guy out of her chair.

A teen girl might be too speechless and frozen in place to do anything about an authority figure she looks up to, telling her he had a sexual dream about her and then starts describing it. She doesn't know how to tell her parents, so no one addresses him.

Next GS meeting, he caresses her hair. The meeting after that he fixes the collar on her coat. It's getting cold, after all. The more she doesn't respond with a NO, the more he knows she doesn't have good boundaries.

The post you quoted from me was in response to the poster who didn't think ANY men should be on a Scout camping trip. I agree the OP's dream guy sounds creepy, but that doesn't mean ALL guys are creepy perverts that should be banned from camping trips with their daughter's Girl Scout troop.

 

[Imzadi]

Yes, I know. I said I agree with the top two above. You said you didn't understand what was wrong. I wrote an example of who some men can slowly start testing women & children's boundaries. I never said ALL men are perverts. Just because some one has been background checked doesn't automatically mean he is not dangerous. It may simply mean he's very clever at not being caught - yet.

Today's sophisticated sexual predators do not do a quick cop a feel. They are subtle. They purposely put themselves in situations of authority and situations where they will be in close contact with children who they can have power over. Then they test which are are easy prey.

This man may or may not be a sexual predator. But, I'd be keeping my eye out on him for other inappropriate blurts or actions. I'd also make a joke and purposely tell his wife. "Hey Suzy, did Ron tell you about the sexual dream he had about me? He started to describe it to me, but I just didn't want to know. You two must have had a real laugh over it."

You can't unring a bell. Once the wife knows about it, she may also be keeping an eye out on him.

 

[pearlieq]

There is a definite need to be vigilant about THIS man. He's already chosen to ignore the standards of appropriate behavior by communicating this "dream". Whether he just had a one-time lapse in judgment or he's a total creep isn't known yet, but this is certainly a warning flag.

I would definitely behave coolly toward him and avoid being alone with him. If he makes even a whisper of a suggestion of anything more, she should stop him in no uncertain terms and report him.

With that being said, there is no reason to paint all men with the same brush. There are plenty of dedicated fathers that do wonderful work for their daughters' troops!

 

[N&B'smom]

Okay - male perspective - he told you because he wants to act on his fantasy/dream. He would not have told you otherwise. IMO, if he ever mentions this again, you need to treat him like a man who is propositioning you - because he is.

If he drops it and acts like a gentleman from this point forward, let it go. He may just be lonely since he is having problems in his marriage. That is probably why your husband doesn't want to know his name. To give him a "second" chance.

Maybe the leader is seeing how she will react. Maybe he is just an idiot.

Or perhaps BOTH!

 

[RUDisney]

Yes, I know. I said I agree with the top two above. You said you didn't understand what was wrong. I wrote an example of who some men can slowly start testing women & children's boundaries. I never said ALL men are perverts. Just because some one has been background checked doesn't automatically mean he is not dangerous. It may simply mean he's very clever at not being caught - yet.

You know, you're right about this. I had to take a Virtus class a few years ago when I became a CCD teacher. There was a man at the session who had already been cleared for teaching. He was VERY vocal about what he'd do if someone propositioned his DD.

A few weeks later, he was fired from CCD teaching because he was arrested for inappropriate contact with his DD's friends.

While not all men who proposition women are interested in children, some men are. You just never know which ones are until something happens.

 

[rodeo65]

PS. . .next time you see him. . .tell him you had a dream about him too. . .one where your DH shot him.

Perfect!